First in a series of imaginary chat shows hosted by me with celebrity guests or my friends.



The early interview is with a chef who has invented a more tasty custard and comes on to talk about it. I am in a high necked, mid-thigh length dark green dress with white high heel shoes. We try a little of the custard with one or two deserts and reassure the audience it is indeed better. The chef departs leaving behind several nearly full jugs of the custard and a couple of nearly complete deserts with some of the custard on them on the low table by the chairs.

The main guest arrives who is Scarlet Johanssen to promote her new film. Scarlet and I have a nice chat and she gets to give the film a big push and we watch a trailer. The end of the show is approaching and Scarlet asks whether the custard was really better and I say it was. Scarlet asks if it is better in every way. I am sure it is. Including pouring asks Scarlet. I say yes. The audience sense where this is going but I am being my usual dumb blonde.

Scarlet asks if she can have a go at pouring the custard, the audience giggle in anticipation. I still don't get it and bid Scarlet to have a go waving at the custard and deserts on the coffee table in front of us. Scarlet turns, grins at the audience, gets up, picks up one of the jugs and pours it over my head! The custard covers my entire head, nearly all my hair and makes a steam down the back of my dress. I sit in paralyzed shock. The audience and Scarlet laugh at me. Scarlet takes a second jug and pours that over my head as well! All my hair is covered now and there is a thick stream of custard running down the front of my green dress. Scarlet laughs in delight and pours a third jug over my head. There are thick streams down me now with custard pooling in my lap.

I slowly stand up (custard drips off my dress onto my shoes), wipe my eyes and say we need to say goodbye. Scarlet turns to wave to the audience which gives me a chance to pick up a cherry flan with some custard on it. When Scarlet turns back I slap the flan in her face! Huge cheers from the crowd, which get even louder as I pour a jug of custard down the inside of the front of Scarlets dress. I wave goodbye to the audience as Scarlet slowly wipes her eyes!