I've written several What Would You Do tribute stories, envisioning a spinoff where a wilder version of the show somehow finds its way to late night TV. This is the latest installment, the full version of which you can find on my Patreon (patreon.com/hooliham) in both coed and male-only variants. I hope you'll consider becoming a patron today -- it's only $3/month!

Part 1: The Setup

"Camp Ham! Camp Ham!
No better place in the land!
Camp Ham! Camp Ham!
Once you're here you'll understand!
Camp Ham! Camp Ham!
No better place in the land! "

The 10 camp counselors marched triumphantly into the studio waiting area, eager to continue celebrating another successful camp season. They were sophomores and juniors in college, and pretty soon they'd be dispersing to the far corners of the country, to the prestigious college campuses from which they came. A life of endless classes, exams, club meetings, and responsibilities for tomorrow's future leaders. No wonder they wanted to soak up every last moment of this carefree summer.

They were chanting the pride song of Camp Hamilton, a sleepaway Christian summer camp, as loud as they could, bystanders be damned. For an entire summer, these young, attractive, single college students held back their endless urges in the name of Jesus Christ, in this bastion of sexual tension masquerading as a summer camp. Unbeknownst to them, that tension was about to be tested in a big way.

What Would You Do? was celebrating its 30th anniversary run on Comedy Central, and as the season wore on, the games got racier and the penalties for losing harsher. Whereas in the pilot, a losing player got a few pies tossed in his face and a simple trip to the Pie Pod for his troubles, now losers were getting stripped naked and dropped in dunk tanks full of pie filling, or having whipped cream shot in their faces in the upgraded Pie Pod, now dubbed The Torture Machine. There were other contraptions yet to debut whose names sounded even more terrifying.

This was the arena that Camp Hamilton's counselors were walking into. Only, all they knew was they were attending a taping of a hot new TV game show in Daytona Beach, Florida. Who would pass that up?

The chanting continued, which created a big scene in the waiting area. The group wore matching magenta Camp Hamilton shirts, with the guys' wearing mostly board shorts and cutoff shirts to show off their muscular builds. The girls' shirts were mostly cut or tied off at the waist to show off their flat stomachs, their bikinis beneath the shirts, and bikini bottoms or lycra shorts down low. Flip flops and slides were the universal footwear.

The front desk attendant, Marcy, eyed the group suspiciously, and got on her walkie-talkie to communicate something to someone, somewhere.

Eric was the de facto leader of the group, and befitting of his, and the entire group's, upper middle class upbringing, he was oblivious to the scene they were all causing. He pridefully slapped both of his palms down on the desk as he walked over Marcy to check the group in. Marcy jumped in her seat in surprise before taking all of their names, checking IDs, and having them sign forms, which they mostly signed without reading. At their seats, one of them took out a flask and passed it down the line. Some of the other guests could be seen rolling their eyes.

Eventually, a stagehand entered through the double doors and opened the studio for seating. He pulled the group aside and ushered them to the first two rows, front and center. Big, enthusiastic groups in matching outfits looked great on camera, especially when they were as young and attractive as this group.

After what seemed like forever, the iconic What Would You Do? theme played, and before long, the ageless Marc Summers came bounding out from stage right to an applauding audience, none louder than the group of counselors.

"Hey everyone, I'm Marc Summers, welcome to another episode of What Would You Do? Let's hear it!"

Loud applause.

"This is the show where we play all kinds of games, give audience members the chance to win fabulous prizes, all to ask them that sacred question, 'What Would You Do?'

"Now today, in addition to a prize, I thought we'd play for some good old fashioned bragging rights. And I think I know a few people who can help us out.

He turned halfway to the audience. "Can I have Marilyn, Lucy, Phoebe, Miles, Zane, and Eric join me on stage, please?"

As the crowd applauds loudly, the camera cuts to the group, all of their faces in shock, particularly the six whose names were just called out. The other four put their hands all over them, equal parts excited for and jealous of them for being handpicked. The producers backstage wondered openly how long it would take for that sentiment to change.

The six excitedly join Marc on stage and ready themselves for introductions.

"Welcome! Would you please introduce yourselves?"

Marilyn is a 5-foot-2 Vietnamese brunette from Boston University with the camp t-shirt tied at her waist, a skimpy lavender tube top bikini underneath, and a matching bikini bottom that only covered half her butt. Everyone's attention naturally gets drawn to her shapely, tanned bottom and thick legs, especially Eric, who started going out with her just a few weeks ago. She's a member of the Kappa Delta sorority at BU, and it showed in the way she carried herself.

Lucy is a petite student from the University of Michigan, with a gorgeous smile and dirty blonde hair that looks perfectly windswept after a day on the boardwalk. Though small in size, she nevertheless screams for your attention. Her hair falls nearly as far as her shirt does, which is cut off just below her busty chest to show off her flat stomach. She wears a matching pink bikini, including a Brazilian-style bottom that leaves very little to the imagination. As she introduces herself, she half-turns in profile to show that the back is indeed a thong.

Phoebe is a tall, flamboyant Irish lass from Georgetown sporting wavy brown hair and oozing dorkiness and intelligence. She seems quirky and fun, and wasn't afraid to mix it up with any of her fellow counselors, male or female. She was perhaps the most modest of the women, with her camp t-shirt cut off at the hip, covering a white bikini top with a yellow floral print underneath. She wore a pair of sky blue bike shorts covering her long, toned legs, accentuating all the work her yoga practice earned her.

Miles is a rising sophomore at UCLA with sun-kissed skin after a long summer in the Florida sun. He is a first-generation Filipino-American, and he is so California cool. His stylish hair is slicked back and held in place just so, and even indoors he's wearing his oversize aviator sunglasses. The sleeves are cut off of his Camp Hamilton t-shirt to accentuate his toned arms and broad shoulders, and even though he's only 5-foot-9, his slim-fitting short shorts make him seem much taller. His coolness made him the guy many campers, and even some of the counselors, gravitated toward.

Zane was the frat guy of the group, a rising junior at one of the hardest partying schools in the country, the University of Florida. Despite his appearance tattooed arms, board shorts with the Florida gator logo emblazoned on them, his slight paunch he was much more kind hearted than the stereotypical frat guy, which is what led him to come back to Camp Hamilton for a third straight year. He loved spending his summers at the camp he went to as a kid. His close cropped blond hair did nothing to hide his slight sunburn, which lit up his full cheeks and covered most of his body in a vibrant shade of red.

Eric was Marilyn's boyfriend, and it was a happy coincidence that he went to school near her, at Tufts University just outside Boston. His blonde ponytail gave him an air of mystery, which was fitting given his pursuit of a Fine Arts degree at Tufts. He was an artist through and through, but his six-pack and muscular build also fit the description of an All-American guy. This combination made his classes among the most fun and popular at Camp Hamilton. He was hot, but approachable hot.

After their introductions, Marc asked the obvious question. "So what's with all the matching shirts? You guys represent a summer camp?"

"We sure do, Marc," Marilyn said, in her best sorority voice. "We're counselors from Camp Hamilton in Cocoa Beach, only the best sleepaway summer camp everrrrr!!"

The rest of the group whooped accordingly to echo Marilyn's statement. The audience applauded politely, not sure what to make of that proclamation.

"Well great!" Marc exclaimed. "Like I said in the open, these games are not just for a great prize, but also for bragging rights. And since you all work at a camp, I bet you'll be familiar with the themed games we're gonna have you play.

"We'll split you up into three teams, one guy and one girl each. You'll compete in four camp-style games, where we'll test your bravery, strength, intellect, and luck.

"After every game, we'll award points based on how you finish. First place gets 3 points, second place gets 2 points, and third place gets 1 point.

"At the end of the game, whoever has the most points gets a terrific prize, which as college students, I know you'll all enjoy: a $1,000 credit to Grizzly, the alcohol delivery app!"

The crowd cheers at the richness of the prize. The contestants look at each other incredulously. That's either one massive party or enough to fund parties for pretty much an entire semester!

"And I did say there were bragging rights at stake," Marc continued. "Miles, do you know how we give out bragging rights on What Would You Do?"

"I have no idea, Marc"

"Robin, would you please show them?"

Robin enters from stage left, wheeling a cart carrying an endless array of enormous cream pies on it. The payloads look larger than they've ever been, with cream overflowing the sides of the tins and spilled pie filling all over the cart. Either this was a rushed job backstage, or it was an intentional move to absolutely destroy some of these obnoxious camp counselors.

"The team with the most points at the end of our camp games will get to throw some pies right in the faces of BOTH losing teams."

Predictably, the audience goes wild. Immediately, the six contestants become less enthused about the game, some of them covering their mouths in disbelief, others turning away from the camera or slumping their shoulders. The four counselors who didn't get picked are laughing hysterically.

"But that's not all! The team with the fewest points at the end of our games, well, not only do they get pied by both teams, they also get to go on one of our pie devices, where we get to finish them off nice and good!"

Some holy shits and oh my gods are heard off-mic as the group collectively reacts to this wrinkle. The audience cheers even louder, even stomping their feet to make more noise.

"Now hold on, hold on," Marc said, "What did you say, Phoebe?"

"I said I've never been pied in the face before!"

"And if you want to keep it that way, then I suggest you win these games!" Marc jokes. "Now before we get started, you guys are some really attractive folks, and I'd hate to see that get wasted underneath those, wait for it, campy t-shirts you've got on. What do you think, audience, should we have them take them off?"

The crowd applauds wildly, before finally understanding the assignment. They begin chanting. "TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!"

Reluctantly, the group accedes to the peer pressure, each of them removing their shirts in their own unique way some sexily, some clumsily and tossing them back toward their very amused compatriots in the front rows of the audience.

"And guys," Marc continued, "It's not fair that the women are in their bikinis and you get to stand here in your swim trunks. So we've got one more thing for you. Robin?"

Robin comes out with her index finger curled around a hanger, the hanger suspending a custom-made hot pink speedo. Robin gestures at the front side, which features the What Would You Do? Logo, and then turns it around to reveal the cartoonish eye from the show's logo blown up huge right in the middle of the butt. The men in the group all shake their heads, while the women whoop deliriously.

"We're gonna take a short break to set up our games and get the boys into their new outfits," Marc said. "But don't go anywhere, because we might even see one or two of these folks take ALL their clothes off! You never know what might happen on What Would You Do, so stay where you are!"

Bumper music plays the show to break, and all the counselors seem frozen by the possibility that their friends, or they themselves, might be, gasp, naked at the end of this. Robin guides the men to a changing area offstage, while stagehands quickly set up the various games.

When they reconvene, the groups divide themselves into teams. The couple Marilyn and Eric made up one team, Lucy and Miles the second, and Phoebe and Zane the third.

Before long, the commercial break comes to an end and Marc gets counted back in.

For the rest of the story, visit patreon.com/hooliham and become a patron today.