After his appearance on the TV game show Treasure Chest, Angus was happier than ever. He was really excited when the producers called him the next morning and said they wanted him to be on the show each week, as a stooge for their stunts with the contestants. But Angus had a good job already that he loved, star salesman for the Fleer Pastry Company, plus he saw an opening for a big sale, so eventually they worked out a deal: he would appear once a month on the show. In return the show would use Fleer's pies and cakes exclusively (at half price), and most important, would give the show two "promotional consideration" mentions at the beginning and end of each broadcast. Angus made out like a bandit--he would be paid $1000 for each appearance, and his bosses were so pleased with the deal that he got a big raise.

So for his first appearance under the new deal, the producers had him standing at the very start of the show with his head and hands through a pillory. He had to say: "Give me a pee!"--and a big gooey coconut cream pie--number CC 1604 on the company's product list--was flung at his face, by Jerry Mason, the show's hammy emcee standing off-camera, making a big SPLAT! Then he said, "Give me an eye!" and another pie hit him, right in the kisser. Then "Give me an eee!", and Jerry Mason heaved a banana cream pie SPLAT! on his red-bearded face. He finally bellowed out, after spitting out a mouthful of crust and goop, "What's it spell?", and the audience, already screaming and hollering, would yell back, "PIE!", and Jerry Mason, would come over with a huge pie and let him have it big time, mooshing the pie all over his face and up on top of his head. Angus's hands were too far away in the pillory to wipe his eyes or even touch his face, so the goop and custard from products number CC 1605 through CC 1607 slowly dripped down onto the floor, while the audience howled. (Fortunately he had very loose and baggy sweat pants on, easily hiding his engorged and throbbing penis.) Then the announcer voiced over while the camera dollied in on Angus's pie-filled face, and at the end of his introduction came what Angus and his bosses most wanted to hear: "And all the pies on our show are supplied by the Fleer Pastry Company--"Fleers' Fluffy Pies and Creamy Cakes! They're not just for dessert anymore--of course they're super delicious, but they're also great for pie fights of your own! So take home two tonight, one for the table and one for somebody's face!"

Contestant Number Two on this show was a milquetoasty guy named Higginbotham, who had to choose from one of five valises. Four of the valises each contained a big gooey cream pie with juicy cherries and cherry jam on top, (product # FP 1409.) The fifth valise contained a stash of fake Monopoly money. Angus loved the costume they'd given him, a policeman's uniform, and he was supposed to be investigating a recent robbery. He had to bellow--he always was told to bellow, not just speak--out to Mr. Higginbotham, "Stop thief! I wanna see what's in that valise! Whatever it is, you gotta LET ME HAVE IT!" Mr. Higginbotham opened the first valise he'd chosen and carefully took one of the cherry pies out of the bottom. He stood there for a second, unsure of what to do with it, until Jerry Mason said, "OK, now you get to smoosh it in our stooge's face. Go ahead, go over to him," and Mr. Higganbotham looking a little helpless, started walking toward Angus, who smiled and said to him under his breath, "It's all right, come on, let me have it." Jerry Mason said, "What was that you said Stooge? Say it so we can all hear you." And Angus really bellowed it out this time: "LET ME HAVE IT!" Mr. HJigganbotham gingerly placed the pie on Angus's face, but Jerry Mason was right there, putting his hand over Higganbotham's and screwing, rotating, twisting the pie into Angus's face, while the audience erupted in screams. Through the dripping cream and custard, Angus felt the pie tin fell off onto the floor and could see that Mr. Higganbotham still looked unsure of himself, but he gradually loosened up and smiled shyly at Angus, saying, "Sorry buddy, I'm just doing what they tell me." Angus smiled right back, "It's OK pal, I don't mind--it feels good. Wait'll it's your turn!" On his second try Mr. Higganbotham chose a valise with a pie in the bottom again, and this time he was much bolder, egged on by Jerry Mason to "show that stooge who's boss--mess him up good!" Higganbotham really took his time, pushing the pie tin all around Angus's face before letting go of it. As the goop fell off Angus's face, Mr. Higganbotham slathered it all over his police shirt, almost knocking off his badge. Then, on the third time, Mr. H. chose the valise with the fake money in it--ah, revenge! thought Angus, taking a cherry pie off a suddenly-appearing cart. As he approached Higganbotham he whispered to him, "Don't worry, it won't hurt, it'll just feel cold." Angus very carefully pushed the pie into his face, pressing gently until the cherries and jam came out around Mr. H's ears, then lifting the pie tin up onto the top of his head, causing the custard and cream to slide immediately down onto his chest. Jerry Mason was right next to him with another cherry pie, handing it to Mr. Higganbotham and saying, "Go ahead, you get one more shot at our stooge--let him have it!" Angus took the pie like a man and put an arm around the guy, smiling and laughing at him--until Jerry Mason suddenly re-appeared with a bucket of water, which he heaved at both of them. Now, even Mr. Higganbotham was laughing. (He had every reason to--he had won big at the treasure chests, $600 and a big screen TV.) Angus loved the police uniform so much that he asked if he could buy it, and the producers said he could just keep it. Wow, he thought, can't wait to wear this at my next session.

The next month he was dressed as a nerd, in a short-sleeved shirt with fake glasses and a pocket protector. The show was trying to keep up with technology I guess, because the contestant had to choose from one of five drones in a wall display. Four of the drones contained a payload of chocolate syrup, the fifth a super-gooey mixture of strawberry syrup and whipped cream.. A cart of pies was right there again, loaded down with products # 1604-1607. Angus and the contestant, a local, muscle-bound construction worker from LA simply named Pete, stood in circles painted on the floor set a few feet apart. Pete first picked Drone #3, which flew up into the air and all over the stage, almost stopping above each man's head while the audience was going wild with "ooh" and "ahh" anticipation, then suddenly fly off. Finally the drone came to a stop above Angus's head, and as he looked up, a thick dark stream of chocolate syrup poured down onto his face, knocking off the fake glasses, going over his neck and onto his chest and belly. Before he could even wipe his eyes, Jerry Mason was yelling at Pete, "Let him have it with one of those pies!" And Pete, though obviously a body builder, delicately placed the pie on Angus's face, and gently pushed it in, which seemed to incense Jerry Mason, who appeared with another pie and said, "Ah c'mon! You can see what a big burly guy our stooge is here--let him have it! Stand back and smack it in his puss!" So Pete stepped back a few inches and smacked it at Angus hard, SPLAT! practically breaking his nose. (Pete was not so fortunate in picking treasure chests, getting two that had pies of their own in them, but his third treasure chest pick had yielded him a state-of-the-art Dyson vacuum cleaner ) By the fourth round, Angus's costume was as sticky as his well-hidden genitals. Pete got the gunge this time, the strawberry syrup and whipped cream mixture, a great quantity of it that slid down and showed off his washboard abs under his shirt. Angus duly pied him, but that wasn't enough for Jerry Mason, who delighted in tormenting Angus: "Come on Pete, you can see what a big burly guy our stooge is--he's so pie-worthy, give him a pie sandwich!" "What's that?" Pete spluttered out through a mouthful of goosh, and Jerry Mason showed him by taking two pies and clobbering Angus side to side on his head. "Oh," said Pete, who immediately grabbed two more pies and vigorously followed suit, but he pied Angus front to back, leaving Angus blubbering and gasping for breath--just like the audience, which was screaming and yelling hugely. There were only two pies remaining, and Angus decided quickly to take a chance--he took the pies and let Pete have it with a big sloppy pie sandwich all his own. Pete, slowly wiping the cream out of his face, was shaking with laughter, a good sign to Angus, who thought maybe this might be a fellow gunger. The feeling was confirmed as Angus went over to give Pete a hug--a thrill went through Angus's gay mind and body, for he thought Pete's muscular body was HOT, and even hotter, he could swear that Pete had an erection! Quickly moving in for a tighter hug, to hide any embarrassment for Pete, Angus got another surprise as Pete reached around and squeezed one of Angus's butt cheeks, (off-camera fortunately). And when Jerry Mason hit them both with a bucket of water, Pete actually kissed Angus, lightly on the lips. Wow, thought Angus, maybe I can wear my policeman's outfit with this guy? They exchanged phone numbers and email addresses backstage and had one final hug--this time both of them reached around and grabbed a butt cheek.

Inevitably, there was a scene in a bakery, where they had Angus dressed in chef whites, complete with a toque on his head. The contestant this time was a jolly fellow named Blibberson, a minister from Topeka Kansas whose clerical collar was plainly visible under the plastic suit and shower hat the show had him wear. "Am I going to go to hell if I pie this guy?" Angus asked himself, but he needn't have worried, as Mr. Blibberson seemed to WANT to get pied. Five monster-sized pies were arrayed on some kind of circular turntable nearby, top-of-the-line products from The Fleer Company, four of them chocolate French silk pies and the fifth a strawberry cream pie, all with huge clouds of whipped cream on top and flaky crusts beneath. Reverend Blibberson pulled a crank and the pies went around and around, gradually slowing up until one came out at the center. If it was the strawberry pie, Reverend Blibberson would be the victim, but otherwise....well, you know. Sure enough, Angus got the first two pies in his face from Blibberson, the first one tentatively smooshed, the next one more authoritatively flung. The audience, of course, lapped it up. Mr. Blibberson had chosen two treasure chests and both of them had contained pies, so both he and Angus were pretty messed up by the third time. And that's when Reverend Blibberson got the strawberry pie! Angus gave it to him softly at first, then rotated it firmly around his face. Blibberson, trying to clear his eyes out, hurled a big handful of pie off his face, which accidentally landed squarely between Angus's eyes, making him stumble around blind, until he crashed into the turntable with the two remaining pies, bringing himself and the whole flimsy mass down on the floor. The Reverend went over and smilingly offered a hand to help Angus up. Jerry Mason meanwhile grabbed the two pies off the floor and gave one to each of them, then instructed them, on the count of three, to hit each other--the pies and the audience exploded furiously. Another messy hug from another contestant--maybe this guy wasn't as hot as Pete, but Angus loved his spirit.

(Continued in Interlude: Pete)