****Author's note: So, I wrote and posted this story several years and computers ago. I've been writing WAM fiction on and off since, but this has always been the story that people seem to remember the most. I'm not really sure why. I wish I did know; I'd be trying to recapture that in my current writing.

I lost the original copy of Acting 101 some time ago, which is why I have never posted it here. Luckily, the wonderful Jouette had saved a copy from the now defunct WAM Library. Seriously, if you haven't read any or all of Jouette's stuff, go to their site right now and check it out. I'd add a link, but I'm not tech savvy enough for that.

Also, I should add that I have refrained from editing this. If I start, I won't be able to stop.****




I am an actor. Ok, I'm really not. It's more of a hobby I mean, it's not like I get paid for it or anything. It's the only thing that keeps me sane after a day of work at my soul sucking mindless office job, though. There was a time where I really wanted to be an actor professionally. When I was in university, I took a lot of acting classes. This is a story about one of the best times I ever had in one of them. It's also the story about how I met my fianc.

A little background first. When I graduated high school, my parents were very insistent that I attended university. I could stay at home (kind of lame, but the rent was cheap) and they would help with books and tuition, if I needed it. Theatre and acting were my first love, but instead of leaving to enrol in a serious acting school, I stayed close to home and attended the local, if somewhat technical, university in my home city. The theatre program was a fun, close knit group. However, only two alumni had gone on to actual acting careers, and even one of them ended up studying somewhere else. I know this seems like superfluous information, but I feel compelled to make the point that our theatre school was just not that good. Hence, the following situation

It was my first year and I was still getting to know much of my acting class. There were a few guys that I had really hit it off with, but a lot of the students were just taking it as an easy elective, so I had less in common with them. Unfortunately, this included about 90% of the girls in my class. And the class was, about, 90% girls. Yes, there was a lot of good looking girls in theatre. Apparently it was 'cool' for hot girls to take one last shot at being Jennifer Aniston before getting a degree in education or finance (Side note: What do you become with a finance degree? A lone shark? Someone who works in those Fast Cash places?). And because most of these girls had an actual career ahead of them, they were unsuitably impressed by my slick improv skills.

Our "professor," Dr Broome, was assigning us a group project, to research and present a style of theatre, such as Melodrama, Tragedy, Theatre of the Absurd, Farce, etc. "I will choosing your topics at random, as well as your groups. You must all learn to work together, because in theatre, you can never pick your castmates."

"What if we become directors?" my friend Bobby asked.

If Dr Broome heard him, she ignored it. "The first group is Abigail, Ellie, Lyric and Dan. Oh, Lyric, what a pretty name."

I winced. Stuck in a group with three 'electors?' Sure, they were hot, but what did they know about theatre? This was going to be painful. I watched as Broome handed an envelope with our theme in it to Abby who sat at the front, of course. I prayed it was something good.

"Dude," Bobby leaned over to me. "You should totally hit one of those three. Or all of them."

"I'm not going to have time with all the work I'm going to have to do," I muttered.

As Dr Broome created some more research groups, I studied my new partners. Bobby was right, they were all pretty hot.

Abby was a bit of an enigma. She looked, and acted, like a real bookworm. She had long copper hair, always tied back except for her even, long bangs. Thick framed glasses over light green eyes. She never showed much skin or wore anything too form fitting, but looked to have a slight figure. I don't know if she had ever said anything in class. That was the enigma. How could such a shy girl make it in a theatre class?

Ellie was a little more outgoing, but still seemed too quiet for a theatre class. She was, at least, friendly, and often greeted my friends and I with a 'hi' and a cute, dimpled smile . She was of about average height and build, with light, flawless skin framed by dark brown hair that fell just past her shoulders and sweeping bangs.

Finally, there was Dr Broome's favourite, Lyric. She at least seemed to have some actual interest in theatre, although that's not what made her Broome's favourite. It was her name. And Broome always found it fascinating. Lyric was small, probably not much over 5 feet. She had light blonde hair that she almost always had tied back. And to complete her short stature were some youthful good looks. She was that type of cute where she was probably going to be carded for the next decade, at least.

Broome finally dismissed class and the groups gathered to make plans. The four of us made awkward introductions, because we knew each other but didn't actually know each other, and Abby pulled out the envelope. She showed us the card from inside. Slapstick Comedy."Umm, I don't really know" Abby murmured.

"Does that mean stuff like the Three Stooges?" Ellie asked. "Is that really theatre?"

"Ugh, I hate them," Abby grumbled.

"Yes and no," I said to Ellie. "In theatre, slapstick is more easily defined as physical comedy. So it's not quite like the Stooges. There can be fake fighting, slapping, prat falls and such, as well as pulling faces for the audience."

"Well thank you, professor," Lyric laughed. "Do you guys want to get started today, maybe? Hit the ground running, so to speak." That sounded way more promising than I thought it would. We quickly made plans to meet up later that afternoon.

When I saw them a few hours later, Lyric was practically bursting. She whipped out her laptop, excitedly chatting. "I was doing some research, guys, and I found a hilarious scene that's all about slapstick and physical comedy. I was laughing so hard, I was almost kicked out of the library. This guy named Monty Python did it in England. It's all about the history of comedy." I bit back the urge to correct her on Monty Python's name.

Ellie smiled as she watched. "That is kind of funny. We don't have to do all of that, right?"

"Not necessarily, but it could be fun," Lyric said with a giggle. She was really starting to grow on me.

"I don't know," Abby muttered, looking a little nervous as the pies were brought out in the skit.

"Let's just do the research for now," Lyric said, "we can make scene decisions later. If you are all free, we can meet at my place on the weekend to work. My parents are out of town, so we'll have plenty of room." We finished our meeting with more plans to meet at Lyric's place. And I had to admit, this project was looking better and better. "See you guys on Saturday," Lyric called as we went our separate ways. "Just remember to bring some comfy acting clothes to change into. Cause we're going to get physical!" Everyone laughed.

I arrived at Lyric's house on Saturday, duffel bag in hand. She showed me into a bathroom to change into sweatpants and a shirt. I was a little curious to see what she had in store for us. Lyric was obviously in great shape; I had no doubt she could run a physical rehearsal that would kick all of our asses.

The girls were all waiting for me at Lyric's house. She was wearing a blue tank top and dark yoga pants. Her hair was set in two matching short braids at each side. Ellie wore a light pink sweatshirt over a dark purple shirt, with dark grey sweatpants like myself. Her hair was simply tucked back from her face with simple barrettes, and a pair of sunglasses sat on her head. Abby wore a long sleeved white shirt over black yoga pants. The shirt said I Love To Readon the front. "It's from the school I work at," she explained with a shy smile.

I had the most the acting experience in the group, especially physical comedy, so I started to show the girls how to take stage prat falls and perform stage combat. There's actually quite a skill to it. I was no expert, but I was clearly the only one with any background at all. Lyric had provided a bunch of 'props' from her research. They consisted of two-by-fours to accidentally hit each other with and wash cloths that would double as banana peels.

After some rehearsing, Lyric called a break. We sat around her kitchen with glasses of water, as she filled us in on some of the research she had done. "There is one thing I think we need to have in our presentation. It's integral to slapstick."

"What is it?"

Lyric smirked. "I'm glad you asked. Follow me."

Lyric led us into the garage, which was one of those 'suburban garages,' where they never seem to actually park the vehicles in it. Thus, it was pretty clean. Most of the garage was empty, except for two long tables on either side. Lined up on both tables were rows of big, fluffy white pies.

"Wow," I stammered. Abby gasped and covered her mouth. Ellie started giggling.

"I think we need some pies in the face," Lyric said with a poorly suppressed smile. As the three of us stood stunned, she continued. "So I made all of these for us to practice with. We have to get used to pieing people and getting pied. They're just a simple graham cracker crust with sensitive shaving foam."

"So we just throw these at each other?" Abby asked, not looking too thrilled about it all.

"Yes and no." Lyric grabbed a piece of paper from a table. "I found some pie in the face techniques and rules of piefights online. For instance, Rule 1. 'A piefight is not funny if no one is getting pied. That is, you should never block someone from pieing you.' Here's another good one. 'Every good foodfight has at least one person who does not get messy'"

"I call dibs on that," Abby said.

" until the end," Lyric continued, causing Abby's face to drop, "when they get covered by everyone else."

"Nevermind." Abby looked at the pies nervously. "I've never gotten a pie in the face before."

"Neither have I," Lyric confessed, "although it always did look like fun."

"Same here," Ellie said. "I'm more interested by the pieing, though."

The girls all looked at me. "I've been pied once. I lost a bet to a friend in High School."

"What did it feel like?"

"It was fun," I said. "Even though I got the pie in the face, it was still pretty funny."

"Well, since Dan is the only one to have ever gotten a pie in the face before, maybe he should take the first one. Show us how it's done." Lyric picked up a pie in her free hand.

"I didn't say that," I said. I looked to the other girls for some support. Ellie was practically shaking with the giggles and Abby was just watching in silence. Lyric held the pie in the palm of her hand, a big smirk on her pretty face. "Wait a minute, here. I'm the only guy here. I think it's a little unfair if you pie me first."

"You're essentially just giving me another reason to pie you," Lyric said with a giggle. She looked at her paper. "Now, according to this, the first and most common technique is the Forward Deposit. I simply push it into your face."

"I would like to reiterate that this is completely unfair."

"Protest noted," Lyric said. And then she softly pushed the pie into my face.

There was a lot of shaving foam in that pie. It fell onto my shoulders, covering one ear and muffling the laughter from the girls. I could feel Lyric pull off the tin and I could feel the crust stuck to the cream. I let the girls laugh it up, before slowly reaching up and wiping crust and cream away from my mouth, so I could breathe. I took two large handfuls off of my face, around the eyes and cheeks. I flicked it onto the ground.

"That was awesome," Ellie gasped.

"Awe, poor Dan," Abby smiled.

"You girls are so going to get it," I threatened. They laughed, not buying the fake anger at all. I turned towards the table of pies, not realizing that Lyric was already there and had already picked up a second pie.

"Another basic delivery is the Forward Deposit with a Twist." Before I could do anything, Lyric pushed this pie into my face, giving the tin a slight twist before dropping it. I felt the crust breaking apart, but mostly sticking again. Ellie and Abby laughed even louder. I wiped large swaths of cream and crust off my face again. A lot of it still stuck on my shirt and shoulders, and fell onto my shirt. I couldn't believe how covered I was after just two pies. They were big.

"I want to try, I want to try!" Ellie proclaimed, stepping forward with a pie. She steadied the sunglasses on her head with one hand.

"I think you should get her," I motioned to Lyric.

"Nah, this is way more funny." Ellie pushed the pie into my face, with a little more force than Lyric had. Cream squirted out behind me. The crust exploded. I didn't mind getting pies in the face, in fact, it was kind of fun. But I wanted to see some of these beautiful girls take a few to the face as well. Again, I wiped huge swathes of cream and crust away from my eyes and mouth.

Abby was now standing in front of me with a pie in her hands. She had taken off her glasses. "I feel a little bad that you're getting all these pies. I just ask that you remember this when deciding what to do with this pie." She gingerly placed it in my hand.

Lyric and Ellie protested, both of them laughing nervously. I grinned. "So, now I have some power"

"Just remember who didn't pie you," Abby said.

"That's right. You're safe." She breathed a big sigh of relief. I stepped towards Lyric and Ellie. "Ellie." The brunette scrunched up her face, worried. "You're safe, too." Without another word I turned and pushed the pie into Lyric's face. She squealed and waved her arms. I flicked off the tin. Foam squeezed out from behind the crust, creating a white halo around it. She wiped foam and crust away from her mouth, sending crumbs over her blue shirt. Lyric leaned forward slightly, reaching up again, wiping foam and crust away from her eyes, but leaving a piece of crust on her forehead. She looked up at the three of us laughing at her and gasped.

"Well, that was different," Lyric gasped. "Not quite what I expected."

"I owe you an apology, Lyric," Ellie said, picking up another pie. "I wasn't sure about this when you first took us in here, but I was wrong. This is great fun!" And with that, Ellie pushed her pie into Lyric's face.

Lyric squealed again as Ellie twisted the pie in. But then her body shook with laughter underneath the crust. Lyric again wiped large swathes of foam and crust away from her face. Foam stuck to her braids and in her hair. It was, surprisingly to me, a bit of a turn on.

"I'm glad you're having fun," Lyric said, "but I think it might be time for you to get your first pie." Lyric picked up a pie and took a step towards Ellie.

"Wait a minute," Abby spoke up. "I haven't pied anyone yet. Can I pie Ellie first?"

"Are you actually going to pie her, or just give her the pie so she can get me?" Lyric asked dryly.

"Ha ha. I'll get her. I mean, if it's okay with Ellie."

"Yeah, it's fine. I figured it would have to happen sooner or later."

Abby took the pie from Lyric and stepped up to Ellie. The brunette removed her sunglasses from the top of her head and ran a hand through her dark hair. She scrunched her face, wincing. Abby swung back the pie, but then stopped as giggles overtook her. "Sorry, sorry." She pulled back the pie. Again, giggles took over Abby and she lowered the pie. She brushed her bangs back and turned to look at Lyric and me. "Sorry, I just can't stop."

"Let me help you," Ellie said. She quickly pushed the pie in Abby's hands up and into her face. Abby screamed in shock as she got her first pie in the face. She backed up, bending over and letting the pie fall off. Her bangs created a copper curtain in front of her face, dangling foam and crust. Abby tossed them back then straightened. She looked up at us from underneath the foam, her mouth wide open in shock and surprise. Green eyes poked out from white foam.

Ellie was just killing herself laughing. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, Abby. You were just taking too long. I couldn't resist."

"That was totally unfair," Abby said, throwing foam onto the ground.

"Oh, you three look so funny," Ellie laughed.

I looked at her. "Hey, Lyric. Didn't you say that the last person clean gets covered by everything else?"

"I believe I did, Dan." She scooped up a pie in each hand and turned to Ellie. She motioned at Abby and me to the same. "I do believe it's time for Ellie to get hers."

Ellie picked up a pie of her own. She wasn't about to go down easy. "First one to try it gets a pie in their face!"

"You can't get all of us," Lyric said. She turned to me. "Dan, quick, grab some pies and-"

Ellie took advantage of Lyric turning away. She stepped forward quickly, smushing her pie into Lyric's face with some force. Lyric squealed again. The pie crust stuck to her face and, with a pie in each hand, she couldn't wipe it off. Lyric shook her head, trying to dislodge the foam and crust, but with little success. She was able to shake enough away from her mouth to mumble. "A little help?"

I took the pies from her hands. Lyric immediately wiped foam from her face, glaring at Ellie. She motioned to me. "Give me my pies back, please."

"Sure thing," I said, smashing both pies into Lyric's face, giving her a massive pie sandwich. Foam flew all over, covering Lyric's head and hair, and squirting down onto her shoulders and shirt. Bits of crust were all over her. Ellie was laughing, Abby gasping at the sheer amount of mess. Lyric was laughing almost uncontrollably herself. She tried to wipe her face, but it was much less effective than before.

"There's so much," she laughed. Lyric tried to wipe foam and crust out of her hair. She was a mess. Foam covered her forearms, face and hair. One braid wasn't even visible, hidden under a piece of crust. Her shirt was covered in trails of white stuff and graham crust.

"I believe that is called the pie sandwich," I said.

Lyric tried to flick foam off her hands. "If I could read my sheet, I'd be able to corroborate that," she said with a laugh.

"I wanna try giving someone one of those!" Abby said, suddenly excited again. "It looks like fun." She picked up two pies and turned towards Ellie, eyeing her. "Are you going to stop me?"

"You don't know until you try," Ellie answered with a challenging smirk. She wiggled her fingers at Abby. Daring her on.

"You can get me, Abby," I said. I know what you're thinking, but hold up. For starters, I had been getting a bit of a thrill being pied by the girls. And more importantly, I had a caveat for still mostly clean redhead. I gathered two pies of my own. "I know before you had trouble 'pulling the trigger,' so to speak. So this time, have some encouragement." Abby looked slightly worried at the sight of me approaching with two pies. "On the count of three, we hit each other. I'm not holding up. So unless you want to get covered with nothing to show for it"

"I have to get you," she finished.

"Exactly."

"Oh, I'm loving this idea," Ellie giggled, stepping back.

Abby looked very nervous, barely able to keep her eyes off my pies. I was barely able to concentrate, with this cute girl in front of me, biting her lip, green eyes wide. I stood with my arms out, pies at the ready on either side of her. Abby mirrored my pose. Lyric was laughing behind me somewhere. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Ellie slip a pie off the table. I didn't care who she intended it for I was about to get covered anyways.

"Ready?" Lyric asked through giggles. I nodded. Abby murmured 'uh uh,' but Lyric didn't care or notice. "I'll count you off. 1. 2. 3!"

I slammed my pies together, with Abby's head in between. She reacted a bit later, her hit suffering as she was getting covered by mine. Still, it felt great. One pie hit low on the right side of my head, mostly getting my neck and spilling down my back. The other hit pretty well on the left side, but the result was that my face was only half covered and I could still see Abby's destruction.

I hit her perfectly, sending foam shooting over her red hair. I smeared one pie into her face; the other up and over. Abby screamed, immediately trying to pull back. She dropped the pies she had hit me with. I followed for a second, then let up. Crust was rubbed into her head. Her face was lost in foam and crumbs. Abby swept back her long bangs out of the way, then dug out her eyes. Her white shirt was picking up some colour with graham crust covering it. She flicked foam off her hands, then looked up at us. "That was awesome." Abby giggled, touching the mess on the side of her head.

"Then have some more awesome," Ellie said, smashing another pie into Abby's face.

Abby squealed and pulled away. But instead of wiping it off this time, she just stood there, laughing as the crust fell away. I didn't even notice that Ellie had another pie. Until she stepped towards me.

"And for Dan. Cause Abby missed a spot." She smashed the pie into my face, smearing it up and leaving the tin on my head like a hat. I felt it was only a matter of time before one of the girls noticed my bulging pants. I wiped my eyes and gave her a fake glare. Ellie responded with a cute, cheeky smile. "Nice hat."

"Thanks. It's new."

Ellie brushed some crust and foam off the sleeve of her pink sweatshirt. "Oh my. I'm getting dirty." I looked at her. She stuck out. Ellie stood in roughly the centre of the room, an odd choice. It was hardly as defensible as most of her positioning so far. Getting sloppy? She certainly didn't look sloppy. Abby, Lyric and I were covered with foam and crust. Ellie was miraculously still clean. And not only that, but looking as hot as she did earlier.

"Lyric?"

"Yeah, Abby?"

"Can we all get Ellie now?"

"Yes, I definitely think now is a good time."

"Uh, what?" Ellie asked. Suddenly, she was surrounded by three foam monsters, all holding two big foam pies. And she was unarmed. Ellie put up her hands.

"Remember the rules. No blocking!" Abby said.

"But the rules never said anything about six pies at a time!"

"Alright," Lyric said. "One a time then. It's only fair." Ellie perked up at this. Abby looked disappointed. "Dan. You want the honour?"

"Sure."

Ellie took a deep breath, then turned to face me. She took a deep breath, tucked her hair back, then clasped her hands below her breasts. I pulled back my pie and Ellie's face disappeared as Lyric hit with a pie sandwich from behind. I added mine into her face as she shrieked in shock. Foam squirted everywhere. Ellie reached up to throw off my pie, allowing me to push my second pie into her still covered face. More shrieks. Abby stepped up, giving her a front back pie sandwich, smothering her beautiful brown hair in white foam. Ellie's hands waved at her sides, but didn't do anything. She was submitting to the onslaught.

Lyric appeared with two more pies, but seeing as how Ellie's head was just covered, she switched up her tactics. She placed this two pies on Ellie's breasts. Another shriek. And now she tried to wipe some of the massive amount of cream off. Abby was back with another two pies.

"Where is there even room for those?" Lyric asked.

"Here!" Abby answered, giving Lyric another pie sandwich. "I like those!" Abby grinned.

"Argh, stop it!" Lyric fake grumbled, throwing foam and crust off her face and onto the ground.

"Oh my god," Ellie gasped from beside her. She wiped large amounts of foam off her face and out of her hair, only to be stuck with it in her hands. "What do I do with this?"

I looked at the table of pies. Only eight were left. "Aww We're running out of pies." That didn't stop me from rearming myself.

"Wait, wait," Lyric said, holding up her foam covered arms. She wiped more foam and crust off her hair. She was so covered. "We have one more move to practice. A staple of the comedic piefight the self-pie."

"Self-pie?" I echoed.

"It's when you push a pie into your own face," Lyric explained. She handed a fresh pie to Abby and Ellie, then grabbed on herself.

"So are you going to demonstrate?" Ellie asked. Her dark hair was a mess of white foam and brown crust and she still wore one of the pie tins on her breast. The other had slid off.

"Why don't you? Or Dan?"

"I'll go first!" Abby exclaimed, her exuberance surprising us all. "Ready?"

Abby didn't wait for answer. Holding her pie in two hands, Abby smashed it up and into her own face, sending foam oozing out in a halo around her face and into her covered hair. She dropped the tin, revealing a mask of crust. It fell away from her face as she laughed, giddy.

"Oh my god, Abby," Lyric laughed.

"You're next," I said, motioning to Ellie.

The brunette rolled her eyes. "Ha. I'm not going to pie myself." However, Ellie was paying a lot of attention to how casually she was holding her pie. It was pretty easy for me to step over and quickly push her hand and pie up and into her own face.

Ellie shrieked in surprise, immediately wiping foam and crust off her face. She threw it on the floor in fake anger. "You jerk!" Ellie quickly ran to the table, grabbed one of the remaining pies and came at me. I still had a pie in my hand though. As soon as she got in range, the two of us nailed each other in an explosion of foam, crust and laughter.

"Guys! Calm down!" Lyric said. "There are only four pies left, now!"

"Yeah!" Abby shouted. I looked to see that she had grabbed another pie. "And you're supposed to be doing this." With a crazed giggle, Abby smashed that pie into her own face.

"Oh, wow, Abby." Lyric shook her head. She took a step towards the laughing redhead. "I kinda feel like I have to do this now." She pushed her final pie into Abby's face, making sure to give a few good twists. Lyric stepped back to observe her handiwork. Abby laughed, causing cream and crust to fall away from her mouth, but that was it.

Lyric didn't notice that Ellie and I had taken the last two pies until we were on either side of her. "Shit." We gave her one final pie sandwich. Ellie really took pleasure in smearing the final pie around Lyric's head and face. The blonde just held up her arms in faux exasperation. "Aren't I covered enough?"

With all the pies used up, we paused and finally took stock of each other. We but especially the girls were covered. Ellie continued to clean foam and crust out of her dark hair, as Lyric cleared her face. Abby wiped her eyes, but didn't seem to be in any rush to clean off more.

"Well That was informative," Ellie laughed. She looked at Lyric. "I hope you have several showers here."