Author's Notes: Big thanks to Nein and Piewriter, whose recent work inspired this. Also, big thanks to Jouette, who sent me some kind words. This isn't the story we were talking about, but I had this idea and had to write it.


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And to think, this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for a terrible Hallmark movie.

There wasn't much to do during the holidays of 2020. Gatherings were cancelled, or done virtually, and we were urged to stay home. But I didn't completely listen.

My area of Canada had been been in a COVID lockdown since late fall, but I had been fortunate enough to meet Cassie during the summer. Our young relationship had grown haltingly as restrictions tightened. It was a weird time for all. But somehow, this terrible crisis had given me some of the best luck in my life.

See, Cassie was undeniably out of my league. She was in her late 20s, just about a year younger than myself. She was gorgeous, with long, blonde hair and darker roots which looked good whether she had spent time styling it or just tied it back in a ponytail. She had big, expressive green eyes, under long, arching eyebrows that Cassie used to devastating effect. And she had a bright smile that could light up a room. But she was more than just beautiful on the outside; Cassie was a beautiful person on the inside, too. Kind, funny, generous, observant and always quick with a joke or compliment.

I couldn't believe that she was single and that I met her using an online dating app in the midst of a global pandemic. Seemed almost fictional.

And so, as restrictions tightened again toward the holidays, I, rather ironically, started spending more time at Cassie's place. People who lived alone were allowed to associate with one other person. My only roommate was my cat and Cassie's roommate had essentially moved in her boyfriend. And with our relationship solidly in the Honeymoon Stage, we were spending more time together.

That brings us to the Hallmark movie. "They're my guilty pleasure!" Cassie had exampled as we cuddled up on the couch. I didn't really mind. They weren't good movies, but any definition, but watching them usually ended up in a tickle fight or some making out, so I wasn't about to complain. Besides, with the lockdown restrictions, there was nowhere to go.

This particular movie was possibly the worst one. It was about a woman who was cheated on by her boyfriend, so she left him and moved back to the small town she grew up in, and then went to work in her grandmother's small town bakery. And then her grandmother got sick and she had to take over the bakery, just as business picked up for the Christmas season. And she also found time to find in love with one of the town's cops, who was a gruff fellow with a heart of gold who was also a war vet. It was every trope mixed into one. The movie was bad, but feeling Cassie shake with giggles at the bad jokes, or tremble at the corny love scenes, made it a lot better.

Just over halfway through the flick, there was a scene that definitely caught my interest. The female lead - Emily? Emma? - had decided to fully take on the responsibility of the bakery and was fully overwhelmed. The handsome cop stopped by. A flirty, teasing conversation between the two turned into a tame food fight that ended with him taking a full on pie in the face. WAM had been a fetish of mine for quite some time and it was a bit of a let down that Emma (Emily?) stayed mostly clean. I hadn't told Cassie about my fetish yet - I always found it hard to bring up - so at least that helped me stay calm.

What I wasn't expecting was her reaction.

Beside me, Cassie's body vibrated with excitement as she laughed at the food fight. When the cop took the pie, she gave a quick, deep intake of breath and unconsciously gripped my leg.

"Cassie?"

The moment passed, just as quickly. "I've always thought that was funny."

"What?"

She looked at me, calmly, except for that damned adorable smile. "A pie in the face." She mimed pushing one into my face and snickered. "That would be hilarious."

I feigned outrage. "I can't believe you would do that to me."

"Ha. It would be great fun," she laughed. Cassie looked at me and bit her lip, then quickly turned back to the movie.

Oh, I definitely wanted to pursue this. I was debating the best way to do so, when Cassie spoke up again. "I did it once. It was hilarious."

"You did what, pied me?"

"No, silly," she slapped me playfully on the leg. I noticed she was very pointedly not looking up, focusing on the TV instead. "In High School. I was helping at this bake sale thing. It had gone dreadfully. We were cleaning up afterwards and I thought it would be funny. I pushed a pie into the face of this guy I was dating at the time - Chris. We had all this unsold stuff and thought it would start a big food fight, like in the movies. I thought he would at least get me back. But Chris just got mad." She sighed.

"Sounds like his loss."

"Yeah, looking back, I'm not proud of how great I thought he was. I thought he was really cool, but he was so boring."

"Part of High School is learning who we are and want we like," I said.

"So wise. But yeah, I definitely prefer being with fun people, like yourself." Cassie gave me loving squeeze.

"Yeah, I mean, I would definitely get you back," I said, causing her to laugh. "I'm all about revenge."

"Why does it seem like the cop is the only guy in this town who owns a truck?" Cassie's attention taken back by the movie.

I sighed. The moment had passed, but maybe not for good. While the Hallmark movie continued its predictable path to its conclusion, I was already thinking. I had only had bad luck bringing up my WAM fetish with former girlfriends, but maybe Cassie was different. Hell, Cassie was different. She was special.

It took me several days to decide how to proceed and get ready. It had to be my place, so I waited for a weekend where Cassie came over. She stayed the night Friday and we were planning to spend a lazy Saturday together inside, because there was pretty much nothing else to do.

I had made a simple breakfast for us both and we had gone for a nice winter walk. We were just finishing up washing dishes from breakfast in my kitchen. Now was my chance.

Cassie was dressed simply today. Her blonde was tied back somewhat, in a low side ponytail and loose strands hung free on either side of her face, framing it well, and making the style look casual and carefree. She wore an oversized grey and black plaid shirt over a white T and changed into black yoga pants since we returned from our walk. Even casually dressed, she looked good.

"You'll never guess what I saw on TV the other night, just flipping channels," I started. Cassie shrugged. "That Hallmark movie. With the woman and the cop and the bakery."

"'Sweet Town Life'?"

"Uh, yes."

Cassie laughed and clapped her hands. "Ha! That one was so bad. You didn't watch it, did you?"

"It was halfway through already, but I was curious as to how it ended, seeing that I fell asleep the first time."

"You did not," Cassie said, poking me in the side. "I always poke you if you doze off."

"Actually, when I stumbled upon it, the movie was just at the food fight scene, in the bakery."

"One of my favourite scenes," she stretched up to put away some plates, giving me a good look at her lithe figure. I shook my head before continuing. Didn't want to get sidetracked now.

"I got me thinking about the story you told me, about giving that guy in High School a pie in the face."

She looked back at me, confused. "Yeah? What about?"

"I just don't believe it. There's no way you wanted him to get you back."

Cassie's brow furrowed for one second more, then she burst out laughing. "Eric! You have to be joking. You know how much I love to tease you." Her hands thrust out, trying to grab my sides for a tickle. It ended up being more of a pinch. "I wish you were more ticklish, though."

"Like you?" I said, launching an attack of my own. Cassie giggled, jerking away from my touch. She was ticklish.

"The best part of teasing people is getting teased back." She put a few feet of distance between us, swiping playfully at me with a dish cloth.

"I don't believe you, that's all. I think you just wanted to give this poor Chris a pie in the face. And according to you, you escaped without any consequences."

She made a face. "You pick weird things to focus on, but yeah, sure. You got me. Guilty. I had seen pies on TV growing up - who hadn't, right? I always thought it looked fun to throw a pie at someone. It looked less fun to be on the receiving end." She smiled at me. "And I was right, as I usually am."

"How can you know?"

"Because it was fucking hilarious." She leaned against the counter, a faraway look in those green eyes. It was a soft smile as she remembered. "The look on his face? All that cream and crust everywhere? I still remembering how it fell onto his clean shirt and shoulders, before he could even move." The faraway look was replaced with something else. A hunger in her eyes? "And it was so bad."

"Bad? Because that pie was eating, not for throwing?"

"Yeah," she shivered, ever so slightly. She turned her gaze back to me. The hunger in it remained. Paired with a wicked smile. "I wish I had a pie right now. I'd show you what I mean."

My heart skipped a few beats. My throat felt dry. There was a definite tension in the air now; this was no longer just two people doing dishes. Was this actually working?

"But how could you know, if no one ever got you back?"

"Oh, I know," Cassie snorted and turned away. She grabbed another plate and started to dry it.

"Ah, but think of how it would feel if you got a pie in the face." I took a step toward her. Her dish towel moved faster on the plate. "A real pie, your favourite flavour. Someone worked hard on that, making the crust and mixing the filling just.. Right. But just right for eating. Throwing it away would be wrong."

"Banana cream," Cassie said, softly. "That's my favourite."

"A classic. And a classic flavour for throwing." Cassie, still facing away, worked harder at drying the plate. I lowered my voice. "Just imagine that filling instead of eating it, bit by bit, all spread over your face. That incredible smell, invading your very being in a way you can't escape. The feel of it on your skin, thick and cool and smooth, but oh, so naughty. And not just on your face it would get everywhere. Falling into your hair and onto your clothes." I was almost whispering into her ear, now. "All of your senses fully aroused. The feel of the pie on your face, sliding to the ground or falling on your shoulders. The taste of it in your mouth and the scent in your nose. You can hear it falling on the ground, over the laughter of the person who threw it. You're blind, but not vulnerable, because you're safe with your partner. Nothing to interrupt all these sensations, all these feelings."

"Enough!" Cassie had put down the plate and slammed her hand on the counter. It gripped the edge and her whole body was tense. She spun to face me. Her green eyes challenged me. "What are you doing?"

I was at a loss. Had I pushed this too far? Overstepped my bounds? "Well I, uh"

"Shut up."

Cassie practically tackled me. She had pushed me against the far counter before I even realized I had stepped back. One hand was in my hair, the other on my back, pulling me in as she kissed me more deeply and aggressively than ever before. She pulled closer, as though starving. She demanded more, her tongue seeking mine in a way that would not be denied. I tried to reciprocate, but I was already behind. And then, as quickly as it started, it was over.

Cassie stepped back, taking a deep breath. She brushed back her hair and smoothed her shirt. "Well, then."

"Wow." I think I managed to squeak.

She smiled, pleased with herself. Still, she seemed shaken and out of breath. "I've um I've never had someone make me feel like that, with just words before but remember - I'm not defenceless." She motioned to my face. "I can fight back. Make you weak in the knees, too."

"A fair point," I said, trying to slow my heart beat again. "I enjoyed that."

"I could tell."

"A pretty good kiss."

"'Pretty good'? Just pretty good? You ass."

"It was definitely, probably in my Top 10. Almost certainly in my Top 20," my voice wavered slightly, completely undermining my words.

"Jerk," Cassie said with a smile that was all affection. "Urgh, you're so much fun, Eric. I gotta say, I've never been turned on like that before. I've got goose pimples." She pulled up a sleeve to show me, before turning around to finally deal with that last plate. "I think I scrubbed this down to the bone. Or whatever plates have for bones."

While Cassie was turned away, I opened my fridge. Hiding at the back, on the low shelf, were a selection of store bought pies. I pulled out the banana cream one.

"Why though?" she asked.

"You make my heart jump whenever you smile at me," I answered. That part was the full truth. "I wanted to see what I could do. And I had other interests." I put the pie down on the counter and pulled off the clear lid. A graham cracker crust holding the yellow filling. Whipped cream piped in stylized spirals over the top, rising to the middle so that only a little of the filling could be seen.

Cassie turned back. "What other" her voice trailed off as she noticed the pie. Her eyes grew wide, her mouth moved but made no sound. She was at a complete loss. "Oh no," she whispered, taking a small step back, up against the counter.

In the time I had known Cassie, I had always found her to be very skilled at using her gorgeous features to her full advantage. Her expressive eyes often betrayed her, but was always in control. She knew when to arch an eyebrow, when to scowl, when to smirk just enough to get me going. But I had completely turned her around.

"Banana cream," I said, picking it up. "Your favourite, right?"

"Oh my god."

"You were upset that no one ever pied you back that day. And we both know that you really want to know how this feels. I mean, you already know how it feels, you want to experience it. Sorry you had to wait 10 years."

"I can't believe this."

I took a step toward her, pie balanced in one hand. "I think we both know where this is going."

"It's not dessert?" Cassie asked, with a nervous giggle. She tried to back up more, but she had nowhere to go.

"Not exactly."

She held out her hands to slow me down. "Is it weird that I'm both really anxious and really want this?" The look of apprehension on her face was adorable, but her gaze never wavered from the pie in my hand.

I bounced the pie on my palm, judging the weight. "I think it's odd that something so small is going to get you so messy."

"It's not a small pie," she said, almost pleading. I took a step closer and she put a hand lightly on my arm. Finally, she tore her eyes from the pie and looked at me. "What if I kissed you again?"

"Oh, I think we both know this is happening."

"That's what makes it so hot," she whimpered. "Just just be gentle."

"I think we both know I will."

Cassie, nodded, taking a deep breath. She shook her head, as though she still couldn't believe this was happening, and lowered her arms to her side. Her green eyes flicked up to me. "I hate you."

"No, you don't."

A deep smile. "No, I really, really don't."

I put one free hand on the back of her head. Cassie's bravado disappeared as she had a last second change of mind. "No, no, wait," she squealed, half heartedly trying to squirm away. There was nowhere to go. I followed her with the pie then pushed it up and into her face.

Cassie let out a muffled scream from under the pie. I twisted it in, causing her to straighten, before removing the tin. She was right; she was covered. The crust had disintegrated into small bits, sticking to the white cream and yellow filling that clung to her face. A large swathe of cream had been flung into her ponytail on the side, almost matching her hair colour. Mess dangled over her face, hanging from the free hair that framed it.

Time seemed to stretch for minutes, but it was only seconds that she stood there, until her mouth gasped open. "Oh my god!" Cassie yelled. But she didn't do anything, just stood there in shock, shaking her hands. Crust and cream fell off her face and landed on her shirt and undershirt. I laughed.

Cassie slowly reached up and wiped cream and crust from her eyes. Green peeked out at me, causing more laughs. "Wow," she gasped, taking a few more deep breaths. She looked down at the mess around her, laughing.

"How was that?"

"I mean wow."

"Breath."

She listened. Swallowed hard. "You weren't kidding. That's a lot of feelings. So cold, though."

"Sorry."

"Ha." She flicked some cream to the ground. "Sorry about the mess," she giggled. She looked up at me and clearly noticed the growing bulge in my pants. "You getting excited?"

"And you're not?"

Cassie's eyes narrowed under the cream. "Is this your kink? Pushing pies into girls' faces?"

That old feeling of embarrassment clawed up my throat again. I swallowed hard. "Yeah. Yeah, it is."

"Good, cause I think it might be mine now, too. Except for the 'girls' part," she added, tossing more cream to the ground. "To be honest, I do want to jump you right now. But be warned, I will get my revenge one day."

"Well, I am a great boyfriend."

"Ha ha, what?"

I went back into the fridge and pulled out the other five pies. Again, Cassie's jaw dropped. "No way!"

"You don't have to wait for revenge."

"Open them all," she hurried to help me, sending cream flying. She picked up one from the top. "What's this?"

"Strawberry Cream. I just got one of each; they were on sale. Figured, why not?"

"Why not indeed. Hey, Eric?"

"Yeah-"

I turned back to Cassie and she smashed the strawberry cream pie into my face, really rubbing it around. It was really cold, colder than expected. Still, I was expecting to get a pie in the face sooner or later. I stood still, enjoying the sensation and the sound of her laughing. It turned me on even more than the pie. "You look good in pink!"

The pressure went away and I heard the tin fall to the ground. I blinked my eyes open - Cassie's twisting had caused much of the pie to fall from my face - and wiped my vision clear. My girlfriend was turned away from me, examining the remaining pies. She choose the highest piled one. "Chocolate cream."

Cassie turned back to me, holding the pie before her. She had an almost innocent, excited grin on her face. "Chocolate cream, Eric. My second favourite. And it's a big one."

"For me?"

"You bet! It's better to give than to receive!" She motioned toward me and I flinched. Cassie giggled. "God, this is so much fun! But Eric, I want to give this to you." She held out the pie to me.

I expected her to trick me any second, but she let me take the pie without so much as a fake out. Cassie put her hands behind her back and leaned forward. "Aren't you planning to share?"

"You are so awesome."

"Because I like to have fun, too? You must have dated some dull girls. Now," she straightened and stuck out her chin as a target, "you shouldn't keep a great girl like me waiting."

Who could say no to that? I smashed the pie into her pretty, waiting face and smeared it up into her hair. Cream, chocolate and crust fell everywhere on her, covering her face. Cassie gasped, as though breaking the surface of a pool and wiped mess from her eyes.

A wicked smile crept over her face. She had a handful of pie in each hand and revelled in smearing one handful over my face. I licked her hand as she did, causing her to giggle. I wiped my eyes to see her standing before me, biting her lip. She glanced down at the growing bulge in my pants. With her free hand, she pulled the belt of my jeans and dropped the other handful of pie down my pants and underwear.

I gasped. I had not been expecting that. Cassie gave my crotch a little pat, turning my gasp into a groan. "That was very satisfying," she said. "I think that's my revenge sorted. But there's still several pies left"

She turned back to the ammo on the counter. "What to pick" She picked up another big one in her hands and studied it close. White cream was piled up and decorated with coloured sprinkles. "What is this one?"

"Birthday cake flavoured. It's new, apparently." I shook my leg, trying to free the pie from my underwear.

She raised the pie and sniffed it. "Birthday cake? What does it taste like?"

"Try it."

I reached around her body, placing my hands under hers and pushed up, forcing Cassie to pie herself. She shrieked again and it immediately turned into laughter. She wiped cake pie from her face and shoulders, stumbling backwards into me.

Cassie was a mess, with the layers of three pies on her face and shirt. Her hair was covered and more dangled from her ponytail. She laughed, shrugging off her plaid shirt and tossing it aside, leaving her in leggings and white T only.

I picked up the final two pies - a coconut cream and cookies and cream, both topped with whipped cream. I offered them to Cassie. "I do like a good coconut cream."

"Not my favourite," she said, taking the coconut cream from my hands and in one fluid motion, smashing it into my face. She cackled as I cleared pie from my eyes. It did taste as good as expected, though. I dropped cream and crust from my face onto the pie I was holding.

"No fair!" Cassie wailed.

"You could have picked the coconut cream," I said, kneeling down and scooped more cream from the floor onto my floor. Cassie just laughed. "You ready?"

She stood in front of me, eager smile on her face. "Do your worst, babe."

I pushed the large, messy pie gently into her face, bending the pie tin around her face and rubbing it around. Cassie shuddered underneath. Cream and crust and mess fell around, covering her T shirt.

Finally, I pulled away. Her face was a mess of cream and pie gunk, with only her mouth and two eyes poking out. I don't know if I had ever been more attracted to her.

Cassie threw pie debris onto the floor. I looked around. "Wow. We've made quite a mess. Guess we better clean up."

"Not yet. Not even close." She motioned to me. "Lose the clothes."

"Really?" I started to fumble with my belt.

"Really." She pulled down her dirty leggings, revealing her toned, clean legs and pair of sensible dark panties. She tossed the leggings over to the side, near the shirt. She stepped forward and yanked on my pants, pulling them down around my ankles. My erection was now very obvious through my boxers. My pants tripped me and I stumbled to a knee. Cassie was there in a second, mouth pressed to mine, hands running through my messy hair. She pulled back and smeared mess into my face.

"So much fun."

Then she pulled me further into the mess.