I have another buddy who is a really good guy deep down, but sometimes can't get out of his own way. I feel badly for him, so I will usually try to help him out. That's where I usually end up paying some price - nothing bad, actually good in the end, but totally unexpected.

It was a particularly hot Sunday when my buddy TK called and asked what I was doing. I was hanging out - just in my jock and ball cap - so I thought that I might tell him I was busy; but I try to be there for him so I said, "Nothing, why?"
"Well, I have a small favor to ask. A couple of the guys are coming over to watch the Longhorns Vs the Aggies game this afternoon. I know that they want to bet on the game. I just don't have the money with having to get my car repaired. So, I have an idea but I need your help ... Please".
Oh man, here it goes. "Sure, no problem". I'll be over before the game.

There's no telling what this could be, so I throw on my black tights over my jock and a tight-fitting grey muscle shirt, my orange Nikes and my ball cap backwards and head over just before the game is to start. My buddy is pacing, "I thought maybe you had changed your mind. I really appreciate your being here. Hey, like your fit" he says giving me the once over. Always smart to end with a compliment.
"I have a sure thing betting on the Aggies. All I need you to do is complete a set of really easy forfeits if needed. The guys will do all of the work. They are each putting up $100." Before I can say anything, three hot guys walk in the door. The first one is massive, with tight-cropped hair and dark eyes, dressed in tights as well. The next guy has more of a swimmer's build, and he's rocking black skinny jeans, the last guy is shorter but solid and is wearing really short, tight cutoffs. They all have on Longhorn T-shirts. They are all carrying grocery bags and boxes of pie.

Okay, since my buddy; is hosting he calls the coin toss - A & M. He loses The massive man has me go over by the window to stand in a paddling pool. He walks over to a table, picks up a gallon of water. Honestly, I didn't even see thtat table before. It is filled with pies, trifles, pudding, three bukets filled with something up to the top. He walks over to me, takes off my hat and pours it over me. I am drenched. He puts my cap back on. My tshirt is sticking to my pecs and my tights are shining but all in all, not bad I guess. The other two walk over, and tell me that I deserve a drink for that. They take a beer each, shake it up and spray it all over me.

Longhorns snap the ball. Tk shouts out, "They won't even make the 40". I have a feeling that this might be how my evening is shaping up. The muscle man takes the bet for the standard $10. It ends up on the 35 yard line. The muscle stud walks over to the table and picks up two huge creamy pies. I have a feeling I know where this is going. He walks over and stands so close to me I can feel the heat coming off of his body. He is staring at me, and then clobbers me with a pie sandwich. My entire head is covered. I have to stand there and not wipe any of it off. I can barely hear anything or see anything until the sun warms the pie and it slides down onto my t-shirt and down to my tights. Second down, the Longhorns score. The swimmer gets a bucket and brings it over to me. He tells me to take my shoes off - good, maybe they will be spared some - and pulls my tights off of me and drops it into the bucket. He submerges it into a bucket of chocolate, wipes his hand off on my chest, and tells me I have to bob to get it. He pushes me down on my knees, as I can't really see with the pie left on my face. He guides my head over to the bucket and dunks it under up to my shoulders. This happens three times before I get it with my teeth. He then tells me to put it back on. The longhorns make the extra points and the other guy comes over and tells me that he loves Reeses. So, he grabs a huge jar of peanut butter and he has me pull out my Jock. He empties the peanut butter into it. I can feel the sun start to melt the peanut butter.

Now, it's A & M's turn. My buddy keeps making bets. Right off, it's a fumble - the solid stud walks over with a bucket of caramel. He tells me to take off my hat and starts to fill my hat. When it is full the rest of the bucket is poured over me - front/back, tights/tshirt and then my head. Then he has me put my hat back on backwards. They don't make their fourth down, so this time my shirt is dropped into a bucket of chunky applesauce. It's hard to kneel with all of the peanut butter melting in my jock, but I get down as the peanut butter squelches through my jock and I dive in to the applesauce. I get my shirt on the second time. The applesauce is cool on my skin as I put it back on. When the Longhorns score again, a half-gallon of somewhat melted ice cream is dumped down the back of my tights. They don't make the extra point this time - phew. They do make their fourth down, and it's another pie to the face.

It's half time - finally a break. Each of the guys goes to get themselves another beer and something to eat. They leave me standing there, completely trashed - covered in pie, chocolate and caramel sauce, peanut butter, ice cream, apple sauce. When they come back, they put their things down and walk over to the table. Each grabs a huge pie and tell me that they didn't forget me. As they walk over, I notice that they each have a sizable mound in their really tight pants. They are really getting into trashing me. The swimmer slams the pie into my face, the short solid guy walks around behind me and covers my entire butt in pie. He's really spending the time to cover me in this pie. The massive stud walks up and grinds the pie into my crotch - pressing really hard and lingering with his hand.

The massive stud with the huge biceps asks my friend if he wants to go double or nothing. I think, double? What else can they do. TK takes them up on the offer in an instant. This half of the game, I am stripped down to just my jock and ball cap. The shirt and shorts are dumped into a bucket again. Now with A & M starting, my buddy bets that they will get the ball down to the 30 yard line. They are close, but only make it to the 35 yard line. The solid stud walks over with a trifle and tells me to turn around and bend over. He slams the trifle into by jocked butt. While he was doing that, the Longhorns intercept. This stud takes no time and has me sit on a giant cake. He grinds the frosting into my crotch.

When the fourth quarter comes around, the buckets are emptied over me - I am told to take off my cap, get on my knees and look up as the swimmer empties the chocolate syrup over me. The applesauce is poured over my head and chest while the caramel is emptied into my jock and across my butt.

The Texas Longhorns win 27 to 13. TK congratulates the three bricked studs. The solid stud tells TK, "Keep the $600, it was a good game." On his way out, the massive stud looks over, licks his lips and gives a wink and tells TK "I've got any idea of another way you can double that jackpot again..."