24 minutes of pure filth. My first paddling pool session, and I've never been this messy in my life.

My Master wanted me to have an unforgettable experience, and I certainly delivered. Three cartons of tomato passata, six jars of curry sauce, two tins of baked beans, four tins of condensed milk, four tins of treacle, and a huge bucket of porridge to finish it all off.

I've never been this filthy. I'm a complete gunge whore, and I think I've found a new favorite in condensed milk.