Potatoman-J said: I recommend checking out the Messy Minds group and any of these threads. I know that's a lot, but I want people to know that this is not a weird question and it comes up LITERALLY all the time.

https://umd.net/groups/spousesignificant-other-participation
https://umd.net/groups/telling-your-freinds
https://umd.net/groups/your-first-time-with-her
https://umd.net/groups/introducing-wam-to-a-partner
https://umd.net/groups/mention-wam
https://umd.net/groups/how-do-you-explain-wam
https://umd.net/groups/talking-abiut-your-fetish
https://umd.net/groups/encouraging-them-to-try-wam
https://umd.net/groups/when-to-talk-about-wam
https://umd.net/groups/talking-to-you-partner-about-y

I mean, if this is a platonic friend and not a romantic interest, I'd find an icebreaker for it. Either other conversation about kinks etc. and possibly the psychology behind them?

What exactly the relationship, and where do you want the conversation to go?

SploshJosh said: Morning/Afternoon/Evening,

So, this week I'm meeting up with one of my best friends and I wanted to introduce her to the world of WAM, specifically cake sitting. We won't be doing any mess, only talking about it and I wondered if anyone had any tips on how to make it sound not weird. How did you tell friends/partners about your love of mess?

theStickyTrickster said:
First off what's wrong with weird? I mean other ways of saying "not weird" is normal or average. Sounds pretty boring to me. Sure you can conform as much as you like to the social norms and what have you but the truth is society largely doesn't care whether people are happy or enjoy themselves. Just that they're controllable enough not to be a possible threat to those already with the power to influence society. Sure weird isn't normal but it sure as hell ain't boring. Furthermore being open to being weird also gives others permission to not have to keep all their weirdness in too, you might not be the only one with kinks they might want to share.

What's you're motivation for wanting to introduce her to WAM? The intent and how you present things are more important than what you actually have to say.

If you only want to introduce it to her because you want her to be your fetish dispenser and have made no attempt to consider her desires (whether they be sexual or desires to remain as just friends) then it becomes creepy. (Take note being weird and creepy are not the same. Weird is being different from the norm, creepy is wanting to get something sexual from someone that isn't welcomed). Doesn't matter what you have to say you become just yet another guy who tried to get something from her with no consideration for her. It's not the sort of behaviour expected from friends and will damage her trust.

If however your motivation is that WAM is something you find really cool and enjoyable and that you think she too might enjoy some aspects of it without any hint of expectation of anything from her then even if you bungle your introduction completely you'll still score points for being GGG (Good, Giving and Game). It may very well be that her own kinks mean the best introduction to WAM for her would be totally different WAM activities to what you prefer. How would you feel if she enjoyed different parts of WAM to you or say enjoyed cake sitting but did it with other people? If either of those two questions was slightly upsetting then it is probably that you are motivated by the former desire for a fetish dispenser rather than these purer motives.

Anyway both of these points weirdness and motivation are both issues that many guys that like to complain nice guys get nowhere with women. First don't be boring. Normal is boring. Second is it genuine or is the niceness because they're after something (aka creepiness). Anyway I'm starting to go off on a tangent so best I shut up now.

Dr. DiRT said: I think lead in is crucial in this. I believe the real question is how can you steer a conversation in the direction of sexual turn ons and eventually cake sitting. In my mind you don't jump right to it. I would start by having a "normal" conversation, preferably over drinks, and finding your way to asking the person if they have any personal kind of kink, and play off of their own responses. "Hey, so do you have anything out of the ordinary that turns you on? You know, like how some people are turned on by bondage or role playing or. *pause for dramatic effect* feet?". If they play shy and don't want to give up anything offer up your own kink as an example and then you can go from there. "Oh, well I actually am into this thing that involves watching people sit their bare asses into cakes!".And you can have your images of cake sitting on your phone ready to display as a reference. As you can probably tell I'm trying to make it light hearted and funny which is a good way to make a sensitive subject less intimidating. Good luck!

SploshJosh said:
Got ya, so just ease in and work up to it. My plan was to explain how I enjoy doing it and show some examples of what happens to a cake when it is sat on

SploshJosh said:

My motivation for introducing her to WAM is very much the second option you said. I enjoy it and think it's cool - I think there's aspects to it that she might enjoy herself, in particular the cake sitting. Whether it went sexual or stayed as just friends would very much be on her, I hold no desire to get anything from her, I don't want anything from her. I wouldn't be fussed if she sat on cakes with other people or enjoyed other aspects of WAM. It would still be a common thing we could share talking about among the friendship