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"Ever felt shameful from your fetish? Need help."
Love you, too
Hi,
This is my first form post. I had heard of WAM a while ago and had lurked on UMD and even bought several videos before, but eventually began to feel shame for having an unusual fetish. I ended up deleting everything but found I needed to come back.
Since then I've discovered things about myself like an interest in crossdressing. I'm starting to regain the confidence, but I want it to stay this time.
Have any of you guys ever felt shame for your fetish, and how did you get over it?
This is my first form post. I had heard of WAM a while ago and had lurked on UMD and even bought several videos before, but eventually began to feel shame for having an unusual fetish. I ended up deleting everything but found I needed to come back.
Since then I've discovered things about myself like an interest in crossdressing. I'm starting to regain the confidence, but I want it to stay this time.
Have any of you guys ever felt shame for your fetish, and how did you get over it?
Welcome aboard! I hope that you have fun here, and find what you're looking for! 
I've been self-wamming for over 50 years. Until I was in my late 20's, I thought that I had to be the only one in the world weird enough to get turned on by ladies getting hit with pies. So I was ashamed of my inclinations for over 10 years because I thought I must be a freak, the only one who got turned on by slapstick comedy.
You'll hear the same story from A LOT of people on here over a certain age, before the internet, before "Splosh" magazine & "Messy Fun", MessyGirl, and several other pioneers, whom one didn't get to know about before the internet.
This community has really helped me (us) to see that there are a lot of people, 10's of thousands (probably more than that) from all over the world that enjoy various forms and degrees of WAM.
So this place should help you get your confidence up!
Norman
I've been self-wamming for over 50 years. Until I was in my late 20's, I thought that I had to be the only one in the world weird enough to get turned on by ladies getting hit with pies. So I was ashamed of my inclinations for over 10 years because I thought I must be a freak, the only one who got turned on by slapstick comedy.
You'll hear the same story from A LOT of people on here over a certain age, before the internet, before "Splosh" magazine & "Messy Fun", MessyGirl, and several other pioneers, whom one didn't get to know about before the internet.
This community has really helped me (us) to see that there are a lot of people, 10's of thousands (probably more than that) from all over the world that enjoy various forms and degrees of WAM.
So this place should help you get your confidence up!
Norman
We probably all feel this way a bit at some point, but then we remember that this fetish doesn't really harm anyone. You probably didn't ask for a fetish...recent research has suggested that some aspects of paraphilia may be innate. But none of that really matters, because you don't have a fetish based around causing other people harm, and that's nice.
oh fuck yes I've felt shameful.
I think that's honestly a big part of the fetish itself for a lot of people. A lot of us are into it /because/ we've felt like getting messy is taboo and shameful. When you realize that it's turning you on, that's only going to add to the shame.
I think the key is coming to terms with yourself. I thought at first that I was afraid of what people would think of me if they knew. Then I realized that most people don't care... but I was still ashamed. I realized that I was judging myself more harshly than I would anyone else.
The key to getting past shame is being kind to yourself.
I think that's honestly a big part of the fetish itself for a lot of people. A lot of us are into it /because/ we've felt like getting messy is taboo and shameful. When you realize that it's turning you on, that's only going to add to the shame.
I think the key is coming to terms with yourself. I thought at first that I was afraid of what people would think of me if they knew. Then I realized that most people don't care... but I was still ashamed. I realized that I was judging myself more harshly than I would anyone else.
The key to getting past shame is being kind to yourself.
The first TV I can remember is a 19 inch beat up color set, probably by Westinghouse or RCA, that occupied our family room and was usually set to Boston-area sports or sitcoms like All in the Family or Barney Miller. The first pie fight I saw was likely the Stooges; they were on for a couple of hours every weekend on channel 38, one of the six channels we got in those days: 4, 5, 7, 25, 38, and 56 were all the programming we could access over our rabbit ear antenna. I've noticed there are so many Boston and New England area pie fans, and I swear the local TV programming back in the 60's-80's was a huge factor.
I loved the rough and tumble violence of the Stooges, and I held a special fascination for the pie fights, especially the ones with dressed-up people. I noticed that my "private area" got a little tingle, my heart rate sped up, my breathing changed. I also noticed that I liked this sensation. Pre-puberty, I saw some other pie scenes in the late 70's and early 80's: The Brady Bunch, Three's Company, and The Barbara Mandrell show among them. I specifically remember the first time I saw that Mandrell show clip. I got an erection immediately and had to slink out of the room hiding my excitement. I hadn't had any sort of talk with any adult about my sexuality, and I didn't know how to address what I was feeling, but I knew somewhere that the sensation I felt when I saw a pretty lady pied was something I should keep to myself.
By age twelve, if I thought about pie fights and women pied I would have an erection within seconds. Still, no one had had any sort of discussion with me about sex, and consequently I had no idea what was happening to my body. I had no idea that I desperately needed release. In fact, I remember having purplish-red skin near my testicles in those days. I don't know if it was related to how backed up I was, but once I started masturbating it cleared up. Eventually, I did figure out that stroking my cock slowly felt really good, but I hadn't yet figured out that it could feel even better. My first orgasm happened by accident when I was rubbing my cock one night; I was probably fantasizing about being in a big pie fight with all those pied women and girls from TV (Barbara Mandrell, Louise Mandrell, Marcia from the Brady bunch, Marie Osmond, etc.) and it just kept feeling better and better and I stroked it more and more vigorously, and a feeling built in the base of my balls and sent pleasure riding up and down my spine. And I didn't know what was happening to me and I tried, at the key moment, to shut it off, shut it down before I did some permanent damage to my body. To think of the embarrassment if I needed medical help!
I tried to stop, but I was unsuccessful. In any case, I had a weird half-orgasm, and a meager bit of gooey whitish fluid came out of the tip of my cock, which remained erect. I was freaking out, thinking I'd done something unnatural to myself and that I was dying or I'd never pee normally again, at the very least. After a period of time to let my heart stop speeding, my erection was no less adamant, so I reasoned that something was unfinished and I started stroking myself again. It wasn't long before I came again, my first real orgasm.
My first orgasm in the presence of a woman was still years away, however. And it would be even more years before I actually had messy sex. For that, I waited until I was in my first serious relationship, which was with the woman I married.
In the meantime, here I was, a thirteen year old pie fetishist in a busy house with a decent sized family and a dark secret to hide. Having discovered masturbation (please read "Part Time Indian" by Sherman Alexie for a far-better written account of the joys of discovering masturbation) I applied myself to perfecting it. I started masturbating almost exclusively to wam, and pie scenes specifically, and like a typical teen with inexhaustible sexual energy, I jerked off constantly, especially at night before bed, but I could toss one off in a minute or two with a visit to the bathroom a couple times a day. I learned to be quiet; I had little choice but to to be fast. In my first year I probably developed a four-time-a-day habit. Making up for lost time? I also tracked my recovery time. I went from "none necessary" in that first session, to about ten minutes recovery on an average day, with longer refractory periods needed the more I orgasmed. I also found that the intensity of my orgasm was often better the more orgasms I had in a given day.
That first year was filled with visions of those women and girls I'd seen pied on TV. I started fantasizing about girls in my class I'd like to pie and have pie me. I had a dream one night (probably a wet one) in which I was going to the back door of my house with the girl I had a giant crush on, only to open the door and see stacks and stacks of white creamy pies from floor to ceiling. The whole house is full of pies! We're perplexed to see this, but we need to get inside, so I pluck a pie off the nearest stack and plop it in her face. She is surprised but laughs and lets me have one, too. We work our way into the house smashing pies all over our bodies, and in the space we clear out from my kitchen floor, we have wild sex. You name it, we do it on the kitchen floor while covered in cream and crust. Finally we finish and laugh about how we still have so many rooms in the house to clear out.
That dream became a go-to masturbation fantasy, and even writing about it today still excites me, though it's 30 years later and the girl never really had anything to do with me other than a few awkward dances in junior high. (She was a petite pretty brunette and I was a skinny, pimply, shy, awkward six-footer who weighed about 100 pounds. I looked like a baby giraffe, so I can't blame her for her lack of interest.) I swapped other girls into that "house full of pies" fantasy over the years, but I've never even come close to fulfilling it. In fact, now that I actually have wet and messy sex, less mess is the ticket for me. Pie barrages and tables full of pies seem like a waste of money and food. For me, the main excitement is in the build-up to being pied, in the clothes we're wearing, and in the transition from dressed up to messed up. Usually, one or two pies per party is plenty.
After the first year of imagining pie fights and fantasizing about TV stars and girls in my classes, my imagination was becoming repetitive and boring. I started to fantasize about masturbating while I watched pie scenes I'd taped from TV. We had only one TV and VCR in the house, and over the past few years, before I even really knew WHY I was fascinated by pie fights, I had been taping pie scenes from TV: Three's Company, The Brady Bunch, The Mandrell Sisters, The Stooges, and a few more. With only one TV in a busy household, I'd need to be discreet if I wanted to masturbate in front of the TV. When I was home alone one day, I loaded my pie clip tape into the VCR and, terrified that someone would arrive home unexpectedly, rubbed one out to a pied Dorothy Appleby from "In the Sweet Pie and Pie." Greta Thyssen in her black dress from "Quiz Whiz" was another favorite. In the next few years, I masturbated to that clip tape many, many times. My 24-hour orgasm personal-best (I will NEVER surpass it at this age!) was an epic 12 orgasms, probably achieved when I was 14 or 15. With visual stimulation, I was commonly masturbating 6 or 8 times a day in my teen years, and I needed almost no recovery time between orgasms. As I watched pie scenes and masturbated, I tried to time my finish so I would come at the exact moment a pie struck a pretty woman's face, or I'd imagine myself as the tuxedo-attired handsome fella on the receiving end of a pie from a pretty lady in a ball gown. I made plenty of use of the pause and frame advance buttons to get that perfect moment: Joyce Dewitt plastered with pie as she turns to Suzanne Somers, Natalie Wood covered head to toe in white cream, the Mandrell sisters standing there shocked, pie all over their faces, as their younger sister laughs at their misfortune. Eventually, I got a TV in my room and the house emptied out a bit and I was able to have some privacy, and with my wam-fed sex drive, I needed it.
All this time I was still looking for normal relationships with girls, but I wasn't much in the looks department and I was shy, so my dating through high school was very limited. I made out with a couple of girls in backseats of cars and one cute Motley Crue fangirl was good enough to give me a handjob, but that was about the extent of my non-masturbatory sexual activity through high school.
In college, I focused too much on drinking and partying and too little on women, but freshman year I did lose my virginity properly and I had a few one night stands, but never a steady girlfriend, and certainly never a girl I considered sharing my fetish with. I was about 25 before I had a serious girlfriend; I think it took me so long because I wanted to find someone I was very attracted to physically and intellectually who was also physically and intellectually attracted to me, and someone that I felt comfortable sharing my secret with. It had been a long time that I'd been hiding this weird kink from everyone in my life, and in those days before the internet, I felt like I was all alone in this "affliction."
I've said to my wife: "Sometimes I feel like I'd be happier without this drive, without this need to ask this of you. Sometimes I wish I was wired like a normal guy, with no weird pie fetish." My fetish does feel like a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing in that it provides me intense pleasure, I don't have the potency issues of many guys my age, and it's taught me to be tolerant of people who are different. (Imagine if we were all expected to "come out" as pie fetishists!) Still, my religious upbringing had taught me to be ashamed of sex, so how was I supposed to feel about the thoughts I was having? How was I supposed to feel about jerking off six or seven times a day to a clip tape of women in pie fights? Shame was my curse.
Years went on. I left college and got an apartment while someone smarter than I invented the internet and loaded it with porn. The new age dawned--I discovered the UMD in its earliest incarnation, and that was an incredible revolution in my fetish: the discovery of a community of like minded people made me feel so much better about what I was going through. Plus, they traded pictures and had similar "origin stories" to mine. It's not a coincidence that I discovered the UMD and opened up to a woman about my pie fetish within the same year. (How I wish I hadn't waited so long to make a profile. If I hadn't lurked so long, I'd be an elder of the UMD! Hmmmm....maybe I am anyways.)
My wife was a couple years behind me in college and I didn't know her very well at all then; she and I bumped into each other again a few years after college at a mutual friend's wedding. We hit it off that night but didn't get into any stupid drunken wedding shenanigans; we were more mature than a few years before. We made plans to go out to dinner, it went well again, and we started seeing more of each other. We had sex on the fourth or fifth date, probably a month into the relationship. (I have to admit I was extra respectful--maybe too respectful--because we have a lot of mutual friends and I didn't want a certain reputation.) Everything was awesome; she was pretty and fit and funny and she liked me and we had good sex, even without pies! I started to suspect that this woman was going to be the one I finally told about my fetish.
Six months into our relationship, I told her about my pie kink. She was surprised, but not taken aback. (We had recently seen the movie Varsity Blues and I dropped a hint that I found the whipped cream bikini very hot.) I asked her if she had any specific fantasies that I could help fulfill, but she took a pass at the time. (I've since learned what boils her potatoes.) She seemed to see the humor in the whole thing, and she was excited to see me excited, so she agreed to exchange pies with me in the shower.
When the day came, we bought a couple of bakery pies (or maybe I bought a couple of frozen pies and gave them a day to defrost--I forget.) Twenty-somethings that we were, we were house-sitting for a friend, so we actually had a pretty nice place for our first wam session, which certainly would not have been the case had we done it at either one of our apartments. I was super-excited, predictably. I've always enjoyed the anticipatory aspect of pie fights--a table full of pies and cakes, a 50-50 mix of men and women in tuxedos and gowns, my mind racing as to whom I want to see pied, who'll escape the pies, who'll be the first pied, etc--so in a similar fashion, the anticipatory aspect of my fetish was being fulfilled all afternoon. I was primed; I warned her I wouldn't last long once we exchanged pies. She seemed pleased to hear this. While she wasn't aroused by the messiness, the creaminess, the silliness, as I was, she was turned on by getting me turned on. After all the years together, the hundred or so wam sessions we've had, that's never changed. She doesn't get turned on by the pies, but she does get turned on by how sexual I become on a day when we've planned to get messy.
We got in the shower, each naked and armed with a creamy pastry. If I recall correctly, I got her first. She had pie all over her face, chest, and shoulders, and she was laughing like crazy at first, but she got pretty sexual herself when she saw how turned on I was. She stopped laughing, gave me a sexy, creamy come hither look, and walloped me with her pie. I couldn't see but I felt the pleasant weight of it on my face and shoulders and I knew she'd gotten me good. I could feel my hot cock pulsing against the cool cream that dripped off my face and splattered on it. I reached between her legs and found her sopping. She was slick from her sex to the shower floor, but she was worried about sugar in her vagina, which can lead to problems. Since my cock was covered in cream and pie filling, she wouldn't let me put it inside her, so we fondled each other and kissed passionately while I masturbated until I exploded against her. It wasn't a long time, but I had lasted longer than I thought I would.
We've since learned to keep my penis covered when she pies me, so it stays clean before we fuck in the shower. I like to mount her from behind while she has her hands up against the shower wall. We've also exchanged pies on a dropcloth-covered bed and then had sex missionary style, which was great. Often when we have pie play, I'll masturbate and she stays clothed, and I still like to toy with the intensity of my orgasms. I'll pie her and play with myself, bring myself right to the point of orgasm, and ask her to pie me, coming just as she smashes a coconut cream pie in my face. My semen sprays out of me and onto her dress, onto the floor as the cream and crust drips down my face and into my chest hair. Sometimes I pie her clothed ass and stick my face into the pie left behind; sometimes I like to place a pie in her beautiful skirt-clad lap and smush my face into it. I would LOVE to go down on her while we're both pied, but oral sex (giving or receiving) is not her thing, and I can respect that. Hell, there's a lot I can respect when my lady is cool with getting pied in the face before sex.
I have all sorts of crazy fantasies that involve different scenarios and outfits and pies and cakes, but I keep the actual pie sex with my wife pretty tame because I don't want to ask too much of her. I am definitely the needier sexual partner in my relationship; my wife, for several reasons, simply does not have a sex drive to match mine. Never has, never will. I bet that's true for a lot of couples; biology offers us reasons why. So when it comes to actual pie sex, I am happy to exchange a few pies and have sex. In fact, I'm thrilled to do so!
I'm now in my forties, and I think I'm doing pretty well physically. I'm more fit than most guys my age, and I would guess I have a stronger sex drive than most men my age. In fact, I think pies and wam in general have hugely contributed to my strong sex drive. Ever since I started to masturbate, it's exclusively to wam. Regular porn stimulates me just fine, too, but wam porn and pie clips are my go-to material. Even now, I can go three or four times a day. For example, if I know there are pies in my house because I've prepared a few (usually 2-4) the night before, I will wake up that morning excited. (Ok--most mornings I wake up excited anyways. I'm still young, I guess.) I'll have morning sex with my wife and then go about my day. Later in the afternoon, after a cocktail, my wife and I will have messy sex in the shower or on a dropcloth. I like to video these sessions, too, and a couple hours after messy sex I'm ready to watch the video and go again. If my wife is tuckered out by this point I'll just masturbate, but usually she's pretty energized by what messy sex does to me and my penis and she gets involved in one way or another.
And so the shame that I felt for so much of my life, the shame associated with a weird fetish, has been replaced in a wonderful way by my partner and this community, the UMD. It took a while, but I've come to appreciate being wired the way I'm wired.
I loved the rough and tumble violence of the Stooges, and I held a special fascination for the pie fights, especially the ones with dressed-up people. I noticed that my "private area" got a little tingle, my heart rate sped up, my breathing changed. I also noticed that I liked this sensation. Pre-puberty, I saw some other pie scenes in the late 70's and early 80's: The Brady Bunch, Three's Company, and The Barbara Mandrell show among them. I specifically remember the first time I saw that Mandrell show clip. I got an erection immediately and had to slink out of the room hiding my excitement. I hadn't had any sort of talk with any adult about my sexuality, and I didn't know how to address what I was feeling, but I knew somewhere that the sensation I felt when I saw a pretty lady pied was something I should keep to myself.
By age twelve, if I thought about pie fights and women pied I would have an erection within seconds. Still, no one had had any sort of discussion with me about sex, and consequently I had no idea what was happening to my body. I had no idea that I desperately needed release. In fact, I remember having purplish-red skin near my testicles in those days. I don't know if it was related to how backed up I was, but once I started masturbating it cleared up. Eventually, I did figure out that stroking my cock slowly felt really good, but I hadn't yet figured out that it could feel even better. My first orgasm happened by accident when I was rubbing my cock one night; I was probably fantasizing about being in a big pie fight with all those pied women and girls from TV (Barbara Mandrell, Louise Mandrell, Marcia from the Brady bunch, Marie Osmond, etc.) and it just kept feeling better and better and I stroked it more and more vigorously, and a feeling built in the base of my balls and sent pleasure riding up and down my spine. And I didn't know what was happening to me and I tried, at the key moment, to shut it off, shut it down before I did some permanent damage to my body. To think of the embarrassment if I needed medical help!
I tried to stop, but I was unsuccessful. In any case, I had a weird half-orgasm, and a meager bit of gooey whitish fluid came out of the tip of my cock, which remained erect. I was freaking out, thinking I'd done something unnatural to myself and that I was dying or I'd never pee normally again, at the very least. After a period of time to let my heart stop speeding, my erection was no less adamant, so I reasoned that something was unfinished and I started stroking myself again. It wasn't long before I came again, my first real orgasm.
My first orgasm in the presence of a woman was still years away, however. And it would be even more years before I actually had messy sex. For that, I waited until I was in my first serious relationship, which was with the woman I married.
In the meantime, here I was, a thirteen year old pie fetishist in a busy house with a decent sized family and a dark secret to hide. Having discovered masturbation (please read "Part Time Indian" by Sherman Alexie for a far-better written account of the joys of discovering masturbation) I applied myself to perfecting it. I started masturbating almost exclusively to wam, and pie scenes specifically, and like a typical teen with inexhaustible sexual energy, I jerked off constantly, especially at night before bed, but I could toss one off in a minute or two with a visit to the bathroom a couple times a day. I learned to be quiet; I had little choice but to to be fast. In my first year I probably developed a four-time-a-day habit. Making up for lost time? I also tracked my recovery time. I went from "none necessary" in that first session, to about ten minutes recovery on an average day, with longer refractory periods needed the more I orgasmed. I also found that the intensity of my orgasm was often better the more orgasms I had in a given day.
That first year was filled with visions of those women and girls I'd seen pied on TV. I started fantasizing about girls in my class I'd like to pie and have pie me. I had a dream one night (probably a wet one) in which I was going to the back door of my house with the girl I had a giant crush on, only to open the door and see stacks and stacks of white creamy pies from floor to ceiling. The whole house is full of pies! We're perplexed to see this, but we need to get inside, so I pluck a pie off the nearest stack and plop it in her face. She is surprised but laughs and lets me have one, too. We work our way into the house smashing pies all over our bodies, and in the space we clear out from my kitchen floor, we have wild sex. You name it, we do it on the kitchen floor while covered in cream and crust. Finally we finish and laugh about how we still have so many rooms in the house to clear out.
That dream became a go-to masturbation fantasy, and even writing about it today still excites me, though it's 30 years later and the girl never really had anything to do with me other than a few awkward dances in junior high. (She was a petite pretty brunette and I was a skinny, pimply, shy, awkward six-footer who weighed about 100 pounds. I looked like a baby giraffe, so I can't blame her for her lack of interest.) I swapped other girls into that "house full of pies" fantasy over the years, but I've never even come close to fulfilling it. In fact, now that I actually have wet and messy sex, less mess is the ticket for me. Pie barrages and tables full of pies seem like a waste of money and food. For me, the main excitement is in the build-up to being pied, in the clothes we're wearing, and in the transition from dressed up to messed up. Usually, one or two pies per party is plenty.
After the first year of imagining pie fights and fantasizing about TV stars and girls in my classes, my imagination was becoming repetitive and boring. I started to fantasize about masturbating while I watched pie scenes I'd taped from TV. We had only one TV and VCR in the house, and over the past few years, before I even really knew WHY I was fascinated by pie fights, I had been taping pie scenes from TV: Three's Company, The Brady Bunch, The Mandrell Sisters, The Stooges, and a few more. With only one TV in a busy household, I'd need to be discreet if I wanted to masturbate in front of the TV. When I was home alone one day, I loaded my pie clip tape into the VCR and, terrified that someone would arrive home unexpectedly, rubbed one out to a pied Dorothy Appleby from "In the Sweet Pie and Pie." Greta Thyssen in her black dress from "Quiz Whiz" was another favorite. In the next few years, I masturbated to that clip tape many, many times. My 24-hour orgasm personal-best (I will NEVER surpass it at this age!) was an epic 12 orgasms, probably achieved when I was 14 or 15. With visual stimulation, I was commonly masturbating 6 or 8 times a day in my teen years, and I needed almost no recovery time between orgasms. As I watched pie scenes and masturbated, I tried to time my finish so I would come at the exact moment a pie struck a pretty woman's face, or I'd imagine myself as the tuxedo-attired handsome fella on the receiving end of a pie from a pretty lady in a ball gown. I made plenty of use of the pause and frame advance buttons to get that perfect moment: Joyce Dewitt plastered with pie as she turns to Suzanne Somers, Natalie Wood covered head to toe in white cream, the Mandrell sisters standing there shocked, pie all over their faces, as their younger sister laughs at their misfortune. Eventually, I got a TV in my room and the house emptied out a bit and I was able to have some privacy, and with my wam-fed sex drive, I needed it.
All this time I was still looking for normal relationships with girls, but I wasn't much in the looks department and I was shy, so my dating through high school was very limited. I made out with a couple of girls in backseats of cars and one cute Motley Crue fangirl was good enough to give me a handjob, but that was about the extent of my non-masturbatory sexual activity through high school.
In college, I focused too much on drinking and partying and too little on women, but freshman year I did lose my virginity properly and I had a few one night stands, but never a steady girlfriend, and certainly never a girl I considered sharing my fetish with. I was about 25 before I had a serious girlfriend; I think it took me so long because I wanted to find someone I was very attracted to physically and intellectually who was also physically and intellectually attracted to me, and someone that I felt comfortable sharing my secret with. It had been a long time that I'd been hiding this weird kink from everyone in my life, and in those days before the internet, I felt like I was all alone in this "affliction."
I've said to my wife: "Sometimes I feel like I'd be happier without this drive, without this need to ask this of you. Sometimes I wish I was wired like a normal guy, with no weird pie fetish." My fetish does feel like a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing in that it provides me intense pleasure, I don't have the potency issues of many guys my age, and it's taught me to be tolerant of people who are different. (Imagine if we were all expected to "come out" as pie fetishists!) Still, my religious upbringing had taught me to be ashamed of sex, so how was I supposed to feel about the thoughts I was having? How was I supposed to feel about jerking off six or seven times a day to a clip tape of women in pie fights? Shame was my curse.
Years went on. I left college and got an apartment while someone smarter than I invented the internet and loaded it with porn. The new age dawned--I discovered the UMD in its earliest incarnation, and that was an incredible revolution in my fetish: the discovery of a community of like minded people made me feel so much better about what I was going through. Plus, they traded pictures and had similar "origin stories" to mine. It's not a coincidence that I discovered the UMD and opened up to a woman about my pie fetish within the same year. (How I wish I hadn't waited so long to make a profile. If I hadn't lurked so long, I'd be an elder of the UMD! Hmmmm....maybe I am anyways.)
My wife was a couple years behind me in college and I didn't know her very well at all then; she and I bumped into each other again a few years after college at a mutual friend's wedding. We hit it off that night but didn't get into any stupid drunken wedding shenanigans; we were more mature than a few years before. We made plans to go out to dinner, it went well again, and we started seeing more of each other. We had sex on the fourth or fifth date, probably a month into the relationship. (I have to admit I was extra respectful--maybe too respectful--because we have a lot of mutual friends and I didn't want a certain reputation.) Everything was awesome; she was pretty and fit and funny and she liked me and we had good sex, even without pies! I started to suspect that this woman was going to be the one I finally told about my fetish.
Six months into our relationship, I told her about my pie kink. She was surprised, but not taken aback. (We had recently seen the movie Varsity Blues and I dropped a hint that I found the whipped cream bikini very hot.) I asked her if she had any specific fantasies that I could help fulfill, but she took a pass at the time. (I've since learned what boils her potatoes.) She seemed to see the humor in the whole thing, and she was excited to see me excited, so she agreed to exchange pies with me in the shower.
When the day came, we bought a couple of bakery pies (or maybe I bought a couple of frozen pies and gave them a day to defrost--I forget.) Twenty-somethings that we were, we were house-sitting for a friend, so we actually had a pretty nice place for our first wam session, which certainly would not have been the case had we done it at either one of our apartments. I was super-excited, predictably. I've always enjoyed the anticipatory aspect of pie fights--a table full of pies and cakes, a 50-50 mix of men and women in tuxedos and gowns, my mind racing as to whom I want to see pied, who'll escape the pies, who'll be the first pied, etc--so in a similar fashion, the anticipatory aspect of my fetish was being fulfilled all afternoon. I was primed; I warned her I wouldn't last long once we exchanged pies. She seemed pleased to hear this. While she wasn't aroused by the messiness, the creaminess, the silliness, as I was, she was turned on by getting me turned on. After all the years together, the hundred or so wam sessions we've had, that's never changed. She doesn't get turned on by the pies, but she does get turned on by how sexual I become on a day when we've planned to get messy.
We got in the shower, each naked and armed with a creamy pastry. If I recall correctly, I got her first. She had pie all over her face, chest, and shoulders, and she was laughing like crazy at first, but she got pretty sexual herself when she saw how turned on I was. She stopped laughing, gave me a sexy, creamy come hither look, and walloped me with her pie. I couldn't see but I felt the pleasant weight of it on my face and shoulders and I knew she'd gotten me good. I could feel my hot cock pulsing against the cool cream that dripped off my face and splattered on it. I reached between her legs and found her sopping. She was slick from her sex to the shower floor, but she was worried about sugar in her vagina, which can lead to problems. Since my cock was covered in cream and pie filling, she wouldn't let me put it inside her, so we fondled each other and kissed passionately while I masturbated until I exploded against her. It wasn't a long time, but I had lasted longer than I thought I would.
We've since learned to keep my penis covered when she pies me, so it stays clean before we fuck in the shower. I like to mount her from behind while she has her hands up against the shower wall. We've also exchanged pies on a dropcloth-covered bed and then had sex missionary style, which was great. Often when we have pie play, I'll masturbate and she stays clothed, and I still like to toy with the intensity of my orgasms. I'll pie her and play with myself, bring myself right to the point of orgasm, and ask her to pie me, coming just as she smashes a coconut cream pie in my face. My semen sprays out of me and onto her dress, onto the floor as the cream and crust drips down my face and into my chest hair. Sometimes I pie her clothed ass and stick my face into the pie left behind; sometimes I like to place a pie in her beautiful skirt-clad lap and smush my face into it. I would LOVE to go down on her while we're both pied, but oral sex (giving or receiving) is not her thing, and I can respect that. Hell, there's a lot I can respect when my lady is cool with getting pied in the face before sex.
I have all sorts of crazy fantasies that involve different scenarios and outfits and pies and cakes, but I keep the actual pie sex with my wife pretty tame because I don't want to ask too much of her. I am definitely the needier sexual partner in my relationship; my wife, for several reasons, simply does not have a sex drive to match mine. Never has, never will. I bet that's true for a lot of couples; biology offers us reasons why. So when it comes to actual pie sex, I am happy to exchange a few pies and have sex. In fact, I'm thrilled to do so!
I'm now in my forties, and I think I'm doing pretty well physically. I'm more fit than most guys my age, and I would guess I have a stronger sex drive than most men my age. In fact, I think pies and wam in general have hugely contributed to my strong sex drive. Ever since I started to masturbate, it's exclusively to wam. Regular porn stimulates me just fine, too, but wam porn and pie clips are my go-to material. Even now, I can go three or four times a day. For example, if I know there are pies in my house because I've prepared a few (usually 2-4) the night before, I will wake up that morning excited. (Ok--most mornings I wake up excited anyways. I'm still young, I guess.) I'll have morning sex with my wife and then go about my day. Later in the afternoon, after a cocktail, my wife and I will have messy sex in the shower or on a dropcloth. I like to video these sessions, too, and a couple hours after messy sex I'm ready to watch the video and go again. If my wife is tuckered out by this point I'll just masturbate, but usually she's pretty energized by what messy sex does to me and my penis and she gets involved in one way or another.
And so the shame that I felt for so much of my life, the shame associated with a weird fetish, has been replaced in a wonderful way by my partner and this community, the UMD. It took a while, but I've come to appreciate being wired the way I'm wired.
I think like a lot of things, people have a tendency to feel shame or embarrassment by something that appears so different from the norm. There are so many societal pressures out there to live your life a certain way (get married, move to the burbs, have kids...not that there's anything wrong with any of that, either, of course!), just as that there are often subconscious pressures to live your sex life a certain way. If we all try to adjust our wants/needs to fit some nebulous societal expectation, we're never going to be truly happy.
Ultimately, I think as others have said, this is a great way to have fun that doesn't harm anyone. Try your best to relax about it all, and enjoy it! Now excuse my while I slip into some underwear and slide into a warm mud pit...
Ultimately, I think as others have said, this is a great way to have fun that doesn't harm anyone. Try your best to relax about it all, and enjoy it! Now excuse my while I slip into some underwear and slide into a warm mud pit...
First off, I don't know what your profession is simp99, but that was a work of art the way you described your experiences. I would buy a book from you 10 days out of 7.
I think by having this kink, we are the luckiest people in the world. Everyone has a kink. Could you imagine having something that is way more embarrassing to bring up. Think about the people who like golden showers. I am keeping it tame because there is stuff out there that is way out there. Could you imagine having to bring that up rather than WAM? Keep everything in perspective.
I think by having this kink, we are the luckiest people in the world. Everyone has a kink. Could you imagine having something that is way more embarrassing to bring up. Think about the people who like golden showers. I am keeping it tame because there is stuff out there that is way out there. Could you imagine having to bring that up rather than WAM? Keep everything in perspective.
orderbot said: First off, I don't know what your profession is simp99, but that was a work of art the way you described your experiences. I would buy a book from you 10 days out of 7.
Thanks. It's safe to say I am in a profession in which writing coherently is essential. I actually wrote most of that post a couple years ago. I had shared it with a couple of close friends here on the UMD but never posted it. When I saw a few threads this morning about shame and acceptance related to WAM, I decided the time had come. I also had seen the thread about origin stories a few weeks ago and never posted a full and specific response, so my essay on "make your shame your superpower" seemed timely, relevant, and hopefully helpful.
Aye, well said that man!
I feel shameful for it, but am too ashamed to mention why here.
But, felt no shame about it being a sexual fetish or anything like that.
But, felt no shame about it being a sexual fetish or anything like that.
I not only dealt with a lot of shame about my fetish for most of my life, but I also even deleted some of my videos at times, and have been since forced to rebuy some of my favorites. I guarantee that it's a common thing regardless of what fetish you have - especially if you were brought up in a a restrictive religious environment. The important thing is that you're moving past that.
myohpie said: Simp, great piece of writing. Not to get too too personal but you wrote that your wife was not into oral sex but I could have sworn that you have posted some BJ pics of her during a few of the sessions that you have been so kind as to share with us here.
Nice recall! That is true. Oral is not her bag, but she has made exceptions from time to time. Musta been my birthday!
Oh my, you are not alone. There is another recent thread here with a similar question.
https://umd.net/forums/acceptance
also check out this group sometime, you'll find many similar stories and avenues of thought.
https://umd.net/groups/group/messy-minds
I dealt with feelings of shame about this for a long time (and I still do with other things in my life) But something that's non harmful, that brings you some small satisfaction should never bring you grief or pain.
But alas, so much of human society has conditioned us that way.
https://umd.net/forums/acceptance
also check out this group sometime, you'll find many similar stories and avenues of thought.
https://umd.net/groups/group/messy-minds
I dealt with feelings of shame about this for a long time (and I still do with other things in my life) But something that's non harmful, that brings you some small satisfaction should never bring you grief or pain.
But alas, so much of human society has conditioned us that way.
He's more potato now than man. Twisted and evil.
I used to, but then I found out that fetishes are quite common and quite varied.
While foot and BDSM have reached the mainstream, they are hardly the only ones. From amputees to insects, everything under the sun can be an object of a fetish, including the sun itself.
Once I internalized this, I came to understand that coworkers might have fetishes that make them feel uncomfortable, too, you just don't know about it. So now I think of this as just another aspect of human sexuality, which it is, that one has no reason to be ashamed about. It's no less shameful than having freckles, wearing glasses, or being a ginger.
Ok, maybe that last one is a bit shameful. (This is a joke)
While foot and BDSM have reached the mainstream, they are hardly the only ones. From amputees to insects, everything under the sun can be an object of a fetish, including the sun itself.
Once I internalized this, I came to understand that coworkers might have fetishes that make them feel uncomfortable, too, you just don't know about it. So now I think of this as just another aspect of human sexuality, which it is, that one has no reason to be ashamed about. It's no less shameful than having freckles, wearing glasses, or being a ginger.
Ok, maybe that last one is a bit shameful. (This is a joke)
Dr. of Splatterology
I feel I do really well with my fetishes and fully enjoy them since I keep them to myself. I feel fetishes are very personal. I posted this before but I have several life-long friends. And it's a huge "hell no" that I'd want any of them to tell me what turns them on sexually. Same with co-workers, same with family. I cannot fathom my brother trying to tell me his kinks.
At best, this would be something only shared with your SO.
At best, this would be something only shared with your SO.
I think this shame is inevitable because this fetish is heavily centered on acts of humiliation. My first time actually shoving something in my face as a sexual act while masturbating was the most satisfying feeling and had a great orgasm and I was IMMEDIATELY embarrassed, humiliated, and ashamed. I didn't enjoy it at all in that moment, I was actually mad at myself, I felt so stupid, like I had bullied myself in some way. I didn't even want to look at myself in the mirror, I washed off as soon as I had done it. I swore I would NEVER do that again. It was deeply embarrassing. But what helped me was lurking on the UMD and making friends in the community who shared my excitement and enthusiasm for getting messy and getting aroused by it. You're not a complete freak and you're not alone in how you feel about this fetish. Humiliation is a strange emotion to navigate, the line between it being fun and it being violating is a hair's width, and you're balancing on it like a tightrope. It's a complex fetish that I feel appeals more to people with a higher intellect and so there's a tendency in us to overanalyze what we're feeling. Our intellect can't really understand our irrational emotions, they're primitive, animal instincts. A pie in the face is just a silly release of sexual or other tension. Maybe you enjoy slapstick because you're in control of how you're being humiliated. Either way, I've found that when I start to overanalyze it, I need a pie in the face to bring me back to my senses 
Glad you're here, hope this helps
Glad you're here, hope this helps 
CreamMeAgain said: I think this shame is inevitable because this fetish is heavily centered on acts of humiliation.
I agree with this completely, but I suspect many here don't. Probably half of the content here is models getting deliberately messy while clearly enjoying it, and I think that is pure WAM. I am not at all into pure WAM.
However, I absolutely love comedy humiliation that involves WAM items like pies, slime and water. I couldn't care less about the mess itself, but the image of a person that's clearly embarrassed by their messy predicament turns me on. If they find their outfit humiliating as well, then I'm even more into it. So I can completely understand the draw to crossdress and be nervous about it, then be further humiliated by getting pied in the face, slimed and/or soaked suddenly.
Simp99 -
Very well written! That could describe me to a "T" (with maybe a little less masturbation!)!
I had the same WAM triggers from the same shows, except that mine started way before that, with the messy game shows of the late '50's, early '60's. At around 8 years of age, I tried recreating one of the humiliating games from a show, and it's the first time I masturbated.
I was about 12 when I saw a TV version of "the Great Race" on "The Wide world Of Disney" (Walt Disney's Sunday night show) It was shown in 2 parts. So at the end of the 1st night, when I saw the previews (which of course showed the pie fight), I couldn't believe it! It was amazing! I orgasmed on the spot without even touching myself! I was so afraid that something would come up the next Sunday night that would make me miss the 2nd part! Fortunately, I did see it, and it was more than I could have hoped for. Let's just say, the rest is history!
On a side-note, 10 years later I was watching it with a girlfriend, with her parents also in the room watching it. It was embarrassing for me. I'll never forget at the end of the pie fight, when Natalie apologizes for hitting Tony Curtis with the pie, my girlfriend's mother said, "Why is she apologizing? He stayed clean the whole time!
Norman
Very well written! That could describe me to a "T" (with maybe a little less masturbation!
)! I had the same WAM triggers from the same shows, except that mine started way before that, with the messy game shows of the late '50's, early '60's. At around 8 years of age, I tried recreating one of the humiliating games from a show, and it's the first time I masturbated.
I was about 12 when I saw a TV version of "the Great Race" on "The Wide world Of Disney" (Walt Disney's Sunday night show) It was shown in 2 parts. So at the end of the 1st night, when I saw the previews (which of course showed the pie fight), I couldn't believe it! It was amazing! I orgasmed on the spot without even touching myself! I was so afraid that something would come up the next Sunday night that would make me miss the 2nd part! Fortunately, I did see it, and it was more than I could have hoped for. Let's just say, the rest is history!
On a side-note, 10 years later I was watching it with a girlfriend, with her parents also in the room watching it. It was embarrassing for me. I'll never forget at the end of the pie fight, when Natalie apologizes for hitting Tony Curtis with the pie, my girlfriend's mother said, "Why is she apologizing? He stayed clean the whole time!
Norman
One thing to be cautious of is it can spiral. If you let yourself go too much your fetishes could compound as you look for more radical things to titillate you. I remember when this site actually had a little nudity and even fewer sexual acts. Go look back and look at Aquatapes, Splosh and other oldies. Now consider what producers are making and what people are requesting. I'm not saying that in particular is bad. This is fetish community is very kind and grounded (by and large) and that's why you still have producers making things 10 years on instead of being chased out by weirdos or being replaced by younger talent every 6 months... But when youlook at what the wider porn world is normalizing you have to know there is a risk... A rabbit hole to darkness.
Wearing a silly outfit and taking pies in the face or dumping cake batter on your partner's head is humiliating by it's nature and that's part of what makes it so sexy. But if you spend all of your time on it, the dopamine receptors look for more and you could find yourself searching out things that will harm you or twist you in a way you wouldn't agree to if you weren't in a state of horny.
Wearing a silly outfit and taking pies in the face or dumping cake batter on your partner's head is humiliating by it's nature and that's part of what makes it so sexy. But if you spend all of your time on it, the dopamine receptors look for more and you could find yourself searching out things that will harm you or twist you in a way you wouldn't agree to if you weren't in a state of horny.
Thanks so much to the original poster for being so open about this topic!
Even as a producer, sometimes I feel shameful about my fetish. This thread certainly shows those of us who feel shame from time-to-time that we are far from alone. While being part of a supportive community is incredibly important, I have found that sometimes I need support which goes further.
Here are two of the very best US-based chat resources:
Crisis Text Line: Text "DESERVE" TO 741-741
Lifeline Crisis Chat: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
Both of these resources are FREE and available for anyone who needs to talk, not just those who are actively considering self-harm. No shame in our fetishes. No shame in reaching out.
Even as a producer, sometimes I feel shameful about my fetish. This thread certainly shows those of us who feel shame from time-to-time that we are far from alone. While being part of a supportive community is incredibly important, I have found that sometimes I need support which goes further.
Here are two of the very best US-based chat resources:
Crisis Text Line: Text "DESERVE" TO 741-741 Lifeline Crisis Chat: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ Both of these resources are FREE and available for anyone who needs to talk, not just those who are actively considering self-harm. No shame in our fetishes. No shame in reaching out.
I think lots of people do, and probably for lots of different reasons. There are certainly times when I find it not only shameful but somewhat revolting, to be honest. But I think it also depends on what other things we are dealing with in life at the same time.
""Ever felt shameful from your fetish?" Short answer: Look at the nom de WAM I adopted for this board years ago.
Would I adopt that name now? Possibly.
Would I adopt that name now? Possibly.
I've been into WAM for roughly 30 years, since my mid-teen years. And like others, it goes back to before the proliferation of material via the internet. For the first half dozen years or so, I thought I was weird for having the fetish (as well as a watersports fetish). I was a Compuserve (and usenet, etc) user before the web took off in 93+, and had started to discover a few chat places where others talked about having my couple fetishes. As the web grew, and I discovered things like Rob Blaine/Messy Fun stuff on VHS, it became clear that my fetishes weren't as unique as they seemed.
I never really felt shame for them, but I did think I was pretty weird for liking them as much as I did during those initial years. I had to be pretty careful with having & enjoying those fetishes, having been raised in a fairly religious household, so I kept it all to myself. Years later (a decade or so ago), I finally got fairly active in the kink community and went to various events and found others who either also enjoyed the fetishes, or at least had fun and were entertained in helping others (like me) enjoy them. There's something particularly cool with finding others with your particular fetishes and getting to have fun with them.
I've known others who have been ashamed of their various fetishes. While I never quite felt shame for mine, I do totally understand the inclination to do so. But I guess that's the very nature of fetishes - they're a niche thing and out of the norm, and you naturally feel that you are different than others. While that may be true, there's nothing wrong with that. There will always be those who look down on you for liking various things, be they fetishes or eating hotdogs or your taste in movies or music, or pretty much anything else in life. Hopefully, those who feel shame for their various fetishes can find the comfort to just accept the fact that various people are different in their own ways, and that's just the way it is. Just know that there are plenty of us out here that enjoy this fetish (and others).
As they say, you're a completely unique individual, just like everybody else.
I never really felt shame for them, but I did think I was pretty weird for liking them as much as I did during those initial years. I had to be pretty careful with having & enjoying those fetishes, having been raised in a fairly religious household, so I kept it all to myself. Years later (a decade or so ago), I finally got fairly active in the kink community and went to various events and found others who either also enjoyed the fetishes, or at least had fun and were entertained in helping others (like me) enjoy them. There's something particularly cool with finding others with your particular fetishes and getting to have fun with them.
I've known others who have been ashamed of their various fetishes. While I never quite felt shame for mine, I do totally understand the inclination to do so. But I guess that's the very nature of fetishes - they're a niche thing and out of the norm, and you naturally feel that you are different than others. While that may be true, there's nothing wrong with that. There will always be those who look down on you for liking various things, be they fetishes or eating hotdogs or your taste in movies or music, or pretty much anything else in life. Hopefully, those who feel shame for their various fetishes can find the comfort to just accept the fact that various people are different in their own ways, and that's just the way it is. Just know that there are plenty of us out here that enjoy this fetish (and others).
As they say, you're a completely unique individual, just like everybody else.
I don't know who will see this, but I just wanted to thank everyone who replied. Honestly, knowing I'm not the only one who has deleted their videos, past accounts, felt shameful, and hid themselves has been an eye opening experience for me.
I sincerely hope that anyone not sure of WAM can ask anything of this community, because it seems we have all gone through similar experiences.
I hope that I, as well as anyone else questioning their fetish, is here to stay in their own unique way. My new goal is to share pictures of crossdressing while messy by September. Hopefully extending myself out to y'all can help me feel more comfortable with my fetish.
WAM ON!
I sincerely hope that anyone not sure of WAM can ask anything of this community, because it seems we have all gone through similar experiences.
I hope that I, as well as anyone else questioning their fetish, is here to stay in their own unique way. My new goal is to share pictures of crossdressing while messy by September. Hopefully extending myself out to y'all can help me feel more comfortable with my fetish.
WAM ON!
Rephrasing: always remember: YOU were forced here against your will, without your prior consent, by your breeders (aka parents), which forced your particular fetish/urges on you.
In other words, you do not "owe" the world not to have a fetish!
So, there is no reason for YOU to feel shame about those!
In other words, you do not "owe" the world not to have a fetish!
So, there is no reason for YOU to feel shame about those!
I used to feel ashamed of my kinks and sexuality when I was younger but after exploring kink in a personal and professional level (on both sides of the coin), developing friendships with other kinky people, and therapy, I am MUCH more comfortable with myself.
Many of my callers and clients have hangups with their kinks and sexuality so it isn't about WAM itself but simply deviating from the norm is what scares them. Most men don't want to be seen as vulnerable and there's something inherently vulnerable with engaging in kink or submission. It doesn't matter the fetish: if you purge and try to run, it will almost always come back and sometimes even stronger.
Look...it is hard to take yourself seriously with your face covered in pie so why take it seriously? It took awhile but I eventually got there.
Many of my callers and clients have hangups with their kinks and sexuality so it isn't about WAM itself but simply deviating from the norm is what scares them. Most men don't want to be seen as vulnerable and there's something inherently vulnerable with engaging in kink or submission. It doesn't matter the fetish: if you purge and try to run, it will almost always come back and sometimes even stronger.
Look...it is hard to take yourself seriously with your face covered in pie so why take it seriously? It took awhile but I eventually got there.
I don't necessarily feel ashamed of loving pies but I often worry about what people will think of me for it (something I'm plagued by even outside of WAM life). In some cases, I embrace it, especially when around other wammers and certain people I trust, but it can be a tricky minefield to know who you should tell about it and who you shouldn't.
The way I see it though is that it's something we here all enjoy and we're not doing anyone any harm so it really doesn't need to be something you should be ashamed of.
The way I see it though is that it's something we here all enjoy and we're not doing anyone any harm so it really doesn't need to be something you should be ashamed of.
Yeah, I do. Wish I didn't, but I do. I feel shame, embarrassment, self loathing...all that fun stuff.
On better days I can take a step back from it and rationalise that it's a fun, silly kink that harms nobody. I think rooted in my upbringing is a degree of shame in anything I take pleasure in. And I hate the secrecy and dishonesty that I maintain in the name of 'discretion'.
So, yeah. Therapy expensive, UMD more affordable!!!!
On better days I can take a step back from it and rationalise that it's a fun, silly kink that harms nobody. I think rooted in my upbringing is a degree of shame in anything I take pleasure in. And I hate the secrecy and dishonesty that I maintain in the name of 'discretion'.
So, yeah. Therapy expensive, UMD more affordable!!!!
I did before but im starting to not care anymore. I had an ex open my laptop up before, I was expecting her to stop by at the time, I was jerking off, and closed the laptop and when she opened it up it was the most hardcore pie/ marshmallow fluffing she could have possibly witnessed. It was lane or amy totally covered.
My ex kind of just gave me the you are gross look, chuckled and we went and fucked after that. She ignored it for years after that, we were in a long term thing. I always wanted her to just wake me up with a surprise pieng after that.
My goal in the next year is to find a girl to have a huge ie fight with now. Not pieng my ex after that is my biggest sexual regret. She was the first to ever find ouy. And we dated years after she saw it. I should have walk straight to the kitchen after she opened the laptop, grabbed some whipped cream and chocolate and sploshed her right on my couch that moment.
My ex kind of just gave me the you are gross look, chuckled and we went and fucked after that. She ignored it for years after that, we were in a long term thing. I always wanted her to just wake me up with a surprise pieng after that.
My goal in the next year is to find a girl to have a huge ie fight with now. Not pieng my ex after that is my biggest sexual regret. She was the first to ever find ouy. And we dated years after she saw it. I should have walk straight to the kitchen after she opened the laptop, grabbed some whipped cream and chocolate and sploshed her right on my couch that moment.
Was not expecting her to stop by* mistyped that.
