|
|
|||
| forums: groups: | |||
|
"A technique for introducing WAM to your new partner"
Love you, too
I had an idea for testing the WAM waters with a new partner without having to mention that it's your fetish. I have to admit that I have never used this idea myself nor am I likely to, so I am actually suggesting it so that those who try it will be the guinea pigs 
The idea is this: Instead of talking about WAM, you talk about art and lead the conversation to the artwork of Adrien Ghenie. That way, you can use your partner's reaction to the paintings to determine whether to ever broach the subject of your fetish and, if so, how. With luck, your new partner will look at the paintings and broach it for you along the lines of "I would love to throw a pie in your face" or something similar. I understand if using such a circuitous route to the subject is not your style, and that's fine. I just wanted to put the idea out there and let you do with what you will.
The idea is this: Instead of talking about WAM, you talk about art and lead the conversation to the artwork of Adrien Ghenie. That way, you can use your partner's reaction to the paintings to determine whether to ever broach the subject of your fetish and, if so, how. With luck, your new partner will look at the paintings and broach it for you along the lines of "I would love to throw a pie in your face" or something similar. I understand if using such a circuitous route to the subject is not your style, and that's fine. I just wanted to put the idea out there and let you do with what you will.
I would definitely not recommend trying anything like this. When you are ready have an open and honest discussion with your partner. Last thing you want to do is trick anyone into participating in your fetish as this means you have not had consent but especially if this is someone you're considering spending a meaningful time with. These kind of threads are scary and part of a wider problem with some wammers fetish farming on YouTube, Tiktok and even worse using charity.
Maybe? But I would reccommend just being up front with your partner. Celebrate the win if they're into trying, and be prepared to accept their denial with grace. The further we get into the future, and the more mature you get, the less odd this fetish is in the grand scheme of things. It's really pretty innocent. Messy, but innocent.
I agree with Piemaster1980 that it's a bad idea to trick people into this without mentioning your kink/fetish.
I can see why it might be useful to lead into the topic gradually, rather than just blurting it out. However, I'm not sure that this is a good way to do it. If I asked someone "What do you think about the artwork of Adrian Ghenie?", I think their immediate response would be "Who?" According to Wikipedia:
"He paints portraits of 20th century figures, particularly those associated with genocide and mass suffering, that appear in his work gnawed and slashed, blurred and speckled."
That doesn't seem like an obvious segue to throwing a pie at someone!
I can see why it might be useful to lead into the topic gradually, rather than just blurting it out. However, I'm not sure that this is a good way to do it. If I asked someone "What do you think about the artwork of Adrian Ghenie?", I think their immediate response would be "Who?" According to Wikipedia:
"He paints portraits of 20th century figures, particularly those associated with genocide and mass suffering, that appear in his work gnawed and slashed, blurred and speckled."
That doesn't seem like an obvious segue to throwing a pie at someone!
Well, least this isn't the old classic bad idea that comes up on here sometimes, that being "I'm just going to gunge/pie her without warning and see how she reacts".
I think a lot of people over think it.
You can test the waters and build on it.
Steer the conversation in a direction and then say, hey you remember those silly gameshows where someone got gunged/slimed I always thought that looked like fun.
They either say yes me too, would have loved to get messy (you're in), or no yuck I would hate that. You can then start teasing and joking about getting them messy and I think you can probably tell which way it would go and they would be none the wiser.
Also it's not uncommon to bring cream into the bedroom, you could build slowly from there?
In my opinion if you're really into WAM and don't think your partner could listen and understand that it's something important to you, you're with the wrong person. Even if they don't get it, or want to join in, they should be supportive of you (as long as you're not forceful and are respectful).
You only get one life, no point living a lie to your partner.
(Oh WAM tried that before and loved it, why didn't you tell me 20 years ago you pussy!)
You can test the waters and build on it.
Steer the conversation in a direction and then say, hey you remember those silly gameshows where someone got gunged/slimed I always thought that looked like fun.
They either say yes me too, would have loved to get messy (you're in), or no yuck I would hate that. You can then start teasing and joking about getting them messy and I think you can probably tell which way it would go and they would be none the wiser.
Also it's not uncommon to bring cream into the bedroom, you could build slowly from there?
In my opinion if you're really into WAM and don't think your partner could listen and understand that it's something important to you, you're with the wrong person. Even if they don't get it, or want to join in, they should be supportive of you (as long as you're not forceful and are respectful).
You only get one life, no point living a lie to your partner.
(Oh WAM tried that before and loved it, why didn't you tell me 20 years ago you pussy!)
I use one of Ghenie's as my avatar and I admit a lot of his stuff is creepy. That said, I just came out and told my wife about my pie fetish 25 years ago and she was down with going to a supermarket getting a pie and having it put in her face. I had been getting advice from other wammers at the time, one of which was just to surprise her with a pie. I asked her what would have happened if I had gone that route, and she said that would have been the LAST pie she ever took.
I agree that it's just best to have an open, honest conversation about what turns you on!
Don't be in a relationship with whom you can't communicate, but don't make your whole relationship about a singular sexual fetish. Attraction and physically are great parts of a relationship, but so is a genuinely strong connection and friendship.
I think unless you connect with someone on a forum like this, you'll never find a partner that truly fetishizes getting messy like you do. You may be able to lead them into it by example, but fetishism is about a strong, sexual attraction to something. The dream of "unlocking that innate desire" just ain't going to happen if it's not already there, but your partner may have fun with it and enjoy it!
My wife has fun sliming and pieing me, but it's not a huge turn-on for her. She likes seeing me naked and aroused for her, so that's the extent of her personal arousal when it comes to getting messy. She doesn't humiliate me or laugh at me for expressing my interests and desires much like I don't for hers.
Similar to what other folks say, stop making getting messy such a far-off fetish--it's pretty damn normal to talk about. My friends know I like getting slimed; we don't discuss to what extent my dong gets rock hard from being in a gunge tank, I think most individuals keep their deep horniness out of daily conversation with friends, but they know I like it.
I was actually more terrified to tell my wife I enjoy getting rimmed than getting slimed. Thankfully that was also something she enjoyed prior to our relationship, so I won with that one! I'd feel awful if she just ate my butt out of genuine desire to pacify my sexual desires like she does when she pies me. Though I know she really gets horny from it, I couldn't imagine having to stick my face in a hairy ass
Maybe look down the rabbit holes of other fetishes and realize we just like getting covered in gunk and have fun!
Don't be in a relationship with whom you can't communicate, but don't make your whole relationship about a singular sexual fetish. Attraction and physically are great parts of a relationship, but so is a genuinely strong connection and friendship.
I think unless you connect with someone on a forum like this, you'll never find a partner that truly fetishizes getting messy like you do. You may be able to lead them into it by example, but fetishism is about a strong, sexual attraction to something. The dream of "unlocking that innate desire" just ain't going to happen if it's not already there, but your partner may have fun with it and enjoy it!
My wife has fun sliming and pieing me, but it's not a huge turn-on for her. She likes seeing me naked and aroused for her, so that's the extent of her personal arousal when it comes to getting messy. She doesn't humiliate me or laugh at me for expressing my interests and desires much like I don't for hers.
Similar to what other folks say, stop making getting messy such a far-off fetish--it's pretty damn normal to talk about. My friends know I like getting slimed; we don't discuss to what extent my dong gets rock hard from being in a gunge tank, I think most individuals keep their deep horniness out of daily conversation with friends, but they know I like it.
I was actually more terrified to tell my wife I enjoy getting rimmed than getting slimed. Thankfully that was also something she enjoyed prior to our relationship, so I won with that one! I'd feel awful if she just ate my butt out of genuine desire to pacify my sexual desires like she does when she pies me. Though I know she really gets horny from it, I couldn't imagine having to stick my face in a hairy ass
Maybe look down the rabbit holes of other fetishes and realize we just like getting covered in gunk and have fun!
Lying or distorting the truth has no benefit in the long run and the long run is what you want...even if you don't like the Eagles.
As I have said many times, look at it like Las Vegas.
If I told you that you could go to Vegas and only break even or win, you would go to Vegas a lot...right?
Same thing with WAM friends. They will either agree and find it fun in some respect (you win) or they will tell you "no." (You're no worse off than you were before).
Robby
As I have said many times, look at it like Las Vegas.
If I told you that you could go to Vegas and only break even or win, you would go to Vegas a lot...right?
Same thing with WAM friends. They will either agree and find it fun in some respect (you win) or they will tell you "no." (You're no worse off than you were before).
Robby
I think that the way suggested in the OP could easily lead to a misunderstanding. If you mention "messy art" and ask for an opinion probably the conversation partner would judge it from an "art appreciation angle" and miss your aim to feel them out about getting messy.
So if he/she would say he/she would appreciate it, you're still not sure how they feel about getting messy together. Of course you could continue talking and explore it, but to be sure i'd think you'd require to go deep and would require an understanding and trust that would have allowed taking a straight line directly telling your fetish anyway. If the conversation would remain abstract, you could still have a big confusion with the risk of embarrasment and hurt feelings.
To me, a partner joining in WAM is not a requirement, provided sex life is satisfying for both in other ways. When the time is there, i'd tell her and see if she'd be open for it. If so, we could explore what could a nice introduction and what she'd be comfortable with to try. If not, i'd hope she'd allow me to get messy solo (and if not supportive of that, i think i would start questioning myself if she'd the right person).
Suggesting a gameshow where people get pied/gunged would be a much secure way to test.
Edit: In addition to the above: In general i don't like conversations that take a sharp turn that is fast, unexpected, feels forced and suggest a hidden agenda when it's not a funny (but serious) conversation. Would give me a "wtf?!" vibe and if repeated several times put me at guard in every conversation. If i'd knew my partner well and know it's her way to discuss "heavy stuff" it would be ok but otherwise not.
Totally not mentioned as critism or playing personal on the TS! Topic was intented to pitch an idea and/or inspiration to others, and the above is just my humble opinion. Everyone should do as they see/feel fit, buth always with respect and understanding!
So if he/she would say he/she would appreciate it, you're still not sure how they feel about getting messy together. Of course you could continue talking and explore it, but to be sure i'd think you'd require to go deep and would require an understanding and trust that would have allowed taking a straight line directly telling your fetish anyway. If the conversation would remain abstract, you could still have a big confusion with the risk of embarrasment and hurt feelings.
To me, a partner joining in WAM is not a requirement, provided sex life is satisfying for both in other ways. When the time is there, i'd tell her and see if she'd be open for it. If so, we could explore what could a nice introduction and what she'd be comfortable with to try. If not, i'd hope she'd allow me to get messy solo (and if not supportive of that, i think i would start questioning myself if she'd the right person).
Suggesting a gameshow where people get pied/gunged would be a much secure way to test.
Edit: In addition to the above: In general i don't like conversations that take a sharp turn that is fast, unexpected, feels forced and suggest a hidden agenda when it's not a funny (but serious) conversation. Would give me a "wtf?!" vibe and if repeated several times put me at guard in every conversation. If i'd knew my partner well and know it's her way to discuss "heavy stuff" it would be ok but otherwise not.
Totally not mentioned as critism or playing personal on the TS! Topic was intented to pitch an idea and/or inspiration to others, and the above is just my humble opinion. Everyone should do as they see/feel fit, buth always with respect and understanding!
HH3 said: I think that the way suggested in the OP could easily lead to a misunderstanding. If you mention "messy art" and ask for an opinion probably the conversation partner would judge it from an "art appreciation angle" and miss your aim to feel them out about getting messy.
So if he/she would say he/she would appreciate it, you're still not sure how they feel about getting messy together. Of course you could continue talking and explore it, but to be sure i'd think you'd require to go deep and would require an understanding and trust that would have allowed taking a straight line directly telling your fetish anyway. If the conversation would remain abstract, you could still have a big confusion with the risk of embarrasment and hurt feelings.
To me, a partner joining in WAM is not a requirement, provided sex life is satisfying for both in other ways. When the time is there, i'd tell her and see if she'd be open for it. If so, we could explore what could a nice introduction and what she'd be comfortable with to try. If not, i'd hope she'd allow me to get messy solo (and if not supportive of that, i think i would start questioning myself if she'd the right person).
Suggesting a gameshow where people get pied/gunged would be a much secure way to test.
Edit: In addition to the above: In general i don't like conversations that take a sharp turn that is fast, unexpected, feels forced and suggest a hidden agenda when it's not a funny (but serious) conversation. Would give me a "wtf?!" vibe and if repeated several times put me at guard in every conversation. If i'd knew my partner well and know it's her way to discuss "heavy stuff" it would be ok but otherwise not.
Totally not mentioned as critism or playing personal on the TS! Topic was intented to pitch an idea and/or inspiration to others, and the above is just my humble opinion. Everyone should do as they see/feel fit, buth always with respect and understanding!
So if he/she would say he/she would appreciate it, you're still not sure how they feel about getting messy together. Of course you could continue talking and explore it, but to be sure i'd think you'd require to go deep and would require an understanding and trust that would have allowed taking a straight line directly telling your fetish anyway. If the conversation would remain abstract, you could still have a big confusion with the risk of embarrasment and hurt feelings.
To me, a partner joining in WAM is not a requirement, provided sex life is satisfying for both in other ways. When the time is there, i'd tell her and see if she'd be open for it. If so, we could explore what could a nice introduction and what she'd be comfortable with to try. If not, i'd hope she'd allow me to get messy solo (and if not supportive of that, i think i would start questioning myself if she'd the right person).
Suggesting a gameshow where people get pied/gunged would be a much secure way to test.
Edit: In addition to the above: In general i don't like conversations that take a sharp turn that is fast, unexpected, feels forced and suggest a hidden agenda when it's not a funny (but serious) conversation. Would give me a "wtf?!" vibe and if repeated several times put me at guard in every conversation. If i'd knew my partner well and know it's her way to discuss "heavy stuff" it would be ok but otherwise not.
Totally not mentioned as critism or playing personal on the TS! Topic was intented to pitch an idea and/or inspiration to others, and the above is just my humble opinion. Everyone should do as they see/feel fit, buth always with respect and understanding!
Unless the game show conversation includes this is a fetish for me it something that turns me on etc it's still misleading. Anything that is one of us encouraging, suggesting someone gets messy with us / for us without knowing it's a kink is misleading at best.
GungeMe88 said:
Also it's not uncommon to bring cream into the bedroom, you could build slowly from there?
Also it's not uncommon to bring cream into the bedroom, you could build slowly from there?
That's how I got started with one partner, though neither one of us thought of us having this fetish at that moment. Started small with a bit of cream and chocolate syrup and since we both had playful personalities, we started getting sloppy with it and it went from there.
I kind of get where OP is coming from with this but I had to look up that artist. His work did not translate to anything arousing for me. Interesting style, though. There are healthy ways to test the waters with discussing this fetish that aren't manipulative if someone is afraid of to come right out with it but yeah, this might not get there.
I'm sorry but if you can't openly talk to a partner about specific kinks and fetishes then you really shouldn't be disguising your "interest" in anything of the sort. The best option is honesty. As them if they have any kinks and they might ask yours. Disguising it just comes across as a creepy move
shorty2kuk said: I'm sorry but if you can't openly talk to a partner about specific kinks and fetishes then you really shouldn't be disguising your "interest" in anything of the sort. The best option is honesty. As them if they have any kinks and they might ask yours. Disguising it just comes across as a creepy move
This, absolutely sums it up IMO!!!
I am the proverbial "partner who was introduced to WAM" and what worked on me was someone saying very directly "hey I have this very specific messy scene I've been fantasizing about does any of that interest you" and I, being the type to enjoy experimentation, was absolutely down to try it. Turns out I was more into WAM than they were in the end.
My point is the only thing that works is direct communication.
My point is the only thing that works is direct communication.
shorty2kuk said: I'm sorry but if you can't openly talk to a partner about specific kinks and fetishes then you really shouldn't be disguising your "interest" in anything of the sort. The best option is honesty. As them if they have any kinks and they might ask yours. Disguising it just comes across as a creepy move
There ya go!! Don't keep your partner in the dark on something you're really interested in! It's unfair to them, I really don't think someone that cares about you would give it all up over your desires to get a little messy.
The fear of disappointment is strong, don't let it get you down
* For clarity and context. (not sure it's really cleared up in the comments).
I believe the OP is referring to artist Adrien Ghenie specifically in relation to his series of studies entitled 'Pie Fight' (various dates) - based on stills of the pie hits from The Three Stooges' pie fights eg 'In the Sweet Pie and Pie',1941 (and several others) plus the deleted (all male) pie fight end scene from 'Dr Strangelove' (Kubrick,1963)
- rather than work explicitly depicting war atrocities.
The pie fight study series still do, however, bear and make quite direct allusions and references to them (the atrocities, that is, rather than the pies)
I believe the OP is referring to artist Adrien Ghenie specifically in relation to his series of studies entitled 'Pie Fight' (various dates) - based on stills of the pie hits from The Three Stooges' pie fights eg 'In the Sweet Pie and Pie',1941 (and several others) plus the deleted (all male) pie fight end scene from 'Dr Strangelove' (Kubrick,1963)
- rather than work explicitly depicting war atrocities.
The pie fight study series still do, however, bear and make quite direct allusions and references to them (the atrocities, that is, rather than the pies)
Bringing pleasure to literally tens of people!
Better to find out sooner than later...sex/fetishes/turn on/turn offs are part of each human...I mean if they were open to something you're not such as swinging, sister wife, BDSM etc. Finding out peoples boundaries, if you can respect them, communication etc are essential for relationships.
Do you think it's ok to never tell your partner? I'm in a relationship with a guy who's very open to kinks and trying anything once -- he and his last bf were open and did everything with everyone, it sounds like -- but for some reason I'm not interested in telling him how much it turns me on to see a handsome guy take a pie. (And he's very handsome to me.) It's mostly something I just masturbate to, a kink that only works for me if the receiver seems surprised (even if that's not really the case, as in a movie or roleplay hookup), and if my partner said Oh sure baby let me help you fulfill that fantasy, I think the air would go out of the balloon for me and I'd feel silly and not that turned on doing it to him.
Is that unhealthy for me or our relationship to want to keep this kink to myself, so long as I'm not sneaking around with others to fulfill it? We're not open as we've only been together a year but we've talked about being open in the future and I just thought it might be something I'd play out with others again then (and maybe not even then: again, just jerking to it works for me really.)
Curious to hear others' thoughts!
Is that unhealthy for me or our relationship to want to keep this kink to myself, so long as I'm not sneaking around with others to fulfill it? We're not open as we've only been together a year but we've talked about being open in the future and I just thought it might be something I'd play out with others again then (and maybe not even then: again, just jerking to it works for me really.)
Curious to hear others' thoughts!
Yeah, why not? There's no obligation saying you'd have to throw all of you (every kink or each very personal and/or private detail) on the table. Or that it is compulsory to share absolutely everything.
My opinion is that it good to regularly evaluate for yourself the relation (itself), how it makes you feel and your/your partners role. If things are feeling to be heading in the wrong way (for whatever reason), you can discuss and (try to) adjust the relation before it's too late and the only option is to end it. I myself learned a big lesson here for failing to evaluate.
So i guess that if you'd notice that not telling about this kink is getting in the way of keeping the relation good it's time to think what you can/want do about it. As long as it's not in the way, you can keep it as it is.
The contrary has often happened, feeling like having to keep the kink secret, as partner maybe would not understand, has made people unhappy and feel bad.
My opinion is that it good to regularly evaluate for yourself the relation (itself), how it makes you feel and your/your partners role. If things are feeling to be heading in the wrong way (for whatever reason), you can discuss and (try to) adjust the relation before it's too late and the only option is to end it. I myself learned a big lesson here for failing to evaluate.
So i guess that if you'd notice that not telling about this kink is getting in the way of keeping the relation good it's time to think what you can/want do about it. As long as it's not in the way, you can keep it as it is.
The contrary has often happened, feeling like having to keep the kink secret, as partner maybe would not understand, has made people unhappy and feel bad.
I'm on team "rip the bandaid off." If you're already having sex, just go for it. Any good long-term partner will want to work with you on your kinks, and if they don't that's worth finding out early. Plus, if this is your kink then you probably need to consume a lot of porn on the side (being so visual and all), and that's an important part of any discussion of boundaries up front.
I don't think being deceptive is the way to start things. If you don't feel you can be clear about your sexual interests you're probably not in the right relationship. Every relationship should be founded in honesty and communication. I'm not saying you have to disclose all your kinks and fetishes directly up front but it's definitely important as you forge the relationship. They may not want to participate but they need to understand something that's a part of you.
If they're not familiar with the kink it couldn't hurt to lead with something gentle but the key is honesty.
My default in all relationships and friendships is full transparency and honesty. If you don't have to remember what lies you've told to who it makes it a lot easier to keep life on an even keel.
If they're not familiar with the kink it couldn't hurt to lead with something gentle but the key is honesty.
My default in all relationships and friendships is full transparency and honesty. If you don't have to remember what lies you've told to who it makes it a lot easier to keep life on an even keel.
Sponsors
VIP Coupons
Design & Code ©1998-2025 Loverbuns, LLC 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement
Epoch Billing Support Log In