I once got a banana cream pie from the desert isle, and kept it in the refrigerator of my hotel room. When I went to smash it in my face, it was hard and didn't really get disturbed at all just spread some topping on my face.

What are some common brands of refrigerated store pies? Is there a certain brand that's the best? What types of pies are the best? Most importantly- How do I prepare them for a quality pie in the face that shows the messiest/most humiliating results?

Marie cake sat seems to be what I re call people say to buy, n I have used on my wife
Best liked pics were of a fancy lemon meringue pie from albums but for the hard cream on top didn't break. I had to scoop onto her face but that did look amazing

If cream is actually creamy but too cold may stick together too much ?

I find when I add cake icing or marshmelllof fluff and add to much to cool whip or heavy cream it's better for hand scooping but not "pieing"

I like Edward's and Marie's frozen pies. Banana cream, coconut cream, strawberry cream etc. You need to let them get room temperature so there are warm and creamy. They stick to your face better. Have fun!

You're doing it right. Just need to leave them out or in the fridge for several hours. If it's a boxed kind, the back of it will say how long. Leave it out long enough and it's the best thing ever.