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"Terrible things 2 say during foreplay --play along!!!"
So Adam and I were making out and sometimes we whisper gross stuff sensually into the other person's ear to see which one can make the other person laugh harder, or to "one-up" the other person's last gross/stupid whisper... So here's what we've gotten so far, feel free to add your own XD I made the one I thought was the best have the biggest font because it's the one I laughed at the hardest XD
Adam: "I wanna take a sour straw [an American gummy candy straw] and put it in your asshole and blow cherry coke into your asshole with the other end..."
Jilly:"I want to each chocolate-covered pretzel thins off your dick..."
Adam:I want to stick a sour patch kids popsicle in your pussy and have you squeeze out the sour juice into my mouth"
Jilly:"I wanna us to fuck doggy-style, but not just you fucking me from behind, I actually want to get stuck together for 2 hours after climaxing like dogs do."
Adam: "I wanna go out into the desert at night and crawl into your pussy for warmth."
Annnnnnnd GO!!! lol
P.s. I'm actually really anxious to hear what Jayce's or Biz's will be LOL
Adam: "I wanna take a sour straw [an American gummy candy straw] and put it in your asshole and blow cherry coke into your asshole with the other end..."
Jilly:"I want to each chocolate-covered pretzel thins off your dick..."
Adam:I want to stick a sour patch kids popsicle in your pussy and have you squeeze out the sour juice into my mouth"
Jilly:"I wanna us to fuck doggy-style, but not just you fucking me from behind, I actually want to get stuck together for 2 hours after climaxing like dogs do."
Adam: "I wanna go out into the desert at night and crawl into your pussy for warmth."
Annnnnnnd GO!!! lol
P.s. I'm actually really anxious to hear what Jayce's or Biz's will be LOL
twitter.com/jillianlanewam
Haha, that's great.
I actually posted this as a blog awhile ago but this fits well here:
Him- Want me to fuck you?
Me- [takes a break from sucking dick] I was just thinking that.
Him - I figured it was either that or you were mentally making a grocery list.
Me- Well youre in luck, I already went grocery shopping. [gives him the fuck me eyes]
Him- Hahawere really unsexy.
Me- Shut up and fuck me. I love you.
Him- I love you too carton of eggs.
However this wasn't during foreplay, the last line my husband said while fucking me so we both cracked up but still kept fucking. It's really hard for us to take anything seriously.
I actually posted this as a blog awhile ago but this fits well here:
Him- Want me to fuck you?
Me- [takes a break from sucking dick] I was just thinking that.
Him - I figured it was either that or you were mentally making a grocery list.
Me- Well youre in luck, I already went grocery shopping. [gives him the fuck me eyes]
Him- Hahawere really unsexy.
Me- Shut up and fuck me. I love you.
Him- I love you too carton of eggs.
However this wasn't during foreplay, the last line my husband said while fucking me so we both cracked up but still kept fucking. It's really hard for us to take anything seriously.
LeilaHazlett said: Haha, that's great.
I actually posted this as a blog awhile ago but this fits well here:
Him- Want me to fuck you?
Me- [takes a break from sucking dick] I was just thinking that.
Him - I figured it was either that or you were mentally making a grocery list.
Me- Well youre in luck, I already went grocery shopping. [gives him the fuck me eyes]
Him- Hahawere really unsexy.
Me- Shut up and fuck me. I love you.
Him- I love you too carton of eggs.
However this wasn't during foreplay, the last line my husband said while fucking me so we both cracked up but still kept fucking. It's really hard for us to take anything seriously.
I actually posted this as a blog awhile ago but this fits well here:
Him- Want me to fuck you?
Me- [takes a break from sucking dick] I was just thinking that.
Him - I figured it was either that or you were mentally making a grocery list.
Me- Well youre in luck, I already went grocery shopping. [gives him the fuck me eyes]
Him- Hahawere really unsexy.
Me- Shut up and fuck me. I love you.
Him- I love you too carton of eggs.
However this wasn't during foreplay, the last line my husband said while fucking me so we both cracked up but still kept fucking. It's really hard for us to take anything seriously.
Hahahahaha you illustrated that story in such a way that I can totally picture this happening XD We have some fucking HEAVY sex, but we're right there with you in not being able to take anything seriously. I'm pretty sure he said something far worse and I'm glad I forgot it.
twitter.com/jillianlanewam
Ok I'm all about this and even have dropped it on girls who where totally unsuspecting such comments just to test their reaction. Of course it's also something I've done when you find that one chick now and again who is down with a sense of humor that is not for everyone (of course those are usually the girls that are usually down for a lot me than a normally offensive or unexpected sense of humor)....keepers I call them.
wammerific.umd.net & houseofmess.com affiliated
"Will you wear the clothes my mother laid out for you?"
Oh Janet! You look so funny!!!
Biz said: Questions though,
You looking for actual quotes that have been used?
Or am I allowed to come off top with what I think would be funniest?
You looking for actual quotes that have been used?
Or am I allowed to come off top with what I think would be funniest?
Both! This was so damn funny. I'm glad we put it up. I still think she should have put up the one about us having sex like lions then I eat our babies.
Him: Maybe we could have sardines for supper tomorrow night!
Her: Or sauerkraut and a large kielbasa!
Norman
Her: Or sauerkraut and a large kielbasa!
Norman
Ok so one time when Jilly and I were sleeping I guess I was hard and kept "jabbing" her with it during the night and waking her up...lol. So the next day or a few days later we were right in the middle of it, i mean super hot, locked eyes, pleasurable moans type sex (the only kind we have of course) and I said "you like it when I jab you like that?" with a straight face and she damn near punched me. We very quickly got back to business though haha
I'm not extremely vocal while having sex any way because anything I say sounds awkward and or out of place to me, so I either say something sextarded (that's sexy retarded, invented that) to break the uncomfortable-ness or I have been oddly silent before, which is probably weird enough.
wammerific.umd.net & houseofmess.com affiliated
Ok this is slightly off topic, but I swear I tried to get a girl to go out the window afterwards, because my mother was asleep in the living room. I was in my mid 20s. For whatever reason I don't think she wanted to. (This being after a round or two a couple rooms away in which at the time sound level was NOT an issue). Although it was with a previous ex who I would have preferred my mother not knowing I was still doing whatever we were doing, let alone the fact I still hung out with her after a nasty break up.
wammerific.umd.net & houseofmess.com affiliated
HappyCamper said: "Will you wear the clothes my mother laid out for you?"
As long as she wasn't there, and depending on the situation, theoretically that may not be a deal breaker. I might come back with "of course, where are they at? It would impolite if I didn't"
wammerific.umd.net & houseofmess.com affiliated
God all of these are hilarious lol. I've gotta think of another awkward moment. I'm sure we have more than just the "jabbing" scenario XD
I also love "sextarded" and I'm going to use that from now on haha. I know I'm pretty vocal.
Wait! Speaking of vocal one time I was cumming so loudly and so ridiculously that I actually SNORTED. Straight-up snorted like when you laugh at something too hard haha. And for some reason Adam and I let out laughs sometimes during a particularly intense orgasm. That's always funny
I also love "sextarded" and I'm going to use that from now on haha. I know I'm pretty vocal.
Wait! Speaking of vocal one time I was cumming so loudly and so ridiculously that I actually SNORTED. Straight-up snorted like when you laugh at something too hard haha. And for some reason Adam and I let out laughs sometimes during a particularly intense orgasm. That's always funny
twitter.com/jillianlanewam
watcher8 said: I suppose "It's been several years since I last did this" would qualify (although I don't expect to have the opportunity to say it anytime soon. :ohbruther: )
I would have probably at that point just say "so that's what sex is like.v I've heard good things about it, but WOW! Thank you for that"
They're reaction would most likely be priceless.
wammerific.umd.net & houseofmess.com affiliated
I read one recently where the guy said to his girlfriend, no shit, "God your hair is so blonde... Like a golden retriever..." That's a contender with screaming "orgasm" at full volume XD lol. Jesus Christ Biz, I'm losing my shit here here
twitter.com/jillianlanewam
 Love you, too |
Me: "I want you to sit on my face and peddle my ears"
Girl in th club: Lost for words......she still did it though
Xxx
Girl in th club: Lost for words......she still did it though
Xxx
I had a friend who was dated to see how many girls he could make call him "Rufus" during sex.... It worked about 3 times. I feel so bad for those girls lol.
But let's see... Foreplay killers... Foreplay killers...
I'm stumped! I'll have to think of a good one...
But let's see... Foreplay killers... Foreplay killers...
I'm stumped! I'll have to think of a good one...
twitter.com/jillianlanewam
jilly said: I had a friend who was dated to see how many girls he could make call him "Rufus" during sex.... It worked about 3 times. I feel so bad for those girls lol.
But let's see... Foreplay killers... Foreplay killers...
I'm stumped! I'll have to think of a good one...
But let's see... Foreplay killers... Foreplay killers...
I'm stumped! I'll have to think of a good one...
Btw, what's foreplay?
wammerific.umd.net & houseofmess.com affiliated
So I wasn't trying to be funny but one time after sex I said, "hey, thanks for coming in me." My husband thought it was hilarious, I just wanted him to know I honestly enjoyed it.
Oh and back when we were hooking up and not officially.dating I once said to him right after sex (literally right after he came before he even pulled out) "you smell like dryer sheets. Again I wasn't trying to be funny, I think that was just my autism kicking in.
Oh and back when we were hooking up and not officially.dating I once said to him right after sex (literally right after he came before he even pulled out) "you smell like dryer sheets. Again I wasn't trying to be funny, I think that was just my autism kicking in.
Adam and I are getting some gems now because we're talking about doing "butt stuff" (ie. eating assholes out) So you can imagine here lol
here's a good one he said to me on the way to the house recently and it was really hot outside:
"Yeah gurl, I'm gonna turn off the air-conditioning and get all sweaty then rub my cock-and-ball sweat all over your face...."
God I wish I could remember the other ones! He was on a roll last night. I mean oh my goodness, oh my damn, oh my goodness, they're goin' ham!
here's a good one he said to me on the way to the house recently and it was really hot outside:
"Yeah gurl, I'm gonna turn off the air-conditioning and get all sweaty then rub my cock-and-ball sweat all over your face...."
God I wish I could remember the other ones! He was on a roll last night. I mean oh my goodness, oh my damn, oh my goodness, they're goin' ham!
twitter.com/jillianlanewam
