Hi everyone,

I'm wondering if anyone has experience with SSRIs. I was fairly recently prescribed Lexapro to help with anxiety/depression, and I have to say that it has been quite helpful for me in general. My goal isn't to be on it forever, but rather to take it alongside working with my therapist to develop a healthier sense of self.

I've had a lot of positive changes. I've lost twenty pounds, haven't had any weed/alcohol in over two months (no moral objections - weed in particular just makes me very hungry, so giving it up has been good for my physique), have felt deeper connections with my friends/loved ones, and generally am not experiencing any emotional spikes or anxiety attacks.

The only thing is that these medications have a well-researched impact on sex drive, and I'm apparently no exception. I've gone from masturbating almost daily, to masturbating twice over the past two weeks. Both times, it took a lot of effort to orgasm, and if I'm being honest, it was more to prove to myself that I still could, rather than because I felt that innate urge to do so.

It's also changing my relationship with WAM. I still find the idea of getting pied - or throwing a pie - appealing in a sense, but the idea of any sex or sexual release being part of it has seemingly vanished. It's still goofy and intimate in a way, but it doesn't send that same spark through me that it used to. Compared to the idea of getting messy with a partner, the idea of having sex with them is at best neutral and at worst actively unappetizing to me.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm still quite young (34), and I don't know if I'm ready to give up my sexuality quite yet. The medication has been really good for me, but I'm a little worried that this change will be permanent, and will linger even after I eventually stop taking it.

I don't know if I have a specific ask. I just wanted to share this in a safe space. If anyone has any similar experiences, I'd really appreciate hearing about them, even in private.

And to be honest, I don't regret getting treatment. I'm objectively in a much better place with therapy and treatment than I was earlier this year, and people are right when they say mental health shouldn't be stigmatized - especially for men. I have complicated relationships with my sexuality and my kink, but I would ultimately miss WAM if it wasn't actively part of my life anymore, even if I don't feel like I miss the sexual aspect of it right now.

Sexual dysfunction is a common side-effect with many SSRIs.

You are looking at it in the right way though, the meds are for your mental health and you are doing a lot better. Eventually you will hopefully ween yourself off the meds.

While I am not a doctor and can't predict the future, side-effects normally reset them selves BUT some things are habit forming so you may need to actually do something about the sex-drive when you come off them. Feels weird but it's often a "use it or lose it" thing so don't force anything, accept where you are now and look to change when/if you want it to or it becomes a problem. Find a good psychosexual therapist to talk to if needed.

OK, so...it seems like you have a problem.

If we were just talking about a general decrease in desire - especially if, shall we say, a significant proportion of your normal sex life is solo - that would be one thing, but you're saying that the idea of sex with a partner is becoming distinctly unappealing as well. If you're currently in a relationship, this can be a Bad Thing, especially if your partner has a normal sex drive. That could be breeding ground for conflict, and that's something we'd prefer to avoid if at all possible. From experience, I can say that the damage done by a relationship going sour far outweighs any benefits you may be getting from the SSRI.

I'd suggest talking to your psychiatric provider about making use of an NDRI-class drug (Norepinepherine and Dopamine Reuptake Inhibitor, notably Wellbutrin/bupropion), which don't usually affect sex drive. Unless you've got some of the contraindicators (history of anorexia/bulemia, active withdrawal from alcohol or benzodiazapines), it could still do the job for you. I've been on one for years, and have found that it works as well as any SSRI I've ever been on without flat-lining my sex drive. It's also helped me lose a bunch of weight thanks to curbing a depression-related tendency to overeat (yep, I'm not nearly as big now as I am in my profile pic!), so if that's something else you're dealing with, that may be another bonus.

As for the WAM side of things, your interest there should follow your general sex drive. It may be that, while you're on your SSRI, that it'll have to take on a different role in any relationship you're in, especially if your partner shares your interest. There certainly are ways, of course, to get messy without it needing to directly lead into sexual activity. If you and your partner need it to be part of your sex life, though, then once again I'd suggest checking with your psychiatric provider for alternative treatments.

Otherwise, good luck out there! Depression can often only be side-lined, not beaten, so find a treatment plan you can live with and stick to it. If a plan takes away parts of your life you want to hold onto, don't be afraid to ask for guidance finding a different plan.