Have any of you ever felt shame, or guilt, over your WAM fetish?
I used to feel like I was the only one who felt that way. And then, I read a letter in Forum magazine. It was from the wife of a man who was attracted both to WAM and feet (my other attraction). She talked about their adventures together in a totally sympathetic and loving way. From then on, I knew I wasn't alone!
And finally, Splosh magazine)RIP) came along in the 80's!

Never had any shame. I was into this stuff so early (4-5 years old), it was before I knew anything at all about sex. My enjoyment of it wasn't the result of a choice, and I don't know what I would feel guilty about.

Penthouse Forum magazine had more than several letters about both wet AND messy, long before it was called "WAM" or "Splosh". Those were some of the first glimpses that I had that there were others who enjoyed this!

I would get so turned on from reading what turned them on!

From the years of feeling like the only one crazy enough to think ladies getting messy were sexy, to mocking and ridicule in the media (even fetish mags or forums), to individuals who thought we were perverts or worse, I've definitely felt shame and guilt over enjoying WAM. Thanks now to the internet, particularly the UMD, these forums, and the members here, I've become more adjusted to the idea of being a wammer. I've always enjoyed it, both wamming myself, and looking at wam pics or vids. But I would feel guilty later for having enjoyed it and the time "wasted".

The last thing that would lend validity to my feelings would be if my wife at least put up with it. But she is very vanilla. She hates wam, so I have to do it when I'm alone.

I must also admit that my embarrassment over the subject was so strong years ago, that I missed out on wamming with two different girlfriends who in a round-about way, indicated that they might be open to it. I just couldn't admit to them that I would have loved to do it, because I would have been so turned on! That's pretty sad! I could kick myself now for not jumping on the two opportunities!

Being brought up in the days when sex was dirty; mothers told their daughters that men only wanted one thing so when they got married they should "give it to him" once in a while just to keep him happy; and one assumed they must have been a virgin birth because their parents would never do anything like that (sex); I was very repressed from talking about sex or what I liked. So to admit to a girlfriend that something so "weird" would turn me on was just too embarrassing!

Well, this turned into an essay, just from Dougie's question. But I'm sure there are others like me, especially older members here, whether they want to admit it or not.

Norman

You betray your age when you talk about getting turned on from text...

Well, I had to read it by oil lamp!

Norman

I saw this question yesterday and meant to add my two cents, and then I got distracted and forgot! The short answer for me is: Yes!
Based on other discussions, I'd guess that Norman and I are close to the same age and had some similar experiences. I didn't receive quite the barrage of sex negativity that he describes, but I did get very mixed signals from different sources inside and outside of my family. (I also had some confidence and body issues that weren't related to WAM, but like Norman I didn't follow through on some opportunities that I kick myself for now.)
I'd say a big source of confusion and shame for me was simply a disconnect between what aroused me and what I thought was socially acceptable. It was one thing to be turned on by mud wrestling sluts and party girls on TV, but quite another to express--even to myself!--that I would want to do that to someone I cared about, or that the kind of girls I dated would be open to such unladylike behavior without it being a humiliating experience. "Nice girls don't."
Encountering first Messy Fun and then the UMD online was very eye-opening, but even then it took some conscious effort to undo the thinking I grew up with. (BTW none of this is meant to pass judgment on those who are specifically turned on by the humiliation aspect; I prefer playful and sensual WAM, but I first had to imagine that that was even a possibility; to each their own.)

That's it in a nutshell!




Exactly!

It might seem odd today, but having grown up in Massachusetts, there was a lot of Puritanical thinking. Alongside the sexual revolution were the traditional and conservative "Yankees" and all of the "Blue Laws"*! For example, my grandfather would not dance, even with my grandmother, because he said it was "just a way to get a cheap thrill"! (And he *wasn't* Baptist!**)

So, Nollvane, you might not have had the same repression that I had, but it sounds like we had the same thoughts, anxiety, and embarrassment over WAM. It's nice to find a kindred spirit!

Norman


*"Blue Laws" are old, repressive laws, particularly regarding sex, that are still on the books, even if they are roundly ignored.

** Baptists historically are against dancing, for being too sexually stimulating. (Think "Footloose"!)

My girlfriend has been very supportive of my attraction too, which has been wonderful.

I'm the same way. I had certain fascinations as a child that when I turned 15-16 became integrated into sex without me making a conscious choice about those activities being sexual. I guess I was just lucky, I never had a partner tell me I was weird or wrong for my sexual preferences so I never had any reason to feel ashamed. I find it so sad to see people posting about having to hide fetishes from their partners. I can't imagine how difficult that must be.

Christ yes, when I was younger. Just as I was going to university, I thought I should consciously try to stop, whatever *this* was going on in my head. This is the mid to late 90s, by the way, before I had any kind of regular internet access, so it wasn't as if I could really discover there were other people turned on by the same things I was - and quite a lot of other people.

Sadly, and in hindsight, really annoyingly, this "make yourself better" streak led to me destroying a few VHS tapes I'd been putting together - all kinds of clips which, nowadays, would make me the Holy Grail king of mid-90s UK WAM. (No, I DIDN'T have the Zoe Ball GYOB thing, so at least that's a silver lining.)

Of course, when I realised this was always going to be part of me somehow, I really regretted destroying those. C'est la motherfucking vie.

Norman / Splosh Me : Oh, yeah?...I had to read it by camp fire!

Interesting observation about Mass. (a "liberal" state) and Puritanism...me thinks this has changed quite a bit now (but MA still has "dry" towns!)...just look at Leila's post (she's from MA)...but, to be fair, Leila is a female (and an attractive one too)...I may be completely off here, but most of this shame feelign comes from guys, not finding or experiencing a receptive/supportive (or totally game) lover (female)...the odds of finding such a person (i.e., a non-judgemental woman/partner) seems to be roughly 50/50 (or maybe 60/40, yes/no) based on the comments on this topic (here and elsewhere)...whereas also, most guys here would love to find a gal into wam, and/or a really kinky girl, who is up for mutual kink indulging...

...hello?...this thing on?...

I'm very skeptical/envious of those who say they've never experienced shame for their fetish. Maybe it's an age thing. All I know is, growing up pre-Internet, I just assumed I was the ONLY person on Earth who had this strange turn-on.

Nevermind that I enjoyed seeing females get hit with pies from my earliest memories (4? 5??). It didn't lessen the fact that there was literally NO ONE I could share my experience with... Not parents, not friends, certainly not GFs. People say it was hard "coming out" before gay role models, but WAM is *still* a completely-closeted lifestyle for almost everyone even in 2014. Name me one celebrity who goes on record as saying, "I have a messy fetish." Hell, name me 20 active users on the LARGEST messy fetish forum on the planet who actually use their real names here... and have already told all their friends/family/co-workers about their fetish. (Nope. Not me either.)

Over the years, I've come to terms with it, and sometimes I embrace the uniqueness of it... For instance, I certainly wouldn't have a profitable side business making my videos if I had the same boring vanilla tastes as everyone else! But on the flipside, I've basically given up trying to find a partner who will actually understand and accept this... Or, more precisely, it's just not a top priority for me anymore. Me minus the fetish would probably have been married years ago. (And no, that's not an exaggeration. Or necessarily a negative towards WAM.)

Anyway, kudos to those of you who are completely 100% open about it in all aspects of your life (not just here on the UMD). That's rarer than you'd think.

No shame for me, though I did have some shame about my foot fetish. I got over that by teaching myself to control it, though.

I view WAM as a spectrum which everyone fits on somewhere. You have wetlook, gunge/slime, mud, savoury, sweet and a bunch of other stuff that I really can't be bothered to list right now. You also have a scale of sexuality for each scene, going from not even slightly, to sexually suggestive to porn. Kids TV is the first category, things like jelly wrestling and wet t-shirt contests are the second, and I think we're all very aware of the third. There's such a wide variety of things considered WAM and not all of it's inherently sexual, that I would be surprised if there was someone out there who couldn't find some level of enjoyment in something. So, what am I really supposed to be ashamed of?

I may not use my real name here, which is mainly down to staying in character for the whole Saturation Hall back-story, but I'm male, and have never felt any kind of shame about liking wet and messy fully clothed girls. Through the 80s and into the 90s I too thought I was probably the only person on the planet with this kink, but also that it was fairly harmless and so nothing to be ashamed of. I did have a very open minded upbringing though, and was never made to feel in any way ashamed of sexuality.

I must admit that it was still an amazing experience to go on-line and run into Rob Blaine though - finding that you're not the only one on Earth who likes WAM really is an amazingly liberating feeling.

Well, I'm very private about my fetish, but only in the same way that I'm private about sex or anything else in general -- my parents don't know about it, but then they don't know who I'm fucking or seeking to fuck either, and probably never will until I put a ring on somebody.

Whereas "shame" implies thinking there's something wrong with you because you're into wam, and I never felt that, even as a kid. As in everything else, I just assumed everybody else was doing it wrong.

And it's amazing how life-like they could make the pictures that they carved into the stones!




Yes, for years now MA has been the most liberal state in the union! But not when I was growing up. And then there was the dichotomy, as I mentioned, of the liberal side of things, and the conservative factions existing side-by-side. When I lived in MA, I was considered very conservative. When I moved to Michigan to go to graduate school, I was told I was very liberal. Same thoughts from me, different perspectives in different parts of the country!

And, of course, the original "trouble-makers" (vs. England) came from MA (think: Boston Tea Party)!




Yes, indeed! I think if a woman said to a guy, "Hey, I enjoy _____ (kink)", most guys would do whatever it took to please her. But for guys to tell a woman that they like something that can be viewed as "weird", especially if the woman is not sexually adventurous, well, it could be considered a relationship-ender! So don't take the chance! :footinmouth:

I've wondered about the guys in the UK who had things like Noel's House Party on TV every week when they were growing up; did that make it any easier to say to a woman, "That looks like fun"? or, because (I believe) it was considered "punishment" and so maybe embarrassing, did it not help at all?

Norman

Yes, I've never hidden it, never got told it was weird or wrong, and never got a "no."

Either this is related to our feeling natural instead of guilty about it, or we're just such attractive people no one can deny us....lol....

This conversation is getting very interesting!

I'd like to first off address the "Puritanical" upbringing I had. I'm actually from CT which is even more Puritanical than MA. I was always a rebellious child, in high school I mostly dated guys and girls in the punk/metal scene. I was aware very early on that I was different and didn't like all the conservative people around me so I embraced the things that made me different. If I had grown up in a more liberal environment I may not have pushed so much against the social norms. And in my experience people in the alt scene are very open to kink since it is outside the social norms. I am only attracted to people who are a little weird in one way or another so I have never felt I needed to hide anything "weird" about myself. I guess if I were a more "normal" person I may have had some hangups about my perverted sex life.

I've also always been upfront about it in all my relationships right from the start, it seems to make it easier that way. For example my husband and I met drunk at a party, after making out a bit I gave him my number and told him to call me but only if he was ok hooking up with a fetish model. Luckily for me he didn't mind

I have a BUNCH to say on this but i typed out this whooooole big thing and deleted it. There were some things brought up I thought might offend some people about other fetishes that have actually destroyed my family. really and truly. i am a single mother now because of certain fetishes that I have NEVER seen people on here do.
i will get more into that later.
in short for now, wam makes me feel beautiful. I have body issues and having substance all over me like a painting on my body, it is a feeling like i can't describe. I feel like a goddess, in turn, in turns me on.
not to mention the sensation. good lord. i could go on about that for days but for now, since i have to cut this short, it looks like we are just gonna have to be a bunch of weirdo's together for now! XD which is totally ok with me!
it is becoming more mainstream. it is HUGE in the uk. and i see it becoming a more mainstream thing in the "hipster" scene.
I keep hoping people will just "get with it" but, it doesn't seem that way right now.
I will most certainly type more on this topic! love the convo!

I have often thought about this myself: it feels a little presumptuous for me to compare my experiences to people who have been and still are legally persecuted here and around the world, but if anything my feeling that I needed to hide or deny my sexuality has made me feel more empathy for people of "other" sexualities than I might otherwise have. As others have said, it isn't a choice, and I'm very fortunate to be turned on by something legal and available, if seen as a bit odd!

This ties into the frequent discussions of "How do I tell my partner?" that pop up. I don't have an answer to that--if you're like I was it isn't easy--but my advice is TELL YOUR PARTNER. Whether they are vanilla or not, honesty is critical in a relationship.

Sorry to get on my soapbox: my sense of self-acceptance is hard-won, and sometimes it's two steps forward, one step back. The bottom line is, you deserve to be happy.

I've wondered at times: if a person is into, say, bondage, do they fret and worry about "Should I tell my GF I'd love to handcuff her to the bed?" or, "How do I tell her?"

On the other hand, do they then say, "At least I don't want to smear food all over you!"

Norman

Thanks for chiming in, Em! It's always great to hear from a woman on a subject like this!

I can see it happening very easily, like you said, that a guy goes along just to get in your pants, then causes problems about it when you break up! :-S

I guess for all of us, in deciding to reveal our wam desires, we're always concerned about the "blackmail" aspect in the case of a nasty break-up or divorce!

It's really sad ..........

Norman

The only part I have ever felt shame about, and continue to, and the only logical reason anyone SHOULD feel shame for having a WAM fetish, well, specifically, those of us with a pie fetish, is the use of non-vegan products, which breeds & confines cows & chickens. My shame is only to any nonhuman animals I may have caused suffer in the past.

That is why I have tried hard to avoid those products in wam videos, even though I know they produce superior pie-splat results, because they have the proteins which provide stickiness.
Meanwhile, I look for vegan alternatives that approximate the texture of real dairy products. e.g. vegan marshmallow fluff. I know there are a number of items which can simulate dairy products' stickiness by whipping up sugar.

I am not saying I actually physically spend money & test these products on myself. I just research them on the internet.

In the meantime, I support research to learn how to grow these same proteins in a laboratory.

But, as far as the sexual fetish part: no. No shame at all. I don't necessarily initiate the subject of my wam fetish in everyday conversation:

Tax assessor: "You owe $1500 on your property."
Me: "Say, did you know I like to strip women to their underwear and smush pies into their faces?"

No. That is an example of what I do NOT do.
But, of course I am not going to feel any shame around people with inferior morals & mentality to mine.

Wow, and you're humble, too.

I have seen older people in the bondage community express similar fears about sharing their kinks with partners but with my generation it seems that fear is mostly gone.

I have noticed the kink community can be pretty hypocritical though. No one thinks anything of it if you want to beat your partner till they are covered in bruises but if someone is into quicksand/mud then they must have something wrong with them!

Speaking as someone with inferior morals and mentality, I can only say BURRRRRRPPPP damn that pig was tasty.

That's really interesting, Leila! One would think that people who are into some of the "harder-core" (?) fetishes would have a more open attitude. Like, "That's different. That's cool."

Norman

But tolerance does not, instinctively, extend to other people's kinks -- you have to get there intellectually. I mean, I look at some of the posts here and think OH GOD NO NOT MORE CLOWN PORN BARRRRRFFFF, and then set that reaction aside because it's totally hypocritical (and exactly what the normals are saying about my fetish). But I think that fetish myopia may be why kink has been slow to stake a claim for tolerance. I mean, just look at how thoroughly the UMD has failed in terms of inclusiveness towards the TS community.