I've currently been with my girlfriend going on 6 years now and for the most part its been pretty amazing. No cheating, very honest with each other, sex wise its awesome to find someone who is willing to try anything once and not be judgmental the entire time. Anyways, last week while shes at her job and I'm at mine she sends me this strange text message. Now that morning I noticed that she had been acting strange towards me very awkward and quiet. The text message read " have you ever been attracted to someone me in our relationship?" Thats a loaded question. I answered her truthfully and said visually yes but have I ever seeked out or flirted with anyone absolutely not. Previously i was married and cheated on so my ears kinda perked up when she asked me. So when I asked her to explain she called me and spilled the beans on how one of her co workers has been giving her attention and flirting with her while at work and told me flat out that shes really attracted to him. I have previously brought this up to her because I've had suspicions about this guy with other girls at her job and she was very dismissive. Currently their working side by side all week and yesterday she "forgot" her engagement ring at home. This morning when i handed it to her she got all aggravated saying because of the humidity it wasnt fitting right. I honestly dont know what to make of this. I love her to death but I need some honest opinions from you peeps.
Couples counselling is very useful. A safe non-judgmental place to air your thoughts equally and fairly.
From this: 1. You can't control how others act/react. You can't stop people flirting with her. You can only change how you feel about it. 2. Do you trust her not to cheat? If so then there is no problem. She won't cheat. Finding others attractive isn't cheating. 3. Let her know your fears, but from YOUR perspective. "I feel..., I worry..." and not in an attacking way "When YOU do things, I feel...". This is about your feelings and not her in any way.
She could be telling the truth about the ring. We don't know. What I do know is assumption can lead to judging those who have done nothing wrong and ruin relationships for no reason.
TLDR: TALK TO HER ABOUT IT! In my work communication is the reason and solution of 90% of the problems.
Ultimately if she does want to go off with him, then you have a choice. Ethical non-monogamy, go on a break, break up, allow it knowing it will make her happy. There are many decisions you can explore, but only if they feel for BOTH of you.
I am not sure anyone will be able to say for certain if she is cheating except for her and the guy. If his advances are interfering with work, maybe it is time to bring in HR. If she enjoys the attention he is giving her, start working to protect you and do what is best for you. If you are ok with the situation and trust her not to cheat that is great. If you are not ok with the situation, speak up about it. If it is a hard limit with you then make it a hard limit in the relationship. Absolutely discuss things with your girlfriend and see what is there. Like Silver said use all the I'm worried or I'm concerned style of language. But be honest and open about your feelings. Then if at the end of the conversation you are not comfortable with the resolution or are not comfortable compromising then make sure to tell her and get things together so that you can walk away. Do not put yourself in a situation like your marriage. Find out from your woman if there is attention that you are not giving her. If there are needs that you are not meeting. Sometimes people do not know how to confront people with needs that are not being met.
Love you, too
