Messy folks,

I have a bit of a conundrum in my head. Maybe you all have had to work through this before, so I thought I'd ask.

My wife is willing to try messy stuff with me. This is pretty neat! Having said that, it's not her thing to begin with - at least as far as we know - and she's largely doing it because I want to do it. That's obviously good for me, but I feel a bit odd. I struggle with this because I don't know if she will enjoy it for herself. I don't like pushing her into things she may not like because I want to do it.

Note that it is a big deal for me, to participate in this.

What do you all think?

just go for it and take it slow! If she is willing to try - it shows the love she has for you! My wife is not really into wam, but has taken part in it for me. She even admit it that she likes it when I fill her panties with whipped cream

Ask her what she thinks is going to happen. Does she know? Presumably any preconceived ideas she does have will be based on what you may have already told her and some aspects of that must have appealed to her. If only in a supportive way. Explain that you want share this powerful experience with her but make sure her participation is on her terms. You can find out from her what her role may be and what she is willing to do and/or have done to her.

I hope some that makes sense, although if I was looking for advice I probably wouldn't ask me.

Take my advice, I'm not using it.

When I introduced my now wife to wam, we had a decent sit down about it. I told her from the start what I wanted to try, asked what she'd be willing to do/try and came to an understanding. Nowadays, she's a willing, happy participant. She needed to warm up to it and "experiment" a bit with substances, quality and quantity of messes first, but we are both happy. Happy WAMing.

Just do things she won't hate, thank her before and after, do something nice for her, and enjoy however often she feels like getting messy for you

There's three really really important factors here.
1. Love
2. Communication
3. Trust

I think the fact that you are concerned and seeking answers is a good measure of your character as a whole. You show that you're more concerned for your wife and how she feels than yourself. That's love. You've talked about it, and she's agreed to it. So that means you're communicating. That is also very good. The fact that she said she's willing means she trusts you. Well, the fact that you are married means that I would hope!

The best thing I can tell you is let her take the pace of what she's comfortable with. Start small and work your way up. My ex-wife was good enough to try getting messy all out once for me, and they hated it. But, they didn't HATE wetlook as much and did that with me about 4 times or so over the years. But they never despised me, they never thought I was a horrible person because of it. Part of the problem was their skin is VERY sensitive to a lot of things.

I think another thing to ask is "what is SHE into"? Are you willing to try/do that?

Remember there is the possibility she won't like it, or maybe just not into it, but does it for you. For some people here THAT is what makes them into it, the fact it helps their partner.

But maybe, just maybe...she'll LOVE IT!

Best wishes on moving forward!

I tend to disagree with the 'start slow' advice. I've never started slow, I've also had a 100% success rate with newbies.

This isn't something you're going to DO to her, it's something you're going to do WITH her. So make it a collaborative effort. Sell it to her! And ask her what aspects of it she might actually enjoy, and play those up. If she's in to humiliation, she might *really* like cold, unpleasant substances. If she's more sensual, she might prefer warm, smooth, gorgeously coloured substances. So make it bespoke, make it HER experience of your secret world, and make it as mindblowing for her as you can!

The 'start slow' thing can translate into a fairly underwhelming experience that she'll be less enthusiastic about repeating, which will result in a lack of momentum that'll affect both of your chances of incorporating into your future life.
I like to make sure it's BIG and memorable, and have successfully converted every one of the people I've introduced to this wonderful, fun and pleasurable fetish!

Best of luck!

Thank you for your responses.

I especially like the advice that suggests that I should take her preferences in other areas into consideration. That was something I had not quite thought out completely and it means there are things I can do in that area.

I appreciate all of the time you all put into this. I'll post a follow-up if there's interest, but pictures are incredibly unlikely.

Sorry for late reply, but I'd agree with the comments that whatever you do it has to be fun for both of you. I used to be of the "take it slow" school but thinking about it, that's not how I introduce models to doing WAM - in many cases the first thing they experience is having their clothes filled with custard, usually starting in quite intimate areas, and I've rarely had anyone have a problem with it - they know what they are getting into before we start so are expecting it. Obviously modelling isn't the same as a relationship but I think the general principle applies, talk through what you want to do together first, double-check there isn't anything she has a problem with, but then once the parameters are known, go for it wholeheartedly. Just agree a safe word / gesture in advance so if she does become uncomfortable with anything she knows she can call an instant halt - sometimes just having the security of knowing they can stop whenever they want will enable people to go further into things than they would otherwise.

And don't worry about pictures, for starters that introduces a completely different dynamic and can spoil the mood, just focus on having fun together. Good luck!

Sounds so heavy how you're presenting it to yourself. Do you definitely imagine a sexual component taking place along with the messy stuff? Because you could lighten the load if you just approached it as an intro to messy fun this first time. You know it's pretty fun/funny to pie a buddy or loved one in the face or pour a bowl of gunk on their head! So just have fun and build on that. I remember with my wife, the best framework for a session was when we played a fun, participatory game like Rock, Paper, Scissors, Pie

Have you been able to explain why you like what you're into? If she's going into this saying "I don't know why he likes this, but I'll suffer it for his sake," then it's not likely to be something she'll enjoy. However, if she understands what aspects of wam trigger you, what you feel and how you react, then maybe she'll be able to take control of her part in it, and possibly enjoy it.

There's some great advice in this thread. My instinct says to go slow, but I remember the first time my former wife and I got messy it was a stupid big session, and everything went well.

Is there any other type of kink in your relationship or has it been vanilla up until this point?

I'll echo the same as the other Guys "Take it slow to start with".

It too me a couple of years to build up to this

hahaha

I find that women take pleasure in performing for their man. Like...THEY are doing what YOU want. THEY are the center of attention, and ill admit, it's almost like they are really in control. And they like it. But I would recommend showing her a site like thepiezone or slapstickstuff. Mostly PG-13, yet still very messy and very awesome. And explain your fetish to her and why it turns you on.

I've had to introduce a number of girlfriends to this experience and it went well each time. Keep it fun, light and comical. However, make it clear that she looks great and it turns you on. She will tend to feel foolish -- so laugh together so she doesn't think you're laughing at her.

Regarding substances, I agree that it's best to go relatively big. That way future experiences will be no worse and likely better. Make sure the substances are warm and keep it simple. I recommend only one substance. If you do too many things it gets gross for a first-timer. Better to do a lot of one substance.

For my girlfriend's first experience (now wife) I told her I wanted to turn her into a chocolate bunny for Easter. Head to toe. That way it was no surprise when I brought 4 -5 gallons of warm chocolate syrup into the room to pour over her head. She rolled around in it for a few minutes until it started to get cool and tacky. I told her she looked super hot and expected it was time to shower up. With no previous mention of this she said "I assume you want to get off". Nervously, I said I don't have to, we can wait until you shower up. She was like "what's the point of all of this if you don't fuck me or I blow you? I want it to get you off" Problem solved to this day!

And when it works out that way, it's the best thing in the world I think. Sadly, it doesn't seem to. Sex, one way or another is always a large part of a divorce.

That said, I'm really happy it's worked so well for both of you!