There is nothing better than heavy whipped cream - absolutely amazing feel, but bloody hell does it stink on you, on the clothes you were wearing and in the bathroom afterwards. It's very sad that I just can't enjoy shaving cream - no matter how hard I try, it isn't 'mess'. This afternoon I felt like a quick messy session without the lingering smell so I bought some soy cream that I whipped up (useless - it's just a thick fizzy slop that dissolves into nothing) and then a pot of almond milk yoghurt - Alpro is the brand - much better - nice coverage - a bit like a runny custard.

Does anybody have any recipes to try? - ideally something that comes close to real whipped cream if possible!

Thanks!

Have you tried cool whip or putting regular frosting in the microwave so it breaks down a bit.

If you have an Aldi near you, they often carry a non dairy cool whip alternative for about $1 to $1.50 per container

It's been my go to lately

Rich's On Top. You can buy a powder, liquid, or pre-made bags. Restaurant supply stores carry it. Sometimes you can buy it via Instacart. (It's ridiculously overpriced on Amazon and other big retailers.)

thanks for all the great suggestions - I should have mentioned that I live in France so sadly we have none of these things! I wish I lived in a world of Cool Whip and vegan custard. I suppose really I am looking for any recipes for me to make my own concoctions to pour on my head and smash in my face.

It isnt dairy free, but is room temperature stable. Vizyon Stella or Vizyon boncreme.

Its a whipping powder, can mix it with water instead of milk. It tastes pretty good. I get it off amazon here. But its made in Tkiye

It leaves no stink, it doesnt collapse, and takes few mins to whip up.

Instant custard is very good - you just mix boiling water with the powder & can make it as thick or runny as you like.

Added advantage in winter - you can use it when its still warm!

A little off topic, but I've found that if you rinse clothes in cold water with some handwash after getting messy with cream and other stuff that contains milk, and then wash it as usual the smell issue seems to have gone away.
As you making you smell- yeah does for a little while for sure, but I think it's also partly in our heads (and the residue up your nose if you've been pied properly!)

Anyway- might be another strategy to try getting around the issue

Yes - washing in cold water does help. I thought too that the lingering smell was due to it being all up my nose - until once, a day after I'd had a good pieing, a colleague asked where that rancid milk smell was coming from.....so it's definitely real! Honestly, people who manage to get off on shaving cream are so lucky!