So I finally plucked up courage to broach the subject with my wife - I thought I was quite ok how I asked - how would you feel if I occasionally played in the mud when out on my mayak? I've been told I'm pervert and my perversions obviously mean more to me than she does. She's off home today and leaving me here. I wish I'd never told her
I'm sorry it has gone down this way, most folks are either ok to try or at least understanding even if the answer is no....
...But honestly...
she sounds like a horrible judgmental person. Pervert just means different and anyone with a kink is...and that is 99% of folks. "Means more to you than she does"? BS, she is just acting out. There is no way admitting to a kink can lead to that kind of reaction.
If that is all you said, and in the manner you imply (asking gently for some occasional play), then it seems to me she was just looking for an argument or way out and has blown this out of all proportion.
This kink is part of who you are, if she can't handle it then that's on her and says nothing about you.
Ugh. I was thinking this week about telling my wife.. we've been together 15 years and married 5. I know she wouldn't leave, but I don't want her to think anything different of me just because I have a kink/fetish.
I'm sorry this happened to you and I don't know her from Adam, but maybe she was looking for a reason to flip things and make you the bad guy.
It's not like you're hurting anything or Anyone. She doesn't have to participate and at least you let her in on it and didn't keep it a secret from her.
I saw your previous post but refrained from giving any advice as I didn't want to get into asking a lot of information about your interactions with your wife. My advice would have been to go by yourself to play in the mud using your kayak and if you couldn't get clean in whatever water you were kayaking in, then have a story to explain your being muddy.
I generally recommend being honest with your partner but there was information you provided such as you age and that you knew your wife did not support weird things as well as a sense that this is not something you do or would do very often that caused me to consider recommending not telling her. My apologies for not putting that out for your consideration...
Had I recommended being honest instead, I would have warned you to first be prepared for the possible consequences. I live my life honestly but am very aware of how that can turn out. My first wife divorced me after coming out about my mud fetish to her. My second wife encouraged me to crossdress once and then divorced me in part because after seeing me in a dress she said I no longer turned her on...
I've no regrets on having been honest, best decisions I ever made, however, as you've discovered, there can be consequences...
I've generally noted that all my partners, even the one's that actually enjoyed doing mud, are always jealous of me doing the mud by myself...
That is something that must be considered when choosing to live honestly. One must also consider the probability of your mud interests being discovered eventually as if that probability is not extremely low, you might as well declare it openly now rather than wait for it to unravel. In your case, it sounds like your probability of discover was low...
So, sorry it went wrong for you, been there, done that myself. As to your wishing you never told her, I would suggest that thinking that gets you nowhere. Instead, remember the event with pride that you were honest enough to have taken the chance and now you have a wonderful new story to tell all about how no good deed goes unpunished!...
I don't think it was a bad decision to share how you feel. Staying in the closet towards your love one will never make you fully happy. I'm sure there could have been different ways to make her at ease into your kick and you can probably talk her through this as this is some important part of your life. Not knowing how the relationship was going before that, but I guess there was other things not fully working. It might be that the other things not working in the relationship were the root cause, and not the simple kinky fun.
Be yourself, you deserve to be happy and with someone that will love you for who you are. Be open and flexible when introducing her to your kink.
My wife doesn't like getting muddy outside, but will have fun with me when we setup indoor. Which is great, no bugs, no cold mud, no people around. Mudding outside can be intimidating for non-wammers
Your best way out at this point is probably to find an opportunity to work in a comment lamenting that your ex-wife liked to do this and "led you astray". If she goes for that, you can just turn the incident into a good cuss about your ex-wife encouraging perversions...
Love you, too
