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"Husband not interested"
Love you, too
Showerstink said: Yes absolutely. Said I was a disturbed person and not normal.
We're not alive long enough to waste it being 'normal'. If that is really all it took then you're better off out of that relationship. Your children will see the situation for what it is, too - as they become older. In the meantime, I'm sorry.
Bringing pleasure to literally tens of people!
Showerstink said: Still it could be worse. I mentioned it and the twenty five year marriage was instantly over and I'm divorced and never see my children who have been told I am a disturbed person! It's killed any feeling I had for this kink stone dead. I keep occasionally coming here to see if I can rekindle it but no my brain connects this to a broken life. 
I wish you well
I wish you well
Wow...um...divorce rape is a thing, but I'm thinking there had to be other problems at play here. You don't have a 25 year "happy" marriage and then this happens because of a pie, some mud, or gunge. I suspect you could write a book on the matter. It poses an interesting topic.
I've had a lot of negative experiences and shame regarding this kink, but nothing coming remotely close to that level.
He's more potato now than man. Twisted and evil.
ed and J, I said what I said!!!
(Actually kidding, I know the two of you to both be very sensitive to women and I imagine good lovers
My larger and broader point, which you both expounded on, is that partners aren't mindreaders and shouldn't be expected to be. What I really wanted to stress is that if you want something, you can and should ask for it. While it would be nice if your partner could magically intuit all of your wants and needs, I think this is pretty rarely the case, and there is no reason you can't take charge of the situation. If they don't want to participate after you've discussed it, then that's a different conversation, but that won't even be a possibility until you are both being open and talking about it.
ed, I absolutely agree that one's desires can evolve and change and build on each other's, and I think it's wonderful that you are such a considerate and giving lover. I've no doubt it's had it's rewards for you as I find generosity begets generosity
. My thought was more that even when a desire to participate is there, communication is still vital and expectations should be realistic and forgiving at first. I think particularly in the case of WAM, a lot of men would be hesitant to do something they might see as humiliating or hurtful to a woman (which is often true of BDSM as well). Or at the very least, they might have difficulty imagining what a "dream" WAM situation would be like and particularly, TCP's dream WAM situation (which is perhaps why he misread what he was supposed to do in the birthday situation).
Anyway, I hope you won't be discouraged, TCP!! Good luck!
xx
(Actually kidding, I know the two of you to both be very sensitive to women and I imagine good lovers
My larger and broader point, which you both expounded on, is that partners aren't mindreaders and shouldn't be expected to be. What I really wanted to stress is that if you want something, you can and should ask for it. While it would be nice if your partner could magically intuit all of your wants and needs, I think this is pretty rarely the case, and there is no reason you can't take charge of the situation. If they don't want to participate after you've discussed it, then that's a different conversation, but that won't even be a possibility until you are both being open and talking about it.
ed, I absolutely agree that one's desires can evolve and change and build on each other's, and I think it's wonderful that you are such a considerate and giving lover. I've no doubt it's had it's rewards for you as I find generosity begets generosity
. My thought was more that even when a desire to participate is there, communication is still vital and expectations should be realistic and forgiving at first. I think particularly in the case of WAM, a lot of men would be hesitant to do something they might see as humiliating or hurtful to a woman (which is often true of BDSM as well). Or at the very least, they might have difficulty imagining what a "dream" WAM situation would be like and particularly, TCP's dream WAM situation (which is perhaps why he misread what he was supposed to do in the birthday situation). Anyway, I hope you won't be discouraged, TCP!! Good luck!
xx
deepblue said: For me personally their acceptance and understanding is a deal-breaker and it's better to know early on.
100%. Especially after divorcing. Life is too short to spend it with people who don't want you to be happy. And the reverse applies. I have to be willing to indulge their fantasies as well. That's how a healthy sexual relationship should work.
Maybe its a good think Im so ugly and sexually repulsive that I dont need to worry about such bullshit.
Nico Nico Nii
NicoNicoNii said: Maybe its a good think Im so ugly and sexually repulsive that I dont need to worry about such bullshit.
Screw that, you're a beautiful person.
NicoNicoNii said: Maybe its a good think Im so ugly and sexually repulsive that I dont need to worry about such bullshit.
Dude, see that picture in my profile? That's me, I ain't exactly the best looking dude around. (Actually that's a really shitty picture of me taken by Maria before I was ready) But there I am holding the legs of two beautiful showgirls in Vegas, granted I had to pay money after the fact, but still. (Actually cdsplosher had to pay money because I had no cash...dude, I'm sorry, I still owe you money...
) My point is, your eyes really suck, and you probably can't see the forest for the trees if you feel that way. And even if you're TRULY hideous, you like mud! Mud hides all our physical flaws!
It's the ones on the inside you need to work on though friend.
As for TCP, and to be on topic...when you're explaining what you like, maybe bring him here. He knows kinks are a thing and that there are kink sites. Show him it's "a thing".
He's more potato now than man. Twisted and evil.
kittenish said: ed and J, I said what I said!!!
(Actually kidding, I know the two of you to both be very sensitive to women and I imagine good lovers
My larger and broader point, which you both expounded on, is that partners aren't mindreaders and shouldn't be expected to be. What I really wanted to stress is that if you want something, you can and should ask for it. While it would be nice if your partner could magically intuit all of your wants and needs, I think this is pretty rarely the case, and there is no reason you can't take charge of the situation. If they don't want to participate after you've discussed it, then that's a different conversation, but that won't even be a possibility until you are both being open and talking about i
ed, I absolutely agree that one's desires can evolve and change and build on each other's, and I think it's wonderful that you are such a considerate and giving lover. I've no doubt it's had it's rewards for you as I find generosity begets generosity. My thought was more that even when a desire to participate is there, communication is still vital and expectations should be realistic and forgiving at first. I think particularly in the case of WAM, a lot of men would be hesitant to do something they might see as humiliating or hurtful to a woman (which is often true of BDSM as well). Or at the very least, they might have difficulty imagining what a "dream" WAM situation would be like and particularly, TCP's dream WAM situation (which is perhaps why he misread what he was supposed to do in the birthday situation).
Anyway, I hope you won't be discouraged, TCP!! Good luck!
xx
(Actually kidding, I know the two of you to both be very sensitive to women and I imagine good lovers
My larger and broader point, which you both expounded on, is that partners aren't mindreaders and shouldn't be expected to be. What I really wanted to stress is that if you want something, you can and should ask for it. While it would be nice if your partner could magically intuit all of your wants and needs, I think this is pretty rarely the case, and there is no reason you can't take charge of the situation. If they don't want to participate after you've discussed it, then that's a different conversation, but that won't even be a possibility until you are both being open and talking about i
ed, I absolutely agree that one's desires can evolve and change and build on each other's, and I think it's wonderful that you are such a considerate and giving lover. I've no doubt it's had it's rewards for you as I find generosity begets generosity
. My thought was more that even when a desire to participate is there, communication is still vital and expectations should be realistic and forgiving at first. I think particularly in the case of WAM, a lot of men would be hesitant to do something they might see as humiliating or hurtful to a woman (which is often true of BDSM as well). Or at the very least, they might have difficulty imagining what a "dream" WAM situation would be like and particularly, TCP's dream WAM situation (which is perhaps why he misread what he was supposed to do in the birthday situation). Anyway, I hope you won't be discouraged, TCP!! Good luck!
xx
Darling Kittenish.....I couldn't agree more with all of the above, and for the record, I appreciate what you said and only respectfully had a differing view of part of your stmnnt....
I appreciate and respect your well spoken thoughts on the matter
Potato man, yes it is clear now that she had withdrawn from being physical with me for some time and you know the kink took over. Obviously I could never feel like I could leave her but this part of me has cost a lot. Ideally the Internet was invented earlier so info like this could have been shared.
Showerstink said: Potato man, yes it is clear now that she had withdrawn from being physical with me for some time and you know the kink took over. Obviously I could never feel like I could leave her but this part of me has cost a lot. Ideally the Internet was invented earlier so info like this could have been shared.
Then it's clear now she was looking for an excuse to leave you.
It's a shame she resorted to lording the kids over you too...He's more potato now than man. Twisted and evil.
boxster2 said: I more and more do not understand human nature. God forbid, if my wife was hit by the CTA's 156 bus, I'd either roll into a shell or become a monastic and just get away from people.
If the unthinkable actually happened you might surprise yourself.
Bringing pleasure to literally tens of people!
TCP maybe you have to be a bit sly to introduce your hubby to your kink. It can't come all at once, and you've got to be subtle until you find out what he likes. Then you can casually 'mention" something and see if he bites. I for one was most definitely not a wammer when I was younger. I thought it was a weird fetish. Needless to say, life experiences changed that. I never went looking for a specific person that indulged, rather I found myself in circumstances where it ended up happening. In particular, when I was married, my ex and I had an awesome kinky sex run that involved both sploshing and wetlook/messy. It started by accident, almost every single off-shoot of it was by accident or mutual ideas, and our goal was to bring pleasure to each other, which ended up bringing pleasure to ourselves. Sadly we went through a tough time with an older child and she ended up doing something very stupid which she still regrets to this day, and we divorced. Maybe I should have conceded and forgiven a little more because when we see each other, the talk invariably turns to all the fun we had, sexually and otherwise - but eventually ends up referencing our fetishes. The stories in the blog I posted are only the tip of the iceberg - point being, if you're truly compatible and share your desires, it's a hell of a ride.
You have a non vanilla sex life. If watching porn included why not introduce him to WAM via that medium. Plenty of producers here could suggest better than I some suitable vids.
Else build it up slowly. Baby steps.
Start with oil/nuru massage.
Next try something like adding cream.
If that works a simple cream cake.
Else build it up slowly. Baby steps.
Start with oil/nuru massage.
Next try something like adding cream.
If that works a simple cream cake.
Richard Trouso said:
If the unthinkable actually happened you might surprise yourself.
boxster2 said: I more and more do not understand human nature. God forbid, if my wife was hit by the CTA's 156 bus, I'd either roll into a shell or become a monastic and just get away from people.
If the unthinkable actually happened you might surprise yourself.
^this^ sadly...I wish only the best for you and your wife Box, but Trouso makes a good point. No matter how together you think you life is, circumstances beyond your control can change everything in a second.
He's more potato now than man. Twisted and evil.
domino said: Else build it up slowly. Baby steps.
Start with oil/nuru massage.
Next try something like adding cream.
If that works a simple cream cake.
Start with oil/nuru massage.
Next try something like adding cream.
If that works a simple cream cake.
Only if you're into those baby steps too. Otherwise it's a compromise that pleases nobody.
TCP said: Thank you all for the kind replies! I think it will happen. We have an upcoming anniversary and I'm going to buy a cake and hope to have at least a little end up in my face 
You all have given me some good ideas to help me talk about it with him and not be embarrassed.
Thanks to all!!
You all have given me some good ideas to help me talk about it with him and not be embarrassed.
Thanks to all!!
Good luck! For your sake, please plan in advance with him that some of it will end up in your face, or take steps to ensure that it happens, so you don't get grouchier as the evening goes on and ruin your anniversary.
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