Hi, I was wondering if anyone could share any experiences they have had of meeting people in the more "mainstream" fetish community, i.e. munches and other events that might be on Fetlife?
Obviously WAM is much less common than BDSM and related fetishes (though of course it can be incorporated in various ways). Have people had much success of meeting WAM play partners this way, and has the community in general been quite welcoming?
Absolutely go to a munch. As gness7 said, most everyone there will be super cool, inviting, and inclusive. It was everyone's first time once. Beyond that, I've found that when you hang out with and date open minded and kink friendly people, you're FAR more likely to find someone willing to try, or possibly even be into WAM.
One of my most recent partners had never heard of WAM before, but when I introduced her to it, she took to it like a fish to water. Absolutely adored it from the first pie on. So much so that she wanted to get messy more often than I did!
Moral of the story: seek out local people who are open minded. The kink community is full of them no matter where you happen to be. If your area is "big" enough to have a much, it's big enough to have someone who may be a potential mess partner just waiting to have their first experience. Treat people with respect, speak to them like you would anyone else in a casual bar/party atmosphere, don't fixate on your kink, and you'll be golden.
There is a good community in Cambridge, meets every week, trips to event and quite a few people who teach skills (rope, whip etc). Not my thing but all very positive and all knew about sploshing and accepting of it. It's best to be open as while we are rare, if anyone in the community finds another splosher it can lead to introductions. Happened to me last year, didn't work out but had a little bit of fun. I no longer go as BDSM is not my thing and while the majority of folks were nice, there were one or 2 I would like to avoid. I might go again next year, test the waters. Also as Wildebeast said, that community is very open to new things, especially if you scratch their back, the'll gunge yours
Silver_sea said: Also as Wildebeast said, that community is very open to new things, especially if you scratch their back, the'll gunge yours
Yes, that advice on being open minded goes both ways. As someone once said to me at a local munch "Don't 'yuck' someone else's 'yum'". You'd be surprised at what you might get into and find enjoyable that you've never even considered before.
Thanks for the responses, sounds good so far based on this small sample! I do like the idea of having a way of finding people who I can meet in a more "human" way than an app.
I suppose I just need to work out whether I'm comfortable with expanding the number of people who know about my fetish...
I'd be interested to hear of anyone else's experiences.
I would have to say that my experience has been just as positive, if not more positive than, the previous posters. Every single person that I have met at the local munches I have attended (and the couple I have attended in cities I was just visiting) has been open, inclusive, non-judgmental, and interesting. Exactly 2 of the dozens of folks that I have met in person in my local kink scene had heard of pies being a kink before (it's very telling that nearly everyone at the Truro UK munch had at least heard of both sploshing and most knew that pies in the face were a thing).
But I have found several kinky folks willing to give it a try and one regular play partner who really enjoys it.
And as someone else mentioned, I have been introduced and have participated in scenes involving kinks that I never would have realized are so much fun, like: bondage, impact play, electricity (violet wands are fucking amazing!), rope play, mummification, and hopefully more to come.
So yes, get yourself out there.
The one warning I would have is to know yourself a little. How are you in most social situations? Gregarious? Shy? Can you carry on an amusing and interesting conversation about yourself and especially your kink? These folks will want to hear about what your meesy thing is all about. Could you charm them while you do it? They will lack the usual hang ups that vanillas have when it comes to kinks specifically, and sex in general, but don't expect that fact to eradicate any shortcomings you might have when it comes to social situations.
The folks in this scene are open and inclusive, but are just as likely to be creeped out by you as vanilla folks would be if you give off a creepy vibe.
If you are homophobic, transphobic, or display incel characteristics towards anyone, you will shunned by the folks in the kink/munch/fetlife scene, big time.
Had great experiences with slosh events at a bar munches are ok but tend to be smaller groups so I attend the sloshes instead. I also am going to learning classes for newbies as well to learn the ins and outs of consent and etiquette and such.
My s/o and I had met a woman who was into vacuum bondage, where you lay naked between sheets of plastic, and the air is pumped out, creating pressure on the body. They use a breathing tube, but are otherwise inside a vacuum sealed bag. I told this woman about wam, and she said she'd be open to combine the two, such as incorporating something slimy inside the vacuum bag with her. Fact was, we just never got around to making it happen, but perhaps kink-bartering like that might work with some people.
I lead a couple of munches so I'm somewhat biased but munches are a great place to meet open minded people, not only is it where I have met plenty of partners (including Sploshy play partners) but I learnt a lot about myself and other fetishes.
You have quite a few options for munches in Manchester, feel free to give me a shout if you're not sure where to start and I'll put you in touch with some friends I have up there.
I'll agree with what everyone else said: the people are very friendly, welcoming, and non-judgmental. However I'll also agree that you're pretty unlikely to find another WAMmer on Fet. It's very much a BDSM forum.
just wanted to second what others have said - going to munches, going to events, and getting to know people *as people* is a great thing to do for its own sake. i would say, don't think of this as a means to an end (of fulfilling a specific fantasy or finding a partner for particular activities) or you'll end up accidentally thinking of these people as means to an end (or fetish delivery systems). just go and be a nice person and chat and make conversation. most munches aren't actually THAT full of kinky talk in my experience... it's more likely to be people nerding out about game of thrones or whatever. but it probably depends how big a city you're in, how big the scene is, and how many events go on, etc. if you don't do well socializing with strangers around a restaurant table or at a bar, it might not really be your bag (or you might want to go with a buddy, or whatever works for you).
i dunno about "trading" fetishes - i think it's more likely you end up making a connection with someone who isn't a "WAMmer" but sees some appeal in it for this or that reason. and be open-minded yourself! you may end up vibing on scenes/kinks you didn't know you were into! my own WAM kink has really evolved and gotten more diverse from playing with people who came at it from this angle or that angle. for some people WAM might resonate for degradation/humiliation, for other people its tactile/sensual qualities, for other people the sense of release from everyday rules, etc. these might be people whose "main" kinks overlap with those things, or where it's a secondary thing that provides the point of connection, i mean who knows.... it's a very diverse world.
the biggest gap you may find is that MOST people you will meet are probably MOSTLY interested in rope and/or pain/impact play of some description or other, and WAM usually doesn't look like that or press the same kinds of buttons. but that just means you have the same relationship to the fetish world that tons of other niche kinks do! it's all fine, and certainly nobody will judge you for it (at least, nobody worth talking to). so that already can make it a really freeing and refreshing space to start talking about this stuff!
We have been going to munches for over a year now, and the group has been very respectful, and non-judgmental of our WAM fetish, as we are with the array of fetish's that are represented in the group. We have so much fun each and every meet-up. The best way for more WAMers to meet is for more to indulge in munches.
After hearing so much hype about fetlife munches - Ive been to a few, and don't have anything positive to say about them.
I found the people at the munch to be a tight knit group... a "Click". Felt just like highschool all over again. Nobody there was an a**hole or anything like that. But it was not inclusive. It was 10 people that all knew each other well and if you were a newb - you were out of the loop and mostly ignored.