So my question is this...how would any of you handle this situation?

BLUF: A good (female) friend of mine thought it would be fun/funny to give me a pie in the face a few nights ago by complete surprise and I don't know how to respond.

She thought it was hilarious and said something to the effect of "I know you'll get me back, so hopefully it isn't too bad getting pied." This was an innocent prank in her world, and I am absolutely not going to retaliate with anything messy as I would find that wrong. So my question is this; what would a reasonable fun prank be to get back at her? It's not like I can just reveal that my deepest secret is a WAM fetish, therefore I won't be following suit due to an unexpected arousal. I also don't want to be a dick by doing something not in line with what she did and making her think that "her prank was just a pie, why would you do this?"

I've known her for years, and I know this was her being fun, so (given our random friendship) I would always return this fun. What would you do in this situation? What is comparable to a pie in the face in terms of wacky innocence where I wouldn't have the guilt of exploiting the expected when I know for fact I would find it to be more than she viewed it? Shes a super cool person, so I would rather not be the stick in the mud here, but I cant go on in good conciousness giving her what she assumes will happen.

In my view, considering she initiated all of this by pieing you first, I don't see anything wrong with you giving her a pie or two back as a response. She clearly thought it was okay to pie you so she should be fully expecting you to end up pieing her back.

If you were just pieing her out of the blue on your own accord to exploit her unawareness of WAM to satisfy your fetish I think that would be bad, but I believe you have every right to pie her back regardless of the fact that you're into WAM, without it crossing over into exploitation territory.

So I think you should just pie her when she leasts expects it and have fun with the whole situation. You will probably end up kicking yourself and regretting it down the track if you decide to go with something different.

With the information given, I don't really know how to respond to this. What was the context, where were you when this happened? Was it a party? Were you out? Were you at your home or her home maybe? What was going on that sort of led up to this? What kind of pie was it? Was she in a position to put some ready whip on a paper plate and smash it in your face, or did you buy an actual pie, bring it to you and hit you with it?

I'm trying to see how this would play out in my life so I could think of how I would respond.Like, I have friends who are women, but none of them would ever think of doing something like this, unless they were ones I met here. Then, my female friends here know that it's fairly sexual, sensual at the very least for me and would not do it. Maybe Maria just to piss me off or fuck with me.

The only way I could see this happening in my perspective is if it were at a party, and drinking were involved. Like a BBQ or cookout in the summer. It's not something that would happen at a restaurant for fear of getting kicked out, and it would be weird for a friend to just pie me out of the blue at either of our homes.

Using that as an example though. If a friend had smushed someone's pie in my face say at Memorial Day, I'd probably retort by throwing them in the pool or dropping ice cubes down their pants. That's not fetish related, that's just fun retaliation. I don't see what the issue is with doing something similar back, you're friends right? It's only weird if you make it weird.

I like women in stockings too for instance, it's not a fetish, just a preference. But if I saw one of my female friends in a little black dress and black pantyhose I'd probably say; "Damn girl, you're looking hot tonight", as opposed to "hey, I just want you to know I have a pantyhose fetish, and I feel a great need to jerk off onto your legs."

I don't know what anyone else can tell you here. You know this person best, you're going to be the best person to decide what to do in the situation. Ultimately, you don't have to do anything.

Just plan a pie fight with her and enjoy it. If it was her idea just go for it. I mean, she's your friend, there's no reason to see it like a bad thing. You'll enjoy it and she will enjoy it too. Just a fun time between friends. I was in a similar situation with a cute friend and it was great, but in your case she's the one with the idea, so I think it's even better!

Abelardo wants her contact info.

If I were in your situation, I would absolutely 100% pie her back. I would probably give her a nice pie sandwich to the face!

Ask her if her refrigerator is running.

Sounds like she is expecting you to pie her back so do it

Like the first poster, I'm a bit skeptical and need more details. Where and how did this happen? I hate to be cynical, but this seems invented.

If it is totally real, don't be surprised that you got seven impractical responses of "pie her back!" on this site. I'm surprised you didn't get the even more far-fetched "can you show us pictures?"

A lot of creepy fucks in this thread basically suggesting you sexually assault this woman. Sure, you would almost certainly get away with it in the spirit of just getting her back, but obviously she views it as harmless fun rather than something sexual.

As for what you should do, you're in a little bit of a bind. From what she has said, she's expecting you to get her back. My first thought would be to retaliate with something analogous but non-sexual for you, maybe a bucket of water? The really tricky bit will be navigating the conversation afterwards when she wants to know why you didn't pie her back. The simplest thing would be to confide in her that you feel uncomfortable getting her back for sexual reasons, but obviously most people would be uncomfortable with just that revelation. Maybe you can say something about ethical concerns around wasting food? Hard to say, a tough situation over all.

I don't see whats impractical about the responses. In fact, I would think that arguably the most practical and safest thing to do is to just pie her back, say a little quip relating it back to her pieing you in the first place, and be done with the saga. Every action has an equal/opposite reaction. Just take it for what it is and enjoy it. Again, I think there's a distinction in being caught up in an odd situation like this, and actively seeking out a way to exploit your fetish.

What would be impractical I think is if OP's friend sprayed him with a water pistol or something and people are saying to escalate it into a WAM fantasy by pieing her or pouring a bucket of gunge on her as a response. All that's happened is a straightforward real-life WAM situation has occurred for OP and naturally, as a user of this forum, he's overthinking it and wondering what the best response is (Not at all saying that's a bad thing but it's just an expected and acceptable reaction).

More details would be good too. You never know, maybe she's the one exploiting pieing OP for her fetish... but if you do something other than pieing her, she might start asking questions about why you did it and you'll have to explain why and it could make things really awkward for no reason. Which is why I say just pie her back and be done with it since it would make the most sense from her point of view.

Can you show us pictures?

Unlike many people, I don't think there's anything wrong at all with "taking advantage" of your fetish and not revealing your motivations. (everyone does that with different likes and dislikes in life).

But, it's a much tougher call if it's a close friend who you like, and whom you see frequently. Future interactions with that person will probably be made more awkward. And, there's always the worry about controlling your excitement level.

Does she have a birthday coming soon? That can be a nice public event to do something, where you won't be the center of attention. Maybe get her friends or coworkers to help you out - I'm sure they'd be happy to participate and that way you can "one-up" her like she expects you to do.

I am sorry, but I have to say this is ridiculous. It is not sexual assault. Unless he bruises her thigh with his boner, she has no idea that he has a pie in the face fetish. In short, whether he has a fetish or not has NO effect on her receipt of the pie. What you are proposing is some sort of thought crime, which is not surprising in this day and age, but it is still ridiculous.

Is it possible that she actually WANTS to get a pie in the face?

I suggest that from personal experience. Before I was willing to reveal to anyone that I actually ENJOYED messy fun, I would try to extract messy revenge in playful ways. In addition to being embarrassed that anyone would know I loved getting messy, I thought getting pied would lose some of the attraction if the person pieing me knew that I actually enjoyed it.

So even if you think you know her well enough to discount her possible desire to get pied, those who knew ME would never have guessed my desires because I took great care to hide them.

I once told the receptionist at work I liked the hosiery she was wearing, (opaque navy blue stockings) so she started wearing them all the time, definitely a sexual fetish for me, but she wears them be abuse I told her they look good, not to give me the horn (she is a beautiful, glamorous Italian with a stunning husband, and I'm a furry Fuckwit)
Wouldn't dream of telling her it's anything other than aesthetically pleasing, and I think it's similar to this example, if she thinks it's funny, and is expecting it back, treat it as funny with her, whatever you think about it should be kept in your head, the same as if she was wearing something that turns you on, if it stays personalty you, it wo t hurt anyone.
I also talk to someone on social media who loves Bugsy Malome and has said she wants a pie fight with me, but in the highly unlikely event it ever happens, I will treat it as a funny and silly thing to do.

Yes, how truly ridiculous, the thought that there's something wrong with performing a sexual act on someone without their consent. Silly me!

Do you also grope sleeping women? It's harmless, they'll never know!

Just because something is a fetish and in certain circumstances would turn you on, doesn't mean it can't also be harmless fun in the right situation too.

As adults we (most of us anyway) have self control and the intelligence to know when a situation is sexual or not, so finding something fun or fetish doesn't have to be mutually exclusive.

Yes. If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. If you ARE comfortable with it... well, it's clear that there's no consensus here as to whether you ought to or not.

For the op.

I think it's really refreshing that you won't pie your friend back. It shows you have a respectful character and value your friendship.

Here's some fun ideas...

https://mashable.com/2013/03/31/epic-pranks/

Fun mates are the best!

For me personally, it all depends on context. It's a bit like the difference between going skinny dipping with someone (which is fun) or taking a shower with someone (which is erotic): they both involve getting naked and wet, but it then depends on where you're putting your hands.

Again, speaking for myself, I think that a pie in the face is fun. If you're smearing it over someone's chest or groin, it then becomes erotic. I've been to a few WAM events (eg the London Splosh Games and the UMD 20th party) and I can honestly say that I didn't get aroused while I was there. Based on that, I have no moral problem about pieing friends (not that the opportunity arises that often).

In your case, you'll have a better idea of your own reactions. In crude terms, if you got an erection when she pied you, you probably shouldn't reciprocate.


I think an ice cube down the back of the shirt would be reasonable. Potatoman-J suggested ice cubes in her pants, and I assume that means trousers rather than underwear, but I'd be wary about grabbing hold of that area. Or maybe spraying her with silly string?


Maybe you can. Obviously you know your friend better than we do, but I've had conversations like that with a few female friends. In one case, we were having dinner together, then they outright asked me "What's your fetish?" When I mentioned sploshing, one of them said "That's the best fetish in the world!" (It wasn't her fetish, but she thought it was funny rather than disgusting.)

In another case, someone used a head massager on me (aka the Orgasmotron). It was her idea, and it was my first time. so I didn't know what to expect. However, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom afterwards to clean up. So, I spoke to her in private later, and basically said "If I'm getting off on this and you think it's innocent, I don't want to take advantage of you." No harm, no foul. She now knows what effect it has on me, and if anyone else suggests it then I'll politely decline without further explanation.

Nothing like an exaggeration to get your point across. Good argument. If you can't see the difference between what I said and what you said then you are beyond reasoning with -- good luck with your thriving grievance industry. I hope it makes you feel better than all those potential molesters (in your view) out there.

Yes, this, 100%. Deliberately involving someone else in something you get off on without their consent is wrong. Whether or not they know is irrelevant, you're exploiting your relationship with them for sexual satisfaction and viewing them not as a person with their own willingness/unwillingness to participate, and a means to an end. I went through some small versions of similar situations as a younger person and made some dumb calls that in hindsight make me feel like I didn't do right by my friends. You don't want that.

The conundrum in the OP isn't as convoluted as some seem to think. Okay, you feel some kind of social pressure/obligation to "get them back" and reciprocate the friendly fun. So do that: reciprocate in some way that FOR YOU is friendly nonsexual fun and that you think SHE would ALSO find to be friendly nonsexual fun. Why exactly are you worried that you'll need to explain why you didn't get her back with another pie? For people whose lives don't revolve around pies I don't think this is a question that would come up. If she really is like "Aww, I'm disappointed, you were supposed to hit me back with a pie," you can indeed make a socially appropriate dodge/excuse as others have suggested.

Or depending what kind of relationship you have, what channels of communication you have, and how much frankness/trust has been built up between you, you can say, "Okay, the honest reason does involve me disclosing some stuff about myself and my sexuality. I trust you and am willing to open up about that but also only want to do that if it's something you actually want to hear - I won't be offended if you don't." And if she still wants to know you can say "Okay, thank you for listening. Well, so, this probably sounds silly, but I actually associate pies in the face with a kind of sexual charge. It's a whole long story - - - probably goes back to watching Double Dare as a kid! - -- - But the point is that in this situation it would have felt weird and one-sided to pie you back and involve you in something that for me is partially sexual, without your consent."

Some people here may find that cheesy or too formalized but it is better to be precise and consensual even in your conversational disclosures than to just blunder ahead and hope the person is okay with having the conversation you want to have. And again this obviously depends massively on who you are, how you talk about things generally, and whether you have a relationship with this person where this is an appropriate conversation to have. I just worry that clinging to the "but she expects a pie back" is your fetish giving your brain excuses to go ahead with something, not the way you would think about this cool-headedly if a friend was going through a similar situation (with a fetish you didn't share) and asking for advice.

I was definitely not expecting this many responses, but I do thank everyone whom has taken time to respond. The first thing I would like to address is that it wasn't an invented story (forgot who posted that) but I can see why it would be suspected given how many obviously fake stories tend to circulate around here. If it was, I probably would have made it cooler and not painted myself as an overanalyzing self conscious ass lol.

Backstory to how it happened, just a few friends drinking and hanging out, and I guess she saw some whipped cream in the fridge and decided that putting the rest of the can into a paper towel and smearing it all over my face was the evening's entertainment.

A little bit of backstory with her, we get along so great because we are both a tad on immature side of what we find funny. Simple stuff like knocking things out of each others hands, ruining a good yawn by poking their tongue halfway through, and various other random are a constant occurance. About a month ago she had to sneeze and turned last second to sneeze right in my face, typing that out actually just made me realize how disgusting it really was, but it seemed funny at the time lol. I can say with 100% confidence that she did not do it hoping or craving that I would do it back, more or less just an understanding that she knows it will happen given our back and forth patterns with these kinds of pranks.

I'm also one that absolutely never wants to get messy, so her getting me was pretty embarrassing and in no way sexual for me. I'll probably just spray her with a hose or something next time we hang out as someone (kinda) suggested. I feel like that's in the same realm and I'm not into the W of WAM so I should be guilt free.

Sorry for the long read

The scenario is a dilemma, for sure. As difficult as the question might seem, like with most ethical questions that have come up here before, you can go a long way just by asking yourself some simple questions.

Does it feel like I would be doing the wrong thing? Would I be proud or ashamed to tell anyone what I did later? Which action (pie or no pie, in this case) might enhance our friendship? Or ruin it? Would you be able to look her in the eye after?

A few slight variations on this situation have come up in my real life. A good female friend once NAILED me with a banana cream pie once, with no warning, just because she thought it would be funny. And it was. We both had a good laugh. Of course, I also liked it in a different way. I couldn't stop thinking about it whenever I was alone, for days. It felt a bit dirty to masturbate to thoughts of my friend, but... my friend REALLY turned me on, without realizing what she had done.

I will tell you one thing I never did and never would do: Tell her something like, "Hey, you remember that time when you pied me in the face? You don't know this, but that is actually a secret fetish of mine. It turned me on so much, I beat off like a maniac for days."

All of this just to add... as you are considering if and when to get her back, or to "come clean" about how hot you would find all of this, please remember that you could actually make her feel really shitty and used and creeped out by explaining any of these thoughts. Unless this is the type of friend whom you might otherwise make out with under different circumstances, I say just let it go.

Listen, maybe I came across as a little aggressive in that reply, it's just that this topic can kinda get my blood boiling a little bit for personal reasons. Clearly I can see the difference, I was using an exaggerated analogy to make a point -- one that was directly (in my mind) parallel to your dismissal of my objection as a "thought crime." Clearly not a thought crime, as there would be a *physical action* taking place rather than just an internal fantasy.

For what it's worth, I'm totally able to be reasoned with, just that I can't possibly imagine a justification for engaging in a sexual activity without one partner's consent. How do you think the woman would feel in this scenario if they found out about his fetish after the fact? I'm guessing violated, hurt, and betrayed.

We call that a straw man argument. You're trying to refute your opponent's opposition with proposition of an entirely different argument or situation.

Ultimately we're trying to discuss what he should do, if anything in reaction to this. We're not discussing when a pie constitutes sexual assault. If we're going down that road, we can make the counter argument that her surprise pieing would then be considered assault too. The problem with the straw man argument is that it serves no purpose, it resolves nothing. It just serves as a tangent to start another argument.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLlv_aZjHXc

The fact that the OP is asking the question shows he's concerned. Just HOW sexual is it for this person? I can't answer that. Personally pies don't do much for me, it would be a big deal in the right situation to retaliate immediately. For this person it clearly is.

Again, WE can't really tell you what to do, that ultimately up to you. We don't know you, the situation, or context well enough. If you're this concerned about it, just don't do anything. The context of other pranks you included makes me thing you should just do something else entirely.

So, I tend to type in novel lenght, and I believe this has caused some confusion with what I was initially trying to ask.

It was never a question of "should I pie her back?", my answer is "no" due to a moral conviction. My question was what would be a similar retaliation to this from a non WAM perspective so that no discussions, or guilt would occur; all while keeping our nonsensical/childish friendship intact. I kind of feel like I kicked a hornets nest here, and for that I apologize. I don't really post online very often, and it has now become obvious to me that I need to get to the point a lot faster and clearer moving forward.

Stating it that bluntly makes me feel like a total dick, but I believe I have accidentally started an argument in what should be a friendly environment. For this, I am sorry

No need to apologize, it was a thoughtful question as far as I'm concerned, and apparently a necessary one for several forum members.


No, we most certainly do not call analogies straw men. It's a comparison used to add further clarification to situations. My analogy and the initial premise can both be broken down to the same generalized parts: is it appropriate to engage in a sexual act with someone else without their consent? Clearly not a straw man.

Agree. Seeing nonsense like this on here more and more - trying to claim innocuous things are rape and assault. All from total hypocrites, of course, who watch mainstream messy scenes for their potential erotic value. Never has anyone offered an explanation how this will injure the imaginary "victim" because there is no injury.
I had a very similar situation to yours where I was caked very spontaneously by a friend's wife. If you enjoyed receiving it as much or more than you enjoy giving it (like me) you lucked out. By the way I did get her back several weeks later with a cream filled donut. It was just fun, not sexual as this was my friend's wife! Although I do enjoy the memory of my (very arousing) surprise caking in my mental rolodex from time to time. How was she injured when she did that and I was aroused by it?
Anyway your first reaction is usually correct. There is no guilt, especially since she's the driving impetus behind all of it. Can you imagine if no man could ever look at a woman and feel aroused without her knowing he was aroused? LOL. You see how this topic quickly devolves into a ridiculous quagmire of stupidity and standards impossible to define, identify and comply with when taken to its logical conclusion. It's why we have laws that are specific and enforceable.