Evening everyone! My name is Wamman and I've been an on and off lurker for quite sometime on this site, popping my head in every month or so to see how everyone is doing. I'm going to start off with an apology in advance for what is about to be a giant rant and admins, if this is in the wrong forum then feel free to move/delete my post

I've been with my significant other for the best past of 9 months now.Things are going great and I've been extremely happy with how much of a rock she has been for me. My problem arises (or doesn't arise *baddum tish*)in the bedroom area. Now that the honeymoon period has well and truly passed the sex drive has depleted (Sorry if this is tmi) and this is something that has happened in all of my relationships after a certain point. The problem isn't with her, she's sexy, knows exactly what she's doing and outside of sex stuff takes part in all the dumb stuff I do on a daily basis. The problem stems from the fact that whatever we do, it's not what I want, sploshing. That might seem like a selfish thing to say and that's because it is. I don't find sex alone as amazing as I once did and yet when I catch a glimpse of a wam shoot, as I did today when a friend showed me her paint photoshoots, my heart and more important my nether regions start to get excited.

I feel and have always felt like a total asshole for thinking this but this is how it always goes. Couple this with crippling depression and anxiety and you've got a bitter as fuck cocktail. The lack of sexual interaction is starting to really bother her and when I try to initiate things she can totally tell that my hearts not 150% into it and therefore doesn't want me to force romance. She knows not of my wam fetish mainly because she thought that light bondage (we're talking less than 50 shades of grey territory here) was extreme. I fear telling her what I like will actually scare her off and this relationship is too wonderful to risk. My question to you guys is have any of you been in a similar situation? And if so did it go right or wrong?

TL;DR Don't want to scare other half off with gunge, what do?

Wamman x

Tell her. She's probably heard of much more extreme stuff even if she hasn't done it. The worst she can say is no, then you are in the same boat that you are in now. If she does say yes, keep first session on the light side, and make sure she enjoys it (I.e. Preheat the oven, wink wink). Every partner I've told about WAM has indulged me, and they have all enjoyed it. Deep inside almost everyone is a desire to get gunged or pied like we saw on the television. Besides, it's not the most extreme fetish you could have, and she'll probably be relieved that it doesn't involve poo, lol.

I've had good luck with introducing my wam interests to all of my serious romantic partners but one. The one who didn't like it was the first one I told, and unfortunately that happened a little bit before the internet had come along, so like virtually everyone else with a pie fetish back then, I felt like I was the only one in the world into this. For awhile after I told her, she was in denial that I could honestly be turned on by pie fights -- she thought it was some kind of cruel joke I was playing on her. Eventually I convinced her of the truth, and she tried it once, but didn't like it and decided that it was unnatural, unhealthy, and mean-spirited. She actually made a lot of jokes about it later that were rather mean-spirited in and of themselves (i.e. not playful, teasing type of jokes). I feel like she dealt with it very poorly, but to be fair, I took what was in retrospect way too long to bring it up with her (several years into our relationship).

It helped that shortly after that earlier relationship ended, the Internet appeared and I learned I was far from alone in my special interests (even if we do constitute a very small fringe group, statistically speaking). I quickly learned to be more forthright about it and bring it up much earlier in relationships, and it's always gone fine ever since. Everyone else has been gladly willing to try it, and they've all liked it -- it might not have been a turn-on for all of them, but at the very least every one of them found it fun, and they all enjoyed how much it turned me on.

I've chatted with a lot of other wammers online, and they tend to tell me I've been very lucky overall. I would agree with that, but I'm kind of curious as to *how* lucky I am, statistically speaking. There seem to be a lot of wammers who have never dared to bring the topic up with their long-term partners, so they really have no idea how their partners would react to this. Of course, there are some I've spoken with here who have told their partners, and those partners just aren't interested. But there are plenty of others whose partners get into it to one degree or another, or at the very least indulge them with some wamming every so often. I really wonder how the percentages break down with people who have told their partners about this.

If I'm totally honest I've never successfully ushered gunge into an otherwise 'vanlla' relationship. Tricky!!

The trouble with fetishes is they cannot be denied. If someone is turned on by a specific thing, that;'s the way they are wired, and it is never going to go away. And as long as it's harmless (which WAM definitely is as long as it's consensual), then there's no reason to try and suppress it.

Personally, I'd say tell her. Generally as long as the end result is fantastic sex for both, most people seem willing to go along with kinky foreplay.

If you don't tell her then the resentment will only grow, and that can poison any relationship. Plus if you're looking at imges or videos, and / or fantasising solo, there'll always be the risk of getting caught and a messy (not in a good way) breakup.

However, note I'm naturally solitary and happily single, so my POV on this may not align that well. Either way, good luck, and I hope you can both work it out.

Watch this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KABLW7eAFQI

Absolutely, tell her. You've nothing to lose by telling her - at worst, you'll be back where you are now. At best, you'll have a fulfilling relationship with someone who, even if they don't share your fantasies, is happy to join in them with you.

But all the oft repeated comments still stand - make sure its about her, not the mess. And you need to take it gradually - even if she's entirely happy to do this for you she'll still be nervous about how it will make her look, what it will feel like, how easy it will be to get clean afterwards etc etc. Anticipate those worries, and keep it small and 'mainstream' (ie sweet foodstuffs) to start with, and I think its very unlikely she'll turn you down. My wife didn't.

Having said that the worst situation is that you're back where you are now, I guess the "worst case scenario" you're worried about is her saying "Ergh, that's gross, I canpt possibly stay with a man who thinks that is somehow fun". However, to be honest,
(a) if she is going to say that, you're probably both better off finding out now than after years of increasingly unsatisfactory sex and,
(b) I think that, if everything else in the relationship is good, its very unlikely you'll get such a reaction.

I feel for you .
Just split with a girlfriend she was sexy and sassy( will call her A).However the one before her i can relate to(will call her B).If your not turned on ,your not turned on.This what happened to me.She told me that sploshing was silly,she was a size 16 which is okay ,she had thrown her thigh boots out because they were tatty( which is another turn on). I went to have counselling which i did for 6 months,The hospital said that it was her and not me.Could not have sex with her ,tried but i did not feel horny life got in the way ,my business was struggling due to adverse weather from 2012 ,business was slow in 2013 .Worried about my business the family farm was being sold ,that year i must have cried for 9mths of the year .Lost my mojo.But craved getting messy !
Met A this year ,both fancied each other told her straight away she was keen to get messy.Love wearing sexy outfits,sexy honey blonde,size 12.(even happy when i bought her some boots)!However she had serious jealousy issues! she hated brunettes,she had to be the center of attention.I go to the Splunch at Bristol ,luckily i was ill ,could not go to friends bbq on my own incase i talked to females! It came to a head as she new i was on umd ,as she didn't trust me.Also there were family issues on her side. So although upset ,i have had a lucky escape.Thought i would of got married to her , she said she would have me back if i gave up the sploshing ,i said i could not!so back single again.good luck my friend.Ironically they both came from West Midlands and i did get pegged in a Birmingham night club once if anyone knows what means.

Basically i got a clothes peg on my jacket saying you have been pegged! Back in the 90's,when my friend lived in Dorridge .If anyone know's what that means i'd be intrested

Thank you for sharing your story, it's not always easy.
I'll start by saying that I have a number of rules and life mantras and one of them is 'knowing your needs and getting them met'. And as others have said, there is no harm in asking, it doesn't seem like the situation can get any worse.

But maybe more critically, what is more important to you a partner or sploshing? Ideally you'd have both but let's just say that for most, it's unlikely. So do you want a partner that you can take out for a meal, got to the theatre, cuddle at night etc. or just someone you can cover in gunge and fuck?

Depending upon your response my reply will be along the lines of, 'better to have love and lost...', 'splosh escorts do exist', 'good luck'.

To close, if I can give you a glimmer of hope. You really can have it all and I have found that being poly has helped me. Don't ask, don't get (but don't assume).