Hey, I know there was already a forum for this a while back; that is basically why I am doing this; I missed out on posting and kind of wanted to at least take the time to name the people that really stood out lately for me. (if you follow my postings you probably already know....so this should be a complete surprise)

First of all, there are a TON of crushes I have had watching these videoes and pics over the years, and I'm not going to try to name them all because of that; I know that I will miss somebody and even though no one will probably ever read this I will feel bad that I missed them; so this is more of a recognition to the ones in particular that have been there for me.

I am nervous around people and talking to them. Always have been, probably always will be. I constantly dream of meeting a girl or group of friends that could help me feel comfortable and be there with me while respecting my personal space and wishes. In today's world, that seems impossible and unlikely to people like me who have missed out on so much. It's hard to have the faith that someday it will happen and that I just haven't met the right people. I also have a history in te "real world" of loosing friends over stupid things that I did or didn't say

Because of this, I am very nervous when talkin to friends, particularly girls. So, for those of you wondering why every other word I write is sorry, that sorry is sorry the sorry reason sorry. (if that joke was too much, I'm sorry). Anyway, the hard thing about messaging someone is you never know what the person is doing on the other end. Everybody has lives that are usually busy and stressful with not a lot of time to sit down an say hi, let alone talk or flirt.

It's too easy sometimes to believe that they only seem to be here because they are trying to make money. However this is not the case. Life's tough right now, supplies are expensive and people who do it big like is often done are usually lucky enough to break even. The thing that keeps them going is the fact that they love doing it! So no, it's definately not about the money.

So why don't they ever seem to stop when they are on to say hi. I admit I've asked that question to myself; so have 50 billion others (seriously girls, make a video or pic of your inboxes; I think that would help give people an idea of what you are going through and how you all are so amazing to push through and "keep up with demand") I mean really guys, how would you feel if you had a giant dick and every woman in the world wanted to have sex with you and message you? That probably seems like a joke, but it isn't. Your mailbox would constantly be filling up, these girls would get anxious and nervous waiting and you would never get a moments rest going out on umpteen dates and sessions and dealing with 50billion emails when you wish you could step back for a little and take a breath. Every guy, even if it's sleepi g has something they like or need to do. You stop for a bite to eat and 15 minutes later there's chaos. Not sure about ou, but I couldn't put ou that much (I'm probably a bad example though; no wonder I'm so lovey fogey and not hunky humpy.)

Well I guess that's all I'll write for now; I can always come back and add more. I have a life, and no matter how depressing it is sometimes, everyone has it bad in their own way. I won't be able to please everyone (especially myself) and would rather be there the second my inbox gets a message, but that's not living, and no matter how muh of a chubby little white guy you are, there are little things you can do to improve and get better in all aspects (physically, emotionally, etc.) even if you don't notice. Remember there are a lot of people out there. Someone WILL notice.

So, I'll probably be back on here tonight checking my inbox every second, but I will try to take college and life head into the best of my abilities until I find that I need to calapse into bed and masterbate. I have family, classmates and a pet that even though they may. It always seem to show it, enjoy me and want me in their lives.

So if you feel like you are busting your hump trying to get things done and get time to talk or check your inbox, remember that So are they!

In closing, (in no particular order) Jayce, Nerea, Jilly, pieandcake, messymaddie, messy maddy, and kayala666...
You are my crushes!

...so call me maybe? ; )

Thanks to you and everyone else who has been there for me!