"Thanks for volunteering!" Sheila smiled cheerfully, swinging her legs playfully from the desk in the office.

"Of course." I offered. No better way to spend a Saturday evening than at the zoo with my crush, I didn't say aloud.

"Any questions with the volunteer forms?"

"Um, no, there sure were a lot of them though." I added, rubbing my hand sore from signing. "Why do you need to know how much I weigh?"

"Just in case we need to administer anything. Our insurance company requires our volunteers to waive all liability." she added, slipping in a nervous little giggle.

"Always happy to help a friend." I added chivalrously.

"Great! It's been tough to find volunteers since the insurance company added the requirements after that lion scare at the Miami zoo." My eyes must have gone wide because she quickly added, "It's no big deal, nobody was killed and the one guy who got bit on his butt by a lion has a cool story for the bar." Sheila assured me.

My face went pale. "How exactly will I be helping?" I gulped nervously.

"Oh, it's nothing like that. Our insurance requires us to test our big cat containment plan once a year now." Sheila smiled. My face went even whiter. "You get to be our lion!" she beamed.

"Uh, you have like a dozen lions, can't you just let one of the tamer ones out for
practice?" I gulped.

"Oh heavens no! We're not letting the lions out, what if they got hurt or ate something that made them sick? That's why we have the volunteer."

"Volunteers?"

"Nope! Volunteer. We just need one." Sheila's smile was getting slightly unnerving. "We leave a cage door open, you pad around, think like a lion, and try to hide and escape. Our team practices emergency procedures and catches you." Her smile didn't make the plan sound any less insane.

"Come on, it'll be fun! Just like when we used to play flashlight tag in College."

I broke into a grin at the memory, Sheila and I had snuck away from the group and found a lovely make-out spot by the river. Our team lost the game, I recall.

"I knew you'd enjoy it!" she smirked mischievously. "Let's get your costume." she dragged a horridly fluffy plush costume from a plastic bin on the shelf and tossed it playfully at me. It clearly had seen better days, mysterious stains and dried leaves matted the outfit. I shook the pine needles and dried mud onto the floor and held it up searching for the zipper. "Put it on, Kitty!" Sheila chuckled.

The light brown plush jumpsuit had a fake fur lion's mane trim glued around the hood, making it look about as intimidating as a onesie. paws were attached to the wrists and legs of the monstrosity. I stepped in with one foot, only to have Sheila clear her throat. "Um, you might not want to wear your sweats, you might be in the costume for more than a couple hours." I shrugged and turned away from her, dropping my sweat pants and hiding my boxers with the costume and hurriedly tugged up the zipper. Sheila looked uncomfortable.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Um, I don't know how to say this elegantly, but if you're rushing around an empty zoo at night, eventually you, er, might need to go to the bathroom." She tossed me a couple fluffy adult diapers. "For everyone's sake, you should probably put these on." I blushed deep red. She looked at me with those irresistible brown eyes. I sighed, grabbed the embarrassing fluffy diapers, and disappeared into the men's room. After a brief struggle, I zipped the costume back up and offered myself up for Sheila's inspection. She gave my butt a playful slap, and satisfied with the added fluff and crinkle, she zipped the outfit back all the way up. She folded the velcro flap over the costume's zipper and pushed her hand up my chest, ensuring the hooks and loops were secured. My heart raced.

Sheila leaned in close. I closed my eyes and took a breath, but smelled only the sharp scent of permanent marker. Sheila colored a black triangle on the end of my nose, trailing a line down to my upper lip. Some quick swishes with her wrist and I was sporting a new kitten nose and whiskers. "Makeup tends to run, the marker will hold up better from sweat and moisture." She explained. I nodded as though any of this was reasonable.

The public address system announced the zoo's closure for the evening, and the lingering crowds began their final trek past the volunteer office's small window and out the turnstiles beside the ticket booth. Sheila and I joked about old times as the setting sun turned the sky orange, then pink. As the streetlights in the parking lot switched on, a tired looking group of concession stand workers, custodians, and zoo keepers clinging to their lunchboxes and jackets exited the employee gate. Sheila's colleague Colleen poked her head around the corner. "The containment team is ready when you are." she grinned cheerfully.

My heart leapt into my throat as we stood feeling the weight of the floppy padded lion costume. I shuffled behind Colleen. "You'll do fine, just have fun with it!" Sheila grinned as we stepped into an empty lion cage. Sheila gave me a peck on the cheek and turned to go. "I'll be watching from the security office. Oh, and if you happen to see a real lion, remember whatever you do, don't make eye contact! GOOD LUCK!" I gulped nervously.

"What do I do?" I called after her.

Sheila turned and grinned, "Think like a big cat!" she giggled closing the door behind her.

I looked around the concrete enclosure painted an awful institutional mint green. I wonder if lions are colorblind? I wondered to myself. I spotted the camera placed above the door, its red light signaling I was being watched. I paced around for a few minutes, shrugged, then pushed on the steel door. It slowly opened. I glanced down the dark path beyond into the dark, immediately wondering why more horror movies aren't set in zoos. Absolutely empty, but the sense that hundreds of creatures were nearby, though hopefully none wandering free. Still, the fact that they do this exercise sent a shudder through me. Sticking to the shadows and shrubs lining the path, I padded outside.

I glanced at a large glowing visitor's map. A lion wasn't likely to stop to read a map, but nature had seen fit to leave me unequipped with night vision and super hearing, so I'd have to improvise. To my left was the reptile house beside the Big Cats exhibits, beyond was a large grassy field, and then the Family Farm Petting Zoo. "That's probably the safest." I thought to myself and cut across the lawn.

Back in the security office, Colleen played with her gum, blowing a bubble with a snap. "Why do they always choose the Petting Zoo?" wondered the zoo's security officer. She pulled her auburn hair into a ponytail. "We'll give him a few minutes. Guess your volunteer isn't going to be much of a challenge." she grinned at Sheila who just stuck her tongue out at her co-worker mockingly. "He might surprise you." she smiled sweetly. "Has he ever surprised you?" Colleen replied. "No." Sheila sighed, looking down.

I reached the barn of the petting zoo and tugged at the door. It was locked. Exasperated I looked for any sort of cover. Then, I looked up. A tall evergreen tree towered over the petting zoo's outer fence. I scrambled on top of a display on composting, cringing as my costume's foot sunk into the rotting vegetables and eggshells with a squelch. Still, I scrambled on top, stepping onto the tall section of fence. I balanced the few feet to the bottom branch of the tree and pulled myself up.

Colleen yawned. "Shall we go collect Kitty?" she smirked. Sheila shrugged and nodded. Leaning to a microphone, she pressed the button. The Public Address system crackled to life. "Mr. Leo is needed in the Security Office." she said sleepily, using the zoo's code phrase for an escaped animal. She stood and stretched, placed a radio earpiece into her ear, slung a pack over her shoulder and reached for the door. "Check 1 Check 2. Let the hunt begin." she smirked.

I nearly slipped from the branch startled by the PA, looks like I didn't make it far. I swung around the trunk to the far side of the fence and let go, landing with a splash in the most vile smelling pond I'd ever experienced, I scrambled back to my feet and looked around. The unmistakable scent of shrimp permeated my suit now. I looked over the low visitor fence to see a sign shaped like a familiar water bird. I was in the flamingo exhibit! The residents were secured in their pen for the night, but the stench of rotten seafood and seabirds soaked my costume. My face turned as pink as the enclosure's usual daytime occupants.

I trudged through the pond's muck and picked my way to the front where the low railing kept visitors from pestering the birds. Eyeing a small concession stand, I swung my leg over the rail and dashed for the shelter. The door was predictably locked, but the shutter on the front windows weren't. I slipped inside to catch my breath. I looked around. A single red glowing switch was visible in the dark. I flipped the switch with my mittened paw. An electric blower and horrid grinding sound blared, followed by the scent of cotton candy, followed immediately by a cloud of cotton candy. I fumbled at the switch, desperate to silence the contraption. After what felt like an eternity, my mitten found its mark and the machine slowed, then stopped. I burst from the door and scrambled for another place to hide. As I passed beneath a streetlight I saw clouds of pink cotton candy had adhered itself to the muddy costume turning me from a disheveled lion into a deranged pink poodle. I could hear shouts in the distance and the bobbing of flashlights across the grassy field. Spotting the dumpster for the Food Forest, I carefully lifted the lid and swung inside. I instantly regretted it.

All the discarded wrappers, melted milkshakes, uneaten chicken nuggets, spilled slushies, wasted condiments, and dropped churros filled the bin nearly to the top and warmed by the summer sun. the smell was horrendous. Still, I held my breath and crouched down into the glop, the greasy, rotten whipped cream smell of the bottom layer of the dumpster wicking up my paws like a straw. I tried to shift a plastic bag into a makeshift bean bag chair, but it ripped immediately, plunging my butt deeper into a slightly newer variety of mess. That's not my biggest problem though, as I heard footsteps outside. Two security personnel barked orders at each other, and then trotted off. I waited as long as I dared, then lifted the lid slowly, dripping a disgusting slop over the bin and onto the pavement below. I scurried behind the dumpster when a folded paper caught my eye under a bush. I slid it towards me slowly, pinching it between my two very sticky paws. Just as I'd hoped, a map! I spread the flyer open just at the edge of the shadow from the streetlight above. I saw the Food Forest, the flamingoes, and the petting zoo. I quickly looked at my options. Bears and wolves would probably be a bad idea, then I saw it, a non-descript gray square behind the Equestrian barn and the elephant exhibit. The service entrance! That should be the least protected area. I followed the path with my eyes, muddy, but some shrubs to hide me along the way. I crawled towards the old horse barn's fence.

Horse rides having fallen out of favor years ago, the aging equestrian barn was currently only sheltering some tractors and lawn mowers, scrim and banners blocked the muddy riding arena from the main tourist's paths. The tractor tires had churned up what was left of the grass. Beyond was an unused paddock, and beyond that, one fence to the service entrance and to freedom. I crawled along the fence line looking for a for a gap when I saw cones of light from flashlights sweeping towards me and heard a shout, "THERE HE IS!" I stood up and vaulted the fence, landing with a splat in knee-deep mud. No time to spare I yanked my mud covered paws out of the muck and slipped and slid forward. I heard a wet splat behind me, then a dull thump and then felt a sharp pain in my butt. I yelped and took off running, gasping for breath I touched my butt with my mittened paw and looked for blood, blue paint. They were shooting paintballs at me! I growled and took off in a dead sprint, feeling several more wet splats across my butt and back. I saw a female figure with a ponytail in a dark uniform jump the fence ahead of me. Colleen! I dodged to the right only to slip in the muck. Sheila was right beside me grinning ear to ear, pointing the paintball gun at my chest. "Here kitty kitty." she purred. I knew right then I had to make a choice.

Smiling, I raised my paws in surrender. She lowered the paintball gun by the strap. I grinned, lunging forwards and tackling her into the thick mud, knocking her butt first into the slop. She growled. I pushed her over onto her chest and playfully pushed her face into the muck. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my ribs, another paintball. Colleen dove at me and rolled me face first into the muck, coating her uniform in the process. Twisting my arms behind my back, she playfully smushed my face into the muck. "Ok, I give up!" I chuckled as my breathing grew heavy, the weight of Colleen on my back making it tough to breathe or wriggle away. Sheila just smiled sweetly, uncapped a syringe, and plunged it into my butt. "Sleep good kitty." she giggled.


I heard voices before my vision returned. Blurred figures moved around me rhythmically before coming into focus. I was in an examination room. I shook away the heavy feeling and looked down. I was still in my smelly, very muddy lion costume. I also couldn't move my arms or legs. "You're awake!" Sheila smiled sweetly, standing beside a very attractive redhead. "This is Doctor Anne. She's given you your checkup per the zoo's post-escape protocol. She says you're in VERY good shape." Sheila smirked.

"You certainly are, kitty." Dr. Anne added. "Though you did purr when I took your temperature." Both women giggled. "You smell horrible! We should've hired you to be a raccoon!" Sheila giggled. I rolled my eyes.

I tried to speak, but nothing came out. A muddy sock was jammed into my mouth and covered with tape. "Standard protocol for securing a sedated big cat is to protect against biting, but we usually just tape the muzzle. You don't have a muzzle so I had to improvise." Sheila winked. Sheila cut through the medical tape securing her sock and gently tugged it out, offering me some water to rinse. I thirstily accepted. She released the restraints. I tried to sit up, then felt the room spin again. Sheila looked concerned, "Don't rush, this takes awhile to wear off. We'll get you someplace safe to rest. I smiled sleepily and laid my head back onto the examination table.

I awoke to the unfortunate green walls and the hum of florescent lighting. A musty concrete smell brought me around. I was back in the lion enclosure I'd started in. Sheila was standing on the other side of the steel bars. "Kitty must've been tired! You slept a long time! And where were you hiding? You reeked like shrimp and garbage." I looked down at my costume, it was still stained, but freshly cleaned and dried. I stood shakily and walked to the bars of the cage. "Well, how'd I do?" I asked.

"22 minutes!" Sheila smiled proudly.

"Is that good?"

"The record is 35, but Colleen bet you wouldn't last 10 minutes when you headed for the petting zoo. Everyone heads for the petting zoo." Sheila added. "Thanks again for doing this. It means a lot, and..." she bit her lip.

"What?" I asked.

"...it was really fun to see you again." she added, blushing. She reached her hand through the bars and stroked my cheek. I pressed my lips through the bars and Sheila leaned in, pressing her lips against mine hungrily. She reached up, stroking my chest through the bars. She paused and stepped away slightly. "We should probably save that for later." she sighed.

"Why later?"

Sheila opened the cage door just wide enough to slide in a pet dish with a cheeseburger and fries and another with water, then clanked the cage door closed again.

"Because you have a busy day ahead of you. Today was just practice. The inspector from the insurance company will be here tomorrow for your real test." She blew me a kiss. "Night night, Kitty!" she winked.