It was Saturday--almost noon. Mike excitedly made his way to Kate's house in his Truck. He knew when he got there, after they unloaded the supplies, he would be indulging in his greatest fantasy--Pieing and sliming a beautiful woman over and over again. With 10 minutes left in his drive, he contemplated how he'd ended up in this situation.

Mike was a financial advisor at a medium-sized firm, and had been doing his job for almost a decade. He'd built up a large client list, and the commission on their investments was sizable at this point. Mike was a home-body, and had never had a really close relationship with any woman. A number of one night stands came and went, but he was never interested in anything long-term. Mike was 35, enjoyed the occasional cigar and glass of good bourbon, and most of his life was devoted to his work; he had a vague idea of being able to comfortably retire when he was in his late 50's. At the end of the day, he typically would unwind by getting high in his car with a few puffs off his one-hitter, and then hit the gym for a quick lift and some cardio; then he'd drive home and usually watch some old 80's horror movie (or some other such mindless entertainment) until he fell asleep. Mike was 5 foot 11, 170 lbs, lean but muscular, and had a pretty decent build for a guy pushing middle age. He was lucky enough to still have a full head of thick, light brown, long-ish hair, similar to the style he wore in the 90's when his entire wardrobe consisted of flannel. While he wasn't a model, he'd been told by several women that he was very handsome. He had steely light-blue eyes that many people complimented him on. While not particularly shy (he had to be personable for his sales job), he was typically quiet outside of work. Mike liked to keep his life simple. He lived alone in a nice house, and enjoyed the solitude when he was finally able to kick his shoes off and relax.

Kate was hired to work at his company at the front desk. She answered the main phone line, and did a number of secretarial type things. That was 3 years ago. While they weren't close (they'd never hung out with one another outside of work), they got along. Kate would drop by Mike's office during her breaks every now and again, just to shoot the shit. She wasn't a beauty queen by any means, but she was sexy to Mike. She had long, bright red hair that hung a foot past her shoulders when it wasn't in a pony-tail, which was typically how she wore it. She was fair-skinned, as most red-heads are, but she had no freckles whatsoever--Her skin was striking; it was like porcelain. Mike joked with her a lot in the summer about how she'd better stay out of the sun, or use "sunblock 1000." The only mark she had on her that Mike could see was a small shamrock tattoo on the top of her right foot, which came into view every now and again when she'd wear strappy shoes--which wasn't often. She had a cute face with a thin nose that sat above symmetrical, full lips which covered straight white teeth. She was around 5 foot 6, and very slender; Mike guessed she probably weighed only around 115 lbs. You could tell she'd been a very skinny teen, but had blossomed and filled out to become a fit woman--Kate was 28 now. Her slight build made her ample chest that much more amazing; she was easily a C cup, and her breasts were perfectly symmetrical (as far as Mike could tell when she wore a tight shirt.) She had beautiful light green eyes that were constantly framed by black rimmed glasses. Those glasses were typically accompanied by a shiny blouse worn with tight-fitting boot-cut slacks, which usually fit over a pair of fashionable-looking cowboy boots. In the fall and winter, she typically had a pink flannel shirt worn around the blouse, or tied around her waist. Kate was kind of a country girl--or at least she dressed the part. Mike liked to fish, and had once asked her if she ever fished or hunted (she sometimes wore a camouflage coat, which prompted the question.) It was clear those things weren't really her hobbies; but he did know she listened to country music.

She had a goofy laugh, and her lips always seemed to be set in a sexy smirk--a smirk that sometimes became a beautiful, yet slightly crooked smile when she was really amused. She was kind of awkward, but in a pretty way. Mike had always thought she was cute as hell--and the longer he knew her, the more he couldn't help but be attracted to her. She was smart, too. He knew she liked to read (which was a hobby Mike sometimes used to try and get some sleep when restless), and she'd even used algebra one time to solve a riddle that Mike's manager had written on the office marker board one time for some sort of contest. Solving equations had gone the way of the do-do in Mike's mind years ago, so he was duly impressed. When they spoke to one another on occasion, sometimes their banter would border on the flirtatious, but nothing barefaced. Mike had always kept their relationship professional. Don't shit where you eat, and all that.

So...two days previous--Thursday.

Kate swung by Mike's office. It was 30 minutes to close, and the day was slowing to a crawl. Kate stuck her head in the door and said in a high-pitched voice, "Howdy!" Mike answered right back with his own salutation. "Have a seat, Kate."

She sat in the chair across from his desk, and started chatting. Mike was finishing up an email, and Kate did most of the talking. She was complaining about her car needing some kind of work done to it, and that it was going to cost a bunch of money. Timing belt? Something like that. She went on to mention she just received her personal property tax bill, and a few other unexpected expenses. He knew Kate didn't make a whole lot of money on her salary, so he empathized.

She noticed Mike was only half-listening, and said "I know you don't care, money-bags." It was a half-truth. Mike did pretty well, and only spent a fraction of his earnings. His house was already paid off, and as mentioned earlier--he kept things simple.

Mike feigned offense as he typed: "Moi? I'm just a poor financial planner, trying to make ends meet for my woe-begotten clients. I'm like Oliver Twist, madam."

"Yeah, yeah." She said, and smiled. Then her brow furrowed as if deep in thought and she quietly said "If only I could make a big chunk of change quickly with hardly any effort..." she trailed off.

The words were out of Mike's mouth before he realized what he was even saying. "Well, I've always wanted to pie a pretty girl in the face."

He stopped typing, and his words hung in the air for what seemed like 5 minutes. Mike lifted his gaze from the computer monitor, and met Kate's eyes. He couldn't believe what he'd just said.

"Wha...what?" Kate chortled, sounding somewhat aghast. But then she smiled, and cocked her head, waiting for an answer.

Mike stammered. "Well, uh, what I mean to say is that...uh, that I've always been a fan of slapstick comedy, and uh, pie fights in those old Three Stooges shows always looked kind of fun, and uh..."

Kate cut him off--"And you'd pay me money to plant a pie in my face?" she asked, with her right eyebrow raised. 'Plant a pie,' she'd said--Kate had a way with words.

"Well...Yes." Mike laughed. "Yeah! What do you say to that, my dear?" Sometimes he called her "my dear" to make her blush. It never failed.

"I'd say how much money are we talking?" And she let out her own laugh.

"Well...What's it worth to you?" said Mike, emboldened.

"A thousand bucks?" she answered right back.

Mike went right back to typing. "I guess the whole slapstick thing will remain an unfulfilled fantasy for me, my dear. That's too steep for my frugal sensibilities. A thousand bucks for 1 second of your time? No way."

"Aw, I had to test ya, she said, smirking. I know, I know. I'll ask you your own question: What's it worth to you?" She leaned back in her chair, as if afraid of the answer.

Mike took 10 seconds to carefully think, and then finally said "I'd pay ya 100 bucks for 1 big sloppy pie, delivered by me, right to your kisser. Then I could check "pieing a female" off my bucket list. But for 500 bucks? Well..." He let the sentence linger.

"Well, what?" she asked. "$500 is almost exactly the amount I need for my car."

"For 500 dollars, I'd want multiple pies. Maybe dump a few buckets of cake batter or pudding over that red hair of yours. I'd want to mess you up reaaaaaaally good." A slow smile spread across Mike's face as he spoke the words.

As Kate listened, and leaned forward in her chair; a slow smile crossed her own face, mirroring Mike's.

"Deal." She said.

Woah, thought Mike.

"This'll be the easiest money I've ever made! Yes!" She sounded excited.

"Hang on," said Mike. "One more thing. When we do this, I want you to wear that exact outfit that you have on now." She looked great. She was wearing a shiny, tight-fitting button up satin shirt with very short sleeves that exposed almost all of her milky white arms. Her expensive-looking black boot-cut slacks hugged her skinny thighs and ass nicely, and then tapered outward down past her knees.

She pulled back. "These are 500 dollar boots," she said hesitantly.

"Shit," Mike said with a smirk. "No wonder you can't afford to fix your car."

"Fuck you," Kate said playfully. "I like what I like, ok?"

"Don't worry about the boots. Barefoot is fine."

"Alright. We are doing this at my place, though. I know I'm going to want to use my own shower to clean up. How about my apartment this weekend? Saturday at noon? My roommate is out of town, so the timing is right."

"Works for me. Text me your address," said Mike.

It was on. Mike immediately hit the ATM on the way home and handed Kate 5 crisp 100 dollar bills on Friday morning. He didn't want her having second thoughts, and thought the payment might lock this little adventure into place. As it turned out, he needn't have worried.

"This is going to be fun!" squealed Kate as she pocketed the cash.

You have no idea, thought Mike.

"Listen, Kate...If it's all the same to you, would you mind keeping this transaction just between you and me? I realize this is harmless fun, but it's a little strange; I know. Frankly, I'd rather not have to explain it to anyone. Especially no one else in the office."

"Not a problem," said Kate. "I wouldn't know how to explain it anyway." She widened her eyes, stuck out her tongue, and made a goofy face; then laughed.

God, she's cute, thought Mike.

28 hours later, and the big day was here. Mike texted Kate as he arrived at her townhome, and she opened the garage door for him to pull in his truck. She came out to greet him. Sure enough, she was wearing the same getup she was wearing on Thursday when they made the arrangement. Kate looked into the bed of the truck and her eyes got wide. There were 40 cool whip pies, mixed with frosting (for consistency) and food coloring. 1/4th were green, and the other 30 were pink, blue, and yellow. He also had 10 different large pudding cans, including banana, butterscotch, vanilla, and chocolate. There were also 3 buckets of cake batter: Red Velvet, White, and Orange Carrot Cake.

"Holy Shit!" Said Kate, cowed. "That's all for me, huh?"

"Indeed," said Mike.

"And how the hell are we not going to wreck my apartment with all that?"

Mike pulled out a huge roll of plastic sheeting from the cab of the truck and held it over his head so Kate could see.

"Ah," said Kate.

Mike and Kate took all of the materials to her bedroom and adjoining bathroom, and lined the whole damn place to look like a kill room from the show "Dexter." 100 percent of the floors and walls were covered with plastic--even the bed was covered. All of the pies, pudding, and cake batter were lined up in neat little rows on the floor and bed. They had also cranked up the heat of the furnace to counteract the coldness of the cream, and the apartment was a balmy 80 degrees by the time everything was set up. It was time to begin.

Mike was afraid that Kate might have an adverse reaction once it was time to get messy, but she seemed genuinely excited for this odd scenario. She couldn't stop smiling, though she seemed a little bit nervous.

"So what are you going to do to me first?" she asked, a bit tremulous.

"A pie in the face," answered Mike without hesitation. "Actually, two pies in the face, at the same time. A pie sandwich, if you will. And if you don't mind, I'd like to do this for the first time in the bathroom, with us facing the mirror, so I can get a good look at the smooshing as I do it."

"God-dang, that's specific!" she said. "But ok--Have at it!"

She walked barefooted into the bathroom. Mike followed, with a towering green pie in one hand, and a pink one in the other. Kate faced the mirror, with her delicate white arms outstretched, which made her satin blouse cling tight against her full breasts. Mike got directly behind her, kneeling slightly, and put the pies just below her face, his arms under her armpits. Kate could feel his breath on the nape of her neck. They were staring at one another in the mirror. Kate had a huge, nervous smile on her face, and Mike was grinning like an idiot right back at her. Mike held the pies there, just below her face, savoring the moment. After about 10 seconds, Kate nervously said, "Well, are you gonna do it or n--"

Mike cut her off mid-sentence with the pies, as both green and pink cream enveloped the right and left side of her face. He smeared them both around for a good 10 seconds as Kate let out a little shriek--"Eek! You fucker! Ha, Ha!" After she wiped off her mouth to take a breath, she took her glasses off, and surveyed her appearance in the bathroom mirror. All Mike could see was her beautiful smile as she laughed, and her striking light green eyes that had been shielded from the pie by her glasses. Everything else on her face was a creamy mess; some of the cool whip was stuck to her hair, too. Kate chuckled and sputtered: "Well, was it everything you'd hoped for?"

"Even better," Mike replied.

Kate placed her forefingers and thumbs at the top of her forehead, and straight-razor shaved the cream down her face using her hands to clean off. The mess fell from her chin, most of it falling into the bathroom sink, but some of it fell onto her blouse where her tits stuck out on the way down; a bit of it hit the top of her right foot with a plop, covering her little shamrock tattoo. Her face was mostly clean now, but it looked almost like she was wearing face-paint--Green on the left side of her face, and Pink on the right.

"Even better," Kate parroted. "You're kind of odd, aren't you, Mikey?"

Mike blushed. He didn't know what to say, but ultimately looked at his feet and said quietly, "I guess so, yeah."

"Remind me of something, Mike. When I wondered aloud in your office how I could get myself some fast cash a few days ago--what exactly was it that you said to me?"

"I said I always wanted to pie a woman in the face," Mike replied. "And my thanks for your obliging me, my dear."

"No, that's not quite right, Mike. You said you always wanted to pie a 'pretty" girl in the face." She turned from the sink to face him, and took a half step toward him. She asked shyly: "Do you think I'm pretty?"

Mike was honest. "Kate I've always thought you were pretty. And believe it or not, to me, this is the best you've ever looked."

"With whipped cream all over my face? Why?" She seemed truly interested.

"Hell, I couldn't tell you why, Kate. For some reason, this type of thing has always...appealed to me."

"Hmmm..." she said. "Well, let's see if feel the same way about you!"

Quick as lightning, Kate opened a bathroom drawer that had a huge blue pie in it--In a split second, she grabbed it, reeled back, and blasted Mike directly in the face with it. He was shocked! She must've hidden it in there as they were getting everything set up. Mike could hardly believe what had transpired. He clawed the blue icing from his eyes, and looked at Kate with an expression of surprise. Kate was laughing her goofy laugh: "Yeah," she said. "I guess you look pretty good like that, too! Ha ha!" Mike was shocked into silence, but he was smiling. Finally, he laughed and said, "Well, I guess I deserved that. Heh." Kate looked down and noticed a bulge in the front of Mike's jeans.

"Mike is this a turn-on for you?" She said, and placed her hands on his waist. She started pulling herself close to him. Closer. Mike was frozen in place, not believing what was happening. "It is, isn't it? Having a food fight like this turns you on, doesn't it? How peculiar." They were standing almost pelvis to pelvis, now. Mike felt the unmistakably soft touch of her breasts below his pecs. Kate slowly rose on her tip-toes, elevating her face right in front of Mike's. And then she did something that would forever be burned into Mike's memory: She softly licked some of the blue icing off of Mikes face, just to the right of his lips.

Mike embraced Kate and kissed her, passionately. She tasted like cool whip and icing, and their faces made a squelching sound as they were lip-locked; their shirts were slippery against one another. Mike could feel Kate's nipples harden as they embraced. Mike's cock was tight against the front of his jeans' zipper. After making out for a good 30 seconds, Mike returned the face licking gesture to Kate's cheek. "Hey, that tickles!" she laughed. She pulled back and said, "God, Mike. I've always wanted this. To kiss you, I mean. This is turning into quite the day."

Mike picked her up like she weighed nothing, his right arm around her back and his left under her kneecaps, and carried her into the bedroom, tip-toeing around the pies on the floor. He looked at the pies on the bed, and raised his eyebrows playfully at Kate. She immediately saw what Mike was thinking. "Wait! Wait..." said Kate, but Mike paid her no mind. He plunked her cute little ass right in the center of one of the yellow pies. As he did so, the force of the motion caused yellow cool whip to squirt upwards through the thigh-gap in her legs with force, and Mike caught a geyser of cream right in his eyes, looking like some sort of a whipped cream cannon had been fired at him. Kate laughed uproariously. "Guess you didn't think that one through, did ya! Hahahahahaha!" Mike laughed too, saying "I guess not!" He wiped the yellow cream from his eyes, and looked at Kate, sitting there vulnerably. He decided to give her a playful shove, and suddenly Kate's backside and the back of her hair were plastered with pies as her upper body hit the bed.

"Oooooooh.This feels kind of good," Kate said, while staring up at the ceiling. She wriggled a bit in the mess. "Come here, Mikey," she cooed. "I want you on top of me."

Mike took off his shirt, and then obliged. He pressed the front of his tight jeans into the front of Kate's slacks, nestling his hips between her legs, and began kissing her again, first on her lips, and then little pecks all around her face. She giggled. He moved down to her neck, licking it and kissing it--and then he began slowly unbuttoning her satin blouse, kissing her downwardly with each buttons' release. When the blouse was fully unbuttoned, her bra was exposed. It was a sheer number, and Mike could clearly see Kate's nipples poking against the material. He also saw that it was one of those bras that unclasped in the front, right between her breasts. Mike loved those. With quick dexterity, Mike unclasped the bra, and it literally flung open like a rubber band, both bra cups snapping to Kate's sides, fully exposing those beautiful boobs. Mike had assumed correctly--They were perfectly symmetrical. Perfectly. Mike began licking and kissing her quarter-sized nipples as Kate moaned. "Oh, Mike...That feels so good..."

Mike pulled back, and looked to the right of the bed. A full large can of butterscotch pudding sat on the bedside table. Mike looked at Kate. Looked at the pudding. Looked back at Kate. He then cocked his eyebrow as if to say "Well...A little bit of pudding on those perfect boobs?"

"Do it, Mike. Whatever you want," she moaned.

So, with aplomb, he dumped the entire contents of the can directly onto Kate's chest with a splat. The pudding completely covered both of her breasts, and slid down her sides onto the plastic-covered mattress. "Oooooh! That feels nice," crooned Kate. Mike pressed Kate's slippery tits together with his hands, and then gently put his face in-between them, and motor-boated those puppies. It made a sucking, mucky sound as he did it, and Kate laughed yet again. "Having a good time down there?" she said.

"Hell yes," Mike answered, as he lifted his face up to meet Kate's. Butterscotch pudding dripped off his nose and onto her forehead. Kate brushed the pudding off Mikes face, and kissed him softly on the lips. "Take my pants off" she said.

Mike had them off in a flash, and then his own, his cock standing at attention. By now the bed was covered entirely in pudding and Cool whip, and it just about coated Kate head to toe, with the exception of her sex--a perfect triangle of red pubic hair. Mike wiped his face off, and then moved his slippery hands down her body, parting her milky-white legs, and began tenderly going down on Kate. She bit her lip and moaned as Mike licked her clit, and she cried out for several minutes as Mike made love to that perfect triangle with his tongue. After a while, Kate moaned "I want you inside me. Fill me up, Mikey."

And so he did. They were both so messy by that point, it was like they were covered in baby oil. They were so slippery against one another as they made love, it was hard to tell where Mike's body began and Kate's ended. They came at the same time, both moaning "Oh, God!" in harmony as Mike became unknotted inside her; and for a small period of time that seemed like an eternity, both Mike and Kate were in an unparalleled state of ecstasy.

The End.