UMD Stories


The Wright Stuff!
Story by 123gungex
Posted 3/24/16     713 views
This is a different style of story, it has sploshing in it, but only at the end. The rest is all about
bizarre sexual situations, you sometimes find yourself in!

Chapter One: So it begins!

The sign out of the train window, read. 'Euston
station one mile.' Then in the bottom right hand
corner, somebody had tagged their name with a
spray can! I glanced at my watch, it was 07:30 in
the morning. Way, way, too early! The tannoy on the
pendolino train sparked into life, and informed the
carriage that we were slightly ahead of schedule,
and therefore could not yet get into Euston station.
So please finish your breakfast, enjoying the
network rail room with a view!

Pendolino, who the fuck invented this word? This
is the kind of word that Pete the camera would
invent! I think he has a thing for pissing off the
English dictionary, like no other person I know.
The other day, he sent me an email which had the
word, 'indemnified' in it. I have no idea what this
word means, or how it came to be? Pete the camera
on the other hand, is a literate lazer! He could
tell you the in's and out's of the word, how it
came to be, where it was going, and why! Maybe,
even the time it was due to arrive!

PTC, (Pete The Camera) Had taken the piss big time
on yesterday's shoot. He had ribbed me something
chronic about ending up in my current situation.
I shall now divulge, why I am sitting on a train
just outside London Euston.

I spend a lot of time on social media, twitter,
etc. The twitter platform, I use to advertise
products on, mostly downloads for The Ministry Of
Mess, Wrestling Girls Inc, etc.

On a personal note, twitter seems to find me women,
I will never actually have any chance of meeting,
or taking out for a drink, so forth and so on! Well,
one day I was looking at the feed from the BBC, and
I saw a very pretty lady, in a smart office suit.
After a moment of tweeting, I found this lady's
feed and went to have a look

Well, the first thing I saw, was the lady in
question, putting a condom on her foot, and
pretending it was a sock! I was hooked. Anything
stupid like that, and I'm up for it. The picture
appeared to have been taken when she was in a chain
hotel, possibly a travel lodge. The bedspread,
tables and chairs, gave the game away!

A few more pics got flicked through. Then WOWSER!
A full frontal picture of the lady in question, in
her lingerie. A black and pink Basque, with the
full wardrobe of war! We're talking, elegant
stockings and suspenders, garter, and black high
heels. God, she looked hot. No Primark clobber,
for this lady! Her blonde hair stood out against
the attire. The pink lipstick she was wearing,
attempted to jump through the computer screen, and
suck you in! Who is this lady, I hear you ask?

Fuck me, I've only gone and done it again. How
do I manage it? The lady in question, is Charlotte
Rose, the first lady of sex! How the fuck, did I
manage to find the first lady of sex? Every other
word in my life, has the word sex in it. Apart from
the fact, I get very little sex! In fact, I think
PTC, has stolen the word sex from my personal
dictionary, hence my lack of sexual activity, and
over use of the word sex! Sex, sex, and no sex!

So, I sent Charlotte a tweet, I don't remember
exactly what I said, but I know I'm quite good at
long distance flirting. I'm totally shite at it
face to face. That's what probably leads to the
lack of sex! I'm a total anti climax in a one on
one situation! I'm telling you, the word sex is
cropping up to many times, and we're not half a
chapter in!

Charlotte responded politely, and that was even
worse! Now I liked her! So we played, we both sent
a few more tweets back and forth. Charlotte, made
the first move. She tweeted, 'Please call me,
Charlie.' I thought, right, we're in! Time for
some splosh flirting!

For those of you who don't know who I am. I run
several adult websites, the messy one's being the
most well known. There are two. The Ministry Of
Mess, this has all the messy humiliation and
game show stuff on it. A lot, of very pretty ladies
form an orderly queue, to appear on the site. They
then get obliterated, under a barrage of gunge and
custard pies. For some reason, a lot of their
clothes fall off as well!

The other site is, Fancy A Cream Horn. This is a
messy sex play site. Anything can, and does go!
We've had many an adult star, getting down and
dirty, literally! Basically, if you like messy sex,
then this is the one to visit.

I made my first move, and sent my first messy
flirt to Charlie. I told her she needed a pie in
the face and custard putting down the cleavage of
her Basque!

Right, here's my first big, fucking mistake! This
is Charlie we're dealing with, aka Charlotte Rose.
Most ladies, will giggle and say something along
the lines of.

"Bring it on big boy, etc, etc!"

Not Charlie, she turns round and tells me to bring
the trifles, gunge, soup and mud! I'm taken aback!
This does not go down well with me, I like to win!
The Alpha in me, fires up and thinks,'Fuck it, your
having it both barrels Charlie!' So I deploy a bit
of bdsm flirting, I inform Charlie, she getting it!
I'm going to personally tie her up and rub mud all
over her. I will slowly massage it in, until her
lingerie is sopping in the stuff, turning her into
an aroused, filthy mess! Hopefully this will get her
attention, and make her sub at the other end of this
twitter conversation!

Charlie replies with.

"Bring the sex toys Mr Ministry, and I'll get my
girl friend, we can all play!"

You see, it's all in the name.'The First Lady Of
Sex.' Again, that word, sex! I've not worked out
at this point, I'm playing with a lady who gives,
as good as she gets. I'm still only thinking about
the lingerie, sploshing, Charlie's cute face,
and her lipstick.

I've not got anything in the right order. It
should be. Who is Charlie and her cute face?
Lipstick, lingerie, sploshing. Or something like
that?

The Alpha in me overrides the sex drive, that
word again! And puts it to bed for a fleeting
moment. I need to look into who Charlie is? Why
she can give, as good as she gets?

Meanwhile, the train had not moved!


Chapter 2: I am a totally Charlie!

While I have a moment, I break out the laptop
and jump on the internet, to investigate why
Charlie is on the ball about all things kinky?
Well, I put her name into google. Once, I get
over the pictures that pops up of her, in a light
blue dress, that I find myself wanting to splosh
her in!

It turns out Charlie has an odd job! She is a
sex trainer. See, the word sex, has popped up
already and we're only at paragraph two, of
chapter two! I quickly browse the website and
see a section entitled, 'Sessions,' I get carried
away and click on it. Oh my god! There is a
picture of Charlie on the right hand side of the
web page, in an office suit. She is looking
rather sexy, if I don't say so myself.

Anyway, after recovering from the picture, and
trying to not let anybody on the train notice,
that I'm having a quick perv over Charlie! Like
most other men, my eyes lock onto something
called, 'Condom confidence!' Underneath, there
are other sections, that go by the name of,
'Premature ejaculation control', also, 'intimate
skills for the bedroom?'

Right! I admit now, that I am guilty! But, I
can't help it. My mind goes into, Mr A Wanker
mode. This is a character created by myself and
PTC, for the spoof humiliation shoots, shot for
The Ministry Of Mess. Mr Wanker wants to send
Charlie a message, telling her. He lack's Condom
confidence, get's way too excited, over intimate
moments in the bedroom. Then end's up suffering,
premature ejaculation! In fact, Charlie has a
whole range subjects to help men and women. I
instantly want to spoof it, maybe open the
B'stard and Wanker, splosh sex clinic! Charlie
could be a guest speaker? Though she wouldn't
stay clean for long!

What am I getting myself into? It would appear
that Charlie takes no shit off anybody! She got
upset with the local council in Strood. In her
view, they were doing a shite job! So guess what,
she stood in the local by-election! There is a
picture of Charlie on the internet page, with a
t-shirt saying 'Vote Charlie Rose, for sexual
freedom.'

For some reason, I don't look at the right part
of the picture. Most men would instantly look
at Charlie's pert breasts. I find myself drawn
to her right arm, and her pink watch? This
reminds me, I must buy a new time piece! Then,
I sit there trying to work out, if the hotel door
in the picture, is Travel Lodge, or Premier Inn?

I continue to browse, as it's now possible the
train driver has gone for breakfast, and left
the train behind!

Christ on a bike! She's got her own page on
Wikipedia! How did that happen? I flick through
the information on the page, I notice that she
won an award for being, best sex worker or
something of that nature in 2013. Now I really
want to splosh her! She so needs dressing up in
office clothes and dismantling. Right, this calls
for some heavy duty flirting via twitter! Stand
by your tweets, Charlie Rose. Your having it!

I feel the need to get a bit saucy with this.
Unfortunately, I forget that Charlie is meeting
me off the train! We are both booked to do a live
tv show together. I'll get to that shortly.

I fire up the Ministry page on twatter. Whoops,
I mean twitter! There is a lot of twattering
going on, or so I hear? Is twattering, a word
that PTC! Has invented? Actually, no it's not.
Nikki Lord invented it on set one day! So, she's
as bad as PTC!

I flick through some pics of the models fully
clothed, I select a picture of a lady
in a satin blouse, clean. Then another
picture of the same lady, in the same outfit,
utterly trashed, covered in custard, beans and
gunge. Her hair wrecked and stuck to her face.
The blouse has turned transparent, showing her
breasts through the material. For some reason
she's lost her bra!

Well, I decide we need another picture, to get
the message over to Charlie! So, I add a picture
of a vibrator. Not a small toy, a proper huge,
mains only one! The kind that makes the light
bulbs go dim in your house, when you turn it on!

I send the tweet, sit back, and feel good about
myself, and think. 'That will tell Charlie!' My
phone goes, 'BEEP, BEEP.' I receive a text message.
It's Charlie, she informs me she's got the tweet
and is laughing. Then she reveals, that she knows
that I like women in satin office clothes! So,
she is waiting for me at the station in a nice
shiny number. Blouse and pants, she also hints,
that she may be wearing some seriously hot
lingerie!

The train starts to pull into the station, it
now dawns on me. I'm going to have to flirt, in
a one on one situation with Charlie in the cab,
on the way to the studio. I now suddenly, shite
myself and wish I had been on of Charlie's sex
courses!


Chapter 3. Great Expectations!

It had been a while since I'd been back to
London, I use to come down and stay overnight
in the Imperial Hotel. When going to the London
meets. What are the London meets I hear you ask?

A group of us use to get together who are into
sploshing, for a drink or two. This was a social
event. Basically, we all ended up getting
bladdered and falling over a lot! It always
started off the same way. People milling about
drinking and being social. By the end of the
night, everybody was well pissed! People would
come down from all over the country and then
meet up in the 'Pendrels Oak' pub. Then the
beer would flow, and I do mean flow! There was
a regular crowd of about twenty of us. The host
who ran it back then, was a top bloke. It showed,
as the event became very popular.

At one turn out, we even had people from America
and Europe there. Of course, everybody arranged
session's and talked a load of bollocks. Then I
would find myself crawling back to the Imperial
hotel, drinking a few more cans, then collapsing
on my bed and falling asleep. I'd wake up the
next day feeling proper rough. Then dash to get
the first train back to Manchester, to make myself
feel better? I still stay in touch with some of
the crowd. I'd informed them I was going to do
the tv show. Some of them had said, they'd try
and make it along. As one of the items on the
show, was a panel discussion about sploshing.
Hence how I'd managed to wangle my way onto the
show.

I'd not managed to get on,'The Wright Stuff'
myself,' Charlie had somehow managed that. She
told me, she knew a bloke, who'd been to see her
and a friend a few times! I dare not ask, what
happened when these friends met up? I keep getting
vision's of Charlie secretly being like,'The
Woman', off the new Sherlock Holmes episodes. The
dominatrix who has her finger in every little pie
in high society London. Everybody's secretly
under Charlie's spell.

I'm getting carried away again. Oh, What am I
doing? My heart starts to pound as I exit the
train, and walk up the platform at Euston station.
My mind conjures up a picture of Charlie from
twatter, I mean twitter! She is dressed up, and
singing on stage in the 'Sex workers, opera!' Yes,
she also likes to perform on stage! I nearly
typed. 'Likes to perform sex!" See, it's happening
again. The closer I get to Charlie, the more the
words, hot and sex! Keep popping in my head.

So basically, I was heading into a situation I
had no control over. Charlie had somehow wangled
us onto the program. In some shape or form, I'd
manage to impress Charlie enough, for her to
invite me to London, I sensed the long distance
flirting had worked. Get in! Now the problem was,
I had to perform on the day! What if I was a let
down? I might go to pieces in the taxi, and then
even worse at the studio! I could start drooling
from the mouth live on air, as Charlie will be
sat next to me, looking totally radiant.

For some reason. I wanted to know how much it
would be an hour, to see Charlie when she's at
work? Why, I have no idea. I think it would just
make me feel special. I realize I am a very sad man!
Then I feel, I need to formulate a plan, for a live
sploshing on morning tv. If I can make the moment
arise. A secret, custard gunging of Charlie, live
on, 'The Wright Stuff.' Would actually be, the
right stuff! This is what they want, this is why
the masses tune in!


Chapter Four: Brief encounter!

As I leave the station. I spy with my little
eye, Charlie Rose. God, she looks radiant. Its
like the sun has arrived and resides in Euston
station gardens. As she told me via text message,
she is wearing satin.

My body goes nut's as I walk towards her. My
brain sends a message to, 'Major Tom,' and tells
him to put his, 'helmet on!' I start nursing a
semi-on. I can't help it, she hot and has dressed
like a sexy satin temptress. Stupidly, I've put a
pair of briefs on, so if I get hard, it will make
it even worse!

As I approach Charlie, I get hit by waves of
combined, delicious, sexiness from her body and
perfume. God only knows what she is wearing. But
it's doing the trick! I have a problem? I seem to
be lacking blood flow to important parts of my body!
As it's being diverted by Mr Tom, to the helmet!
The Alpha inside me wakes up. This is not a good
moment for this to happen.

My briefs strain slightly under the load, or the
excitement, one of the two? Probably the latter!

Charlie checks me out as I approach. Please lord,
do not let her see the hard on I am sporting. It
will be over before we start! I'm now only a few
feet away from the power of Charlie.

She walks forward towards me, but the gods of hell
fire decide to play with us both! What happens
next, makes us both look like a right pair of
Charlie's?

In the same moment, both myself and Charlie trip
over paving stones. Charlie falls towards me. In
the same instant. I trip over my own feet. As, I
no longer have enough blood circulating in my legs
to actually walk! Major Tom, and the Alpha have
joined forces and decided, that I will now get
the biggest hard on in years. Not now, not in
Euston station gardens, in front of Charlie! This,
coupled with me getting over a cold, leads to a
very embarrassing situation, and you wonder why
I never get to have sex with women. See that
word 'sex' has appeared again!

So, Charlie trips in front of me and loses her
balance. Being a gentleman, I put my hands out
to break her fall.

You know when you try to help somebody, but
things go utterly wrong, guess what happens next.

Charlie puts her hands out to break the fall. I
lean forward to stop Charlie from having an
accident. My right hand, accidentally brushes past
her left breast. Major Tom and the alpha, are
impressed they've touched base! That's it, in their
eyes, there is bound to be uncontrollable flirting
in the taxi! Major Tom attempts to pump even more
blood into my briefs. I think they're attempting
to make my penis turn into the incredible hulk!
This is so, when we get into the taxi, it will be
game on!

Meanwhile, Charlie has a rather sporting moment.
She puts her hands out onto my pelvis to break her
fall. No problem, apart from where my right hand
ends up! Her hands, run down my pants legs in order
to steady her fall. I look down. Yep, you've
guessed it. Charlie has ended up on her hands and
knees right in front of Major Tom!

Fuck me! Well, not in this case! This could only
happen to me! Charlie, must have copped an eyeful
of the erection. She is polite and clambers up my
body via my clothes! Then she apologizes over the
situation.

"Oh, I do apologize Andy, I tripped!"

I melt, two reason's. One it's Charlie, and two
she's dressed in satin! God, she's HOT! Anyway,
Charlie asks another question, which I miss hear,
due to the fact I'm getting over a mild cold.

I think Charlie say's

"Ow, that was bold!"

When actually she asks.

"How's the cold?"

I reply with.

"Seen as sold!"

I have no idea why this gibberish comes out of
my mouth, but it does. My brain, for some reason
thinks she is talking about my penis! I push her
left hand back down my body to the tip of Major
Tom. Charlie's hand brushes against it!

Charlie's eyes light up and say.

'Mayday, mayday. Sex mad Andy, it's only 07:30
in the morning!'

"Bit early for that, don't you think?"

I go crimson, I've totally mis-read the situation,
the mixture of my mild cold, Major Tom and the Alpha,
have gotten out of hand. Charlie spins round and
hails a cab. As the cab pulls up, Charlie is polite
and opens the door for us both. Being a gentleman, I
beckon to Charlie to enter the cab first.

Well, Charlie bends over in her satin pants as
she climbs in. The pants slide down just slightly,
they briefly reveal the top of a pair of really
hot panties! I can't help myself, I just blurt it
out.

"Fuck, yeah!"

Charlie turns round and smiles. She has me. I've
made a total tit of myself in less than two minutes.
Lord help us, in the cab!


Chapter Five: Wind in the willows!

Well, we've made into the taxi. I watch Charlie, as
she gives out the address to the cab driver. I'm
still in shock after the tripping incident, if fact,
I wonder if I'm mentally tripping!

Charlie leans forward, to speak to the taxi driver.

Now, as a bloke, if a lady leans forward in a cab,
you have to check several things out. First: Bra
strap! Is there a bit of strap on show, for you to
ogle over! Second: Side glimpse of boobs! Most men
will tell you a pair of breasts in a bra, nestling
in a nice blouse or a figure hugging top, is well
hot. Three: Arse. You need to examine the lady's
bottom, it's imperative! Four: Shoes, is the lady in
high heels, or does she prefer flats? Worse, have you
totally shit out, as she's wearing wellingtons!

This is of course totally perverted, and sexist.
But, the ladies do it as well, they just don't make
it as obvious. Unless, they trip outside Euston
station, on a loose paving flag, but let's not go
there!

Ok, we know I think Charlie is hot, so I'm going to
check her out, the first opportunity that arises.
Let's not use the word arise or arises, after the
last chapter. Anything of mine rising, around
Charlie does not end well!

So, Charlie leans forward and starts chatting to
the driver. The taxi man, seems to be getting a bit
giddy about the situation. He's obviously going to
make more than a fiver off the job! Or, Charlie has
just used her sexual prowess on the man, and he's
gone to pieces. This may not be too good, when
driving a hackney carriage!

I take a quick peek at Charlie's pert bottom, and
combine the situation with a quick reconnaissance
in the shoe department. Fuck me, Charlie's wearing
some top notch strappy high heels. They've cost a
few bob. In fact, they're probably worth more, than
most of the clothes, I'm wearing! A more detailed
inspection is required!

So, I start my Charlie investigation, from the
feet upward. As we pass the expensive high heels.
I note that she may have stockings on under satin
pants, kinky devil! Then we move up the legs,
they are utterly stunning. Upon arrival at the
extremely pert bottom. I cannot help myself, I
blurt something out loud again.

"God that's a good chassis!" Or some other
racing car comment, that I manage to make sexist
and sexual all in the same sentence!

I forgot to do one thing. That was, to check if
Charlie was looking before I eyed her up. She was,
she'd gone for the oldest trick in the book, she
was using the cabby's rear view mirror, to check
me out, checking, her out! For the second time in
about five minutes I got caught. This time, I just
decided to admit defeat, and looked out of the
cab window.

"Your a kinky individual, aren't you!" Charlie
commented, in a really soft, sexy voice. It was
almost bordering on a submissive tone, I was
sucked in, in an instant.

"Well, I have my moments!"

"We, should play Andy, we should play all day!"

I think 'Fuck me, result!' though this is short
lived, as the flirting is stopped mid track, by our
driver! Once again, the gods have had it their way!

"PPPPPPRRRRFFFFFFFFTTTTT!"

This is followed by a really dire smell, I look
at Charlie, Charlie looks at me. The driver has
only gone and farted!

This cannot be happening! I've been wanting to meet
Charlie for over a year, and it's all going wrong!
Well, I glimpse at Charlie, she's going a bit green
around the gills, to put it politely! I try to open
the windows, I cannot, the taxi driver is an evil
sod and has locked them! Obviously you cannot open
The doors, it's a London taxi and they lock!

Boy, it's bad, I start turning several shades of
grey. Charlie glances at me, and starts falling about
the cab laughing at my predicament. At least she's
seeing the funny side of it...

"PPPPPPPRRRRRFFFFFFTTTTT"

Christ one a bike, a second delivery!

"Nothing like a working breakfast!" The cabby
comments.

Well, the red mist has come down, literally! Charlie
gets well pissed off with it. She demands he pulls
over and we're getting out. I don't actually argue
the fact with Charlie. She's totally right. The
cabby pulls over, gives Charlie her money back and
we're just under half way there. We pile out of the
cab. The fresh air is a god send. Charlie no longer
looks like the incredible hulk. I'm slowly returning
to pink, from fifty shades of grey!

Before I know it, Charlie has flagged down a bus
and we're on the move again.


Chapter Six: Rising to the occasion!

We get on the bus, how we get on the bus I don't
know, as I don't have an oyster card? Charlie, seemed
to wave to the bus driver and we just got on? I have
vision's of apartment's all over London with men
tied up, waiting for Charlie to come back and free
them, as she has that many sessions on the go in one
day!

My brain is getting carried away again. Well, the
bus is a bit cramped to put it politely. We're packed
in like sardines. I get another whiff of Charlie's
perfume. I try to behave, but keep getting sexually
bombarded by divine smells and hormones! I cannot
cope. The Alpha wakes up, and sends a message to Major
Tom to get out of bed for and retrieve his helmet. I
cannot let Major Tom get control with Charlie next
to me. It would be seriously embarrassing. The bus
stops and even more people get on. Now it's like we're
in some kind of indoor cattle market!

Charlie turns round and faces away from me, as they're
isn't enough room to swing a cat. Not, that you would
really want to swing a cat! Charlie is standing in front
of the stairs looking at a poster, that reads something,
about enjoy you're comfortable, stress free journey.
Yeah, right! I get sexually bombarded by another wave
of Charlie Rose, hormones! That's it! I've had it. I get
aroused, Major Tom is on patrol!. Charlie's hips move
and she brushes across my pelvis with her bottom. She
had to have felt Major Tom?

Charlie turns her head, and looks over her shoulder
and smiles. What is she up to? Suddenly, the bus comes
to a rather sharp stop. Everybody on the vehicle is
pushed forward from the momentum of the sudden halt. I
have nowhere to go, with or without a cat! I fall into
Charlie. Major Tom, touches down with Charlie's bottom
and the satin pants. Oh god, I'm in the doghouse now!
I get the feeling of Charlie's pert butt cheeks in her
hot lingerie, encased in smooth satin pants, against my
pelvis. Major Tom starts the dance of the giddy man,
who has just found the keys to the sweet shop!

I know Charlie must be able to feel it. I'm so going
to get slapped, on a London bus, in public. I start to
think of all the really bad, verbal statements I can
rely on, when the time comes. What happens next shocks
me, to the point that I nearly, sexually explode! Now I
know why Charlie has a page on premature ejaculation,
I may well be about to suffer from it!

Charlie, is a sexual goddess, and a right kinky one at
that, once you get her aroused. The problem was, I
appeared to have indirectly managed to do just that!
Now I find out why she is, 'The first lady of sex.'
Alongside being sex worker of the year 2013. Well,
'Fuck me, sideways with a piece of lettuce!' Charlie,
starts grinding against me, in front of everybody on
the bus. I mean, she really goes for it! She properly
slams both butt cheeks into my pelvis. Major Tom,
well, he can't cope! Charlie, slowly rubs up and down,
I'm sure people on the bus are looking. If Charlie play
groans, I'll go on the spot, and that will be the end
of that!

Did you notice the word sex, and Charlie rose in the
same paragraph again. If you look up, 'sex' in the
English Dictionary, it most likely reads. 'See sexy,
Charlie Rose.' If you look up, 'Premature Ejaculation,
that most likely reads, when you've thought about
Charlie Rose!'

Before the next paragraph, how many of you have now
checked the English dictionary, to see if Charlie is in
there?

Right, Charlie turns her head round and smiles at me.
Now, I'm not that useless around women, that I don't
know when a member of the opposite sex is having a good
time. Charlie, is now having a really, good time! She
stands in front of me. Suddenly, we're facing each other.
Charlie is taller than me with her high heels on. Which
I've now worked out cost more, than all the clothes I am
wearing! She looks at me and smiles, but says nothing.
You could cut the sexual tension, with a carton of
custard, eerrr, I mean knife, what was I thinking!

Well, the Alpha in me, now wants to tie Charlie up
and wreck her with gallons of custard and gunge. Then,
well, things would get silly! Especially in the outfit
she is wearing. God, that outfit wants tearing to pieces!

See, I'm getting carried away again!

Charlie smiles at me, and moves forward to put her
arms around me.

If something is too good to be true, that's because
it is! What happens next, is totally beyond my control,
and the odds must be a hundred to one, against!

The bus has to slam on for a second time. People
rushing across the road, to get to work, or something
of that nature. Well, once again, we all go piling
forward, sardines, tins, cats, and all that! You know
what I mean.

Well, I stumble, my head moves forward. I put my arms
round Charlie's waist, but I cannot stop, somebody
behind me is trying to get off and I'm caught in the
middle! My head, yes, my head! Goes right into
Charlie's bust. Not cleavage, bust! So, I quite
literally have my head stuffed in Charlie's breasts.

Now, as much as it's a nice play to be. Trust me,
Major Tom was highly pleased with the situation! It's
not very polite when you're about to do a tv show with
said person. But it gets worse, much worse!

The person who accidently pushed me into Charlie
during the confusion, pushes me once more. As they're
backpack has got jammed, as they attempt to alight off
the bus. It's not a backpack, more like a small house
they're carrying on their back. It gives new meaning to
the term, 'Kitchen Sink!' Well, I try to breathe, but
I am trapped in the bosom of Charlie Rose, I hear Charlie
crack a funny, about the new smother and face sitting
laws. I actually think, good comic timing that!

My footing goes, and my pelvis ends up sliding into
Charlie's crotch. This is embarrassing enough, but coupled
with the fact, that at the same moment, a text message
from PTC comes through on my phone. BEEP, BEEP! My
phone is right next to Charlie's, how can we put this?
Hyper sensitive part of the female, reproductive anatomy!
The beep vibrates, it sends a sexual shiver through her
pelvis, don't forget I've already accidentally, set
Charlie off! Well, she does a me, and blurts something
out loud.

"God, yes!"

That's it, I lose it! I manage to retrieve my head
from Charlie's bosom! I am red as a peach. I notice
Charlie, looking down at Major Tom, she looks
interested. 'Beam me up, Scotty, I can'e cope!'
Charlie notes where we are and rings the bell. The
bus comes to a stop and we pile off. I stumble off
the bus in a worse state than when I boarded! Charlie
looks me over. Using her body posture, she tells me,
'You're having it, one way or another, I'm having you!"
I glance round to check, and make sure she's not
actually met a good looking man on our travels! I
quickly glance at the message, on the mobile from PTC.
It reads, 'Just thought I'd buzz you.' Yeah, you
buzzed alright, you buzzed Charlie in all the right
places!


Chapter Seven: Mission Impossible.

Now, I'd heard off Charlie, through some of her
tweets that when she gets sexually aroused, she
becomes utterly passionate about all things sex!
That word again! She is now standing on the pavement,
almost sexually growling at me. It's like facing a
sabre tooth tiger! She checks out Major Tom again,
points at him, then speaks.

"Stand to attention, face forwards, don't you dare
go anywhere, I'll be right back!"

In front of me there is one of those twenty four
hour, Tesco mini mart type affairs, Charlie dashes
in. I reckon Charlie has gone on a mission for
condoms. Good idea, as I never brought any. I never
thought I'd ever get in this situation, especially
not with Charlie Rose!

I watch, as Charlie grabs a basket, and starts
dashing up and down the aisles, what the fuck is she
doing? All I hear from inside the mini mart is.

"Thank Christ for that!

I see Charlie dashing to the counter, with what
looks like, five one litre cartons of custard! What
the fuck have I done? I manage a quick prayer to the
god of Fetlife, before realizing, it's sink or swim
time. She really was serious, when she said she was
having me! How the fuck does she plan to do this?
We're about to go live on national tv. Not even
Charlie Rose, would dare to attempt indirect sex
play, during a morning tv debate show, or would she?


Chapter Eight: I am the first lady of sex, now
bring it!

We get ushered into the studio, Charlie and myself
get separated and go into makeup and clothing. I
get given a half decent pair of pants. A nice blue
shirt, and matching tie. Then, they sit me in a chair
and slap makeup all over my face. That bit, was,
well, different!

I sit in the chair, thinking, 'She cannot surely
be brave enough, to attempt, what I think she's
going to attempt?' Now, you have to bear in mind
that Charlie, may sometimes appear to act like, a
bit of a Charlie! But, trust me, she's properly
switched on. She knows what she wants and is
nobody's fool. Once her mind made up, she sets
about going and getting what she wants. That's
why I sometimes compare her to the woman off,
Sherlock Holmes.

I break out the mobile phone, and drop at text
message to PTC. It reads, 'Might have to deploy
some, tic-tac-toe!' After about five minutes, I
get a beep on the phone and a message back,
reading, 'Roger that, standing by.' Yes, I may
have to go into military mode to survive the
engagement!

I still could not work out, how Charlie was
going to get to play, whilst we were live on air?
Then it dawned on me. Oh shite! She could bring it,
and worse. She could bring it whilst nobody was
looking!

The make up lady came back into the room, and
asked me to follow her to set. I got a glimpse of
Charlie in her outfit. FUCK ME! I could have
died and gone to Devon a happy man, there and then!
She was wearing a really hot summer style dress, low
cut and white. Matthew Wright came along and said
hello, then started going on about the show and other
things that were not interesting. What was interesting,
was Charlie and the figure hugging dress! What did I
tell you about earlier, figure hugging clothes for
women!

Also, there is the sploshing element when wearing
white, it goes see through! But, of course
thinking like that would just be pervy! I wondered
if Charlie was wearing a bra? Then realized, I was
going to drop myself in the lurch, if I didn't pay
attention to what was going on around me.

So, we all formed a single line waiting to go
into the studio. Somebody was introducing the
panel, as there were two other guest's, a guy and a
lady. She looked nice, he had a beard'y Ben thing
going on! Charlie, had not got the custard, where
had that gone?

As we wait to go on, Charlie is in the line up
in front of me. I hear a noise, that sounds very
much like my fly being un-zipped! Oh Christ, she's
not calmed down, she's still feeling randy, and now
in a sexy white dress!

Anyway, she can't quite get in my pants, as I'm
just out of reach. This does not go down well with
Charlie, she obviously wants to play! So, she moves
her hand further down my pants, and gets hold of as
much fabric as she can, then yanks me forward several
paces. At the same time, she pulls my pants up and
almost wedgies me! I now have half a tonne of pants
up my left butt cheek!. Charlie gets her hand into
my pants and comments.

"Better, now I can play!"

Major Tom, goes into meltdown. The helmet cannot
go on fast enough! Charlie grips me. Just as she
starts playing, the crowd start clapping and we're
getting walked onto set. Charlie has her right
hand, stuffed inside my best hired flairs. I
mentally shite myself! At the last moment Charlie
lets go. Major Tom manages to keep his helmet on,
and get back in from his unexpected space walk!
I don't get chance to zip up. So I have to walk
onto set, waddling slightly. I can see Charlie,
mentally pissing her sides at me!

We sit down at our places. Now if you've watched.
The Wright Stuff. You'll know they all sit behind
a big desk, you cannot see the guests, from there
waist down. Neither, can you see what's behind the
big desk. To me it also looks like a big shop
counter!

Well, fucking slap me with a wet salmon! The bag is
there, with a pair of scissors next to them. In the
bag are the five cartons of custard. Charlie's had
them stashed behind the desk you cannot see through.
Right, fuck it. If she's bringing it. I'm having
her!

When I was getting tarted up by the makeup lady.
She kept having to nip out to oversee other duties.
I broke out the emergency, force Charlie Rose to
have an orgasm or two supplies! In my socks, I've
hidden two small sex toys. You know the type, bullet
style vibrators. As this is going to be close quarter
combat, that is for certain. I think she's going to
attempt to put custard down my pants, whilst we do
the show. So, she's getting custard in the knickers
along with several vibrators if I get my way. Let's
see, if she can answer questions, with a forced
orgasm or two, thundering down her rail road
tracks.

Right, from here on in, it's all military sex
talk. Time to engage the target at close range.
'ave it!


Chapter Nine: Tales of the unexpected!

The title music to the show plays, the audience
clap and cheer, the host bursts into life and starts
talking about today's show. The main topic of the day
are, fetish, sex, that word again, and religion.
Hence, why myself and Charlie are on the show. Hmm,
does that mean that beard'y Ben is a vicar? Best not
tell him about the church of the holy pie sketch!
Girls, pvc nuns, a lot of mess, with father Wibble
and Dibble. He might feel the need to bless myself
and PTC!

I glance round the audience, my luck is in. Some
of the lads from the London meet have made it to
the event. Now I might just have half a chance of
surviving the Charlie Rose engagement.

Questions are getting asked about the daily
papers, and stuff. Beard'y Ben and the nice lady,
were really getting into the debates, I answered
my questions and was polite. Charlie got well into
it, she is really passionate about these things.
So she got on her soap box, at the first given
opportunity.

Good, she's getting involved with the situation.
I need to deploy some covert splosh activities!
The first thing I need to do, is get hold of those
cartons of custard and get them open. Then get
at least two litres up Charlie's legs and into
her lingerie. That will dismantle her!

I pretend to start coughing! Make my apologies
and bend down, to avoid spluttering all over
the guests live on air. I zoom into the sock
department and retrieve my close quarter battle
weaponry! One of the vibrators get's excited,
and switches on against my ankle. Christ, I'm
rumbled! Luckily, Charlie is absorbed in the
debate and does not hear the nearby buzzing!

The two bullet style vibrators make it under
the bench. Now comes the tricky part. I have to
acquire, some, or all of the custard!

I lean over and make a joke about one of Charlie's
answers live on air. Everyone laughs. I put my
arm around Charlie, as an excuse to get close to
the bag that is under the table. I almost make it,
when! I feel Charlie's hand under the counter. She
pushes me away. She still wants control! Ok, I
need to deploy extra troops to the combat zone,
so be it. She's having it!

I look over to one of the lads from the meet.
Quietly they get a bag out from under one of the
seats. From within the bag, they slide out a large
custard pie. It's a well made pie if I don't say so
myself! When the camera's are off me, and focusing
on beard'y Ben and the nice lady. They covertly pass
the pie over to me.

Now, there is no way, I can get away with pieing
Charlie in the face, live on air! We need to be more
subtle. So I nod to the lads to stand by. Time for
some. Overt, versus Covert, Work. This delivery
needs to be sneaky, catch Charlie off guard and
send her a message, that I now want to play and she
is going to get trashed live on air. That white
dress so needs to get messy! Especially with
Charlie wearing it.

I wait for my moment. Charlie gets utterly
passionate about a question to do with foreplay
and sex workers. In fact, she gets so involved,
she leans forward on her chair/stool slightly and
raises her pert bottom off it. As she leans
forward stating her case. I slide the pie onto her
seat, and into position without her knowledge!

Now, I have to say that Charlie's speech about
the sex industry was a rousing one. All relevant
and true, I nod by head in agreement. Nice lady
agrees, beard'y Ben is not so sure. But there we
are!

Ok, we have a problem. When Charlie sits down there
is going to be an almighty, SPLAT! This will be heard
live on air, and the game will be up. So, we need a
Bit of misdirection! I sneakily give a hand signal
to the lads to stand by.

Charlie, finishes her statement, and sits back down.
SPLODGE! Two things happen. Just as Charlie impacts
with the pie, I put her off by grabbing her left
hand. With my right hand, I play, lets hold and hands
and flirt, by rubbing my fingers down the palm of her
warm hand. As the splodge occurred, the lads all
coughed in unison. Disguising the sound of the pie,
impacting into the arse area of Charlie's dress!
Charlie turns round to face me, her mouth is wide
open, and she has a vacant stare on her face. She
cannot believe I have ammunition. She recovers and
glances under the table.

I make a move, and put my arm round Charlie on air.
The reason for doing this, I'm actually twisting
Charlie's arse and knickers into the pie, to make
sure it properly seeps into the parts, that
Carlsberg cannot reach!

Charlie has taken a round, she is in shock. I make
a second move and grab the bag and scissors from
under the counter and slide them over to me. Right,
now were are those vibrators!

Beard'y Ben, seems to be aware that there is some
kind of kinky sex fight about to break out, between
myself and Charlie. He must have succumb to the
Charlie Rose hormone attack. Indirect fire! Charlie
feels the need to answer another question, she is
well fired up now.

Now, I don't know if she is getting more passionate
as she is aroused, if so, that's my fault! I open
the first carton of custard. I write down on a piece
of paper, 'Andy wants you!' Then I slide it in front
of Charlie. She is peering at Mr Wright and making a
passionate speech about sex and foreplay. Right,
Mizz Rose, talking about foreplay, time for more
sploshing! Charlie picks up the piece of paper and
is about to glance at it, when!

I squirt at least half of litre of cold clammy
custard up Charlie's dress, right up her legs and
make contact the with the primary target! Major
Tom, puts, his helmet on and is ready, willing and
able! He tells the Alpha, he will lead the charge
of the light brigade!

I go for another attack. I shoot my load! It's
a pearler of a shot if I don't say so myself, this
shot rides right up the inside of Charlie's left
leg, and lands round the inside of her left thigh.
A spot where a lot of women are sensitive!

My plan backfires, I get caught in a blue on blue
situation! Friendly fire! The custard delivery
scrambles Charlie's brain. Her sex hormones rampage
to the front cortex of her brain. She gets an
almighty sexual endorphins rush from the custard
arousing her. Charlie forgets to look at me. She
looks at Matthew Wright, and instead of answering
the question she has been asked. She blurts out the
only things she can remember!

Unfortunately, this was on the piece of paper I
had passed her. I can see from her eyes and body
posture, she cannot control what's about to happen.
She gazes at Mr Wright in front of everybody, and
blurts out!

"Andy wants you!"

Well, I'm in the shite now. Charlie has just told
the nation I wish to have a moment of gay passion
with the host of, 'The Wright Stuff!'


Chapter Ten: Tic-Tac, watch my bloody toe!

My fleeting moment of passion with Mr Wright is
fortunately, short lived! He starts laughing at
Charlie's comment, but his face tells a different
story! It's now becoming harder to continue this
clandestine war, of splosh nerves!

Custard is slowly dripping down Charlie's legs and
onto the floor! This may well give the game away.
Ok, I need to get even more custard into play, and
the first of the small vibrators. I very slowly get
another carton of custard and move it about under
the bench. I'm trying not to move my arms about to
much, so I don't blow my own cover on national
television. For some reason the debate moves onto
religion and its connection with sex. Beard'y Ben,
seems to be well into this, all about the meaning
of mankind. I feel the need to bless him and his
beard, but I resist!

Charlie is listening intently, I am not! Major Tom
wants to get the vibrator into play, so we can
sexually dismantle Charlie, and give her an orgasm
on national tv. So, the conversation gets round to
asking questions on the morality of sex, etc, etc.

I almost feel the urge to have a word with the big
man in the sky to move things along, I nearly blurt
out. God! This is doing my head in! Something tells
me this would not have gone down well, with beard'y
Ben?

Bizarrely my prayers are answered! I seize my
moment, I put my hand on Charlie's left leg and pull
her legs open! Oh er', kinky devil! Oh shite, wrong
words, sorry God! I'm getting giddy! Another carton
gets put into play. I shoot my second load in two
minutes! Half a litre of custard right up Charlie's
now, not so white dress! Splurdging her lingerie for
a second time! I get the small vibrator, sneakily
switch it on and attempt to slide into Charlie's
knickers!

I know, that Charlie knows. Yet she is trying to
keep a straight face on national television. Major
Tom, and the light brigade attempt to guide my hand to
the right point, up Charlie's dress! I don't have the
time to mess around in Charlie's sloppy knickers.
Which is a shame, I could quite happily stay there
for a while!

A question is asked by Mr Wright, directly to Charlie.

"Charlotte, what would you say if you saw Jesus, say
for example, the second coming arrived, and he was on
a bicycle!"

Where do they get these stupid, day time questions
from? Does somebody get locked in a room and the key
gets thrown away, until they right utter dribble!

Charlie looks in deep thought to the camera. My hand
with the bullet vibrator, is almost there!

I manage to lodge it in play! Just as I do so. Charlie
must have been getting ready to answer the question.

For the second time in about five minutes I manage
to upset the apple cart! Charlie is ready to regal
words of wisdom, when I pat the front of her knickers.
The vibrator lodges into the holiest of holy's, Amen!

Charlie blurts out!

"Christ on a bike!"

Followed by a gaping mouth and vacant stare. My first
salvo, lands bang on target. The audience and panel
are somewhat bemused at Charlie's statement!

Nice lady and beard'y Ben, now think something is
going on. I get asked a question and I reply to the
best of my ability, which is not much! As Major Tom
and his helmet, are wanting to go on a space walk to
the inside of a certain lady's, custard filled, not
so white dress.

I gaze at the camera for a moment and seem to make
some weird hand signals using my fingers, similar to
horse racing, tic-tac-toe. Yep, I've just called in
my first air strike!

Charlie get's wind I'm doing something, and stabs
me in the right foot in the little toe, to inform me
that she's on to me. Doesn't really matter Miss Rose,
you're a ticking sexual time bomb now. The question is,
are you going to go off with me sitting next to you?

Mr Wright informs the audience, at home and in the
studio, that we will shortly be going live to the
phones, to collect people's thoughts and views on
today's subjects. None of which I can remember, due
to Charlie sexually teasing me!


Chapter Eleven: What ever you can do, I might
be able to do better!

While Beard'y Ben and the nice lady are talking
about the papers, or something, as equally, not
interesting! Charlie goes on the rampage. She goes
under the counter with her hands. Grabs a full
carton of custard, pulls open my flies that I've
not been able to zip up, since we're where waiting
to come on air. She is a right little minx at this
point. Charlie doesn't just pour the custard into my
pants. She pulls my briefs open, releases Major Tom
from his observation post, and deluges him, his
helmet and the two hairy bikers that travel with him!
Yes, they all get swamped in custard! Charlie is
unluckily stopped by a request from a caller.

"We have a caller on line four for Charlotte."

Charlie gets well giddy. I try to put things back
into their box, before I get done for indecency!

"Your name caller?" Asks the tv girl.

"Hello Charlotte, my name is Mr Tard, or Bas, to
my friends." The voice responds, in a flat, monotone
manner.

I'm falling about all over the place laughing,
beard'y Ben and nice lady cannot see the funny side
of it. Neither can Mr Wright, or tv girl!

"What, your called Bas-Tard?" Charlie innocently
asks.

Once more I am in fits of laugher.

Mr Tard's voice sounds stern and monotone.

"Yes, that's right, girl. You should know your place,
girl. That place, girl, is covered in custard, girl!"

Right, that's it, it's now or never! I'm sitting
in the chair wetting my sides at Charlie. As I know
its PTC doing his Mr B'stard character, from The
Ministry Of Mess shoots. I look over to the lads
from the London meet and give the nod. I pray that
one of them who is a DJ, has managed to take over
the control room and keep us on the air!

I turn to Charlie beaming like a Cheshire cat and
say.

"My name is Mr A, Wanker! You are a very naughty
girl and you having it.... And you're having it
now!

I bend down for a moment. Pies fly in from the
crowd that have been stashed under seats. Anywhere
that we basically could hide food in, we had!

PTC starts directing the malay from his mobile
phone, people start to throw food, and pies
at Charlie and the nice lady. Beard'y Ben is a
casualty of war, his beard gets caught in the
cross fire! I remember somebody gets a couple of
good shots in, with spaghetti of all things. It
splatters all over Charlie's chest! The top of
her white dress starts going see through.

Result! Charlie's not wearing a bra! Wey hey! I
go for another carton of custard. Even better, my
luck is really in, one of the lads passes me a pie.
I quickly slap it in Charlie's face.

Charlie is in fits of giggles and hysterics, she
knows everything has gone south, there is no point
worrying about the tv show now. We're never going
to get invited back on! Well, the studio looks
like something out of, The Great Race, pie fight
scene. Mr Wright crawls out of there, but some
kinky soul manages to flan him on the arse. I think
it was the tv girl. Might be a revenge thing for
him being the boss!

I look at Charlie, Charlie looks at me. I have
to say I'm in a state. As in order to get Charlie,
I've had to get plastered in the process. Charlie
starts giggling like a school girl, who fancies a
lad in the school yard. I think, 'Result!' More
pies fly at us both. Followed by two buckets of
gunge. To this day, I have no idea on god's green
earth, how they got gunge in there? For the record,
the gunge was green as well!

A bucket of gunge hits Charlie square in the
chest, causing her dress to stick to her cleavage,
which was definitely a bonus! Major Tom approved,
and so did the helmet, along with the two hairy
bikers that had gone swimming in custard! Chaos
ensued for several minutes, then we got taken off
air. Which was kind of to be expected really!


Chapter Twelve : The Scooby Doo, vanilla
ending!

Right, for all of you who don't believe in sex
before marriage, or only at night time, with the
bedroom light off, under the duvet, here is your
ending.

We got escorted out of the studio, they actually
allowed us put our other clothes back on.
Charlie's hair was plastered all over her face.
Make up was gone! But she still had a vibrator in
her knickers which was a consolation. Though I had
not completed my primary mission, which was to give
Charlie a messy forced orgasm. We hooked up with
the guys from the London meet. I thanked PTC for
stepping in on the phone. Then we all went off to
the Penderels Oak pub, and got wankered! I then
got a hotel room with Charlie, and played kinky
scrabble. Charlie got plastered at the pub, but
somehow turned off the vibrator, boo!


Chapter Thirteen: The Charlie Rose, goddess of
sex ending!

Right, here is the xvideos ending, so you have
to be over the legal age required for reading porn,
in your country of residence. And have signed off
the 2257 statement, required by law, to even think
about sex, oral sex, or even the word sex. I knew
it would pop up again, now the words pop-up are
being taken the wrong way! Enjoy.

Charlie was wrecked, but she had yet to orgasm.
Well, we may well have a delayed charge! On the
other hand, my fuse is not far from going off!

God, Charlie looks hot, and even hotter after
somebody threw a bucket of green gunge over her,
in that white dress. Her breasts appeared to have
got extra curves to them, caused by the dress
clinging to her sexually elegant body. Major Tom
has his helmet on, and the two hairy bikers appear
to be giving signals, that the soup of the day is
ready to serve!

Charlie is aroused, I cannot blame anybody else
for this, it's my fault, in my eyes, she is utterly
hot. I could spend all day playing! The goddess
made a statement to me.

"I told you. I'm having you! I'm having you here
and now, you are a dirty little boy, aren't you!"

Charlie looked me straight in the eyes. So I
attempt something witty!

"Bit of an understatement that, looking at the
state of us both, I'd say, we're a right pair of
filthy fuckers!"

I'd attempted to cross a bridge too far! Charlie
put her hand into my pants, she was not messing
about now. I now found out, why Charlie Rose is,
the first lady of sex, and why one of her
specialities is the hand job!

She puts her left hand into my pants. Charlie very
softly gets hold of Major Tom. Her thumb slowly
and seductively, caresses him. Making him want to
show all his helmet, that appears to be all shiny
for some reason? Now Charlie's three middle index
fingers, rub up and down Major Tom's shaft, in a
semicircular motion. Her little finger somehow gets
underneath, the two hairy bikers and caresses their
over night ruck sack!

I look down at the activities, and cannot help but
moan out loud in the middle of the tv studio.

"For what we are about to receive!"

I chose the wrong statement, as beard'y Ben
nearly blesses us both!

It gets sexually better, a lot fucking better!
Charlie combines all the movements together. I'm
looking down. When Charlie softly speaks.

"Andy look at me, look into my eyes, Andy!"

I do as I'm told, I'm a like a young man who
is having his first sexual encounter. God, your
lucky if it's Charlie Rose! Custard is dripping
down her nose in a major cute way. She slowly
plays with me. Major Tom seems be freaking out!
I can feel it, it's happening. I'm going to
detonate, my fuse wire has run out. But wait!

Charlie lets go and starts moaning herself, she
puts both hands on the desk. The vibrator has
struck. NO!!!! Piss poor timing on my part. Charlie
tries to stop her orgasm, but she cannot hold it
back much longer. I'm afraid to ask if she's needs
a hand! I worry she's going to tell me to finish
myself off. What an anticlimax, that would be.
Get it, climax! Sorry!

It's a sexual delight, watching Charlie Rose about
have a forced orgasm, in a white dress covered in
custard, gunge and all other manners of food
substances! My eyes are transfixed on her gorgeous
breasts slopping about in the dress. Fuck, I want
to tear that dress open, it's like Christmas day
I want to play with everything!

Charlie's looks up from her messy hair, her eyes
have nearly gone into the back of her head! Might
be a full body, can't move, let alone think orgasm.
Told you she was a kinky soul.

The hand, of the one named Charlie, dives back
into my pants. Work recommences! Charlie does two
quick side strokes on Major Tom. For some reason I
find myself looking at the ceiling! Which I note,
has somehow got custard on it. But, let's not go
there, when more interesting things are about to
happen.

Charlie keeps her promise, she takes me, but the
vibrator I landed, takes her!

I know I blurted a lot of sexual profanity as
Charlie completed her promise. I hadn't let go like
that from hand play in a while. Charlie got hold of
the counter and followed suit, by letting go all
down her leg! We both think we saw Beard'y Ben and
nice lady having a quick fumble. Charlie's hormones
where probably making everybody in the studio
randy.

After some time we all got out the studio, found
our clothes and did one. I said goodbye to the London
lads and sent PTC a message to say thank you.

Then, I went to a hotel with Charlie, where we had
passionate sex all afternoon. Charlie put me through
the new positions, she owned the copyright to, for the
latest kamasutra book! That was an experience I can
tell you!

Ok, the above paragraph was a little white lie. We
had to say our goodbye's, as Charlie had radio
commitments and other appointments to keep. I had
filming booked and loads of bollocks that needed
writing. So, I got the train home, and for the first
time, I wished I could of stayed in London for a
while longer.

Several days later I got a letter off Offcom for
wrecking the studio, and upsetting Mr Wright, but
let's not get into that!

Dedicated to the brave people of Belgium, who on
the morning of 22/3/16 Stared death in the face
and kept going. Good on' em.
Tagged male+female
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