The Wetgalfan Chronicles: Chapter 26
A Wild Wedding Part 2

Luckily neither Lisa nor I overslept the following morning after our extended party in the big mud hole after everyone else had left. I am getting ahead of myself, but apparently Lisa told Connie and Lori everything at the reception. Both of them asked her to ask me if it was all right if they took their respective guys over to my under-construction house late at night while we were gone on our honeymoon. I told her it was fine, but they probably wanted to make sure they showed up on different nights.

The wedding wasn't a huge affair. It was about sixty guests and the wedding party consisted of Lori and Terry as bridesmaid and groomsman, Connie and Brett as Matron of Honor and Best Man and of course Lisa and me. I had a good friend at home who I had considered for Best Man, but I hated breaking up sets. He was happy to come and be an usher for us with Lisa's brothers. Being informal, the guys and I just went with gray tux pants, tux shirts and vests.

Of course I had paid for the whole thing, including buying all the guys' outfits and the ladies' dresses. Lisa called me when she first picked out the dresses, worried about them getting ruined by the pool party when they were so expensive. I told her not to worry. Then after the Stag & Doe when we had decided to make it a totally messy free-for-all, she called again saying she was going to return them for something cheaper.

Will you please not worry about it? I urged.

But they are so all so pretty and expensive, Lisa said.

I'm paying for them for all three of you and all of the guys' tuxes and your little niece and nephew, I replied. I don't care how much they cost. In fact, if you can still get them, you, Connie and Lori buy one more and we'll do a real 'Trash the Dress' photo shoot with our photographer and videographer later.

You're impossible! she shot back with her infectious giggle coming through. What if we just want to be able to keep them?

Buy three, I said, deadpan.

You're not going to let me save you any money, are you? she asked.

You keep arguing with me about it, and I'll go out and buy a whole warehouse full of dresses and make you ruin every one of them! I said.

She finally gave up. We did go back and update everyone who had confirmed their attendance and told them since things would get really messy, they could wear whatever they wanted or let me reimburse them if good clothes got ruined, but we really wanted them to join in the fun. We did offer them one more option though. If they didn't wish to partake, we would pass out buttons that said, No, thanks, and we would do our best to keep them out of the line of fire when the tossing in the pool and the tossing of the pies began.

When the guys and I stepped out, I did a quick scan of the guests. About half had dressed down. Of the remaining half, maybe a quarter wore the buttons, and one of them was Kay. She was a good sport once upon a time, really.

I did check out Lisa and Connie's cousin, Jen. (Don't hate me! She comes from their mom's side of the family so she's HOT!) She took the wear whatever you want thing to the extreme though. I know it was an afternoon wedding and not formal, but someone needed to remind her that you're not supposed to outshine the bride. She wore a hot, form-fitting purple halter mini-dress.




I mean, YOWSER! And she wasn't wearing a No thanks button as far as I could tell from where I was standing. She appeared to have a date too. It was one of Lisa's old friends from school's son who had accompanied his parents to the Stag & Doe party. He had paid a lot of attention to her, spending all of his money on pies to hit her when she joined us to get pied for charity and gave up everything but his boxer briefs for one more pie once the money ran out. He dunked her several times when we were using the dunk tank to rinse off the pie and he hung around her in the pool which she didn't seem to mind at all, lifting her up and dunking her over and over. She would squeal each time. He looked to be a few years younger than she was, but if they liked each other, that was all that mattered. I mean, if Maddie had been interested in more than just revenge sex, who knows? (See Chapters 3 and 4.)

Lori made her way up the aisle in a light blue dress and then Connie followed wearing an identical one.



Finally the wedding march began and I saw my Lisa in all her splendor escorted by her son, Mark.



Yeah, I have a one-track mind but when I saw that plunging neckline, my first thought was how I couldn't wait to see pie rolling into it. Then I actually appreciated the sight of her.

After all these years, my Lisa was finally going to be mine.

I saw my ex take a good, long look at her. Kay was also blessed with slow-aging, but she wasn't in the best shape, unless you count round as a shape. All right. That is the last joke I will crack about her. Lisa had seen pictures of her, but this was the first time Kay had laid eyes on Lisa. I am not sure what she was expecting, but I could tell from her expression that Lisa wasn't it.

Of course Lisa didn't notice any of it because she only saw one person in the room. That look of total happiness in her face made everything that I had to go through to lead up to us meeting again worthwhile.

Mark presented her to me. Jeff had told her to ask Mark to give her away. He's the main guy in your life now, he'd said.

The minister went through the usual things and got to our vows. Lisa looked at me with all the love of that excited teenager from years ago and said to me, Sweetest Jim, I loved you the first moment I laid eyes on you. We were really two-of-a-kind and back then I couldn't envision a future without you in it. Yet I let a silly mistake get in the way of a lifetime of happiness. Know that from this day forward, I dedicate my life and my very being to making up for that and making you the happiest man in the world.

Then it was my turn. We switched who was holding whose hand and I said, My Darling, Lisa, my little goofball, everyone we knew said we were meant to be together. A misunderstanding sent us down different paths. They were both rich, full lives and some of their results are right in this room with us today. But I should have known that destiny would draw us back together one day. As happy as I am here with you now, I know that it can only be a tiny fraction of the love and happiness we'll have in the years ahead.

The minister pronounced us husband and wife and told me I could kiss my bride. I could feel the lipstick rubbing off onto me. The little goofball had purposely worn the cheap stuff and giggled at her little joke when we pulled out of the kiss. Now we're both wearing cheap lipstick, she whispered. I didn't care. I was going to look a lot worse before the day was over.

I won't bore you with the early parts of the reception. It was a simple buffet because it was an afternoon wedding and we had made clear that it was very informal. We did have a D.J, an old friend of mine from Indy. Since we'd planned for this to be a wet and messy affair, we had choreographed it all and worked with my friend so that he could announce when people who wanted to change or just get out of the way could do so.

Right after we ate, Brett and Connie gave their toasts as well as Tommy my friend who served as usher and wanted to say something to send us off. He had been around during the breakup with Kay and kind of got a couple of subtle digs in at her. She didn't look happy but she didn't say anything or leave.

Right after the toasts, Freddie the D.J. said to everyone, What are you all doing in here? I thought this was supposed to be a pool party!

That was my cue to sweep my little goofball up into my arms and carry her through the glass doors to the pool that we'd had propped open the whole time. A few people were already outside and milling around the pool. The guests started to laugh and cheer as I got closer and closer to the diving boards.

Ready to get wet? I asked her when I stepped up on the board.

Anytime I'm with you! Lisa replied.

We copied Stacey and Derald. I carried her out to the end of one of the one meter boards. By this point most guests had assembled around the diving end of the pool. I waited until both our photographer and videographer signaled that they were ready and I took three hops and jumped off the board. Lisa had her arms around my neck and once we were airborne, she pulled her face up to mine and planted one of her trademark sloppy kisses on me that we held until we disappeared under the water.

We surfaced to cheers. Lisa was laughing that infectious laugh that made me fall in love with her all over again every time I heard it. Her wet hair had fallen over her face just like I remembered it. (I had convinced her to grow it back out to the length she wore it when we were young just for situations like this and something else I wanted her to do that is coming up.) The dress was beautiful in the water. The lace around her shoulders was transparent but it was lined around her bust so all I got to see of her bridal lingerie was the straps going over her shoulders.

We swam for the shallow end as Brett and Connie got on one of the one meter boards and Terry and Lori got on the other, gals in their guys' arms and jumped in like we did.

I think that means the pool is open for business! Freddie announced and our kids jumped in with their dates or in the case of my youngest, her friend she brought along and then everyone else followed. All of Lisa's family was quickly in the water with us. Her mom wore a tea length green off-one-shoulder dress that went three shades darker in the water.



Cousin Jen didn't waste any time either. Lisa has already said she will forgive me for saying that hot dress she was wearing looked even hotter in the pool. That loose halter top plastered itself to her tits and her erect nipples. On the other hand, Kris's dress was pretty revealing in the water too!

Guests in jeans and cutoffs joined in the fun and I also saw a few people heading toward the locker rooms with tote bags.

There were also a few who weren't interested in the pool at all. One among their number who didn't surprise me one bit was Kay. She had certainly been as welcome as anyone to come swimming whether she wanted to change or wear what she had on. Instead she sat at the bar drinking Angry Orchards and watching the pool. Silently I wondered what she might be up to.

Let's show 'em our trick! Lisa said, excitedly jumping up and down in the water like a little kid.

Lisa and I had both been practicing this off the raft at her folks' house, but we hadn't had the chance to try it off of a diving board, so this would be a first. I said a silent prayer that we wouldn't mess it up. We swam for the ladder and I let Lisa go up first. I motioned for the videographer and photographer, who by that time were in the pool with waterproof equipment. (They're wedding photographers. They do Trash the Dress.) I stood in the water in my wrecked wedding clothes and beheld what seemed like gallons of water pouring from the hem of Lisa's dress. How had I ever let such a good sport slip away and what did I do to deserve a second chance with her? Thank goodness I had the foresight to get video and pictures of that particular moment. They are some of my favorites from the pool. We climbed out of and each stepped onto one of the one meter boards.

Looks like the bride and groom want to show off their synchronized diving skills, Freddie commented, which got everyone's attention.

Lisa counted us off. We ran down the boards, getting to the end at the same time. We each hopped and did a spin and then took another bounce to flip off the board backwards. We didn't hit the water exactly at the same time, but at least we both went in splitting it with our hands at close to the right angle instead of landing on our backs or flipping all the way over and doing a backwards belly flop, (which we did many times practicing). Lisa had to do it hiking up her dress while running down the board and in case you're wondering, she wore a dress every time we practiced in the pond, just not a wedding dress.

Connie and Lori saw what we did and pulled Brett and Terry respectively up to the boards. They looked every bit as good as Lisa did in those gloriously soaked bridesmaid dresses. Connie and Brett dove in with Connie doing a forward somersault and Lori and Terry did synchronized cannon balls. Suddenly the diving boards were the thing to do. What an awesome sight that was! I could have just sat on the side of the pool watching woman after woman doing intense dives in the most totally inappropriate swimwear imaginable all night. I had to put up with watching guys too and some of the women had changed into bathing suits. A few were in jeans or shorts and t-shirts, which was nice to watch, but those who had taken us up on our come as you are offer were the ones I really enjoyed seeing. This was a wetlook lover's dream! Everyone gave themselves over to having a great time in the water. There is just something special about people totally giving themselves over to something like this having a blast in the water wearing totally inappropriate clothes.

I said I could have sat and watched all night, but I had a soaking wet bride to keep happy and she wanted me to play with her so I spent a lot of my time in line for the diving boards myself. If we weren't going off the boards, we were playing Chicken Fight or letting them crowd surf us across the pool and dump us in the deep end. Stacey and Derald's Wedding Pool Party had such a profound effect on both of us that we even did the ladies' synchronized dive off the side with Lisa, Connie and Lori as well as my daughters, everyone else's daughters, Jen and a few other fully-clothed lady swimmers. We even did the big hand-holding group jump. After that, the photographer took hair flip pictures of Lisa, Connie and Lori and any other women who wanted to give her guy the Wetlook Holy Grail. (This was the other reason I asked Lisa to grow her hair back out.)

All this time, Freddy had been spinning records and offering commentary that had us all in stitches. He'd said he had always wanted to do a pool wedding where the bride and groom jumped in, but had never been to one, let alone one that was a literal pool party. We had told him to give us time to enjoy the pool during the middle of the reception before calling us for the rest of the traditions.

We need to clear the pool so the bride can throw her bouquet! he announced. All eligible ladies who want it are going to have to swim for it!

Lisa took me by the hand and led me onto one of the one meter boards. Ladies and girls lined up around the pool. I noticed a couple who were obviously still dry. Lisa threw her bouquet over her shoulder and they all jumped in at once, laughing and shrieking and making their way to the center of the deep end where it ended up. Connie had purposely weighted it so it would sink and Jen made a dive for it. Man, she looked hot diving under in that shiny purple dress. You know, if I'd seen her first when I got back to McKenzieno, my Lisa would have made me forget all about her.

Jen got it! Lisa exclaimed when Jen broke the surface waving it in triumph.

Well go congratulate her! I replied and gave my sweet little goofball a shove. She fell backwards into the water with the same, Oh well! expression on her face she had when I carried her off the dock at the rehearsal dinner, but only I got to see it. She swam to her cousin who was now at the side of the pool and gave her a hug.

Well Jim, how're you going to get her garter now that you shoved her in the pool? Freddie announced.

I curled my finger at Lisa to beckon her back up on the board.

Nope! she shot back. You pushed me in. You gotta get in here if you want it!

I shrugged and dove in. Lisa started swimming for the shallow water. I caught her in water up to our stomachs and dove under and came up inside her dress.

Now up until this point, everything was planned. I was just supposed to swim up under her dress and get the garter, but I couldn't resist. Lisa had two sets of bridal lingerie, one for under her dress that was going to get ruined and one for when we went to our hotel room. I'll go ahead and give you a preview of what she was wearing in the pool.




Like I said, I couldn't resist. She was standing with her legs apart to let me get the garter down easily. I reached up and pulled her thong to one side and before she could stop me, I shoved my tongue up into her pussy and started licking. She was wet for more reasons than being in the pool! It meant the world to me that doing the crazy things I asked her to do got her excited like that. I knew when I asked her if we could have a wet wedding that she would say yes; finding out that she was turned on doing it meant that she had totally given herself over to it. It's sexy beyond belief to be with a woman who actually enjoys your fetish and isn't just doing it for you.

I could hear her scream and start to giggle under the water. She tried to step backwards, but I was up inside her dress and I had my hands firmly grasping her ass. Then she started slapping me in the head. That and the fact that my breath was getting hard to hold convinced me to finish what I'd come down her for and get out. I let go of her and got the garter. Then I came up for air.

Everyone was laughing their asses off when I came up. I think most of them thought that we had worked that out too and I was just pretending. The look Connie and Kris gave us told me they both knew better, not that either of them looked upset by it. Kris was laughing the hardest of all.

What happened? Freddy asked from his booth. You were down there a long time!

I got lost! I yelled out for everyone to hear, making the laughter even louder. Lisa shot me one of those silly sneers a woman gives a man she finds incorrigibleand loves him for it and then kissed me. We both climbed out and got back on the board and I flipped the garter off my finger like a rubber band into the pool. Another of Lisa's younger cousins, Greg, got it. Lisa shoved me off the board and then jumped in after to congratulate him.

I'm glad you're excited about our pool party wedding, I kidded Lisa with a whisper and flipped my tongue at her.

You just be patient! she scolded. Later tonight you can do that all you want!

Mmmm, I can't wait! I replied.

Freddy called out, If we can fish our happy couple out of the pool, it is time for them to share their punch and cake.

Neither one of us drank much so we decided to just use punch for this. Usually the cake comes first but we did it out of order and you'll see why in a moment. Lisa and I took a glass of punch and did the arms intertwined thing. We looked so funny doing it as a couple of bedraggled drowned rats and I love the picture we got of it. I really wanted to serve up another glass and pour it down her dress. I resisted the urge though. Her dress was about to become terminal soon enough.

Jim and Lisa will show everyone how they will always take care of each other by feeding each other a piece of cake, Freddy announced. This was where the real fun began.

We sliced off two pieces of cake holding the knife together. I took one and placed it gently up to Lisa's lips and she ate it. She picked up the other piece and looked like she was doing the same until she shoved it in my face and smeared it all around. I stood there like a good slapstick victim should.

As this was going on, all of our wedding party, the ushers and a few other volunteers were pushing carts loaded with cream pies out. I stood scowling while Lisa took several bows. Most of the guests got into the spirit and laughed and clapped. We were hoping they would play along because it provided the distraction for Lisa we needed. As she hammed it up with her back to me, Connie handed me a thick chocolate cream pie. Chocolate may was well go straight for the white dress's jugular. People began to murmur and say, Ooooo! but no one shouted out a warning, (like in my Kellie's Wedding story).

Hey, Lisa! I said behind her.

What? she replied back, turning around.

SPLAT! She turned right into the pie exploding in her face. I heard a few, No's here and there, but mostly everyone erupted in laughter. Most everyone our age and older in the room knew Lisa and me from way back when for the clowns we were whenever we were together and they had told the younger generations. Then again, most of the people were in soaking wet wedding clothes and a few people were still in the pool watching our shenanigans. Picking a pie fight at our wedding really wasn't all that strange when you think about it. Pie splattered up into Lisa's bedraggled hair and onto her dress and down her cleavage very arousing!

Now it was my turn to appear cocky and distracted. I turned around and started giving Connie high fives. Lori handed Lisa a pie and held one herself. I had my back to Lisa and she tapped me on the shoulder. I turned and ducked just as she shoved the pie forward and Connie provided a wonderful substitute target. She stood her ground and took her medicine with all the grace of one of Kakekid's professionals from his Pie Fight Club.

I stood back up and started laughing and pointing at both of them. Of course, I was standing right between them. Lori handed Lisa the second chocolate cream she was holding and Connie reached back and got one for herself. Suddenly I realized my true situation. Uh oh! I uttered to the amusement of the assembled guests.

SPLAT! The lights went out when the ladies enveloped my head in a pie sandwich. What a feeling! My two favorite ladies (of my age at least) were grinding pie filling and crust into my face. Pie was falling down my shirt and vest. I started getting very erect even inside my wet clothes.

They dropped the pans and I cleared my face off. I picked up a banana cream and threatened both Lisa and Connie with it. Lori was standing next to them and when I raised it up, I shoved it straight into her face.

Why'd you hit me? she whined comically.

Because you were still clean! I replied.

Then Kris came charging up to us. Technically this was her idea so we asked if she wanted to be part of our opening skit to break the ice. You'd better have asked me! was her reply. I'm beginning to think pie throwing is going to become the official family sport after jeans swimming.

Now, you all cut this out! she scolded, sounding just like she used to when she would scold us for tearing up our clothes on the dam, mud sliding or not having the sense to come in out of the rain. (I eventually saw through it though and realized it was her way of telling us to have fun during all those times.) This is a wedding and you've all had your crazy time in the pool already! No more silliness!

She looked so ridiculous scolding us. She had been in the pool watching things right up until the time she helped roll out the pie carts. She was as bedraggled drenched as the rest of us. None of us had even bothered to take our shoes off for swimming and water was still pouring off the hem of that lovely green dress onto her acrylic high-heel sandals. Now, those pies are for eatin', not for puttin' in someone's face!

Kris was standing there with her hands on her hips practically begging for it with her body language. The smirk she shot me said she was ready. I grabbed a blackberry cream. Lisa and Connie got chocolate creams and finally Lori got a cherry cream.

SPLAT! I slapped my pie into the right side of her head. SPLAT! Lori plastered Kris from the left. SPLAT! Connie slammed her pie down onto the top of Kris's head. SPLAT! Finally Lisa swung hers around roundhouse style into Kris's face to complete the four-way. Kris didn't flinch and stood there like a pro! I did see her giggling though.

If you noticed that Brett and Terry had managed to stay out of it, that didn't last much longer. PIE FIGHT! the five of us shouted and began assaulting anyone not wearing No thanks button. Brett and Terry were Connie and Lori's first victims.

It was mayhem for the next ten or fifteen minutes. I concentrated on Lisa mostly, but my kids and family who were there also got it pretty good from me. When I went after Lisa, I tried to find what would do the most damage like blackberry, cherry and chocolate. I didn't just go for her face either. I got her tits and ass several times. Lisa was a consummate good sport about things and whenever I had an obvious drop on her, submitted herself to what she had coming without flinching, ducking or deflecting.

Connie, Lori and Kris also made it clear that I was a favorite target for them, so naturally I reciprocated. Thanks to Lisa's recently discovered love for getting pied, I had gotten good at throwing them. All three ladies would bait me into throwing pies at them by teasing that they were going to throw one at me. Kris even did the Curly bit, threatening me four times with one while I was standing right next to the cart. Then she gave up and plastered herself in the face with the one she was holding and teased me by sticking out her tongue and holding it so I could deck her again. She had to know that was a thing. The more I think about how the whole pie fight at the reception was her idea, the more I want to sneak a peek at her computer's search history and see if WAM or wet and messy shows up a lot.

Jen was thoroughly enjoying herself and it was pretty obvious that she enjoyed being on the receiving end of being pied a lot more than dishing it out. Her date was letting her have it, but good. He hit her four times in the face with various flavors of pie. Then she thrust her tits out and he pied them a few times. Finally, she turned around and wiggled her ass at him in that oh-so-tight purple dress. She squealed and laughed every time. They were in their own little world.

I was in mine watching them too. So deep that I didn't noticed Lisa, Connie and Lori converge around me. Lori and Connie slapped banana creams into each side of my head. Then Lisa surprised me. She lobbed a blackberry cream at me and accurately too! It exploded squarely in my face. Oh boy! Lisa could throw pies now too! My little goofball and I were going to have so much fun together!

I thought you wanted to see me get pied, not my cousin! Lisa teased. She picked up another blackberry cream and handed it to me. I threw it hard right back in her face. Lisa grunted when it exploded and stood there giggling while blackberry filling and whipped cream dripped from her face and invaded her cleavage. How cool is it that she not only lets me have this fetish, but she does her best to feed it?

My girls, their guests, Lisa's kids and their guests, including Rowan and Lucy, had a blast too. The younger set seemed to hang together, but they were obviously into the idea of a pie fight wedding reception.

By the time the pies were gone, (and it didn't seem like four times as many as the Stag & Doe party to me), everyone except those wearing buttons was destroyed beyond recognition. Lisa's dress looked like we'd painted it in brown, red and purple. There wasn't a bit of white left on it anywhere.

Lisa gets the last pie! Connie said and handed the last one to my bride. Connie, Brett, Lori, Terry, Kris, Jeff and I were standing in front of her. Lisa looked us up and down.

I can't decide who to hit! she complained. Oh well! SPLAT! Lisa flipped the blackberry cream pie up into her own face and let the filling and crust drip down inside her dress to join all the pie in her cleavage. Everyone clapped and cheered.

Freddy announced, For those of you who didn't get enough dessert, they are finally going to serve the cake! Most everyone went up for their piece of cake, but a lot of them ended up in somebody else's face instead of mouths. It's hard to stop having messy fun once you start.

Thought I told you to get four times as many pies as the party, I teased Connie.

Maybe that wasn't all of them, she teased back. Maybe somebody was going off script.

The wedding party has a little something planned for Lisa, Jim and everyone here that wasn't on the official agenda, Freddy said once the cake had all either been eaten or shoved in a face.

Now something I hadn't mentioned was that there was an area by the wall, near the large glass doors that opened to the pool that was cordoned off with large drapes held up by a frame made from large PVC pipes.

Connie, Brett, Lori and Terry took Lisa and me over to it. Lisa and Jim, we thought you wouldn't mind a surprise or two today, Connie stated loudly, so, here ya' go!

The four of them pulled back the framed drapes and revealed a three-foot-deep inflatable pool, one of those that you just inflate the top ring and then the water holds it up. Except this one wasn't filled with water. It was filled to the top with gallons of chocolate pudding.

What's a wedding in redneck country without a little mud wrestling, Lori added, or in this case pudding wrestling?

Lisa shot me an expression that said she was all in with the idea even though her sister and company had come up with this one all by themselves. She decided to put on a show though.

Stepping toward the pool, Lisa loudly protested, Oh! So just because we let things get a little messy around here, you think I'm going to willingly dive right in there and make a fool of myself! Now remember, this is coming from someone whose face and clothing are totally destroyed by cream pie and whose hair is slicked down with filling, whipped cream and filled with crushed graham cracker crust. She scooped up some of the pudding on her finger and licked it off. There is no way that I'm going to wrestle and wallow in this pit of delicious chocolate pudding. You can't make me!

Oh yeah? Connie challenged.

Standing right against the pool with her back to it, Lisa bent forward slightly and put both fists on her hips, sneering. Yeah! she growled.

The two of them could improv at least as well if not better than Lisa could read my intentions and play off them. They were so much alike and I have to confess to more than one weak moment when we were younger and I wasn't as morally centered, wondering what being with both of them at the same time would be like and wondering how much coaxing it would take to make it happen, if only just once. (Had Connie not been involved with Brett at the time, I might have gotten the nerve up to find out.) Yeah, I know it sounds wrong, but I have to admit to at least one dream about itand one that involved Kris with them.

Anyway, I started to laugh even before Connie moved because I knew exactly where this was going. Lisa held her pose and her sneer. Connie lunged forward, grabbing Lisa in a bear hug and like two ladies from the old days of Candace Michelle, Maria and Malina in the WWE, they both toppled into the pudding and disappeared under the surface. Screams, shrieks and howls of laughter erupted from all corners of the room. The ladies reappeared and squared off against one another. Until they each wiped the pudding covering their faces off with a single motion, it was impossible to tell who was who.

To be continued in A Wild Wedding Part 3