December 24, 2016
BORDEAUX. Inhabitants of the city were pleasantly surprised today as the morning of Christmas Eve started with chocolate rain. An occurence that until now was relegated to fairy tales, the chocolate rainclouds flew over the city from the Atlantic Ocean and heavy streams of chocolate coated its roofs in a dark brown color.

"This has never happened before," said a member of the city council, "Bordeaux doesn't even get snow, much less chocolate. We have requested help from scientific bodies are investigating this matter." The councilwoman did not seem to be in any kind of panic and, on the contrary, was in a joyful mood. "I have to say, though, whatever caused this rain to occur knew how to make it sweet," she added as she licked the chocolate off her arm.

A group of enterprising university students formed a makeshift pond in the nearby park. Moving with purpose, not minding the continuous chocolate rain in the slightest, they filled the pond to the brim and proceeded to strip to their underwear and bathe in it. When I asked them about the cold, they answered "You would think so, but with the chocolate coating over your skin, you don't actually lose any heat."

Skeptical, I shrugged and turned away. In retrospect, this was a mistake. As soon as I did so, the girls grabbed from behind, forcibly stripped me off pretty much all of my clothes, save for my bra and panties and threw me into the chocolate pond. Utterly shocked, I made no effort to even begin to react. As the chocolate began to stick to my skin, I felt a special kind of warmth and started to understand what they had meant. In a few moments, I felt very comfortable up until the moment when they dunked my head into the pond.

Seeing me exclaim in surprise, the girls suddenly withdrew, realizing that in their playfulness, they had stripped a reporter in a city off of their clothes. Eyeing each other cautiously, they waited anxiously for a reaction from me, not knowing how much trouble they were in. I was about to give them a moderate amount of trouble when I realized that sitting here on the mushy ground, my entire, almost naked, body covered in chocolate in a Christmas-decorated park, was, while surreal, an altogehter pleasant experience. I smiled and decided that a sufficient punishment for the girls would be to splash chocolate in their face which I did with great joy. We all laughed, then. This would be a very interesting Christmas.

As I was returning back to the newspaper office later, I admit I felt quite embarrassed walking in the streets covered in chocolate, but then: it is a special today and everybody had at least some chocolate on them today. Too bad for the pastry makers, though they won't be getting many sales today.
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January 1, 2017
NICE. Over a week has passed since the appearance of the first chocolate rain in Bordeaux. Since then, similar events occurred in other regions of the country. The national weather service says that while water rains are still by far the most common, the number of chocolate clouds is increasing. Today, however, an even more bizarre weather could be found in the city of Nice.

Natalie, an arts student, was the first person hit by what the locals have already termed 'kitchen storm'. "I was returning home from school," she told me, "I had no umbrella, of course, and I don't really mind rain. You know, I actually enjoy the feeling of waterdrops flowing down my hair. Plus I was sort of hoping for a chocolate rain to appear erm, yeah, anyway, so I was walking in the rain when suddenly the rain drops were gone and instead what was falling down was flour. I tell you, no joke, just like that. So, of course, me being wet from the heavy rain, I was soon all covered with a layer of frigging flour. In the streets."

I let her continue her story. "So of course the next thing that happens is that Sophie comes around the corner, bearing an umbrella. When she noticed me, she giggled and then erupted into full laughter. I must have looked terrible. So of course, I'm not letting her get away with it. So I rip the umbrella out of her hand, grab her, and pull her towards the nearest fountain. All this time, she's still hysterically laughing at my look, so I did not require any time at all to think before throwing her into the water."

"That sounds a little extreme," I say, "what did she do, then?"

"More like what I did do then. You must understand that Sophie is a longtime friend of mine. She knows, very well, how much I hate being humiliated in public, so I was absolutely raging back then. I jumped in the fountain after her and removed her shirt and shoes, then ordered her to get out. She didn't resist at all I guess she knew what she did wrong, but she still kept up that abominable laughter. Fortunately, after mere minutes, enough flour had fallen on her that her body was much more covered than mine, and she was less dressed so overall I was happy."

Similar stories were heard from other districts of Nice and photos of girls conducting themselves in this manner became very popular on social media the tag #FranceSweetGirls was even momentarily overtaken by #NiceFlourBabes.
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January 10, 2017
PARIS. As strange weather incidents continue to intensify across the country, a government official organized a press conference in Paris earlier today. She came on the stage in a black dress. Chocolate still dripped down from her shoulders and flour covered her hair but no journalist even remarked on what would previously be very unprofessional. By now it was commonplace.

She wiped the mess off her face and spoke. "Madams and Sirs, the last two weeks have certainly been extraordinary. But with the latest event in Etretat yesterday evening, we believe we finally have some leads on the situation."

Etretat a coastal town in Normandy, and yesterday evening, it was the site of a mud storm: its beaches of sand had mysteriously washed into the sea and dark clouds had formed over the town. Then it began to rain mud, this time. The authorities prevented vehicle travel for safety reasons, and so everybody had to move on foot which led to even more people getting muddy.

The hashtag #EtretatMuddyLadies was trending even before there were any pictures at all of the storm. One of the curious stories of this event was that the mud people washed off their bodies clogged the drain sometimes, leading people to be unable to clean themselves. People handled the situation in various ways some cleaned the drains, others dumped excess water and mud on the streets (there will be mud anyway, right?) and still others just shrugged and remained covered.

The fact that a mud storm appeared wasn't even a surprise at this point. What was surprising was that this time, mud sometimes fell from the skies in the shape of a sphere, and homed in on human targets. The mud, when falling next to a woman, would suddenly change course mid-air and splash on her neck instead.

Everybody was targeted, regardless of age or gender, but, as the internet denizens happily discovered, the mud did target some parts of the human body more often. The first major study to be done by random observers rather than in a scientific experiment, the citizens of Etretat discovered that the face, the crotch, the buttocks and the female chest were the most common targets, and a human was more likely to get hit if the skin on one of these parts was unprotected by clothing. The mud was even known to break window glass in order to reach an exposed naked target.

"We have named these weather abnormalities 'WAM-like storms' after an associated internet subculture. It is our belief that these storms are somehow caused by human engineering. There have been little negative consequences thus far from the storms, although of course these storms are worrying. All of these storms have happened on our country's mainland territory only which led some to assume a state attack against our country. I assure you we have no evidence of that."

The official took a breath and continued. "The parliament has, for the moment, relaxed laws on what would be previously be condemned as public indecency. We recognize that our nation has found itself a new hobby, so to speak, and at any rate, we do not wish to deal with these minor issues in these trying times. Everybody is still prevented from further embarrassing people who don't wish to participate. Thank you."

As she finished her line, a sphere of mud flew from the sky and landed on the official's neck, then dropped inside her dress. She smiled, left the stage and the gathered journalist took cover because a new mud storm was gathering over Paris.
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January 23, 2017
SENONCHES. 'The nation has found itself a new hobby,' the govenment had said and it was right. Hundreds of parties and dozens of large-scale festivals sprung up in the wake of the wamlike storms. With millions of people forced to participate in what was previously a very specialized interest, thousands upon thousands of them discovered they find it quite interesting. The WAM community exploded nearly overnight. Media coverage pulled in people from around the world and tourists came in droves to France from other European countries, eager to experience a wamlike storm for themselves.

"I chose to see the Senonches Wamlike Storm Festival because it's just so big," a festivalgoer said, "when a kitchen storm first hit me in my home town, I was taken aback by how much fun it was, so I convinced my sisters to come here with me. I hear that they have all of the messy substances and I really want to try everything."

"At first I was worried," said another girl at the festival, getting buried in sand by her friends, when I asked her about her first experience "but then I drove into a pudding storm. Curious, I had walked outside the car just to have a full serving of pudding plop right down my shirt. I fell in love immediately. I stayed outside for maybe an hour, taking in as much pudding as I could. It's too bad I didn't have a camera then. I put so much pudding down my panties that I nearly couldn't fit behind the wheel," she burst into laughter. "Cleaning the car was a pain afterwards, but the experience was totally worth it. Best car ride I've ever had."

In the afternoon, a dark cloud came over Senonches and the participants let out a great cheer as icecream fell from the skies.
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February 14, 2017
The names in this article have been changed to protect identities.
STRASBOURG. Nancy, 27, was teaching in a lecture hall of the university when the white wave washed over Strasbourg. She blinked and made to resume writing on the blackboard but before she could write another letter, a mass of shrieks from the audience forced her to turn around.

She groaned. She should have guessed something like this would happen to her. All of her students were stripped of their clothing and panicking. Nancy stared at her students' naked bodies for far longer than was appropriate. She couldn't help herself but to ponder the bodies especially of the more gifted girls who came to see her lecture. She looked at her own body to see that she, too, had her clothing removed. It wasn't just stripped down it flat out disappeared.

"Calm down, everybody!" she called the room to order, "there have greater embarrassments this month already. It's not a big deal let's just focus back on the class, shall we?"

As soon as it seemed that she might have succeeded, the windows opened and into the room flew a swarm of pies, every one homing in on a student and hitting them in the face. Students, now in panic again, stood up from their chairs to take cover, which only exposed their buttocks to further pies from the outside.

Nancy, as the pies began to plaster her own body as well, sat down and gave up. She looked at the students who were by now engaged in a full-on pie fight, the lecture all but forgotten. Nancy sighed, picked up a pie and decided to join in the fun.

When the full extent of the wamlike storm was revealed later on, Nancy's story became utterly insignificant in the midst of everything else that happened that day. The 'white wave' passed through the entire agglomeration, utterly destroying all pieces of human clothing within the city, whether worn or not. The pie storm that accompanied the wave was also the most intense to date with two feet of cream accumulating on the streets. It took Strasbourg a few weeks to restock on clothing but it would never again return to normal.
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London:

"Look at these silly French," the mother said. "Their entire country is a mess."

"Was that a joke, mum?" smiled the girl.

"So what if it was? Their country is a joke. Did you know that their diplomat turned out at the latest United Nations conference in a swimsuit? She said it was 'more practical'."

The girl shrugged, "I suppose when the alternative is to change clothes five times a day"

"And look at them! They love it! It's an entire country of perverts."

"They weren't before. Imagine it happened in here."

The mother shook her head, "we would carry on drinking tea and minding our business, thank you very much. We would not be pushed to such levels of indecency."

The girl opened the door and stepped outside. "Mum?"

"Yes?"

"I think we'll find out soon enough," the girl smiled as the droplets of gunge from the sky fell down her hair.