"Are you ready to roll? It's going to be a hell of a show."

I nodded as I pulled on the hood. It was difficult to speak with it on, but it would indeed be a filming to remember.

The producer counted us down, and from my position on the wings I got a good view as the lights came up, and Jack Dawlish the presenter turned to the cameras.

"Welcome back to the part of the show that literally no one wants to be on, but we offer them a load of money until they agree." He grinned as the audience chuckled knowingly. "Our guests this week are the hit girlband Symphony. But before we bring them on, let's meet the man who will be dishing out punishment if they stray out of line - our masked menace!"

The camera cut to me, scowling and dressed from head to toe in executioner's black. With my
imposing build, people didn't like getting on the wrong side of me in the day, let alone when I was dressed like a horror villain.

"Any hints of what you've got in store for our guests tonight?" Jack asked.

The microphone was offered to me, and I didn't say anything. I never did.

"Rather them than me! Without further ado, let's bring the girls on."

The three members of Symphony strolled on, waving nervously to the audience. I neither knew nor cared who they were. There was a curvy athletic one wearing a figure-hugging dress, one with a great rack in low-cut top and one in a crop-top who kept having a go at the crew. I named them Big Ass, Big Tits and Big Mouth respectively.

"Welcome ladies," Jack said as they settled on the sofa, looking around as though someone was about to jump out. (Entirely possible.) "Just to remind you, I've got a list of phrases on this card, and if you say anything of them, you will be liable to receive some unexpected mess. I take it you've all signed waivers?"

They nodded reluctantly; it often only hit the stars what they were in for when they read the list of possible consequences on the legal form.

"Great, so let's talk about your new album," Jack said, turning to Big Tits, who was sat closest to him. "What was it like working with so many big names?"

"Oh it was fantastic," she said. "They were all a pleasure to work with-"

She was cut off by a siren and flashing lights, and cringed as she realised what she'd said. Right on cue, I rushed forwards with a huge, dripping cream pie in my hand. She recoiled at the sight but I was too fast and delivered it straight to her face. The mess splattered over her hair and bosom, which I decided I'd aim for next time.

"Can I have a towel?" She asked, trying to wipe cream away.

"Why not use your top?" Jack suggested innocently, to whoops from the crowd.

The group understandably clammed up after this, hoping to avoid any of the trigger words. Jack had fun trying to tease them out.

"This latest record taken a while for you to write, hasn't it?" He asked Big Ass.

"That true, we really wanted to get it right for the fans. But better late then never-"

I was already sprinting on as the siren went, pie in hand. She tried to climb over the couch to hide but I pulled her back and laid her over my lap as though about to spank her. With her rear to the cameras, I flipped up her dress and pulled down a pair of lacy black knickers. She shrieked as I delivered the pie to her plump round butt. The crowd roared with laughter as she got to her feet and pulled her underwear back up over the cream.

"That was cruel," one of the crew laughed when I walked back off stage. I just grinned in response.

The next klaxon came when Big Tits was asked where their ideas came from ("Your guess is as good as mine.") This time, I was crouched behind the sofa, thanks to one of the several trapdoors on set. I sprang up before she could react and pulled her top down to reveal a cracking set of boobs which weren't encased in a bra. Each one received a sloppy pie straight to it which made her howl - and I managed to get a squeeze during the ensueing mess.

"You aren't doing well tonight girls," Jack observed.

The two who had been on the receiving end shuffled uncomfortably, while Big Mouth just looked smug. I hoped she would trip up next, but somehow she never said the right words.
The next segment of the show required them to play a silly game with prizes for members of the audience. This was usually a quiet section for me, but as the rules were explained, Big Ass said: "Piece of cake." Big mistake.

I popped out from a piece of scenery next to her and managed to scoop her over my shoulder. Despite all her protests, there was nothing she could do as I carried her towards a big vat of white slime that had been concealed and dipped her headfirst in. When she came out, her face, hair and shoulders were completely covered in it.

"Oh dear, bad luck," Jack commented. "But if you do keep saying the words"

I was resigned to the fact that Big Mouth would probably get away clean. She was annoyingly cocky in the game, and still managed to win first place to the annoyance of her team mates. There was a look of relief as the segment neared it's end.

"You've managed to avoid all the mess tonight - how did you do it?" Jack complimented her.

"Well it's not rocket science -" She responded then a look of horror hit her as she realised the words which had come out of her mouth. The klaxon rang again and the audience howled.

This time, I had help. Two other executioners, dressed identically to me, also ran out. As I picked her up, they produced scissors and ripped or cut off her top and leggings. Soon she was squirming in nothing but a skimpy thong. We carried her towards a prison door to a little cell which had popped open in the set. She was chucked inside the cosy little booth and screamed in frustration.

She just had time to try and cover her modesty before thick green gunge started raining down, ruining her hair and coating every bare inch of skin. Her beautiful, slim body and perfect make-up was obliterated by the slop. When it ended, I think she expected to door to spring up and release her, but she was forced to stand there on display for the cameras.

"Well, that's all tonight," Jack said cheerfully. "Please thank Symphony for joining us tonight and being such good sports."

Big Ass and Big Tits waved gleefully to the camera, apparently happy their bandmate hadn't got away clean. The one in the cage looked less amused.

"Thanks also to the Master of the Mess, and remember to always watch what you're saying. Good night!"