Linda enters a local restaurant. She seems impatient. The waiter shows her to a table.

Waiter: Would you like a drink madam.

Linda: Yes, white wine please, and get on with it!

Waiter; Snooty cow. I'll show her.

The waiter goes to a fridge and get out a bottle that has been chilling overnight.
He return to the table, open the wine and pours it over her tits, making her nipples react.

Waiter; For soup today we have Cream of Tomato or Pea and ham.

Linda; I can't decide, You'd better give me both.

Waiter; No problem, madam.
He get two tins of soup and a can opener and brings them to the table to open.
He then pours the Tomato soup over one of her breasts and the Pea over the other.

Waiter; For starter we have Pate or Prawn cocktail.

Linda: I would like both and hurry up, I haven't got all day..

He gets a packet of SMOOTH Pate and a carton of ready-made Prawns with Marie Rose sauce. He opens both.
He opens the buttons of her blouse and pulling forward one of her 'ample' bra cups, he pours the prawns and sauce into her bra. He then pulls out her other bra cup and smears the smooth pate onto her breast, before buttoning up her blouse.

Waiter: For main course today, we have Spaghetti Bolognaise.

Linda: That sounds better
He sets a can of Heinz Spaghetti in tomato sauce and a jar of Bolognaise sauce on the table, and opens both.

Waiter; Stand up please.
He raises the front of her skirt and ask her to hold the hem at waist level.
He pulls forward her knickers, and pours the spaghetti and bolognaise sauce down the front.

Waiter; Would you like some more sauce?

Linda; Yes. Your portions here are not big enough. Remember that in future.

Waiter; Please turn around.

She bends forward and he flips her skirt up.
He pulls her knickers out at the back and squeezes a full bottle of tomato ketchup down the crack of her bum.

Waiter; Please sit down.
For dessert we had Treacle tart, but unfortunately the chef has already left. However, he has told me the ingredients so I can make it for you.

Linda; You're NOT very organised at this restaurant are you? The service is terrible !


The ingredients for the Treacle tart are

For the Pastry

COLD water,
Flour,
Butter,
Eggs

For the Filling

Lots of Treacle,
Breadcrumbs for texture
To be served with cream


Waiter ; The chef didn't say how much of each ingredient. Never mind, I will work it out (OH OH !)

He starts by pouring a bucket of COLD water over Linda's head
Then he breaks a dozen eggs and whips them in a bowl, before pouring them over her hair.

The waiter throws a full bag of flour over her hair and smears a tub of soft butter into the mess.

He puts a bucket onto the table and tells Linda that he did not know how much the chef meant by LOTS of treacle, but he had found SEVERAL tins in the kitchen and so he has used ALL of them.
The waiter pours all the tins of treacle into the bucket, making it almost full.
He adds several packets of breadcrumbs that he had found (for texture), and stirs the thick mix.
He pours the whole bucket over her head and sees it dripping down her face.
Then he produces two large pots of cream and pours these over the resulting mess.

Waiter; Would you lie some more cream?

Linda; Yes please. (she says, now contrite)

Waiter; Kneel down. I'll add my own special brand of cream, he says with a grin!!