This is an older story I found so the very young amount you might not recognise all the celebrity references but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

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The scene is a TV studio with a live audience and the set is simple with a central hosts desk at the rear with two podiums either side at a three quarter angle to the audience. Behind these are tables just loaded with WAM goodies. Above the hosts desk is a large video screen.

To wild applause the show's resident host Bob Lucky walks on, waves to the crowd and the sits down at his desk.

"Well folks I can't tell you how excited I am about this show tonight. We have two huge stars of the big screen here to play our quiz and I would like you to give a really big Pie Quiz welcome to the greatest star of Italian Cinema Monica Bellucci!

Monica Bellucci walks on to the stage in a full-length figure hugging pink evening dress, with a halter neck and a largely bare back. Monica's long dark hair is centrally parted and falls as far as her impressive boobs. Monica's outfit is completed with diamond earrings and bracelet. Her shoes are high heels in a matching colour to her dress. The audience roars its approval.

"Monica it's simply marvellous to have you here" gushes Bob "that's a beautiful dress"

"Why thank you I shall try to keep it beautiful!" Monica replies with an alluring smile.

"Well our other guest may have other plans" comments Bob "And that seems like a good moment to welcome her please give a big hand to a massive star of the big screen; Angelina Jolie"

Angelina Jolie walks onto the stage in a stunning full-length black leather dress with a plunging neckline, bare back and a split running up the front, her shoes are black high heel sandals. Angelina's long brown hair is swept back falling down her back revealing her only jewellery as a pair of simple diamond earrings. The crowd burst into rapturous applause.

"Angelina, thank you for gracing our little contest," says Bob.

"I'm pleased to be here Bob, I'm a big fan" replies Angelina.

"Well that's great to hear. That's a lovely dress, it's the one you wore to the Mr & Mrs Smith opening isn't it?" asks Bob

"Yes, that's right I thought wearing something new may not be all that a good an idea!"

"Possibly not, I'm sure Monica here would like to think so," says Bob. Both women laugh, Angelina more at ease than Monica.

"Well if the two of you take you places on each side of the stage I shall just remind everyone of the rules. The winner of the quiz is the lady who answers correctly the most questions. However in order to get asked a question and to choose its category the two contestants have to bid a messy event to happen to them; our audience votes on which it most would like to see and the winner of the bid chooses the category and the chance to answer correctly. If she gets it right she gets the point and to watch the messy event happen to her opponent, but if she gets it wrong the event she bid happens to her and no one gets a point!"

"I hope that's clear," continues Bob "but if it isn't you will have great fun picking it up as we go along! All that remains is for me to give tonight's question categories some of which follow our movie theme. The categories are; Movie Clips, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Hollywood 2005 and Who's that?"

"Well if you are both ready?" answering smiles and nods come from both women "we shall begin. Monica could you give me your first bid please."

Monica glances at the loaded tables and says "I shall bid the classic pie in the face using that cream and chocolate pudding pie." Cheers from the crowd.

"Popular bid. Angelina what are you going for?" asks Bob.

"Well I'll go for the pie in the face as well! I'll push my face down into that Strawberry and cream cake!" offers Angelina. More applause.

"OK! Time to vote! Audience please use your handsets to make your choice." Asks Bob.

The big video screen above Bob shows the result Monica 48% Angelina 52%.

"Very close but Angelina wins the bid and gets to chose the category for the first question. What's it going to be Angelina?"

"Oh. Well I think Hollywood 2005 Bob," answers Angelina.

"Ok so to decide who gets a pied face please answer this question Angelina. At the Kids Movie Awards in 2005 the various category winners did not get the usual mini statue. What prize did they get instead?" asks Bob with as much gravity to his voice as he can manage.

Angelina lets the question hang for a moment but with a smile she says, "I remember that it was a great idea. Instead of an award each winner got a deep custard pie with their name in cream piping on it and was encouraged to pie the award's hostess Lindsay Lohan with them! It was great Lindsay must have got 20 pies."

"Great answer. As we can see from this picture of Lindsay taken at the ceremony that is correct!" says Bob as a picture of the youthful redhead star appears on the screen. Lindsay is wearing a simple white three quarter length dress. She has obviously already been hit with several custard pies and the shot is taken just at the moment another is being pushed in her face.

"So Angelina you get a point," says Bob "and Monica I must ask you to honour your pledge and pie yourself!"

Monica makes a show of being horrified but then smiles and glides over to a table and picks up the pie she nominated in her bid. The pie is deep, in a tin foil dish, soft biscuit crumb base, and full of chocolate pudding with a heap of cream on top. Monica steps out to allow the audience a good view, puts both hands under the pie, takes a breath and pushes the pie up into her own face!

There is nothing tentative about it Monica crushes the pie tin round her face and cream spreads over her face from the pie. Monica twists the pie and blobs of cream and chocolate pudding start to fall onto her pink dress. Monica peels off the pie tin; the pie base is broken into about 5 main pieces. Monica drops the plate as bits of pie base and chocolate pudding slide off her face, the largest bit hits her left boob leaving a large chocolate smear on the vivid pink dress.

After a moment Monica wipes her eyes clear and Bob says "A great pie!" The crowd are ecstatic. "Thank you Monica. As you lost the bid last round I must ask you to bid first this round"

"Ok" says Monica wiping her hands clean on a cloth "I bid that I pour that bucket of green slime over my head!" The crowd roars

"Strong bid!" states Bob "What's your counter Angelina?"

"Well it needs to be good Bob I think I'll go for pouring that huge mixing bowl full of beaten eggs down the front of my dress!"

"Great bids, tough to choose but our audience must! Please vote now!" cries Bob

The result appears after a moment Monica 56% Angelina 44%

"I think your prowess with that pie has won you new fans Monica," comments Bob. Monica smiles through the mess on her face.

"So Monica you must choose a topic, what it's going to be?"

"Well Bob I think I'll try Movie Clips" replies Monica.

"Ok. This clip is from the Romantic Comedy 'Bay Bridge' which stars Eva Mendes. All you have to do on this clip is tell me what happens next." Explains Bob.

The Video screen comes to life and shows a scene in a restaurant just as Eva Mendes walks in. The full figured Latin beauty is wearing some white trousers and a lemon blouse, her hair loose falling to her shoulders. Eva looks round the restaurant with a concerned look, spots a guy sitting alone at a table. Eva walks over and sits down and apologies to the guy for standing him up even if it was for the third time. As she starts to explain why he stops her. The film pauses.

"Ok Monica what happens next and I need you to be fairly specific here," asks Bob

"Well Bob," answers Monica "sadly for Angelina I did see this movie." Only the most observant would see Angelina's quick tense glance at the bowl of eggs. "The guy in the film is really fed up with Eva's character so he has asked his friend the head waiter to put together the three missed meals together in a bucket! He gets the bucket bought over, pours it over Eva and lets her have a pie as well."

"Ok lets see," says Bob. The film restarts and the man explains his frustration and the collection of the three meals. Eva sits passively as the bucket is bought over. The guy gets up takes the bucket and while Eva sits completely still pours it over her head, down her front and in her lap. Amongst the bucket's contents are Mushroom soup, sweet and sour pork, two bottles of red wine, ice cream, custard, apple pie, mashed potatoes, several cups of coffee, rice and gravy. Once the bucket is empty the man explains he has ordered for today as well and he is handed a cheesecake that he pushes in the unmoving Eva's face. The guy then leaves and Eva mutters, "That could have gone better".

"Absolutely correct Monica!" says Bob " A well earned point for you and a bid performance for Angelina!"

Angelina gives a wry smile and steps over to pick up the bowl, she then steps back centre stage. Angelina does not rush; she pours the egg slowly over first one boob then the other, pulling open her dress with her free hand to help get the egg round her breasts. Then Angelina raises the bowl up covering both bare shoulders with the slimy eggs and the final bit straight down her cleavage. Angelina's front glistens with the yellow slime. The applause is long and heartfelt.

"Fantastic Angelina" gasps Bob "But no rest I'm afraid you must bid again for the next round"

"Well Bob" says Angelina clearly still getting used to the slimy feeling down her front "I'll try that face in the Strawberry cake bid again"

"Ok. And your counter Monica?"

"I bid taking that huge lemon gateaux and sitting in it Bob" says a confident sounding Monica.

"Ok! Time to vote."

The result is Monica 59% Angelina 41%.

"You keep the initiative Monica. Its one all and you have the chance to go into the lead and of course see Angelina plunge into that cake. What category do you want?" Asks Bob.

Monica considers and says, "I'll try Catherine Zeta-Jones If I may."

"All right. Catherine held a charity auction last month. The last lot was what?" asks Bob.

Monica looks unsure "Was it the chance to push a pie in her face?"

"Well lets see," says Bob giving nothing away.

The video screen comes on showing a scene with Catherine, wearing a pair of black trousers, black long sleeved V neck top and black boots welcoming a guy, presumably the winner of the bid, on stage with a kiss on the cheek. They exchange a few unheard words, Catherine laughs and they walk over to a chair with a huge tank of red gunge above it. Catherine sits on the chair grinning in nervous anticipation; the winner goes over to a lever and lets the tension build a moment before pulling it. The gunge falls in a thick stream, Catherine squeals but moves her head around to ensure she is covered front and back. By the time the tank is empty Catherine is pretty much completely covered. The screen fades to black.

"So I'm afraid your answer was wrong Monica so you don't get a point and you must sit in your cake." States Bob

"Oh No" giggles Monica. There is a chair side on to the audience, which Monica carefully puts the huge lemon gateaux on. Its size is such that it is bigger than the chair seat. Monica stands in front of the chair, runs her hands over her behind, and then slowly sits down in the huge cake. The yellow cake spreads out over more and more of Monica, mess spreading down her thighs, up the sides of her hips and up her lower back. Monica stays sitting in the seat for a moment or two and then gets up turning her back on the audience to allow them to appreciate the plastering of her butt.

"Impressively done Monica," congratulates Bob. "Well Angelina, you escaped there but must bid first again. What do you want to offer this time?"

"Hmmm well I think I will take those three identical cream pies in turn and slip them inside the slit in my dress and mash them into the front of my hips." Says Angelina with a grin.

"Strong Bid. Monica?"

"I'll sit down Bob and empty that jug of cream in my lap" offers Monica having made it back to her podium.

"Lets have a vote!" cries Bob.

The result is Monica 41% Angelina 59%.

"Back in control Angelina and a chance to go in to the lead" says Bob. "What category do you want?"

"I think I'll go for a movie clip Bob," says Angelina.

"As you wish. This clip is from the action in Charlie's Angel's 3; The Golden Pie, all you have to do is tell me what happens next."

The video screen comes to life with Cameron Diaz in a black lycra catsuit confronting four Ninja looking types. The Ninjas grab a large banana cream pie each and get them up in the throwing position and advance on Cameron. The screen freezes.

"So Angelina what happens next?" asks Bob.

Angelina is starring at the screen, giggles and says, "I don't know but it seems obvious"

"Need an answer Angelina," presses Bob gently.

"Ok. Well I think Cameron gets hit with the pies, in her face and boobs." Guesses Angelina.

"Lets see" says Bob

The screen unfreezes and the Ninjas hurl the pies at Cameron. But Cameron dives to the floor and at the same moment behind her Lucy Lui, in a similar catsuit, opens a sliding door to come into the room. The pies fly over Cameron and hit Lucy, two in the face and two across her boobs, they give excellent coverage!

"Wrong Angel Angelina" quips Bob. "Which means no point and a bid performance."

"Oh No!" laughs Angelina as she steps over to the table with the three cream pies. Angelina picks up the first, pulls open the front slit on her dress exposing an impressive amount of leg. Angelina deftly slips the pie through the slit and pushes it up to smear it across the front of her hips. When Angelina does this with the second pie lumps of pulped pie splatter down her legs. With the third pie her thighs are liberally covered along with her shoes.

"Nicely done there Angelina" says Bob with a touch of quiver in his voice. "Monica I must ask you for another bid."

"Must you Bob!" laughs Monica "well I bid taking that platter with the coffee pudding on it, pressing it to my breasts and smearing it down my front!"

"Strong bid. What's your response Angelina?"

"Well it's going to have to be that bucket of Semolina pudding right over my head Bob!" replies Angelina.

"Angelina is bidding hard to keep the initiative Monica lets see if she has managed it. Please vote!"

The screen shows Monica 48% Angelina 52%.

"Terribly close but Angelina gets the question and must chose the category. Which one is it to be Angelina?" asks Bob.

"I'm going to go for the simple 'Who's That' question Bob" says Angelina.

"OK, simple as you say just tell me who is that?" Bob gestures at the screen

On the screen a picture of a woman in a cornflower blue pant suit just at the moment a bucket load of custard hits her and a custard pie is slapped on her bottom.

Angelina allows a smile to spread across her face and says "That's Scarlett Johansson getting ambushed at the wrap party for her last film"

"Absolutely right! That moves you into a 2 to 1 lead!" confirms Bob "Monica, your bid performance if you please."

Monica moves over to the table and picks up the pudding platter, which is two foot by one foot and pilled high with a twin peak light brown pudding with dark chocolate piping decoration. Monica turns to face the audience and places her hands under the platter. After a pause Monica presses the pudding up against her boobs, holds it there for a moment and then slowly smears the pudding downward. There is loads of pudding so Monica gets a thick covering over her front all the way from her collarbones to the top of her thighs. Monica holds out her arms to invite admiration of the mess over her front. The audience shows its appreciation.

"I think the dress may have had it Bob," remarks Monica.

"True Monica but its an elegant end!" comments Bob admiringly. "But now on to another bid round. Monica you must bid first and being a point behind you need a good one!"

"Well Bob I bid that I sit down and let Angelina pour that bucket of green slime over my head and crown me with a pie!" says Monica with a confident grin.

"An across the floor bid!" cries Bob. "What's your reply Angelina?"

Angelina considers for a moment a smile on her still clean face. "Well Bob I'll go for an across the floor bid as well. I'll bend over and Monica can pie my butt as she sees fit!"

Bob is starting to look a little flushed but his voice is still firm when he cries "Lets vote!"

The result comes up as Monica 52% and Angelina 48%.

"Monica gets control back!" exclaims Bob "What question category would you like Monica?"

"I think I will try Hollywood 2005 Bob," answers Monica.

"Ok to draw level and to get to pie Angelina's behind answer me this two part question. Which leading lady specifically asked that there not be a pie fight at her post movie premiere party and what happened?"

Monica looks perplexed but then says "Oh yes. It was Julia Roberts! But it just encouraged people the whole party descended into one huge pie fight with Julia at its heart!"

"As we can see from this photo that's right!" says Bob. On the video screen a picture of a chaotic screen, at its centre is a heavily pied Julia Roberts in a navy satin dress. The pictures captures the moment some one is pouring some cream down the front of Julia's dress.

"So two points all Monica and Angelina must take what you hand out!" cries Bob betraying some of his excitement.

Angelina puts on a mock face of horror but then just grins and comes out from behind her podium, turns her back on the audience and bends over. Monica walks over to Angelina, giving the audience a chance to appreciate her moving in her plastered dress, and picks up a pie. This pie is in a foil dish with a soft biscuit crumb base and filled with creamy pudding. If Angelina ever thought she would get away with a simple pie to the bum she is soon disabused! Monica slowly lifts up the back of Angelina's dress and gathers it on her level back. Angelina's fantastic long legs and terrific behind in some brief black panties are on full show. An expectant hush falls over the audience. With practiced grace Monica peels the foil dish off the pie, then she pulls open the right hand side of Angelina's panties, presses the pie to her right buttock and smears the pie into Angelina's panties! The pie sits in Angelina's underwear largely intact for a moment until Monica slaps another identical pie on Angelina's behind mashing both that pie and the one in Angelina's lingerie! Angelina's faint groans are largely drowned out by audience applause! But Monica is not finished; she takes a third of the pies and rubs it over Angelina's right buttock and down her right thigh. An identical pie swiftly follows this to the left buttock and thigh. Finally Monica lets Angelina's dress back down over the mess but then takes a fifth pie and slaps that on her behind to help ensure the ruination of the black dress.

Loud applause greets the end of this display. Monica gives a little bow while Angelina slowly straightens up looking a shade pale.

"Great stuff Monica. Ok two points each time for a bid! Angelina you must go first," states Bob. Angelina has just finished walking back to her podium rather slowly.

"Well Bob" says Angelina after a deep breath "I'll let Monica put a bucket of her choice over my head and let me have a pie of her choice!"

"A brave bid!" exclaims Bob "Ok Monica how are you going to beat that?"

"Well Bob I will let Angelina give me two pie sandwiches!" replies Monica.

"Ok! Lets Vote!"

Monica 45% Angelina 55% comes up on the screen.

"OK Angelina you get the chance to move into the lead. What question category do you want?" inquires Bob.

Angelina considers and opts for "Who's That please"

"OK, usual thing, tell us who this is"

The huge video screen comes on. A picture comes up of a full figured female in a chaotic scene; she is wearing some mess splattered tight low-rise jeans and a top with just bootlace shoulder straps. The tops original colour is hard to determine, it has clearly had lots of mess thrown over it. The scene itself is a massive food fight a rather messy wild eyed man has just finished pouring a bucket of chocolate milkshake over the woman and another slightly manic looking guy is just about to give her a large cream pie in the face.

Angelina stares at the screen clearly unable to work out the context at all.

"Oh God I have no idea" Angelina moans.

"Well let's ask Monica I think she knows!" Bob says with a chuckle.

"Of course. Its me." Answers Monica.

"That's right on the British show Dick and Dom, their Christmas special I believe," says Bob

"Yes," confirms Monica "Being slowly messed up for two hours followed by that final food fight! I had no idea what I had agreed to!"

"Well we do know Angelina agreed to her bid if she got the question wrong!"

Angelina nods with a wry smile.

"Monica if you could administer the bid" asks Bob

"My pleasure!" Monica assures us.

Monica looks around takes a large bucket half full of semolina pudding; this she tops up with custard for another quarter and chocolate sauce for the top bit.

"Angelina, would you mind kneeling down for me?" asks Monica.

Angelina hesitates but the kneels down and sits on her feet, hands on knees. Monica steps up beside Angelina and pauses as if to appreciate her long clean brown hair and her beautiful clean face. After this moment of contemplation Monica puts the bucket right over Angelina's head. The chocolate sauce falls out first, a lot going down Angelina's cleavage. The custard gives an even coverage to Angelina's shoulders and the more sluggish semolina slides down her bare back in a wave.

Monica gives the bucket a twist back and forth before lifting it off to show Angelina's head completely plastered, none of her long hair has escaped. A gap in the mess opens as Angelina opens her mouth to breath. Monica makes a show of sympathetically wiping Angelina's eyes clear before picking up a bright green 2-foot wide sloppy pie and slapping it in her face! The pie gives great coverage; green mess is all over Angelina from the top of her head to her boobs.

Monica walks back over to her podium as Angelina clears her sight and gets to her feet.

"Fantastic technique there" comments Bob through the crowd's intense applause. "Now Monica you must make your final bid of the night for the final question with the scores level. What are you going to bid to get control of that vital scoring opportunity?"

Monica looks down at her messy state and considers. "Well its time to offer all that's left I think. I will sit in that chocolate cake and let Angelina pour two buckets over me and give me two pies!"

"Good final bid. And yours Angelina?" enquires Bob.

Angelina is still scraping mess off her face says, "I'll get into a bath of baked beans"

"Ok lets see the vote"

Monica 52% Angelina 48%

"Ok Monica you get the chance to win this point and the game! What category of question do you want?"

"I think I'll go for Catherine Zeta Jones" replies Monica after a moments thought.

"Ok. So to win tonight answer me this. On the chat show round promoting her last film Catherine got into a tit for tat pie fight with which interviewer?"

Monica is very still.

"Must press you Monica" Bob says.

"I just don't know," admits Monica with a resigned smile.

"OK well it was on a UK morning show with a lady called Natasha Kaplinsky following a live in studio feature on dessert decoration and Catherine took offence at some question about the age of her husband and let Natasha have a pie in the face and it all went downhill from there! We have a clip to show you." Explains Bob

On the video screen a still scene is projected. Natasha is sitting and Catherine is standing. Catherine is wearing tight dark blue designer jeans and a sky blue long sleeved V-neck t-shirt with a low neckline. Natasha is wearing a white suit consisting of jacket and trousers with a pink top. Both women have had cream pies in the face; Catherine has had another slapped down on top of her head. Natasha looks to have had chocolate syrup poured in her lap.

The clip starts to run and Catherine picks up a bowl of trifle and puts it over Natasha's head, who sits there passively as the mess splatters down her. Only once Catherine is finished does Natasha lift the bowl off her ruined hairdo. Natasha stands up and its only then the viewer can appreciate that she has already been sat in a chocolate cake. Natasha picks up a jug of lumpy custard and pours it down the front of Catherine's top taking care to cover both her impressive boobs.

Natasha takes a chocolate cheesecake and rubs it over Catherine's right boob. Catherine's left boob gets a cherry flan. Natasha gets a jug of chilled single cream and manages to pull Catherine's snug jeans open far enough to pour the cream into them.

The video freezes.

"And it went on for some time" comments Bob "For those of you who missed it, like Monica here, the full build up and fight can be purchased from the BBC download store. But here Monica is going to have to allow Angelina to perform the bid on her! But first Monica you have to take a seat I think."

"I guess so Bob," says Monica picking up the large chocolate cake and putting it on the seat. This cake is no smaller than the lemon one Monica sat in earlier and when she sits in it, it spreads just as far over her behind and thighs. Angelina walks over slowly and picks up a bucket of custard and having decided that the front of Monica's hips have yet to get any attention she slowly empties the bucket in Monica's lap and down her thighs. But the real prize for Angelina is Monica's long dark hair, which apart from a little pie splatter from her face is still clean. Angelina picks up her second bucket that is full of golden syrup. Monica sits impassively as Angelina empties the syrup all over her head. Angelina picks up her two allowed pies; both the same 12 inch pastry cases filled with runny custard and topped with a four inch layer of whipped cream. Monica closes her eyes as Angelina draws the pies back and the sandwiches Monica's head with them! Angelina rubs the pie around on Monica's head ensuring a thick coverage of cream as streams of custard trickle down Monica's front.

"Nicely done Angelina" mutters a rapt Bob and then clears his throat before saying "Well we have a draw! Which means we need a tiebreaker to establish our winner and loser. So ladies hands on buzzers please!" Monica eases out of her messy seat with a squelch and wipes her eyes as she returns to her podium; Angelina watches her with a smug expression clear through the semolina plastering her features.

"OK!" says Bob "For the winning point who is this?"

The screen comes to life with picture of a black woman wearing a blue satin dress who is bending over a table loaded with food and with her head and shoulders buried in the remains of a huge wedding cake.

There is a moment of silence then Angelina pushes her buzzer.

"Hale Berry!" Angelina cries.

"Correct! In her new release Wedding Crashers 2" confirms Bob. "Which means Angelina is our winner and just as importantly Monica is our loser. Monica, you played really well but I'm afraid I must ask you to take a trip to our loser's cubicle " Bob didn't look that upset.

"Ah well Bob its been fun" says Monica being philosophical. Monica walks over to the cubicle revealed by the parting set. Once she has sat down it is lifted up over a huge pool of black gunge.

"Here we go Monica," cries Bob.

Monica squeals and jets of lime green slime hit her from all sides and then she is dropped into the pool of black gunge!

"Well Congratulations Angelina" Bob says to the messy film star.

"Thanks Bob. I assume I get one of your Winner's Pies?"

"Of course. Here is yours" Bob is handed a huge 18inch wide lurid orange pie with 'Pie Quiz' written on it in green letters. "Ready Angelina?"

"I guess so" she replies laughing. Bob pushes the pie firmly in the star's face, which reveals the word 'Winner' on the pie base.

"That's all from me and our two guests" says Bob, pointing first to Monica who is just climbing the ladder out of the pool and tries to wave back but just falls back into the pool. Bob then indicates Angelina who is scrapping orange pie off her face. "Hope you enjoyed it and will join us again soon for another Pie Quiz!"