It takes me ages to write anything because I tend to make my stories long slow-burners. This is something a bit more quick and stupid. Let's see if people like it.




When Ria heard that her boyfriend Kyle had kissed a girl during a night out, her initial anger gave way to the realisation that she had wanted out of the relationship for a while anyway. Indeed, she hadn't been entirely faithful herself.

In a frank discussion, Ria admitted that she herself had kissed someone while they had been together - a female friend, in fact. Kyle was at first shocked, then admittedly a little aroused, before gradually accepting that their romance had run its course. With both approaching their 30s, it was time for new chapters in their lives.

There was one thing Ria would miss about Kyle though - he was loaded! His rich parents had helped him land a massive house, which felt like a luxurious place to stay, and time spent with him seemed like a taste of the high life. Now it was back to the grindstone, and her dull, low-paying job.

For Kyle, the downside of owning such a large house was that he was too lazy to clean it. As part of what was a reasonably amicable break-up, Kyle offered Ria some cash to clean the place while he went on his mate's stag weekend. Ria felt pretty demeaned by this, but couldn't refuse the money, so Kyle wrote up a list of tasks for Ria to do in his absence and the two agreed on a fee.

The day came. Ria dressed casually on what was a warm morning, tying back her long blonde hair and sporting a red t-shirt, white skirt down to her knees, Converses and white socks. She was a great looking girl with a freckly face, blue eyes, bright white teeth, an athletic figure and long legs, but she could not be described as dainty. At nearly six feet tall and with her size 10 feet, she had a tendency to be positively clumsy. She didn't let this get her down though, and did her best to make it an endearingly cute flaw. It meant that she wasn't always well suited to anything practical, though, and cleaning Kyle's fancy house wouldn't be easy for her.

As they were still in the mid-breakup phase, Ria still had a key to Kyle's house. She opened the door and looked again at her tasks:

- Mop the kitchen floor
- Clean out the larder
- Jetwash the patio
- Paint the wall in the box room upstairs

'Let's start with the floor and take a look at this larder while we're doing it', she thought. She filled a bucket with warm water and placed it on the floor, with the mop alongside it, then opened the door of the larder.

Ria groaned. She knew that Kyle liked baking in his spare time, but he certainly didn't like tidying up after himself. The larder was full of scattered, half opened bags of flour, with loose flour all over the shelves and floor.

'I'll come back to that', thought a dejected Ria, stepping backwards while keeping her eyes on the larder. But then, SPLOSH! She stood right in the bucket she had just filled.

"Argh, come on!" Ria protested in vain. Her big size 10 left foot was stuck firmly inside the bucket. She hobbled about for a bit, then turned round and tried to pull the bucket off her foot with both hands. Unfortunately, her foot came out of the shoe and she sent herself careering backwards into the larder she had just opened. Her unintended entrance was greeted by a huge cloud of flour, as several bags of the stuff toppled over her head, face and body.

"What a start!", Ria grumbled, shaking her head wildly to get some of the flour out of her hair. Realising she had created more work for herself, she decided to leave the kitchen for now and start on the patio. She took off her soaking wet left sock, then thought she had better also remove her right shoe and sock for symmetry and complete her tasks in her bare feet.

So she opened the back door in the kitchen and headed out onto the patio, which felt pleasantly warm underfoot. Ria had never used a jetwasher before and had no idea how it worked. She fiddled with the switches for a while and then suddenly, it shot a jet of water powerfully against the walls of the house!

"Yikes!", Ria exclaimed. The surprising force of the water caused the jetwasher to fly out of her hands and pushed Ria back a few steps. Of course, it was just Ria's luck that a few steps behind her was the garden pond. She fell backwards and flopped into it unceremoniously, dipping her head and full body under the water.

A shell-shocked Ria gradually emerged from the pond and spat out a mouthful of water, but in a classic case of further Sod's law, the jetwasher that had flown out her hands was now jammed on auto-fire and was pointing straight at her! Ria closed her eyes and puffed her cheeks as the torrent of water shot right into her face. It took her a good few seconds to realise that she could avoid it simply by moving her head slightly to one side or the other.

Ria clambered ungracefully out of the pond, soaked from head to toe. The drenching hadn't washed the flour off her either, it had just turned it into a gluey paste. Ria harrumphed and picked at her skin and hair, deciding upon untying her hair so that she could shake the water out of it. She went back inside to tackle the kitchen again but realised she was now dripping everywhere.

It was no good. She would have to take some more clothes off. She pulled her soaking wet t-shirt over her head and threw it out the door onto the patio, then did the same with her skirt and closed the door. Her pink bra and knickers were soaked too, but she would have to leave them on in case anyone saw her. But Ria had still not learned to stop walking backwards. SPLASH! Foot in the bucket once again - her right foot this time - and she lost her balance. Flailing her arms about, she knocked the mop over and reached out for anything that would break her fall. The fridge door handle came to her aid, but she still ended up on the floor, swinging the fridge door open in the process. Kyle's fridge was badly organised and Ria's ungainly impact had been enough to cause two bottles of milk to topple over, spilling their contents right onto poor Ria.

"Yaaaargh! All over my tits!" she shrieked as the first bottle emptied onto her breasts, soaking her bra. It was freezing, and it couldn't have landed on a more sensitive part of her body. Well actually it could have, and that was where the other bottle was heading. Ria gave a shrill and prolonged "ooooooooh" as the milk trickled onto her crotch, drenching her knickers and seaping through them.

Ria was soaked and shivering, her nipples were hard and her vagina was tingling. In different circumstances, she could see how this might be quite fun and erotic, but when she had work to do it was the last thing she needed. Some other innocuous items had fallen out of the fridge, but Ria realised that to get them back in, she would have to remove a large black forest gateau that had been rammed in. Lifting the gateau with two hands, she soon slipped on the puddle of milk she had created and landed, needless to say, face down in the cake. SPLAT!

Ria slowly lifted her head up and wiped her eyes theatrically with her fingers. It was a particularly creamy gateau topped with flaked chocolate and sticky cherry jam. "Cake in the face? Seriously?", she seethed. It was going from bad to worse, and she was through with the kitchen. Let's come back to all this and head upstairs, she thought, where there was a box room to decorate with blue paint. What could possibly go wrong?

Actually, nothing at first. Despite being soaked, messy and stripped down to her milky underwear, Ria found painting the wall fairly straightforward and was able to zone out a little. With only one wall that needed painting, she was almost done. There was just a bit near the ceiling that she couldn't quite reach, despite being tall. Luckily, a stepladder had been left in the room, and since it was on wheels, she wouldn't even need to lift it. She wheeled it over to where she needed it to be.

Now, if you're using a stepladder with wheels, the sensible thing to do is to lock the wheels before climbing it, isn't it? But oh no, not Ria! That just wasn't the way she did things.

So she climbed up the ladder while holding a tin of paint, planting her bare feet carefully on each step and ignoring the unsteadiness of the ladder. When she reached the top, she leaned forward and put her paintbrush against the wall. Inevitably, this propelled the stepladder in the opposite direction. Panicking, Ria managed to spin round and sit on the top step so at least she was facing the way the ladder was moving, but saw to her horror that it was moving towards the top of the stairs!

In a rare moment of good decision making, Ria realised that her best chance of not being thrown off the ladder and down the stairs was to lean back and stretch her legs out. The ladder took the first step and remained upright, and the second, and the third. Her strategy was working, but it didn't help that Ria was still holding an open tin of paint. As she juddered down each step, blue paint splashed out of the container, hitting her tits, neck and shoulders and getting a few spatterings on her face. As it reached the bottom of the stairs, the ladder was somehow still upright but had picked up some speed as it continued into the kitchen, where it was stopped by hitting the mop Ria had left in the middle of the floor. Ria was thrown off the ladder and sent crashing feet first into the back door that led out onto the patio, throwing the remainder of the paint over her legs.

Other than a bit of a rough landing on her backside, Ria was unhurt by her ordeal. That was the good news, the bad news was that she had put both her feet through the catflap in the door and was going to have a hard time freeing herself. Worse still, that jetwasher outside still had a mind of its own and was now pointing straight at her bare soles.

"Nonononono, hee hee hee hee, that tickles! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!", screeched Ria as the water sprayed forcefully on her feet. She wiggled and flexed her toes and thrashed her arms about, and in doing so whacked a cupboard to her left. The cupboard wobbled and a huge container on the top of it tipped over. Ria gulped and braced herself. She knew exactly what was coming, and it would really top off her disastrous day.

Kyle was big on bodybuilding and was forever creating his homemade "protein shakes". Ria didn't know exactly what was in them but he went through copious amounts of bananas, whey and peanut butter, sticking it all in a blender and storing it in plastic jugs that held a gallon of the stuff. Ria saw the edge of the jug overhanging the cupboard directly above her, and watched as the thick yellow-brown sludge began to gush out, then closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. The gloop landed right in the centre of her face, splattering her nose and dripping around her eyes and mouth, oozing into her hair and pooling up in front of her cleavage. Too exhausted to bother even raising her hands, she just lay there and took it, puffing her cheeks and gasping as a full gallon of the gunk sloshed around her head.

Once the bottle was empty, Ria slowly licked her lips, starting in the top left and going in a full circle around her mouth. It didn't taste bad, actually. Then she contemplated the ridiculous situation she had got herself into. Since arriving here, she had got covered in flour, fallen into a pond, drenched her bra and knickers with milk, dunked her face into a cake, splatted blue paint all over her breasts and legs, and finally been gunged in the face. To add to the indignity, she was now lying on the floor in her underwear with her feet stuck in a catflap! Let's face it, it was all pretty funny. She began to giggle, which turned into a cackle, which then became a hearty laugh. Then she remembered that security-conscious Kyle had cameras in almost every room in his house...

Once Ria had finally freed her feet (and at least they were nice and clean having been freshly jetwashed), she treated herself to a much-needed shower in Kyle's bathroom. No cameras in there at least, so she took off her sodden underwear and enjoyed the warm water on her naked body, gradually scrubbing away all the mess that had accumulated on her. She associated some fun times with this shower. Kyle had fucked her in here on a couple of occasions, which felt wonderful with them both soaking wet. One time, they still felt amorous after their shower and immediately 69'd on Kyle's bed, with Ria's cries of joy at having her clitoris licked only muffled by the big stiff cock in her mouth. Good memories overall, but it was time to move on and meet someone new, and she was very open minded about who that someone might be, and even what their gender was.

Ria was also having sexy thoughts about what had just happened to her, the wet and messy sensations she had felt all over her body, and the strange vulnerability and excitement she felt about being semi-naked while getting splattered. In short, she was pretty damn horny. She began to circle the fingers of her left hand around her nipples, while her right hand reached for her clit and rubbed it. Keeping her thumb around the clit, two, three and then four of her fingers went up her cunt, and her panting and moaning increased and quickened. She dropped to her knees as she came, closed her eyes and tilted her head up, smiling at the showerhead.

After her shower, Ria wrapped a towel around her body to protect her modesty and gathered her underwear, t-shirt, skirt, socks and shoes and rinsed them all in the shower, then pegged them on the washing line outside. Still clad in just a towel, she then sat on the couch, put her feet up on the coffee table and enjoyed three hours of Netflix on Kyle's huge plasma screen TV. By that time, the summer sun had got her clothes dry enough to walk home in with some dignity, so she got dressed, inspected the absolute warzone she had created and left, leaving a handwritten note by the door:

"Hey Kyle,

So I haven't done any of your jobs. In fact the whole place is a lot worse, sorry, especially the kitchen. Don't pay me, give the money to someone who will do it properly.

But before you get too mad, check your camera footage and you'll see that I've completely humiliated myself for your viewing pleasure!

Let's be honest, we were both a bit shitty to each other. Maybe we've both got what we deserved and we should call it even and move on?

Ria x"

Two days later, Kyle returned home. Ria had spent the day dreading his reaction to what had happened, and when her phone beeped mid-afternoon, she almost didn't dare look at it. When she plucked up the courage, it read:

"Fuck it, you deserve to be paid for that! That was the funniest thing I've ever seen! A clean and tidy house or a gallon of protein shake in your face, I know which one I find more satisfying!

You're right, let's move on with no hard feelings. One day you'll make someone very happy, Ria x"

Ria breathed a sigh of relief, then clenched her fist with joy. She had a date tonight (with a girl!), money in her bank and a funny story to tell.