How much do you trust your partner?
Completely and utterly, I would have said. Kayleeand I had been through thick and thin together, and never wavered.
But then we saw the application for a section on a gameshow, inviting couples to test their bond for cash prizes, with all expenses paid for the trip to London. She convinced me to submit, saying: "There's no one stronger than us, babe."
I wasn't surprised when we got a letter back to say we'd been selected. We're both in our mid-20s and pretty good looking, if I'm frank. I play football or cycle most days, and she reguarly runs or goes to the gym.
The day rolled around quickly and we were soon at the studio. The woman who met us backstage explained there was a different game every week to test how much a couple trusted eachother, and she didn't know what was in store for us. I was feeling pretty good about the whole thing - right until we walked on stage and saw the two transparent boxes with pipes feeding into the top.
"Welcome Kaylee and Matt, please take a seat in our Booths of Love!" The host declared as the crowd applauded.
Technically it was one big box with a plastic wall down the middle. The only gap was a small circle just at the right height for us to hold hands. With a sinking feeling, I sat in the left one and Kaylee took her place on the other side of the panel, grinning but also looking as though she was having second thoughts. Then the host stepped forward and slid locks across the front - we were sealed in.
After some innane chitchat - where we'd met, how long we'd been together - he got to the point. "You're probably wondering what you're sitting in," he said. "Have you heard of the prisoners' dilemma?"
Kaylee nodded; I shook my head.
"Well for the benefit of the less educated member of the couple" - he paused for audience laughter - "it's test of whether you work together or selfishly put your own needs first. You might have noticed the pipes above you. I'm sorry to tell you there's quite a lot of gunge sitting above your heads - but you can step out of the boxes clean. Would you like that?"
He offered the mic to Kaylee, who half-laughed: "I'd really, really like that."
"Great stuff. It's simple - we're going to ask each of you to vote gunge or no gunge. If both of you say no gunge, then we unlock the boxes, and you can take your prize money and go home. So if you want to keep your girlfriend happy, Matt, that's what you'll do."
"And if I don't?" I asked.
"Well, if you vote gunge but Kaylee doesn't, then she will got a lot of slop dropped on her. You'll still got the same money, but you'll have a very awkward ride home. And the same goes the other way round of course, if Matt is feeling kind but Kaylee isn't."
"And if we both vote to gunge?" She asked.
"Well then," he said, with a mock evil grin, "Not only do you both get gunged but we have an extra special treat for you at the end. Something to remind you of the importance of trusting each other So the decision is yours. You have the other person's fate in the palm of your hand. Are you still feeling confident, Kaylee?"
"Not as much as I was," she giggled. Laughter meant she was really nervous.
"Well take your time. You've got one mintue to make your decision using those buttons in front of you. You can look at each other, but not speak. And remember, the other person will have no idea how you choose - until it's too late."
My heart was racing as a timer appeared. What to do? I looked at my beautiful girlfriend, trapped in that booth and potentially about to get extremely messy - just like me. She squeezed my hand and gave me one of her most endearing smiles. I had to vote No Gunge.
But what if it was an act? She could certainly get her way when she wanted it - and what if she humiliated me on national television, while she got away scot-free? She would be able to lord it over me forever.
My fingers hovered uncertainly over the buttons. I waited until the timer read 5 4 3 before I made my choice. Kaylee made hers at the same time.
"Phew, that was tense," the host grinned. "Now, I have no idea how either of you voted - the only person who knows is the one controlling the tanks. So let's start with you, Kaylee. Are you feeling confident? Do you think Matt is as nice a guy as he seems?"
"I hope so - I don't think he would ever do this to me." Her hand was sweaty as she squeezed mine.
"Well let's find out. Did Matt betray Kaylee?"
There was a dramatic pause - and then the lights above her tank turned red and a deluge of pink slime suddenly plunged onto her. Her head disappeared in the muck, and before she'd even had time to wipe her face clean, it had engulfed the rest of her body. Her outfit, makeup and hair were totally ruined. She gave a shocked laugh as the trickle slowed, and she looked at how utterly she'd been destroyed.
"Matt, how could you!" The host cried as the audience howled in laughter. I sat guiltily in my booth - Kaylee was no longer holding my hand. He offered the mic to her. "Are you re-evaluating your entire relationship right now?"
"Not quite," she said, "but he's got a lot of making up to do."
"I'm sorry," I whispered through the glass, my stomach in knots. What if I was the only one to vote yes - how big of a jerk would I seem then?
"Save your apologies, Matt," the host said. "You might not be feeling very sorry in a second. So Kaylee, spill the beans - will Matt be escpaing clean or not?"
She looked at me with pink gunge still dripping down her hair and face. I knew what her answer was before she said it. "Not if I have anything to do with it."
It was my turn to sit petrified as the lights turned red and freezing cold blue slime hit me from above. I tried to get out of the way, but it seemed to be everywhere, covering me no matter how I moved. Now I knew how Kaylee had felt as she was engulfed by the humiliating slop. After what seemed like forever, it slowed, and I saw Kaylee applauding with glee from the other side of the glass.
"So our young lovers have both betrayed eachother, and now they've paid the price. But you will remember there was an extra forfeit if they both cracked." (Kaylee and I gave eachother nervous glances.) "But we're not heartless, we'll let them go through this bit together."
The separating glass was pulled out and we shuffled over the benches until we were clutching each other's slimy bodies. She gave me a kiss and whispered: "I'm sorry. Mostly."
"Me too. Mostly."
Stagehands unbolted the doors and pulled them open. Something big was wheeled in under a sheet and positioned facing us.
The host declared: "Kaylee and Matt, when push came to shove, you both turned on each other. Let's find out what the price of that is."
The sheet was whipped off, revealing what looked like a huge nozzle. Before we could react, white foam began spraying out thick and fast. It caught us both in the face, then moved down to cover our bodies. While I was still trying to wipe it away, it came back for a second burst, as though were were going through a car wash with no vehicle. Kaylee tried to use me as a shield but there was no escape - it went everywhere. In seconds, we were completely covered. In a couple more seconds, you could hardly tell we were human apart from the screams.
"This is all your fault!" My girlfriend yelled good-naturedly. Partly true - it was 50% hers.
When it stopped, the host extended a microphone on a long pole towards us, clearly not wanting to go anywhere near. "How do you feel?"
Wiping the foam away, I said: "Well, I think we have both learned a valuable lesson about trust."