This is one of my many stories written about my female alter ego Liz and her messy adventures. Sadly most of those which were written from 1991 to 1997 are lost, but I did manage to find this one buried on the Internet Archive. So it has been updated for the 21st century so we can all enjoy her ridiculously messy adventures once again. Liz is 23 in this one so I guess it was written in 1991. More to follow

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Punter at bar: Hello dear, have you managed to get it all out of you hair yet?

Liz: Oh, yes, the charity thing. Wasn't it fun?

Punter at bar: I'll say! What happen to the outfit you were wearing?

Liz: in the bin, I am afraid!

Punter at bar: Tell my friend here what happened last weekend. He usually doesn't drink here and I can tell he wants to know all about you it the thing last weekend.

Liz: If you weren't here you really missed something, but I am tired of explaining it all and I have pints to pull. So read this I have typed up, sip your drink and let me know what you think.

<punters mate="" take="" the="" stapled="" pile="" of="" typing="" and="" begins="" to="" read="">

She wrote: I'm Elizabeth, but my friends all call me Liz. I'm 23 years old and work here at the bar right in the centre of town. I love my job and certainly find myself very popular with all of the men who call in. Maybe if I describe myself you'll see why! I stand about 5'8" tall, with blue eyes and long, brown hair cut to my shoulders. Because of my height I have fairly long legs and quite a curvy figure. Ever since I was a young teenage girl I have been blessed with a wonderfully large pair of breasts, so I always try squeeze into the tightest of tops!

The reason I am writing this is to tell you about something rather amazing that takes place in the bar every year. Not only being totally busy with work we love trying to raise money for charity. This is why we always make our best efforts to collect plenty of money in the summer. This event past was a very silly affair, but if I tell you more I'm sure you are just going to love what I got up to. You see, last summer we had a 'Dare Liz' contest which managed to rake in a small fortune for charity. If you're wondering just what I did please read on...

The basic idea was really just a cheap excuse to repeatedly cover me in lots of different types of goo and gunge. I really did get the lot, but I guess it was all worth it in the end as we raised nearly £5000. What we did was this: I had a list of completely unspeakable 'dares' to perform, most of them involving me getting covered in sloppy gunge! The more messy the dare the more money I would raise. For example, if someone chucked a bucket of water over me, this would only count for a few pounds. However, getting white-washed with paint would pay slightly more. In case you're wondering who thought of such non-sense it was all dreamed up by one of the barmen. His wife always complained about his odd little ideas and now I can see why. I certainly hope he doesn't make her do some of the things I had to!


As far as clothing goes all of the barmen wanted me to wear a bikini whilst 'doing and daring', but I thought the idea of this sounded far too cold. Instead I went for my usual 'black and tight' look. Here's what I had on: A figure hugging black bodysuit/leotard, semi-opaque black tights, pleated mini-skirt and a neat pair of black suede high heeled court shoes. If you must know panties under the bodysuit, but no bra. With my make-up done nicely and my hair brushed the boys certainly had no cause to complain about how sexy I looked! Unfortunately, by the time the day was over the whole outfit was far beyond ever getting clean again. Keep on reading to find out why...

To start with boys could pay a pound to come up and empty a bucket of cold water all over me. It was freezing cold but I raised £35 just for getting soaked. At the time I had to sit on a chair and keep still as gallons of icy water were slowly poured over my head, shoulders and top. I think my bra-less boobs beneath the soaking leotard were the main attraction. To be quite honest it made my nipples and most of the lads very erect indeed! Some 175 gallons of water later the boys were all done (35, 5 gallon buckets at a pound a go, silly!). I looked like I had fallen in a lake, but all of the barmen couldn't help commenting just how sleek my wet outfit looked.

The next 'dare' was slightly more messy. Four lads had a minute to dispose of 50 lemon meringue pies in order to raise £100 from their sponsor. No, I didn't end up eating them! The pies were destined for my face, hair, clothes etc. Anywhere a pie would fit! As the whistle blew the first pie was pushed square into my face, rapidly followed by another two 'sandwiching' my head. The boys wasted no time and before I could scoop the curd and cream from my eyes they were already busy splattering them all over my outfit.
Miraculously, they managed to trash me with all of the pies in just 48 seconds. My tights felt weird and heavy from all of the yellow and white goo slopped down them. One of the cheeky lads had even lifted my skirt and rubbed one all over my bottom. This felt surprising sleek and creamy between my legs, and also a little tingly around you-know-where as I wriggled my thighs from side to side. However, this was nowhere as gooey as I was about to end up.

Still covered from head to foot in lemon meringue someone dared me £150 that I wouldn't climb into a rubber paddling pool full of what looked like cream cheese! This, I have to say, seemed a repulsive thought, but filled with charitable spirit I agreed. A very heavy looking inflatable paddling pool was hefted in completely filled to the brim with what looked like cheese spread. Biting my lip I carefully slipped off my pie covered shoe and dipped my stockinged toes into the yellowy mass. It felt quite soft and yielding so I pushed my foot right in. Eugghh! What a strange feeling it was having the cheese oozing between my tights and toes! Off came the other shoe and in went the my other foot. With a huge cheer I finally crawled right in and sat down. I can't even begin to describe how sticky it was, but I was in for a shock! For good measure I lay back in the cheese, pushing my bottom, back and then hair right in. The boys were all ecstatic I had been such a good sport, but as I tried to sit up their semi turned-on cooing turned to fits of laughter. I was glued in and couldn't move. The cheese was so thick in texture I had to stretch out my arms and be pulled up. As you can image my pretty, black outfit and hair was now a wash with a thick shiny, film of dairy goo!
After paddling in soft cheese for a while I wondered if anything worse could possibly happen to me. Not so bad this time, but equally as messy.

There was this older chap, who looked like a bit of a pervert to me. He said he would give me £5 for ever bucket of coloured goo he was allowed to tip over me. The goo itself looked pretty dreadful, it was either wallpaper paste or porridge mixed with food dye. So with my eyes closed and my teeth clenched I stood hands by my side as bucket after bucket of gunge deluged my body. The first thick sliming was soft, runny and bright orange. God knows what it was! The next was slightly stiffer and a murky purple shade. He certainly knew how to gunge a girl, starting at the top of my head, coating my hair and then swirling it down to thickly cover my shoulders and boobs. Next onto my skirt and my nylon-clad legs. Someone had kindly rescued my poor stiletto heels from the pool. However, not being able to see properly with blurry eyes from my face full of gunge, I tried to slips the heels on without looking. There was a roar of laughter as toes meet with the same gooey resistance as before. Some joker had filled both my now ruined shows with cream cheese. I bit my bottom lip cutely as I wriggled my feet back in squeezing the mess over my feet and nylons. Again a very small shudder and tingly feeling came over me.

Just as I was revelling in all this someone tugged at the front of my top and a whole bucket of green sludge was slowly poured inside. I knew the pair of them responsible got a good look at my braless breasts but they were soon hidden in a torrent rolling, thick, sloppy paste. My poor bodysuit couldn't possibly hold all that liquid and I soon felt the gunge running down my legs and pooling around my wrecked shoes.
Nevertheless, that little mucky escapade raised another £50 (10 whole gallons of goo!).

The next dare almost made me faint with shock. Someone had managed to find an old oil drum. For £200 I was dared to get blindfolded and then made to wriggle down into the tub and guess what was inside. Bearing in mind that the drum could have had anything in it, I thought I was being quite brave. Once the silk scarf was tied over my eyes, I was carefully lead to a step ladder next to the drum. Rather than carefully dip my feet in first I decide that I would plunge right in! With one almighty leap I slopped my way into the drum. The most unbelievable thick, greasy, and very gelatinous resistance stopped my body falling in too fast. As I stood their squirming around in the cloying mess I tried to image just what I was submerged up to my boobs in. It felt rather like stiff jelly, but I wasn't quite sure. Eventually, after a great deal of thought I guessed correctly - it was lard. Yes, lard. How disgusting! They even gave me a booby prize for taking so long to guess. A bucket of liquid soap tipped all over my head! By now I was not a pretty sight. Covered in fat, cheese, paste, curd and pies I looked slightly worse for wear, mainly because of my matted hair. However, they still wanted more and more they got. My outfit was now ruined totally so it didn't matter what they did to me!

Just to prove the point someone had a five litre drum of thick, black used engine oil. They were prepared to pay £75 to tip the lot over me. Stupidly, in the 'heat' of the moment I agreed. Later my boyfriend told me that the stuff is poisonous, so I was lucky not to get sick afterwards. I have to say the oil made a delicious 'glugging' sound as it spilled from the can, coating me in a heavy, 'treacle like' film of oily slop. Now I really was all in black! It was a little ironic that such a dreadful mess actually 'cleaned' me up to a certain extent.
All of the cheese, lard, cream and other mess was all washed away by the oil. As you can imagine my bodysuit and tights were all stuck to my skin. Oh well! Not for long, just wait for the next dare!

Previously I had been tricked into let my bodysuit to be filled with gunge. But someone made me an offer I just couldn't turn down. For £300 they wanted to put a funnel down my cleavage and then poor in a whole catering size kilo tin of rice pudding inside my outfit. This was a very odd sensation indeed! The heavy creamed rice rapidly trickled down inside my bodysuit and collected as a heavy mass around my skirt's waistband. As more and more pudding deluged down inside my poor lycra costume could finally take no more. Lifting my short skirt at the front I watched in awe as my tight-fitting costume 'burst' at the legs holes and pudding all oozed out down my legs. I cooed and tried to look at up through the mess on my face with the largest doleful eyes I could! To top things off he finally treated what was left of the creamy desert to a free for all external gunging of my outfit. My bodysuit, tights, skirt and heels all were doused for fun with the soft, lumpy pudding...

Next, my four lads were back begging to try and smash their record of 50 pies in a minute with a new challenge. Covered me with 75 whipped cream and chocolate pudding pies in under a minute. So back to the chair I went and began contemplating just how the boys were proposing to splatter that amount of slop over me in such a short space of time. I have to say I was impressed with their coverage, but only managed 70 pies in the allotted time. After they'd finished I looked very tasty indeed, covered from hair to high heels in sweet pudding!

Unfortunately for me, some joker then emptied two whole bags of flour over me. As you can imagine this turned me into a rather horrid pasty, doey mess as the powder became wet in the whipped cream. I was just dreaming of the time I could take a nice hot shower when another guy perked up, offering vast amounts of cash to have his mucky way.

£200 brought this 'punter' the unchallenged right to get me all 'saucy', as he put it. Despite still being plastered in oil, rice pudding, instant whip and flour he wanted me gunged in some rather sickly tomato products. First it was an 'over the head' gunging from a five gallon bucket of tomato soup. Next he vigorously squeezed a whole plastic bottle of ketchup down my front, totally submerging my boobs in runny layers of red gloop. I think he desperately wanted to rub my two large sauce smothered mounds, but I wasn't going to let him! (What type of girl do you think I am!!). Finally it was a gooey 'deluge my leotard and skirt' effort as he swirled a bucket of mixed baked beans and spaghetti all down my costume! Again lots of pouting and large, sad eyes from me, but secretly masking that I was starting to get a little turned on by all the attention, noise and feeling of being smothered completely in slop!

I suppose you're wondering just what happened to that huge pool of cream cheese, aren't you! Well, after I landed in it quite a bit slopped out of the sides, but there was still quite a bit left to be used up. Enter my next sponsor! I couldn't help noticing that the dares were all starting to get a little bit kinky. Check out the next one! This sponsor was prepared to shell out £150 for me to just walk around! Basically, he was eager to see me trotting around in the tub of cream cheese, wearing my high heeled shoes. (Hmmm!). This I did for a bit, but felt a touch stupid after a while. By the time I'd done a few laps of the pool my shoes were caked with huge clods of soft cheese, making them almost unrecognisable (or down right silly, I'd say!). Finally, however, we got down to the real issue in hand. For his £150 he wanted me to remove the soiled suede stilettos and fill them to the brim and then slip them back on! Just like before. What was left of the mashed tub of curds and whey were used to good effect. Six guys picked up the pool and used it as a giant 'pie in the face' (a pie in the body, more like!) as they shoved and mashed the soft creamy cheese all over my face. The rest splattered, oozed and slopped all over my chest and lap. I was was covered in it and didn't care!

After the previous gooey plastering I was given a little time to scrape off some of the thick cream cheese that I was totally smothered in. This took a little while, but I knew it was in good cause! There was a very special dare just about to be put to me. One of the guys wanted to know if I would be alternately 'custard and creamed' several times, all for the bargain price of £500. Certainly a challenge that I wasn't about to turn down for such a large amount of money. Basically, I was made to sit on a rather uncomfortable plastic chair and await my gooey punishment. Slowly, but surely the first builder's bucket of rich dairy custard was carefully poured all over my hair. It was really strange because the stuff was so creamy and thick that it totally engulfed my head in a stiff yellow film. This gently spilled down my body submerging my shoulders and chest in sweet goo. Eventually the torrent of smooth mess dribbled over my tummy and splattered into a puddle on my lap. I was drenched in custard and loved it! I don't think it would have usually felt so nice but they had been kind enough to warm it up for me. But, that's more than I can say for the cream! Before I'd had chance even to wipe the warm, yellow slop from my eyes a painfully cold dribble of fresh double cream began to ooze over my sticky locks. This was also being poured by the bucketload, this time reducing my whole outfit to a yellowy, white swirling mass of glistening desert. This went on and on repeatedly. Just as the cream stop pouring the custard started. The guy who dared me to let him deluge my outfit in the stuff was a little concerned that my bottom half was not getting the gunging it deserved. My leotard and skirt were literally saturated in the soft, creamy liquid, right through to my skin. However, my tights, although wet from the other 'dares', were relatively clean. He had a solution to this; I was made to stand, shoes and all, in a full bucket of cream. Most of this splashed out of the bucket, but left enough for my submerged high-heels to stay nice and squidgy (Yuk!). What was left visible of my tights was quickly splashed and splattered by another bucket of warm custard, filling the bucket I was standing in and adding to the mess.
By this stage in the evening I was starting to feel just a little bit weary. I had already raised a large amount of money and was feeling very proud of my efforts. However, I was starting to wonder just how I was going to get cleaned up from of the the repulsive mess that covered me. Mind you, if I'd known for a second just what was going to happen to me next, I needn't have bothered! The grand finally for £1000 was going to involve me testing out a rather special invention. "The Mud Booth"...

This was a rather odd glass sided box with a huge tank suspended above it, but I could quite guess from the name exactly what was going to end up all over me. Reluctantly I slicked back my pudding covered hair and bravely made for the booth. For this experience I was going to have to stand, as there was no chair. Just as I wriggled myself into position I caught a glimpse of my gunge-smothered body in one of the bar's long mirrors. What a terrible mess! I quite had liked what I was wearing, but now it was all going to have to be thrown away, especially after they released the tank of mud all over me. It was so very teasey! They hung on for ages making me think that I was about to be deluged in the mud, it was all so cruel! Finally, down it poured. With a whoosh the smooth liquid mud began to slowly dribble and ooze it's way over me, covering every inch of my body. The gooey, brown slop was just like rich china clay; all glossy and creamy. The sponsors now had exactly what they desired; a young lady, clad in a sexy, black outfit totally deluged in soft liquid clay. Eventually, after trying to catch my breath I decide to step forward form the booth and treat the crowd to the look of my barely recognisable form. It was such a strange feeling being totally smothered in liquid mud as every move I made resulted in a glorious squelching noise. One guy said I looked just like a melted chocolate bar, but with boobs! I'll take that as a kind of compliment!

After that point it was decided that there was very little else they could smear all over me. I was very, very tired and it was beginning to show, as I looked decidedly uncomfortable (well, wouldn't you with such sodden clothes?). This time, totally for free, I stood in and empty rubber pool and let two of the guys hose me down with some lovely warm, clean water. I enjoyed this very much as a matter of relief, however, the two young chaps seemed delighted that they were actually soaking a young lady wearing just clinging outfit. The water eventually soothed away all of the gunge leaving my bodysuit, skirt, tights and shoes wet and glistening under the bright lights.


It had been hard work, but strangely erotic for me. I don't know what it was, being humiliated like that, being the centre of attention or just the feel of the mess against my skin. Now clean, but drenched out came the fluffy towels and I dried off as best I could and had a very long giggle at what has just happened to me.

Punter at bar: Have you read Liz's story yet?

Punter's mate: Oh yes, what a girl, can you hire her?!</punters>