I'd just taken the great big pie in the face, standing stage-right, and performed my slow-burn, and slow take before wiping my eyes. Smiling - I always smiled at the end of the pie in the face gag, involuntarily - I looked at the front row of the audience and there she was, again. The short Korean woman, looking at me and grinning. She had been in every audience for weeks, but for the last three shows instead of sitting back in row M or Z or wherever, she was in the front row.

This time, as soon as I wiped my eyes of the shaving cream stage pie, I saw her, grinning up at me. I was smiling as I looked at her, and we locked eyes for a moment. She waved at me, a happy 'hello!', but I couldn't respond. Instead, I had to do my part, and I picked up a large shaving cream pie and I creamed the actor next to me, a short brunette in glasses playing an "innocent bystander", who did her usual comedy-take and slow burn.

The cute Korean woman in the front row covered her mouth, laughing, and clearly delighted.

Once I got backstage, and with a towel in had to wipe my face, a stage hand told me, "Hey, J, a fan's here to see you."

I looked up as I wiped the last of the thick shaving cream my my eyes. It was the short, curvy Korean woman. She was smiling. And wow, what a cute smile! She was wearing hoop earrings, and a skin-tight red dress.

"Hey!", I said, putting forth my hand, "I'm J." She took my hand and shook it. "I know,", she said, "I'm K. Like Men in Black!", she said, and laughed.

I nodded, "Yeah, kinda, right?"

She nodded, and said, "But more like men in white, in your case, huh?"

I smiled, "Definitely!"

She stood very close to me, and said, "Thanks for seeing me. I'm kind of a fan."

I said, "I noticed! I've seen you in the audience every week! I'm glad you like the show."

She said, "Well, I do like the show! But I really like to see you get the pie in the face. You're really good at it!".

I laughed, "So you show up every week to see me get pied?"

She nodded and laughed, "Yes! Every week! I love it, you're so good! You really know how to take a pie in the face!"

I couldn't help but to smile, and laugh. "Thanks! I'm definitely glad you appreciate it! Thanks for coming!"

She stepped even closer to me, and put her hands on my arms. "Well,", she said, "You're welcome. As long as you keep getting pied, I'll keep buying a ticket!"

I looked down into her eyes. She was five-two, maybe, and had a great subtly-hourglass figure. And she didn't seem to stop smiling, which was increasingly attractive! I asked, "So, ok, you have to tell me - what is it about my getting pied that keeps you coming?"

She looked at me, and in a softer voice said, "Oh, you're very sexy! But when you get a pie in the face? There's something about your reaction that just gets me. I can't explain, I just like it". And then she laughed again, I think from embarrassment.

"Thanks!", I said. She looked up at me, again, and said, "I mean the way you take a pie in the face, it's so fun, and that's so sexy, fun I mean. And I think you're really cute when you smile after you get pied."

I nodded, "Thanks again! It is fun, and I'm glad you picked up on that. I love that you think I'm cute after a pie in the face. I like that!"

"Oh yeah, cute.", she nodded back. "So are those shaving cream pies you guys use?", she asked.

"Yep", I said, "that's how we make them so big."

She made a face, "But that tastes terrible! Wouldn't it be better to use real pies? Or whipped cream or something tasty?"

I replied, "It would, it'd be a lot better. I can ask the props people if they have any ideas, but they like the shaving cream because it's easy to clean up and get off of the costumes. Maybe the answer is we just don't wear costumes!"

She put her hand over her mouth and laughed, and pressed her hand against my arm and said, conspiratorially, "Oh that would be much better!"

I laughed and said, "I love the way you think!", and she nodded back at me, "Thanks, you too. I think we think alike!"

I said, "Hey, I need to clean up and change, can you wait here? Lets go grab a drink and keep talking!". She nodded and said, "Ok! Yes lets."

I did just that, and got into my black jeans, black tee, and leather jacket. She was waiting for me just outside of the green room, and we walked a few blocks up to a quiet, dark bar.

I ordered two Vesper martinis, and we stood close to each other, sipping and talked.

"So", she said, "You really do look like you are having fun up there. Are you really, or is that just acting?" I replied, "I really am having fun. When I smile or crack-up, I'm breaking character!"

She looked at me and asked, "So you really do think getting a pie in the face is fun? That's not just acting?"

I shook my head, "Not just acting. It's really fun. Have you ever tried it?"

She immediately laughed and shook her head, "No I haven't! Oh my god, no!"

"Oh, you should sometime! It's a blast."

She kept laughing, and when she recovered a bit, she said, "Well actually I'd like to, someday!" She had a sip of her martini, "But a real pie so I can lick my lips."

"Good choice.", I said.

She asked, "Do you have as much fun giving the other actor her pie in the face?", and she was referring to the moment after I get pied, where I pick up a pie and let the actor next to me playing an innocent bystander, an oversized pie in the face. I said, "Oh yeah! That's just as fun, and she takes it so well."

K nodded, "She does! Do you have a preference?", she was looking up at me, waiting for my reply. I said, "Well, I love getting pied, so there's that. But also, giving someone the pie is a hell of a lot of fun. Hmm. I'm not sure, do you? Have a preference?"

She nodded, "I don't know, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather give you a pie in the face than the other way around! My preference is to see you pied!"

I smiled and said, "Good to know! Out of costume, I assume?"

She laughed again and said, "Preferably! Have you ever had to do a nude scene?"

I shook my head, "No, I haven't. Why, would you like me to?"

She nodded a bit coyly and said, "Yesss...", and laughed again.

I said, "Well, the feeling is mutual. I'd prefer you to be out of costume as well, if we ever got into a slapstick scene together."

She pressed up against me, and looked at me and said, "I'd like that!".

I leaned in and kissed her, and she returned my kiss very eagerly.

She pressed her body more into mine, and said, "That was nice! Maybe you can come over and teach me a slapstick scene? It's ok if it's a nude scene, I'm very ok with that!"

I smiled, "Are you trying to get me out of my clothes, K?"

She grinned, "Yessss...". I put my hand on her arm. Her skin was very soft, and I found myself caressing her ever so slightly.

She put her glass on the bar, and then wrapped her arms around my neck. "Yes, I am. And, um, can I give you a pie in the face too?"

I replied, "Oh hell yeah!", which was immediately answered by another eager, warm and excellent kiss.

She asked, "Have you ever kissed anyone and pressed close to them and it feels so good that every ounce of you is begging to get out of all of your clothes?", and I replied, "Oh, yes, yes I have." She said, quietly, "Good because that's how I feel right now."

She invited me to her place, a condo in a high-rise a few blocks away. Once we got there, we kicked off our shoes at the door.

After another short but eager and intense make-out session in the hallway just after we closed the door, she gave me a tour of the place. A spacious, modern apartment, and fairly new. She narrated, "Living space, dining area, bathroom, a big big shower that should be plenty of room for both of us!, bedroom - I hope to be seeing a lot of you in there!"

When we got to the kitchen, I noticed two large cans of pastry cream, commercial-size, on the marble counter. I asked, "Been shopping lately?"

She nodded, "I was doing research, but I have no idea what I'm doing." I said, "Oh, I can help. What did you buy?"

She'd purchased all of the ingredients to make several large, and quite gooey, pies.

I grinned, "You take your slapstick research seriously!"

She wrapped her arms around my neck again, and pressed her body up against mine from hips to chest and said, "I do, and from the first time I saw you take that great big pie in the face and then smile and have fun I had the biggest crush..."

We kissed again, and I reached behind her and started to pull the zipper of her dress. "What are you doing?", she asked. I replied, "Helping you get out of all of your clothes.". She kissed me and then said, "Help faster."

I pulled the zipper all of the way down, and she peeled out of her dress. She also peeled off her underwear, and now stark naked, started to remove my clothes from me.

Once I was as naked as she was, she threw her arms around me again, said, "Nude scene.", and abruptly kissed me.

This time, we kissed for a long while, until finally she said, "Wanna help me make some pies?"

I nodded, "Lets see what you have!"

We walked to the kitchen, and I collected all of the ingredients. While she watched, I explained. "Ok, I see you baked the pastry crusts, nice work! Four crusts, that's good. Now, we take a half of a thing of cream cheese and some of the marshmallow fluff, and we blend it together to make a base." I blended until we had a supremely thick and sticky base. "Now", I continued, "we gently fold in the whipped topping.. like so, until we get a nice, very sticky, topping for the pie.

Grinning, she nodded, and stuck her finger into the finished product. It came out coated in topping, leaving a long gooey trail into the bowl. Laughing, she said, "Wow! Are you sure you're OK taking a pie in the face with this? Really?"

I nodded, "From you? Oh more than OK. And you haven't seen anything yet!"

She laughed, and leaned into me again. Her soft warm skin against mine was a pure pleasure. She nuzzled me and said, "You are so sexy", and kept her hands on my skin, up and down my chest and arms.

I kept creating the sticky pie topping, and loading it into the staging bowl, a large steel kitchen bowl. Once I was done, I continued the explanation. "Ok, so now, we take the crusts out of the tins. They should be nice and stable. Next, we fill them with the pastry cream". I dished out the thick, gooey pastry cream with the aid of a wooden spoon, and semi-poured semi-spooned the pastry cream into the shells.

"Oh my god it's so gooey!", she laughed, "You're amazing, do you know that?"

I said, "And now, the topping.. we just load these up until the look good." I topped off all four pies with peaky, sticky topping until we had four very large, ridiculously tall, pastry cream and marshmallow-whipped-topping pies.

She said, "Oh my god! Look at these! Oh! Wait, be right back!", and she dashed off up the hallway. I watched her naked body every moment of the way. She returned with some bedsheets, which we placed on the floor.

"I can't believe this, this is like a huge fantasy for me!", and she picked up a pie with both of her hands. "Oh, it's heavy!", she said, weighing the tall, white pie up and down in her hands.

She looked at me, her face a vision of glee. "I want to give you a pie in the face!"

"You do?", I asked.

"Yes, it's my fantasy!", she said.

I placed my hands under hers, and tried to pull the pie toward me into my hands, "No, no, I think I should hold this pie for a second, and then I'll give it back to you!"

Laughing, she replied, "No! Oh no no! I know that trick, let go!"

I said, "I can't grab the edge, it's all crust, I need to get at it from the bottom." She pulled the pie back towards her.

And as soon as she did, I pulled it back toward me, using my hands to pull hers. "Nah, I'd better hold it, for sure." Laughing, she said, "Stop that!", and pulled it back toward her again, my hands still beneath hers. I said, "It's absolutely OK! I'm happy to receive a pie in the face if you want to pie me! But I just want to hold it first to get an idea of how heavy it is!"

"Suuuure you do!", she said skeptically, and I pulled the pie once again toward me. She pulled back, and I held on to her hands. She exerted more force in her pull, and I held her hands in place. Laughing she said, "Let go!".

I let go quickly, and the sudden lack of force from my end startled her and she staggered backwards, losing her balance slightly but still with both hands under the pie.

As she was off-balance, I took my hand beneath hers and, using her already backwards momentum, flipped the pie directly onto her face. It landed, full-face, with a loud pie-in-the-face noise, and sent a ring of sticky topping and pastry cream around her neck, shoulders, and over the top of her head and her soft, black hair. The hair siding her face was creamed. I pressed the crust into her face and around the sides from ear to ear, making sure she was really pied but good. A large piece of crust and pastry cream, and some topping, fell from her chin to land on one breast, sliding in a gooey trail until it fell off and hit the floor. Another piece of crust slid from the right side of her face, also in a long gooey white trail, and fell on her shoulder before bouncing off of her breast and to the floor, landing on her foot.

I laughed!

Stunned, she leaned forward and tilted her head downward, allowing more crust to fall and slide leaving long, gooey trails of pie. Laughing deeply, she stayed in this position, very pied until she got ahold of herself. Finally, she opened her right eye (her left eye was stuck under a piece of crust), and as whipped topping and pastry cream slid and flowed from her head down to various parts of her bare skin and to the floor, training gooey filling and topping, she looked at me with smiling surprise, "Oh you bastard!"

I admired my work, "Oh! Oh, you look hot! I see what you mean, this is a very sexy look!"

She shook her head, and more pie fell. "That wasn't supposed to happen! I was supposed to give you a pie in the face! Not me!"

She straightened upright, but didn't remove any pie from her face. Smiling, she just looked at me and shook her head. I asked, "How was your first pie in the face?"

She licked her lips, and then said, "A surprise!", and she flicked a piece of pie from her hands at me.

I asked, "Did you like it? You really took a pie in the face so well!"

She once again wrapped her arms around my neck, and said "Yessss... I did...", and kissed me, getting pie smeared on my face.

When she was done kissing me, she turned and picked up a pie. Turning back to me, she grinned. I said, "So, now, I'll walk you through some slapstick. There's usually a skit we can...", and I stopped there because she quickly gave me a thorough pie in the face, using both hands to smear the pie all over my head, from ear to ear, back to front, and smearing pastry cream and topping all over my neck and chest, and then down to my crotch, where I'd been up at attention for most of the evening. Topping was heavy around my head, and on my neck, and pastry cream and crust oozed and fell from my head, bouncing off of my chest before hitting the floor. One large piece of crust and pie landed cream-side-down onto the top of my erection.

Instead of laughter, which I'd expected, she said, "Oh my god! Oh my god you look good, oh you sexy sexy man!", and I could feel her hands smearing pie all over my naked skin, down my chest and torso before grabbing my hard sex and smearing cream all over me in a stroking gesture, with both of her hands.

I smiled, and opened my eyes (barely) and looked at her. She was looking at me, mouth open, her face still totally creamed with the pie I gave her, and she leaned in once again to kiss me.

We kissed for a long while, smearing pie all over each other, when she suddenly stopped, put her fingers on my lips, and said, "Wait.".

She abruptly turned around, picked up a pie, and smiling a wide, wide smile, smooshed the pie right into my face. As she smeared pie all over my head, much of the cream and filing cascading down and landing all over the both of us (one large piece bounced off of me and landed, cream-side-down, directly onto her left nipple).

I couldn't see a thing! "Hey!", I exclaimed, and laughed. I felt the heavy, cool pie all over my face, neck, shoulders, and chest. She said, "Oh you are so fucking sexy, damn!", and wrapped herself around me once again as we embraced, squishing and sticking in various pied locations, and enjoying an eager, deep, passionate kiss.

We kissed for a while, and when we came up for air (so to speak), I wiped both of my eyes and smiled at her. "Oh, you know how to deliver a pie!"

Smiling as well, she said "Thank you! I've been watching the best for weeks! Oh, I've been dying to do this to you. So bonus that we're naked!"

I walked to the last pie, but she darted in front of me and picked it up. She asked, "Were you going for this pie?"

I locked eyes with her and said, "Yes, yes I was!"

She said, "So you want this pieeeee?", in a somewhat teasing manner. Very cute!

I nodded, "Yep! Give it here!"

Grinning, and still covered with the pie in the face I'd give her though now both eyes were clear (her black hair ringed and splattered with a lot of pie, crust still stuck to her head in places), she said, "Give you this pie?"

"Yes!", I replied.

"You really want this pie? Really really?", she asked, taking a step forward, pie in hand.

I nodded, "Oh, yes. That's what I was going for, that pie, so I could pick it up and we could experience another pie in the face!"

She laughed, "Another pie in the face? Really? With this pie? You want another pie in the face?"

I said, "Yes! Who doesn't love the great big creamy pie in the face gag?"

"Are you suuuuure?", she sing-songed.

I nodded, "Oh yes. Give me that pie! You're gonna get it!"

Laughing, she said, "Okaaaaayy! Heeere's the pieeee!", again in that singy voice.

I took the last pie in the face like a champ, an expert slapstick take as I stood there and let her smash the pie all around my face and head. This time, she laughed and said, "But you're gonna get it! Oh I am really really enjoying this!"

When she was done plastering me in my face with the big pie, she was back to caressing my chest and shoulders, and I slowly wiped my eyes and flicked pie at her. She squeaked and flinched, and then practically jumped on top of me, kissing me. I slowly pulled us both to the pie-splashed sheets on the floor, where we now fade to black and you can use your imagination as to what happened next.

-end-