My name is William Bradley and I am a lucky guy. Maybe you remember that big online charity WAM raffle prize draw a couple of months back? Well I won it! If you remember the first prize was the chance to play out three WAM sketches with a "well known actress". I've just got back from having my prize and I just had to write this to share it with all you out there in the WAM world.

I was euphoric when I first won but as the arranged day for the prizes approached I thought well its probably going to be some obscure soap actress between jobs but what the hell it would still be a great afternoon!

I got to the venue, which was really well set up in a theatre in the centre of the city. I was met by a lovely girl in her mid 20's with long pail red hair and dressed in a pail blue blouse and a light grey silk mix business suit, the trousers being a little tight over her slim figure. Her outfit was competed with clearly expensive black high heels.

"Hello Mr Bradley" she said, "Are you looking forward to your prize?"

"You bet" I said, "Are you the actress?" thinking it could be a lot worse.

"No!" she laughed, "I'm not famous or an actress! My name is Stephanie Smith I'm with Pie Raffles I'm organising the crew here today. Actually I'm pleased to say your partner for the afternoon is already here, in fact here she is!"

Into the room walks none other than Emilia Clark! I have got to say she looks every bit as good in the flesh as she does on screen, her dark hair was cut in a shoulder length style she was wearing a black cotton roll-neck sweater and tight pail blue jeans with black high heel boots beneath.

"Hi William," said Emilia "pleased to meet you"

"Are you sure" I managed to say.

"Oh sure!" she laughed, "Its all in a good cause and I'm sure we can have some fun!"

"Great" I croaked. I had always had a bit of thing for Emilia Clarke and thus a huge GOT fan and I was sure I was going to wake up before we got to the good bit.

"Right" said Stephanie "you have to choose the three sketches William. Here is our book of scripts, pick them out and we will get the first ready for you" and she handed be a file of mess up scenes. It was tough but I picked three.


The Interview


The premise of the first sketch was that Emilia played an IT consultant employed by me on a fiendish contract and she was due for the first progress meeting.

The set-up work was finally over and the stage ready. I sat at a desk surrounded by food with a large folder in front of me and a simple plastic moulded chair on the other side of the desk. There was a knock at the door at the rear of the stage.

"Come in" I said.

The door opens and in walked Emilia. Emilia was wearing a snug navy pinstripe skirt of just above the knee length, a white button blouse with the hint of a white lacy bra beneath and some navy heels.

"Ah Emilia thank you for coming today. Please take a seat." I said indicating the seat opposite me.

"Thank you" said Emilia smiling and sat down.

"As you know we need to discuss the delays to your IT project. While I accept these are not personally your fault it is you that we have the contract with."

"I understand," said Emilia nodding.

"Now the contract lays down what penalties occur in the event of delay" I explain.

"Does it?" said Emilia clearly surprised.

"Yes, are you not familiar with this section?" I ask removing a large wad of paper from the folder.

"Err not as clearly as I should be but I am sure what you say is correct."

"OK in that case perhaps we should get on. You mentioned you had an appointment shortly."

"Yes I have a vital lecture to give on the project in about 10 minutes." Stated Emilia.

"Right let's get on. Let's take phase A that is now two weeks late. Agreed?"

"Yes" said Emilia.

"Well if we turn to clause 432.12 we can see the penalty in this case. Shall I read this for you?" I ask

"Yes please," said Emilia crossing her legs.

"It says 'In the event of a two week delay to Phase A the supplier shall permit a company representative to put a bowl of trifle over her head'. That seems fairly clear to me. Do you agree Emilia?"

"Oh! I suppose so." Said Emilia quietly.

"Right" I said getting up. I picked up a bowl of cream, custard, black cherry and sponge layers. I stepped to the side of Emilia and while she stared ahead I flipped the bowl over onto her head and twisted it down! Lumps of trifle rained down the sides of Emilia's head and slid down her back, her white blouse provided a sharp contrast to the blobs of mashed trifle. I lift the bowl off Emilia's head and revealed the multicoloured mess covering her hair.

I put the bowl to one side and sat down.

"Right onto Phase B, which is also two weeks behind. Would you agree Emilia?"

"Well yes but that necessarily follows if Phase A is late." Protested Emilia.

"True but the contract makes no allowance for that. Do you want to know the penalty clause?"

"OK," said Emilia taking a deep breath.

"It says the supplier shall permit a company representative to pour a jug of custard down her blouse or top'. Shall we proceed?"

"I suppose we must," said Emilia.

I got up, picked up a jug of custard, bent over Emilia, slowly pulled open the front of her blouse and carefully poured the bright yellow custard over and into her white lacy bra! By the time the jug was empty the entire front of Emilia's blouse was a wet yellow.
I sat back down while Emilia gazed down at her slimy front.

"Now onto a more serious matter the training programme. This has only just started?" I asked

"I'm afraid so" said Emilia.

"Well in that case another penalty clause clicks in. Shall I quote you the contract?"

"I guess you had better," sighed Emilia

"It says 'the supplier shall place a chocolate gateau on a chair and while wearing only her underwear shall proceed to sit in the gateau'. Now I think this one is a bit harsh Emilia."

"You do!"

"Yes I think you only need to pull down your skirt before you sit in the cake. That one over there will do." I said pointing at a large sticky chocolate cake full of fudge sauce.

"I see," said Emilia. After a moment Emilia got up, took the cake, put it on the chair and then stood in front of the chair. Slowly Emilia unzipped the side of her skirt and slipped it down her legs. Emilia was wearing a pair of simple white high waist panties. After moments anticipation Emilia sat down on the chair her bottom landing in the gateau. Thick chocolate mess oozed out from under her thighs and bottom and welled up round the seat to fully plaster her up to her waist.

"I think it would be more appropriate if you were to put your skirt back on." I said after a moment's silence. Emilia said nothing but slowly stood up fully revealing the thick chocolate plastering over her behind completely obscuring her once white panties. Emilia bent down, pulled up her skirt back up and zipped it. Emilia then carefully removes the remains of the gateau and sits back down gingerly.

"Next we come to software patches" I said, "We have had three of these. Are you aware of the contract provision here?"

"No" said Emilia.

"Well it says 'for each software patch required the supplier will be hit with a shaving foam pie.' So that's three pies!"

"Seems very clear," agreed Emilia.

I got up and picked up a large lime green coloured foam pie. I turned to Emilia paused for a moment and then pushed the pie in her face. The paper plate stuck to Emilia as I turned and picked up two more identical pies, these I pressed and rubbed into the sides of Emilia's head. I stepped back from the three-pie sandwich; Emilia's head was hidden beneath the three paper plates with lashings of bright green foam sprayed down her front and around the plates. As I sat down Emilia slowly peeled the plates off and wiped her eyes clear.

"Finally we come to response times" I said, "Unfortunately your average time was just above the contract rate triggering another penalty clause. Are you aware of this one?"

"No but I would guess it involves the front of my panties" replied Emilia.

"Yes that's right! It says 'the supplier will allow a company representative to fill the front of her panties with chocolate custard and to slap a pie of his choice on the front of her hips.' Probably best if you stand up Emilia." I said getting up.

"Shall I drop my skirt?" asks Emilia.

"Oh I think we'll be OK," I said picking up a funnel.

I pushed the funnel down the front of Emilia's skirt and panties. I picked up a jug of chocolate custard and slowly poured the custard in allowing time for Emilia's panties to fill. Once the jug was empty and there was a significant bulge under Emilia's skirt I put the jug down and picked up a large cream pie! Emilia braced herself as I swung the pie back! I slapped the cream pie squarely on the front of Emilia's hips and proceeded to rub it over the front of her skirt. While I did this streams of chocolate custard appeared from beneath the skirt running down Emilia's legs.

I let the remains of the mashed pie base fall to the floor having covered nearly the entire front of Emilia's navy skirt in cream.

"I am afraid that having incurred five penalty clauses you have invoked the 'Serious Delay' provision of the contract Emilia" I said. "Do you want to know what it involves?"

"Could you just let me have it, I do have to give this talk in about a minute," replied Emilia with slight desperation.

"Ok" I said and picked up a large bucket of pink slime. Emilia stared stoically ahead as I poured the buckets contents over her head; thick waves of the bright slime ran down her custard soaked front and down her trifle splattered back. As Emilia clawed mess away from her eyes I took an apple sauce and cream flan and slapped it on her ass.
"Well I think that concludes the review of the project, we'll have another in about a month." I said

"Thank you for being so fair" said Emilia "I must go and give my lecture"

Emilia walked out the back door and the sketch was over.


The Awards Ceremony


The clearing up had been done and we were ready for our second session. The stage centre was clear and I am standing waiting.

Emilia gives the signal that she has finished cleaning herself up and was ready to start.

"Ladies And Gentlemen" I said, "Welcome to the Pie Awards. Please welcome your hostess for the evening Miss Emilia Clarke.

I give Emilia a clap as she walked on. Emilia was immaculate and her outfit great; she was wearing a pair of black satin trousers, black high heels, a black silk blouse worn outside her trousers, gathered with a belt. The blouse has a V-neck and a crumpled ruff collar.

"Emilia you look great, it's good to see you here tonight" I said

"Its great to be here" said Emilia smiling broadly.

"Well I know you and the other judges have been working hard on tonight's awards Emilia. Was it hard to make a choice?"

"Oh yes the standard was very high we have been pouring and pieing late into the night!"

"Well without further ado shall we get on with the presentations?"

"Lets!" cried Emilia.

"OK. Our first award is a big one it's 'Best Pie in the Face'".

"Right" said Emilia. "Competition very steep here but the three winners in reverse order are; third cherry flan; second cream sponge but first wasfirm custard pie!"

"And here is our winner" I said as I pick up a firm custard pie. "Ready Emilia?"

"Absolutely! Let me have it!" said Emilia

And so I did. The pies impact sprayed a textbook pattern of custard streaks down Emilia's front. Emilia reached up and peels the paper plate off her face to reveal the thick plasEmiliang of yellow mess on her features!

"Great coverage Emilia!" I said.

"And good consistency." Spluttered Emilia as she wiped her eyes.

"A worthy winner I am sure we all agree. What's our next category Emilia?"

"It's 'Best Mess down a Girls Trousers'" replies Emilia.

"What are the factors for success here?" I asked

"Well texture is most important. You want something which the victim is really going to feel down her trousers," explained Emilia.

"And what did you and the other judges conclude?"

"Well in third place is stewed apple; second is lumpy custard but the winner was Porridge!" Emilia beamed through the custard on her face.

"And here is our winner!" I said picking up a large bowl of luke warm lumpy porridge. "Could hold the front of your trousers open for me Emilia?"

"Sure!" said Emilia and hooks her thumbs in her black satin trousers and pulls them open.

"Nice black panties" I said

"Yes but never mind pour in the porridge!"

I carefully emptied the bowl into Emilia's trousers and then massaged the porridge round so that it was even across the front of her hips.

"Can you really feel that Emilia?"

"Oh yes it's a just win for porridge." Said Emilia.

"What award was next?" I asked.

"Well the next one was a new award and an interesting one it's 'Best Tray Smeared Down a Girl's Front.'" Explained Emilia.

"Interesting" I said.

"Yes they are very popular now," commented Emilia.

"So I guess coverage is the important thing here."

"Yes and colour," replied Emilia.

"Was it a difficult choice?" I ask.

"Very. I had to try out the winner and runner up several times on behalf of the panel." Admitted Emilia.

"Well let's hear who the winners are!"

"OK" said Emilia "In third place was mashed potato, in second was chocolate pudding and just ahead was lemon pudding!"

"Great. I believe you have the winner there Emilia." I said.

"Here it is" said Emilia picking up a tray stacked with lemon pudding and holds it just below her bust.

I pushed the tray up and against Emilia so that it covers the area from her shoulders to her bust I then dragged the tray down her front leaving behind a thick covering of bright lemon yellow pudding. The covering remained total over Emilia's stomach and the front of her porridge filled trousers and then became streaky down her satin clad thighs.

"Great coverage Emilia!" I said.

"Impressive isn't it," said Emilia.

"Yes. What's our next award?" I asked.

"It's a more traditional category "Best Pie on the Bottom," " explained Emilia.

"Always a popular one. Colour was important here wasn't it"

"Well it is as part of subtle mix which also includes coverage, impact spread and even impact noise!" explained Emilia earnestly.

"Impact noise! Really!"

"Yes, I think a really good "Splat" is important, leaves the victim in no doubt just what happened to her!"

"OK. Who are the winners?" I ask.

"Well third is custard and cream flan, second is giant cheesecake, but the winner is super size cream sponge!"

"And here is our Winner" I said picking up and large cream sponge base with a huge stack of cream in it.

"Is this OK?" asked Emilia turning her back, bending over nearly double with her legs straight and together.

"That's fine," I said admiring Emilia's bottom in her taut satin trousers. 'Splat' the pie went as it hit Emilia squarely on the bottom.

"I see what you mean about the noise." I said as I rubbed the pie around on Emilia's bottom spreading thick cream all over it.

"Yes it just gives the victim a chance to anticipate the damp stickiness about to seep through their panties or whatever." Said Emilia still bent over.

The pie was finished, Emilia's bottom plastered, and so I watched the larger lumps of sponge base drop off Emilia as she straightened up.

"Very good." I commented.

"A classic pie" agreed Emilia.

"What was our next award?" I asked.

"Another traditional favourite "Best Hairstyle Wrecker"" replied Emilia.

"What did the judges look for here Emilia?"

"Well you need something that will swamp even the most buoyant hairdo and leave the victim in no doubt that her hairstyle is a complete goner!"

"And what did the judges decide?"

"Well third is the tried and trusted bowl of trifle, second is the jug of semolina and the winner is the bowl of rhubarb fool!" related Emilia.

"And I think you have the winner there Emilia" I said.

"Sure do, and it's a beauty." Said Emilia handing me a clear plastic bowl heaped full of rhubarb fool, a creamy pudding with stewed rhubarb giving it a stringy clinging quality. Without further ado I flipped the bowl over onto Emilia's head pushing it down gently while twisting the bowl to and fro. Lumps of fool rain down the sides of Emilia's head to form a sort of pudding necklace. I lift the bowl off Emilia's head to reveal the thick coating of stringy fool.

"No hairstyle could survive that!" said Emilia wiping her eyes clear of fool.

"Yours certainly hasn't" I commented.

"Thanks. I'd like now to announce the "Jennifer Aniston" award. This award is for a product which has made a long-term contribution to mess up and continues to be a first rate choice in many a situation. The judges decided the winner this year is Semolina. From Semolina flans in your face to jugs of it down your cleavage and onto the classic bucket over one's head this stuff is devastating. Semolina is a worthy winner of the Jennifer Aniston Award."

"A worthy winner Emilia and how are we marking the award?"

"I'm going to fall into that bath full of the stuff!" replied Emilia pointing at a bath brimming with semolina.

"Oh very good"

Emilia walked over to the bath, stood at its end and then toppled front first into the white goo! Emilia sinks into the semolina before turning over and sitting up. Emilia wiped her eyes and then stood up in all her glorious mess. Emilia stepped out the bath and rejoined me centre stage.

"Well Ladies and Gentlemen that concludes our awards ceremony. It only remains for me to thank our excellent hostess Miss Emilia Clarke who I am sure you agree displayed the winners brilliantly! I have here a gift from the panel of judges which they feel sure will remind you of them and your time together." I picked up a deep blackcurrant flan with a big 'EC' in cream as a topping and slapped it in Emilia's face! The impact spread of the fruit filler makes a great contrast against the semolina, Emilia peeled the flan base off her face wiped her eyes and said,

"Thank you all very much"

Emilia and I the walked off and the sketch was over.


Le Accident


The stage set up was complete and Emilia had again cleaned up we were ready to begin our final sketch. The stage had chairs and tables and I am standing close to the side door, which Emilia comes through. Emilia smiled and was wearing a pair of brilliant white bootleg trousers that are very tight over her shapely hips and thighs. Emilia was also wearing a strapless black top made of a slightly glossy material. Her outfit was complete with black high heel boots.

"Hello Madam" I said with a small bow "Welcome to Le Accident. Do you have a reservation?"

"Thank you. A table for one in the name of Clarke." Replied the still smiling Emilia.

"Ah yes. Will this suit?" I said gesturing at the table.

"Oh that's fine," said Emilia.

I pulled out the chair that had on it a huge red cherry flan. Emilia completely ignored the flan and slowly sat down on the chair! Emilia's bottom lands in the middle of the flan with dramatic effect on her white trousers.

"Oh no!" said Emilia "I have sat in a pie!"

"I am so sorry Madam, would you like a fresh chair"

"Oh yes please" said Emilia, she stood up exposing the deep red mess soaking her behind.

I pulled out a second chair; this one had a blackcurrant flan on it! Once again Emilia ignored the flan and sat in it with a 'Squelch'

"Oh dear another pie" said Emilia

"I am so sorry would you like another seat." I said

"Oh I'm OK I think," said Emilia wriggling her bottom about in the flan and smiling.

"Well let me get you a complementary tomato soup"

"That would be nice"

"It's our own special thick recipe" I said "I will bring over the serving bowl and ladle you out some"

I turned and picked up a huge steel bowl full of luke warm thick tomato soup. I step toward Emilia, stumble, and pour all the soup into her lap! Her white trousers are soaked all the way down to her knees.

"I am very sorry Madam!" I exclaimed.

"Never mind my trousers and white panties were messy from the flans."

"Please think what you would like while I get some vegetables from the kitchen" I said.

"OK" replied Emilia still smiling.

I stepped through the rear door and reappeared holding a tray of warm slightly sloppy mashed potato. I walked towards the smiling Emilia and as I reached her I tripped! The tray flew forward and lands pressed against Emilia's lovely boobs. The tray slid down Emilia's front before falling away to reveal the thick plasEmiliang of creamy potato, a significant amount had gone down her top to plaster her breasts.

"Oh dear." Said Emilia

"Once again I am very sorry Madam." I said.

"Well accidents do happen," said Emilia her smile returning. "I've decided just to have a pudding. You do a lime cream pudding I believe."

"Oh yes. I shall bring you a large bowl."

I bring Emilia a large bowl filled with a green creamy pudding. I put the bowl down in front of her.

"There you are Madam, safely on the table"

"Thank you" said Emilia.

I turned and busied myself behind Emilia.

"I bet it smells lovely," said Emilia and she bent over the bowl to smell the pudding her face just above the bowl. I bumped into Emilia's chair causing her to slip and her face plunged into the bowl of pudding. Slowly Emilia lifts her head and we saw that the front half of her head was thickly plastered in the pudding.

"Madam what has happened?" I said.

"I seem to have slipped," replied Emilia, wiping her eyes.

"Still did you enjoy the pudding?" I ask.

"Oh yes, very tasty" said Emilia grinning through the mess. "Could I have the bill"?

"Certainly. I have just got to take that bucket of custard back to the kitchen." I reply.

"Oh well do be careful." Said Emilia.

I picked up the bucket, one hand underneath, one on the rim and walked toward Emilia who watched me with a small smile through the mess on her face anticipating the inevitable. Sure enough as I came close to Emilia I stumbled and the bucket went right over Emilia's head! Bright yellow custard showers down Emilia's front and back. I slowly lifted the bucket off Emilia; her head was completely covered in custard.

"I am very sorry Madam" I said, "Please accept your meal with the compliments of the house"

"Well thank you," said Emilia wiping her eyes. Emilia got up from her chair with a 'Squelch' from the flan she was sitting in. Once standing Emilia's full state could be appreciated; apart from her custard covered head her front was plastered in mashed potato, tomato soup and custard while her bottom was soaked and covered in cherry and blackcurrant flan and her back was covered in custard.

Slowly Emilia walked to the side door where she came in.

"Thank you Madam. Please come again soon." I said opening the door for her.

"Oh I will," replies Emilia with a smile and leaves.



I sat after the final sketch committing the whole afternoon carefully to memory while the crew cleaned up a third time. After a while Emilia appeared from the changing room in her original clothes.

"Emilia that was great. Thank you so much" I gushed

"Hey it was your prize and you did it well. I've done a couple of these charity things and you were really good at it." Said Emilia smiling.

"Thanks"

Emilia looks at some of the unused food on a trolley and said, "Actually Stephanie has been at those other events and she never gets a single pie. I feel a real need to give her one or two could you distract her while I sneak up on her!"

"Absolutely" I said

I waved and walked over to Stephanie.

"Well Mr Bradley did you enjoy your prize?" asked Stephanie pushing her hands back through her thick pail red hair.

"Oh very much" I said trying not to look at Emilia wheeling a trolley of food over up behind Stephanie.

"Yes Emilia takes it really well, which bit did you enjoy the most?"

Emilia is gently putting a chair behind Stephanie. "Err the award sketch I think" Emilia puts a large chocolate cake on the seat.

"Yeah, But I think Emilia is always good at sitting in a mess though," said Stephanie.

"Give it a try," cried Emilia. She grabbed Stephanie's shoulders and pulled her back into the chair! Stephanie's slim bottom in her expensive light grey suit trousers crushes the creamy cake.

"Arrr." cried Stephanie, but she had no time to say more as Emilia caught her head in a lemon gateaux sandwich completely enveloping it. As Stephanie tried to clear her vision Emilia opened up Stephanie's jacket and let each of her petit boobs have a runny custard and cream flan. Finally Emilia screwed a strawberry pie into the front of Stephanie's hips before putting a bucket of butterscotch sauce in front of Stephanie and putting both her feet and her Italian heels in it!

"That was good," laughed Emilia.

"Impressive" I said.

Emilia picked up the last thing on the trolley a deep tin foil dish cream pie. Emilia looked at Stephanie who seemed to be in some paralytic shock. "Thanks for helping I've wanted to do that for awhile."

"No problem" I assured her.

"It was good of you, why don't you let me have this as a thank you and a sort of souvenir?" Emilia said handing me the pie.

"Are you sure?"

"Don't wait for me to change my mind"

So I didn't. I firmly slapped the pie in Emilia's face; it made an impressive splatter pattern down the front of her black cotton top. I then pushed the pie up into Emilia's dark hair and left it sitting on top of her head having patted it down.

"See I said you were good at this" spluttered Emilia.

And then it was time to go. Was that great prize or what?