Ding dong!

The sound of the doorbell stops us both cold. We stare at each other with bewilderment, wondering who could be at our door at such a late hour. Amber and I hate answering the door when we're not expecting anyone. The sound of an impromptu visitor always sends us into an immediate and frantic "Your turn!" "No, I answered last time!" game of back-and-forth until someone reluctantly gives up. We stand quietly, holding our pies, both hoping whoever it was would maybe just go away. I'm sure nothing exciting is happening at 11 pm on a Friday, right?

Ding dong!

Dammit! "It's your turn!"

Amber smiles a mischievous grin. "Nope, it's yours, because I'm in no condition to be seen at the door." Then she smashes her pie into her own face.

Ugh. I put my pie down on the bed and walk down the stairs toward the door, yelling behind me, "I hate you!"

"You love me!"

The bell rings once more as I reach the knob. I'm surprised to find Kendra, my sister-in-law, on our front step, eyes puffy. She walks in and promptly reaches for a hug, continuing to cry on my shoulder. Amber hears her sister and practically runs down the stairs to find out what's going on, cream dripping everywhere along the way.

"Amber?!" Kendra laughs, amid her crying. "Did I interrupt something?"

"Oh, she just pied herself in the face. No worries. What's going on?" It's the usual story. She and her boyfriend had a fight, he's a big controlling jerk who always yells at her, yada yada yada. Her late-night arrival followed by an overnight stay is not uncommon. In retrospect we should've known it was Kendra all along. Too distracted, I guess.

After some hot tea, a blanket, and a comfy spot on the couch, Kendra can finally relax. Amber and I are in the kitchen when she has the idea. "You know what would cheer her up?" she asks while staring into the refrigerator. I look over at her as she pulls out my previously-unused pie.

"What. The hell. Amber. You are not going to pie her in the face!"

"Why not?"

"Why not?! Because because she just because! That's why not! She'd be better off pieing one of us in the face than getting one herself!"

"Great idea, James." Dammit! I walked into that one. "Oh, Kendra?" Amber says in a much-too-sing-songy voice. "Would you come in here a moment?" As Kendra enters the kitchen, Amber offers her the pastry. "How would you like to let my husband have this creamy pie right in his face?"

Kendra's eyes widen. Oh, those eyes. No turning back now. I just nod silently as she takes the pie from Amber and smashes it into my face. Cream flies everywhere. The girls are laughing. Kendra's laughing! Well worth it. I'm cleaning up as Amber grabs her coat and her keys, tosses me my coat, and suggests a trip to the grocery store. She "suggests" it as if it's an option, but she's already on the way out to the garage. She "suggests" we're going.

While picking up a few needed ingredients, Amber explains Kendra's piqued interest in our private hobby. Apparently after the matter with the bet and the TV show audition, she was all too interested to help Amber set up that webcam performance. After the camera had gone off, they'd spent a few hours talking about it, and she expressed that it might be fun to try sometime. We plan a few off-the-cuff things that we could run with, pay for our groceries and head home.

We spend most of the night pouring, mixing, and preparing; all the while, Kendra doesn't stop talking and giggling. She's practically bouncing off the walls. Amber and Kendra having similar body types, she lends her sister her an old bikini to wear to avoid ruining any clothing. Amber just puts on an old bra and a pair of black panties. We're ready.

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We had already prepared the bedroom for a pie fight covered everything important and all that so we carry everything upstairs. "How do we start? What do we do?"

Amber picks up a pie and walks toward her sister. "Well, Kendra, first you have to take this pie"

"What do I do with it?" she interrupts.

"No, no. I mean take this pie." and Amber lets her have it. Her first pie in the face! Kendra just stands still, awestruck, as the pie crust and cream drip down her cheeks, to her shoulders, and down her breasts. She lets out a guffaw and wipes her eyes.

"Oh. My God. I can't believe you just did that!" She picks up a pie and walks toward her sister. She says, "I love you, sister!" and then casually, tenderly places the pie into Amber's face. Most of the cream drips down Amber's front as the pie tin falls to the hardwood floor.

Kendra picks up another pie, but Amber stops her. "We'll save that one for later. First, do you remember getting slimed last year?" Kendra nods. "Remember what you say to get slimed?"

"I think so?" Kendra says unconvincingly. I sit down on a clean spot on the floor and call for Kendra to sit with me. She climbs down onto my lap with an arm around my neck and lays her head on my shoulder.

Amber picks up a bucket and stands over us, with a smirk, as I'm reminding Kendra how this works. (As if I'm some expert. Amber and I really only got into this after that audition last year) "See, she'll ask some question that we're not supposed to be able to answer, like what's the square root of 5,615? and then we're supposed to say" I trail off, waiting for Kendra to answer, but she just looks at me dumbfounded. "Ugh, Kendra, we say, 'We don't know.' " She doesn't have time to react before the green slime cascades down over us. She hugs me closer and pushes her head against mine as we are enveloped in gunge.

After a few moments of cleaning off, I suggest she trade places with Amber. (Amber definitely gets more turned on by giving than receiving, whereas I am the opposite, so we work well. This is her argument for why she should most definitely not get slimed. I retort with a well-constructed assertion of my own: "Get your fine ass onto my lap.")

She reluctantly straddles my lap, facing me, giving an I'm-going-to-get-you-for-this look. Kendra picks up a bucket ("Ooh, pink!") and holds it above us. "Hmm what do I ask you?" I motion for Kendra to bend down and I whisper in her ear while inadvertently staring right into her glorious cleavage.

"Amber, what date did you and James get engaged?"

"What?! That's not fair! I can never remember that! Umm it was May 6th or 16th or something."

"What, don't you have any idea?"

Amber sighs, resigned to her fate. "No, I don't know." Kendra upends the whole bucket of pink slime at once, resulting in one large splash over Amber and a little bit splashing off on me. She's definitely new at this.

I lovingly slide Amber off me and stand up. Amber moves to get up herself, but Kendra quickly sits down on her lap and keeps her seated. "Love you, sister!" she says as she gives Amber a quick sisterly kiss. I grab a bucket of blue slime and approach the two girls. "Kendra, just a tip when you slime someone, you need to pour the bucket slowly." I empty the contents of the bucket on both girls in a long, steady stream of slime. It pours over both girls, who are huddled together. The slime drips down their hair, covers their shoulders and breasts, and pools in their laps.

"We've only got one pie and one bucket of slime left. Who's getting them?" As soon as I ask the question, I know the answer. The girls gang up on me. I slip on the slime and fall to the floor, where Amber straddles my waist and Kendra straddles my chest, holding my arms down.

Amber reaches for the last pie (her leaning and reaching causing some pleasant sensations) and hands the pie to Kendra. "Get him, girl!" Kendra holds the pie, grinning at me, waiting for her moment.

"Kendra, have you ever given yourself a pie in the face?" I ask. Maybe I can get out of this. "Amber did earlier tonight. You should try it!" Kendra has stopped taunting me with the pie and starts contemplating. Then, after a few moments, she grabs the pie on both sides and slams it into her own face. Some of the cream flies back and hits Amber's face as well.

Amber gets up to grab the last bucket of slime and Kendra moves to sit on my lap again. "Wait, don't- before you" but I can't talk fast enough to stop her.

"What is James!" Her hand rests on me.

"It's Amber's fault! She moved."

Kendra laughs and throws her arms around my neck as Amber approaches with the last batch of green slime. "What are you two talking about?"

"We don't know" Kendra grins and rests her head on my shoulder again as the slime pours over our heads. Amber grabs our hands and helps us up, and then we all scamper across the hall to the bathroom. Time for a shower.