"Can you believe she said that?"

"I heard her."

"Yeah, but did you hear her tone? Argh she just makes me so angry!" I could do little more than watch as my girlfriend's hands sliced through the air, gesturing in quick, mindless motions. "I just wanted to stuff a roll in her mouth to shut her up!"

"I agree," I said. It was lame, but my words didn't really matter right now.

"But as bad as Caroline was, Stella was even worse. Did she saw a single nice thing all night? Hell, did she even say a single non-negative thing? 'This is too spicy. This is too bland. This is too starchy. Is this gluten free?' It was a carrot, Stella!" Ezri jabbed her hand out. I'm not sure if she was trying to mime a carrot, but it looked more like she was stabbing someone with a sword. Perhaps more accurate for her mood.

"Yeah, Stella's the worst."

"And then there's Sera. Ugh. Who does she think she's fooling with that fake British accent? She was in England for four months! Add her voice to the list of fake things about her, along with her hair, face and boobs."

That was too much. I had to swallow a laugh. Ezri looked at me, as though suddenly realizing I was still there. Her expression changed from anger to embarrassment to a shy smile. "Sorry, Dan. You probably didn't want to hear that."

"It's okay. I understand the need to vent about siblings."

She rolled her eyes. "Please. You're better friends with your brother-in-law than you are with your sister. I'm sorry. Really. I just they make me so angry. Why couldn't my brothers marry women equal of them?"

I couldn't help but grin as my small girlfriend launched into another tirade. I had always thought Ezri was gorgeous. She was small; I questioned the accuracy of the 5 foot height listed on her Driver's. Her light brown skin was smooth and flawless, hinting at her Middle Eastern heritage. Ezri's black hair, styled perfectly tonight, fell to just above her shoulders. Her brows furrowed over dark eyes; an unintentionally adorable expression, but one I'm glad wasn't aimed at me tonight.

Ezri was usually one of the nicest, friendliest, loveliest people you could ever meet, except for roughly once every two months. I hadn't been dating Ezri for that long, but I had learned to dread these days. It was Ezri's bi-monthly supper with her three older brothers and their wives.

Ezri was the youngest of four by a good five years. All three of her brothers had married before she graduated high school and well before we had met. Ezri had told me that, at first, she had been excited to finally have sisters. Now a decade later, that had all faded into animosity. She had nothing in common with her sister-in-laws and the four of them spent these dinners passive aggressively sniping at each other. This dinner had been even worse, as Ezri had hosted the family in condo. Her oldest brother and his wife Sera had been the last to leave 30 minutes ago, and Ezri had barely stopped ranting since.

"They never listen to a word I say! I told them to bring appetizers, right? But all three brought desserts! And then they complained about not having a first course. We didn't even get to their desserts. It's just argh!"

"Ezri," my voice was calm, but commanding. She stopped and looked at me again. "You're frustrated. I get it. Why don't you go relax?"

"There's a lot of cleaning to do."

"I will do it." Ezri looked unimpressed. "I know where most of your stuff goes. Let me try, at least. You can go have a bath or watch a movie or something."

Ezri's smile melted my heart. "Really?"

"Of course. I mean, I'm staying over tonight, right?"

She gave me a quick kiss. "You better."

I headed to the dining room and kitchen as Ezri disappeared upstairs. It wasn't long before I heard the water running, filling the tub.

The cleanup wasn't that bad. Ezri's modern condo came with a dishwasher, so the cleanup mostly involved scraping food off plates and loading the machine. I piled up a stack of plates to take them to the kitchen, where I had to find space. Ezri wasn't kidding; her sisters-in-law had overdone themselves in their weird competition to one up each other. They had each brought a homemade cream pie, Ezri included. Hers was a large banana cream, and while Stella had brought a coconut cream pie and Sera something called a Pistachio Cardamom Ice Cream Pie. Caroline had, for some reason, brought a good sized, white iced cake. None of these desserts had been touched, since Ezri had only served a rather plain date bar she had made. She told me that had purposely fed them the blandest dessert she could find.

I didn't want to worry about all that now, so I load all the desserts into Ezri's fridge. There was plenty of room; she had a tendency to understock her fridge. By the time Ezri's relaxing bath was done, I had loaded the dishwasher, washed the few dishes that remained and wiped down the table. I was just finishing in the kitchen when Ezri appeared, dressed in comfy looking pink flannel pajamas. "You're awesome."

"Cause I cleaned up? That's a low bar."

"Come on. I want to cuddle up and watch a movie."

The rest of the evening passed without incident. We watched a movie until Ezri started to doze off, then headed to bed. I had long since learnt Ezri was never in the mood for sex after dinner with her sisters-in-law.

A leisurely morning followed. With the previous night forgotten, Ezri was in a great mood. We headed downstairs, intertwined, as she whispered me promises of eggs and bacon for breakfast. I couldn't keep my hands off her. Her soft comfy pajamas hiding her hot, tone body. Her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail, keeping it out of the way. I don't know why I loved that look so much, but it was a definite turn on. The simple pink shirt, riding up just high enough to show a glimpse of her taut belly. The baggy pants. It was great. I was just in some old blue pajama bottoms and a grey T.

"Oh, fuck," Ezri said. I stopped enjoying the view, coming back to reality. Ezri was staring into the fridge. There was no coffee in my system yet and the pieces were slow to click into place. "You didn't throw this out?"

The desserts. Oh fuck was right. "Uh, oops."

"I'm not mad at you. I just" Ezri's hands waved in the air, trying to physically grab her thoughts. "It just brings back all the stress of last night. What was this one? Pistachio Pie?"

"I believe it was Pistachio Cardi B Cream Pie," I said. "Obviously."

"Obviously." Ezri slid the pie out of the fridge on one hand. She stuck a finger in and tasted it. The whole thing was cream, although a second, bottom layer had a light green tinge. "Okay, it's not that bad. That's unfortunate."

"Why? We can eat it."

"Yeah." Ezri stared at the pie in her hand. "You know what I'd really like, though? I'd really like if Sera was here. So I could push this pie she made into her own face." She giggled and tucked back some of her messy hair. "I've never thought that before."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, right in the face. What a stress relief that would be" she trailed off and slowly turned toward me, a dangerous smirk on her face.

"I don't like that smirk. I'll just take that pie." I reached for the pie and Ezri quickly turned away.

"No! This is mine!"

"Yeah, but I don't trust you!"

"What? How dare you?" Ezri acted indignant.

"Then wait-" I grabbed the coconut cream pie from the fridge. Caroline's creation, she had clearly gone for quantity. The pie was huge. I motioned toward Ezri with it. "Do you trust me, now?"

We stared at each other, holding pies in our hands. It was a Mexican Cream Pie standoff. "That's not fair," Ezri tapped her chest. "I'm the one that needs the stress relief!"

"Have you ever gotten a pie in the face before?"

"No, of course not."

"Then how do you know that won't be more fun? Better to receive than give."

"That's not how that goes," Ezri giggled. "Alright, Dan. I trust you not to hit with that pie while I push this one into your face."

"You're kidding me."

Another giggle. "Nope."

"How about this; I pie you and then you can pie me."

"I don't know you'll let me get you."

"You don't trust me, now?" I returned with a smirk.

"No, let's okay. If you can guess the number I'm thinking of, you can go first."

"It's three."

Ezri's jaw drop and her eyes went wide. "What? How did you - that's not fair. I didn't say 'guess'."

"It's always three with you." I advanced.

Ezri contorted her face into an adorable pout. "But I don't want a pie in the face. I don't even like coconut cream."

"Then let's trade," I put my pie down on the counter and quickly grabbed hers. Ezri made a protesting noise, but didn't move to stop me.

"No, no, no. That pie is freezing cold! It's -" Ezri backed up and I closed the gap quickly. She put her hands up, but the protest was more symbolic than effective. "Not in my pajamas. No, no, please no-"

I cupped my hand around the back of her head and slowly pushed the ice cream pie into her face. Ezri's scream was muffled and her whole body went stiff. She held still as I gave the tin a twist and pulled it off, revealing her gasping face covered in green and white cream and crust pieces. Cream splattered into her hair and fell down her shirt, the light colour contrasting nicely with her black hair, tan skin and pink shirt. One eye peeked out from the mess of cream. But Ezri's mouth was wide open as she gasped, trying to catch her breath.

"Oh. My. God."

Ezri leaned forward slightly, her arms and hands waving in the air. More cream and crust fell from her face. "So cold," she whimpered. She reached up and, with two fingers of each hand, she wiped cream away from her dark eyes and stared at me. I couldn't help but laugh. Ezri started to giggle herself. "Wow. That was um wow."

"Hilarious. And a more than a little hot," I said.

Ezri scoffed. She licked her lips. "I hate to admit it, but this doesn't taste that bad. It is freezing, though." She scooped some cream and crust out of her hair with a laugh. "Wow. Uh. Well, now it's my turn." She motioned to the coconut cream pie on the counter. "Give it to me."

"Oh, I can give it to you." I picked up the pie and held it in the palm of my hand. Ezri looked at the pie and looked back at me and slowly clued in.

"You wouldn't dare. We had a deal."

"Did we?"

"Okay - uh, new deal. What do you want for that pie?" Ezri cocked her head to the side, pulling on her shirt and gave me her best 'fuck me' eyes. "I'll give you anything. And I do mean anything."

"The banana cream pie."

"Seriously?" Ezri laughed. She shrugged. "I prefer the taste of those anyways." She quickly grabbed the large banana cream pie from the fridge and held it out to me. I shifted the coconut cream pie in my hand so I could extend it and grab the other at the same time. With giggles and smirks, we slowly reached out to each other to complete the trade. Ezri grabbed my pie as I took hers.

"Now, who-"

Ezri didn't give me a chance to finish as she smashed - and I do mean smashed - the coconut cream pie in my face. Ezri wasn't lying; it was cold. I felt the cream explode around my head and onto my neck and down my shirt. She dropped the tin quickly, laughing uproariously. Carefully balancing the pie in one hand, I used the other to slowly wipe my eyes, one at a time. This just made Ezri laugh harder.

"Very funny."

"I know, right?"

I took a step toward her, raising my pie.

The laugh died in Ezri's throat. She held up a finger. "Now wait a minute-"

I smushed the pie into Ezri's face, eliciting a surprised gasp laugh from her. She shoulders shook with silent laughs as I twisted it in. Banana slices, crust, white and yellow cream fell everywhere onto her pajamas and down her shirt. More laughs as she wiped cream from her face and hair. "This is so weird," she said.

"That is the best one," I added. "Oh, wait. One more." I retrieved the large cake from where I closed it under a plastic container last night. It was large, maybe a foot in diameter and almost 10 inches in height. And the thick white icing still looked as fresh as the night before. I placed the cake on the counter.

Ezri stopped cleaning herself and watched me. "What are you planning to do with that? Aren't I messy enough?"

"Well, hardly," I laughed. "But I was thinking that I would just cut off a piece. A slice, you know."

"Sounds delicious. Let me help," Ezri darted forward, slipping between myself and the cake. She grabbed a handful off the top, revealing some vanilla cake underneath the white icing. She smushed the handful of cake down into my hair, a wide grin on her face. It felt so weird and gross. Still, Ezri's hands digging through my hair was a massive turn on. With an expression that said she knew exactly the effect she was having on me, Ezri trailed a creamy hand down my shirt and gave the bulge in my pants a friendly pat or two.

"Feels like someone is having fun."

"I doubt it's just me," I breathed.

"It's not."

A long breath and I was able to regain control of myself. I reached out and slowly turned Ezri around. "What?" she asked. "Are you" Her voice trailed off as she realized I had positioned her facing the cake, with me behind her. "Oh no"

I put my hand on the back of her head and slowly forced Ezri down toward the cake. She didn't fight it, aside from whiny noises. I pushed her down, until the cake was up to her ears and only her black hair stuck out the back. I could hear her muffled noises from inside the cake. I realized Ezri and took a step back. She pushed herself up and out of the cake and she was just a massive mess.

Cake and icing obscured her head and face. Ezri had disappeared under the mess. She tried to wipe some away and just made the problem worse. She finally managed to scrape away the cake from her eyes, peeking out at me and laughing. "Oh, wow. I need a shower. Look at me."

"Oh, I'm looking."

Ezri giggled. "Maybe you should join me in the shower. You're kind of a mess, yourself."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah." Ezri ran a hand down my shirt, looking impossibly alluring covered in cake and pie. She nodded at the remains of the cake.

"And bring the leftovers with you."