-- Author's note --

The story you are about to read entails a group of girls who may or may not get into a pie fight. You'll either have to read or skip ahead to see if one actually transpires. It is important that I let you know that this story contains no stripping or content of a sexual nature. This is merely, as stated, a story about a group of girls who may or may not get into a pie fight. All the girls in this story are 18+ years of age. This account has been carefully transcribed from an account by a very good friend of mine. And now, I humbly present it to anyone who might enjoy it,

-- Marlowe


--

"SO many pies!" Ah thought to myself. Few of the people at the festival that day noticed mah nervous fixation on 'em. Beneath the layers of mah wide hooped skirt, Ah tapped mah feet up and down as imagination excited me. Ah had grown up watchin' old comedy flicks with mah papa: the Three Stooges, Laurel and Hardy, Buster Keaton, and more. Ah remembered laughin' so hard whenever a pie fight would break out.

Since then, Ah've always had a "thing" about pies. When Ah'd see the banana cream pie mah aunt would make for family dinners, Ah would look at it and wonder how it would feel to just... smash it in someone's face...or to get the whole thing smushed in mah own face. Ah never breathed a word of this fascination to another soul. Real life just wasn't like the Great Race where yah'd stumble 'cross a couple hundred pies for the throwin'.

That was, 'til the Spring Festival at Becker High School. It was quite a day: there was a carnival set up, there would be a baseball game, and fireworks at night. But durin' the afternoon, the festival hosted a massive pie bake-off competition. Ah found mahself wanderin' rows of table after table all filled up with pies--like one of the set-ups out of the old movies. But, Ah thought to mahself, "Surely, a pie fight could never start in real life."

A HUGE reason shenanigans would not start was that Ah was there that day with the Azalea Trail Maids-- Mobile's famous Southern Belle ambassadors of grace and hospitality. Every year, 50 female high school juniors are auditioned to become a trail maid. A ton of things are considered: your academic record, your extra-curricular activities, your knowledge of the city's history, and more. Suffice it to say, to be a trail maid, yah kinda had to be the best of the best.

Ah never considered mahself the "best" of near anythin', but there were some factors that may have led to mah bein' chosen. First off, Ah'm a southern belle, through and through. And, for so many years, mah life has been dominated by one thing: ballet. Ah took up ballet when Ah was six and haven't stopped since. Ah LOVE the thrill of performin' onstage. People say that when they see me performin', Ah never fail to smile. Ah also eventually joined the city's ballet company. By the time Ah was a senior in high school, Ah had already attended several dance competitions and summer intensives. Ah have long, silky, blonde hair that Ah've always got to tie into a massive bun whenever Ah perform. Mah eyes are a bright blue, and that color is, coincidentally, mah favorite. Ah was very lucky to get assigned as a light blue maid.

Ah just narrowly managed to be on my school's honor roll: an important factor when bein' considered for a trail maid. Ah also love workin' with kids--which is why Ah volunteer with my church's children's ministry and VBS, as well as work as an assistant teacher at mah dance-school. Ah'm sorry, Ah really don't mean to sound like Ah'm braggin'. The take-away is that Azalea Trail Maids have to do a lot of things to be considered for membership.

If yah've ever heard of the Azalea Trail Maids, yah probably know us for the big, colorful, antebellum-style dresses we wear. Each is hand-made and personally tailored to be unique for each maid. Yet, all have uniform characteristics: they are made from polyester fabric and satin ribbon, and each has an off-the-shoulder fitted bodice paired a large hoop-skirt. The dress also includes a separate skirt-layer to go over the inner skirt--one lined with layer after layer of organza ruffles. We also wear long, white pantaloons that stretch down to our ankles-- with layers of lace ruffles embellishin' the bottom half of the pant-legs and well, the...ahem...posterior. We wear square-dancin' shoes with straps over white ankle-socks--and yes, even the socks have ruffled lace edges. We also wear gauntlets (gloves without fingers), carry wire parasols, and wear wide, broad-brimmed fabric hats with holes in the middle for the top of our heads. These wire-framed hats are worn far back on the head--almost to the point that they are bonnets--and are secured by an organza ribbon tied under our chins in a large, pretty bow. The hat, gauntlets, and parasol are also lined with organza ruffles.

Each dress is made in one of five pastel colors: light yellow, peach, light blue, purple, teal, and pink. All colors are picked for yah by the organization that runs the maids, and they reserve the pink one for the queen--the most distinguished trail maid. Although all the ruffles, lace, and fabric give the dresses a dainty, flowery appearance, they are surprisin'ly rugged and versatile. The wire frames of the skirt make them very flexible, and the bottom edge of each has to be four inches off the ground. We require this in order to walk in parades. And we did just that--in events all across the country: from the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade to the Easter parade at Disney World. If there was a big local event, we were usually there as representatives of Mobile.

So, wearin' such a dainty (and expensive. Like, 4,000 dollar expensive) dress and bein' in a position of such importance and esteem, there was NO CHANCE of mah gettin to toss a pie that day. Normally in the movies, men and women in pie-fights would be all dressed-up to make the impact of the pie all the more undignified. Still, those were just movies. Ah came close to one table where Ah spotted a big ol' deep-dish pie nearly overflowin with a rich, chocolate fillin' and topped with a huge amount o' delectable, white whipped cream. Ah looked down at it as the shade of mah hat fell across it, and Ah fantasized the possibilities. Only a few yards away was Shawna--one of the purple Maids.

Shawna was--by far--the most full of herself among the maids of the court. Ah couldn't finish listing the school organizations, honor societies, charities, sports-clubs, rotary clubs, and other groups she belonged to. To have accomplished and been involved in so much, she was probably more than a little disappointed not to have been picked as the queen. Still, she was always fifteen minutes early to every meetin', and chewed yah out if yah were so much as five minutes late. She was always braggin' 'bout her most recent volunteer work or award. An' she was always gettin' on one of us for not being quite as in-step with the parade-routines as she was. Her looks also didn't help much. She was beautiful with a shiny, light-brown skin and long, thick tresses of straight, raven hair.

Oh, what a thrill it would have been to sneak up behind her, give her the ol' shoulder tap, then when she turns around...WHAMMO! Her reaction would probably be more in line with "OHMAHGOD!!" or "How DARE yah!!" than the classic "Why Ah oughtta...", but it would still result in Shawna slammin' a big cream pie into mah face. It would be so hilarious, Ah thought, as well as a welcome relief. The afternoon had grown so hot and humid that buryin' mah face in the cool cream of one of the pies sounded more and more invitin' the longer Ah looked at 'em.

As Ah was standin' there thinkin', mah friend, Ashleigh, came up to me holdin' a small plate with a slice of pie on it as well as a fork. She had been travelin' 'round the tables with the pies that were not in the competition--samplin' their flavors. She said with her cheeks still full,

"Mmm! Caroline! Yuh've GOT to try the key-lime pie over at table 17 back there. It's SO good!!"

Ashleigh was a teal maid. When Ah joined the maids, she quickly became one of mah best friends-- the Jughead to mah Archie (from the comics, not that TV show (Unless it's the cartoon)). And Jughead was a fittin' description for her: she was constantly eatin' and never once seemed to gain a pound--remainin' as fit as a fiddle. It was probably due to the metabolism that fueled her in cross-country, track, gymnastics, softball, and swimmin'. She was one of the few trail maids who was more physically active than me. Though she hated math and science, she was a wiz at English, Literature, grammar, history, and other humanities-foscused stuff. She was the most well-read person Ah had then known--maybe still. She had curly, red hair and a face dotted lightly with freckles (a trait more Archie-oriented than Jughead, Ah s'pose). Yet, she defied the redhead stereotype of havin' a "fiery temper": she was incredibly laidback.

"Mmm," Ashleigh said, finishin' her slice of pie, "all these pies look so delicious. Uh just wish Uh could eat 'em all!" Ah chuckled and said,

"Oh, Ah bet yah would! Say, look at Shawna over there. Ah think she's talkin' to a tv-reporter." Ashleigh just remarked dryly,

"Huh. Slow news day." Ah then felt a little brave and decided to share a bit of mah slapstick-lovin' side with Ashleigh. Ah said cooly,

"What would yah think would happen if Ah were to take one of these pies and smash it in her pretty, little face?" Ashleigh smiled and laughed. She said,

"Umm...murder yuh on the spot? Uh wouldn't mind someone shoving one of these delicious pies in my face--'specially that blueberry cream one over there. Uh LOVE blueberry!"

Ah looked and saw the one she was pointin' to: a large pie filled to the brim of the pan with an inky, dark-purple fillin' with a myriad of shiny, round berries floatin' in it. The center and edge of the pie was covered in generous amounts o' whipped cream. Ah strutted over to it and picked it up. It was slightly heavy--enough to where Ah needed two hands to hold it--being sure not to spill any of it on mah skirt. Ah came closer to Ashleigh and teased her, saying,

"You mean THIS pie? This one right here? Well... maybe Ah'll just 'accidentally' trip and send it flyin' right in your face." Ashleigh laughed. She backed away from me in mock fright--knowing Ah wouldn't actually throw the pie. And so, Ah put the pie back down--mistakenly thinkin' that the moment was the closest Ah'd come that day to havin' a pie fight.

"Hey, guys!" came the melodic voice of Gracie as she came struttin' up toward us. Gracie was a peach maid--one who certainly wore the color well. It stood out against her long, dark-brown hair. She had a long, slender face and a thin, straight nose--overall, she had the looks of a supermodel. Hard to believe she grew up on a farm. She was the lead cheerleader for her highschool's football team, she was class president, a skilled singer, and led her school's mock UN team. All a strange combination. Still, she was friends with like, half of her school and made friends with nearly every maid in the court. She was the kind o' person who was always invited to parties, had to usually turn them down because she was busy, yet was always forgiven due to just how likeable she was. She asked,

"So, what's up?" Ashleigh answered,

"Oh, just dyin' out here in this heat." Gracie made an exaggerated grimace and said,

"Ughhh! Right? We should go to the pool after this is over!" Ah said,

"Oh, that sounds amazin' right now! After they judge the pies, we can leave." Gracie smiled. She said,

"Sounds great (sang) 'Pies! Glorious pies!' They all look so pretty!" Ashleigh added,

"And REALLY delicious! Have yuh tried any over at the sample-tables?" Gracie gave a sheepish smile and answered,

"Oh! Wish Ah could, but Ah'm tryin to stay on a diet. It's temptin', though. Real temptin!" While they were talkin', Ah snuck 'round behind Gracie and grabbed a large coconut cream pie. Throwin' one in Gracie's face would be hilarious. I tapped on her shoulder and sang,

"Oh, Gracie..."

When she turned around and saw me ready to throw the pie, she jumped back and almost screamed. Then, when she saw that Ah wasn't going to actually throw the pie, she caught her breath and gave a nervous laugh. She said,

"Oh, Caroline! Yer such a clown!" Yeah, 'clown' was an appropriate term for me. Ah loved to tell jokes and pull pranks, and Ah loved to make people laugh. Even when the joke was on me--like the many times Ah'd trip and fall early in learnin' ballet--Ah had to learn to laugh at mahself and keep goin.

And so, the wheel of fate finally began turnin' when Tess showed up. She said in her quiet, mousy voice,

"Hey, everyone! What's up!" We all warmly greeted her and asked her to come to the pool with us.

Everyone loves Tess. EVERYONE. She is just the sweetest girl EVER. She personally owns,
--like--five rescue animals. She's always volunteerin' at homeless shelters, soup kitchens, and tons of other organizations and charities. And she never says a word of it to anyone! Ah only found out when Ah asked her how she became a trail maid. Ah asked her because Ah was at first a bit surprised she was picked, because, well...at a first glance she seems very shy and introverted. She's also known for being a bit clumsy...quite often. And well, bless her heart, she's not the brightest bulb in the box. She's always needin' people to help her study--which can be a frustratin' task for her tutors (I speak from some experience). But, she makes up for it all just by how sweet an' kind she is! Ah genuinely believe she's got the heart of a fairytale princess. She certainly looks like one, at least, in her yellow trail maid dress. She has a large, square face and broad forehead, as well as tons of long, light-brown, wavy hair that constantly looks messy or frizzled. Her eyes are so narrow that some people mistakenly think she has Asian ancestry. And her smile--she's got the brightest, whitest, cutest smile yah ever did see.

Tess said,

"This walkin' around all day sure has gotten me tired-out."

She sat down on the end of the plank o' one of the park's older benches. The rusty old nails in the bench on the other end chose fatefully to give way--turning the plank into somethin' of a catapult--with the payload being the pie on the other end. It was a huge, deep-dish banana cream pie. It went soarin'! It sailed clear over our heads and over into the next row--the row where Shawna was. We all heard a "SPLUT!" followed by an "OH...MY...GOD!!!" Shawna came stormin' round the corner--with the remnants of the banana cream pie slathered across the bottom of her skirt.

If Ah were Tess, Ah'd have done the whole Laurel and Hardy "SHE did it" bit (well, HE did it, but ya get what Ah mean). But Ah was no Tess. She picked herself up off the ground, went to get a roll of paper towels, and immediately went over and apologized profusely to Shawna while tryin' to help her clean it off. Shawna was mad as a hornet, though, and Tess's kindness was lost on her. While Tess was kneelin' down and tryin' her best to clean off the pie, Shawna saw a coconut cream pie in arms-reach and decided upon the unthinkable. None of us other gals realized what was happenin' 'til it was just TOO late! Shawna angrily said,

"This'll teach yah for ruinin' mah dress!"

She held up the pie, and Tess got up--looking confusedly at it. Like Ah said, Tess was a bit slow. And she was sadly too slow to realize what was comin' her way.

"SPL--AT!!!" there was a tremendous splatter of cream, crust, and light yellow fillin'. For the first time in mah life, Ah saw someone get an actual pie smushed in their face. Poor Tessie! I remember hearin' a muffled cry o' shock when the pie struck her. And Shawna had the audacity to smear the pie in. All of us gals gasped in shock. When the tin finally fell from her face, we saw that she was covered in a mess of cream. The impact had sent pie all over the underside of her hat. The goop was all over her face and it slowly oozed downward. The top of her chest and the front of her dress were covered in patches of splattered pie cream. It all dripped down and onto her skirt. And poor Tessie, on the very verge of tears, managed to say to that she-devil Shawna, in a tremblin' voice,

"I-I-I guess I d-deserved that."

Well, ladies and gentlemen, at that moment, Ah heard the bugle-call and wardrums in mah head goin' off. They quickly turned into a circus march and drumroll as instinct took over, and Ah decided to do what Ah had always dreamed of. With that sweet feelin' of butterflies in mah stomach that Ah LOVED, Ah put down mah parasol and picked up the largest pie in sight--an extra large lemon cream pie. Ah nimbly waltzed over there--came right up behind Shawna who was still glaring at Tess. Ah could not believe it was all actually happenin' when Ah gave Shawna the ol' tap on her right shoulder. She spun 'round, and mah clown instincts took over.

"SPLAT!" went the pie with a huge crash! Ah slammed hard as Ah was able--with the force of a full-blown punch. The impact left the tin seared onto her face for many moments before she pried it off and the gooey, sticky lemon fillin' and cream came drippin' down onto her beautiful, purple dress. All the other gals came rushin' over to see Shawna as she angrily wiped the pie out of her eyes. Ah was right. She gave me the ugliest look Ah ever did see and said,

"How...DARE you!!!" Ah smiled triumphantly and tipped the brim of mah hat to her. That had felt Uh-mazin! Ah absolutely loved it! And now, Ah knew what was comin' next. Shawna reached down and grabbed a large French Silk pie next to her. She was quick, but with mah Ballerina reflexes and agility, Ah was quicker! Ah ducked the oncoming pie, and it went "SPLUT!" right in the face of the gal who was standin' behind me--Gracie.

Poor Gracie let out a comical scream as she tried to wipe the pie off of her face. Shawna looked horrified. It was so funny that Ah couldn't help but laugh mah heart out at the sight. Gracie grabbed a banana cream pie and said,

"Oh, so yah think this is SO funny, huh? Let's see how funny YOU'LL look!"

This was a dream come true! It was all playin' out like a Stooges routine. She sent the pie flyin' straight at mah face, and Ah once again was able to duck it at the last second. It managed to hit the girl who was standin' behind me for cover-- Ashleigh.

There was no scream from her. She daintily put down her parasol, then reached up and wiped her eyes out. She tasted the pie and let out a,

"Ooh! Tasty!"

Suddenly, one of the other maids came 'round the corner and cried out,

"Put those pies down! What are ya'll doing?!?!"

It was the perfect storm. Shawna had taken a cherry-cream pie and tossed it at me. Ah managed to narrowly side-step it, and it hit the blue maid who had just shown up. Next to her was a yellow maid named Gabrielle. As Gabrielle laughed, the blue one picked up a banana cream and let her have it. More maids began showin' up, and before yah knew it, pies were flyin' everywhere! The domino had fallen, and Ah had started a real-life pie fight! Suddenly, pies thrown from more places than Ah could keep track of managed to hit mah skirt and even mah bodice. I ran back to retrieve mah parasol and then took cover behind a booth.

Fortunately, the booth was stocked to the brim with pies, and Ah used it as a vantage point from which to launch some creamy artillery at the other maids. Ah found that Ashleigh was in the booth as well. While Ah was busy duckin' and throwin' pies, Ashleigh was pickin' up large cream pies and smearin' them into her face. She smacked her lips and licked the sides of her mouth as she ate. Ah said while busy throwin' pie,

"Havin' fun, Ashleigh?"

She smashed a strawberry cream pie in her face and the goop came running down all over her dress. With the tin still over her face, Ah heard a slightly muffled,

"Oh! Diss iss DILL-Ish-uss!" Once she had eaten her fill of the pie, she pried it off her face and said,

"Yuh know we're totally gettin' kicked out of the trail maids for this."

Ah threw a coconut cream pie, then said as Ah reached to pick up a French Silk,

"Oh, definitely! But seein' we're near graduatin' as it is, it probably won't matter much." Ashleigh sighed and replied,

"Still, Miss Aimee is gonna kill us. Heck, our PARENTS are gonna kill us. Oh well...can't stop it now, Uh suppose...eat pie and be merry, for tomorrow we die!"

With that, she plunged her face into a banana cream pie. When she had discarded it, she looked up at me with her face and dress covered in an enormous, creamy, gooey mess and asked,

"Have yuh seen any blueberry pies in this booth--Uh've been lookin for one but can't find any."

Her request made me get down to check the booth-racks--saving me narrowly from an oncomin' coconut cream that sailed into the booth and joined the growing collage of pie splatters and tins lining the back wall. Ah looked and reported,

"Sorry, Ashleigh, Ah don't see a one!" Ashleigh suddenly stood up and looked out from the booth. She said,

"Oh well! Maybe Uh'll go over there and see if--"

She was cut off when a pie came sailin' into the booth and smacked her right in the face! She lifted a finger to wipe it and took a taste of it. She was elated, crying out,

"BLUE-BERRY!!! YESS!!!"

Ah couldn't help but smile and laugh. After eatin' it up, she said,

"Uh'm gonna go look for more over there! See yuh later."

After she had left, Ah took a careful look 'round. The festival had become a warzone of pie-battle. Each row of booths and tables were a line of trenches and the areas between them were a no-man's (or, woman's, I guess) land where trail maids were gettin' pelted from all sides. It was pure chaos! Up until then, Ah had managed to keep mah face clean. But now, worried the battle would end before Ah got a taste of glory (and by glory, Ah do mean pie), Ah decided it was time to get mah just desserts. But Ah couldn't just get hit by a glancin' blow. Ah wanted to get it right in the kisser. Across the way, Ah saw Shawna throwin' pies from her own booth. Ah smiled. Now THIS was the perfect opportunity.

And so, Ah left mah booth and slowly strutted through the cross-fire--catchin' quite a few pies on mah dress. Ah used mah parasol as a shield to protect mah face as Ah made mah way to Shawna's booth. Shawna was throwin' pies when Ah stepped right in front of her just outside of her booth and said,

"Why howdy-do, Shawna! Lookin' for revenge?" She sneered,

"YOU!!!" As she grabbed a coconut cream pie and prepared to throw it as hard as she possibly could, point-blank, into mah face. Ah simply gave a bright smile as she reared back her arm, then lifted mah parasol at the last moment to block it. "SMACK!" --a perfect deflection. The moment was nearly there...Ah was gettin' SO excited! Ah lifted mah face above mah shield and saw her reach for a GIANT, deep-dish, banana cream pie. So, pretendin' Ah hadn't seen it, Ah went,

"Na-na-na-NA-na-NA!" Then closed mah eyes, stuck out mah tongue, and blew a big ol' raspberry at her.

"KER-SPLATTT!!!!" What an earth-shatterin' hit! Ah felt as though Ah'd been hit in the face with a baseball bat! (Jack Lemmon was right about bein' hit with a pie). It exploded all over me. The pie and tin were all but sealed onto mah face as Ah staggered backward and waved mah arms wildly (parasol still in one hand). Everythin' had gone dark and Ah was literally up to mah ears in pie. The milky fragrance of cream filled mah nostrils and the smooth, sweet taste of banana filled mah mouth.

As Ah tried to flee from Shawna's booth, Ah accidentally did somethin' that turned out to be comedic genius. As Ah blindly turned to run with the pie still in mah face, Ah slipped on some pie and fell face-down on the ground. Fortunately, the pie in mah face cushioned the blow and gave me a nice, soft place to rest mah face. Mmmm! It was so cool and yummy! Yet, the fall up-ended my hoop-skirt. As Ah lay there on the ground, the entire underside of mah skirt as well as mah shoes, pantaloons, and well, "posterior" were all exposed for everyone to see...and in Shawna's firin'-line. As Ah lay there, Ah suddenly felt the impact of several pies crash into mah legs and back. It was a comical game of cornhole where the sacks were pies and Ah was the board. Shawna scored a direct hit when she managed to land a Reese's peanut-butter cream pie right on mah ruffle-covered boo-tay. "SPLUT!"

Ah eventually got up, grabbed mah parasol, and escaped. Ah ran to the place where the fightin' was most intense. Thus, Ah smiled, proudly held mah parasol up behind mah shoulder, and walked straight into the cross-fire! Pies splattered all over me. Instead of tryin' to dodge them like before, Ah now tried to get hit by them. Ah got covered hat-to-hem in pie after pie after pie.

Eventually, Ah made mah way over to a table with some of the few remainin' pies. Ah picked them up and wildly tossed them without any sort of cover. Ah picked up a big coconut cream and prepared to toss it when a banana cream with quite a bit o' force behind it landed square in mah face. The impact dis-oriented me, and Ah started turnin' round and round while blinded by the pie. Suddenly, Ah felt somethin' impact the coconut cream pie that Ah was holdin' in mah right hand. When Ah finally regained mah bearings, Ah wiped the crust and cream of the pie out of mah eyes and saw first-hand what Ah had just done.

Ah held mah hand up over mah mouth as Ah gasped. Before me stood Angela, the pink maid--the queen of the trail maid court--and she was completely spot-less...save for the coconut cream pie all over her face (Yes, Ah had pulled a Natalie Wood and didn't even realize it at the time). Ah think Ah got out an "OH! Angela, Ah'm so--" before she took a cherry-cream pie from off the table and smeared it in mah face.

As she walked away, Ah looked down at the table and saw that there were only two pies left: a large blueberry cream and a coconut cream. So, Ah figured "what the hey!" Ah picked up the blueberry pie in both hands, took a deep whiff of its fragrant, fruity scent, then looked up, smiled, closed mah eyes, and rammed it into mah face. "KA-SPLOOT!" Ah just stood there with the tin stuck over my face while the cold, cool fillin' dripped down from my chin and joined the sticky, gooey, creamy, multi-colored, gloppy mess coverin' mah once-beautiful dress. From behind mah round, tin mask, Ah said aloud in a muffled voice,

"Huh! Shew wuzzn't kuddung! Dis poy iss DILL-ish-uss!"

"Click!" "Click!"

"Over here, everyone! Let's see if we can't get a word with her."

Ah heard a series of clicks and the sound of voices that made mah stomach drop. They continued as Ah slowly peeled off the pie-tin. Ah wiped the fillin' and crust out of mah eyes to see a tv-news crew as well as photographers right in front of me snappin' pictures. Mah mouth dropped open in pure embarrassment as they captured mah shame on film.

A reporter came close to me with a microphone and said,

"Victoria Gonzalez-- WLRG News! Can I ask you some questions about what's just transpired?"

"Sure, go ahead." Victoria talked to the camera-man as the photographers continued snappin' pictures. As they did so, Ah gave a big, bright smile and posed like like Ah did as a trail maid when Ah didn't have pie all over me.

"I'm standing here at Becker High School at what was supposed to be their annual Spring Festival. Each year, the festival hosts a pie bake-off fundraiser. Only this year, reportedly a half-hour before the judging, things went a bit awry. I've caught up with one of the local Azalea Trail Maids who seems to have gotten caught in the cross-fire of a massive pie-fight." She pointed her microphone at me as Ah looked nervously into the rollin' cameras. "Would you mind telling us your name?"

Now, Ah'm no expert, but Ah think reporters are supposed to ask permission before they give out your name to the public. But hey, Ah was already on TV. Everyone and their mother was going to see me all covered in pie. Ah simply said,

"Ah'm Caroline," and even did a little mock-curtsie.

"Well, Caroline, would you mind telling us how this all started?"

"Yeah, one of the trail maids...Ah think Shawna was her name...just started throwin' pies at people. We tried to stop her, but, well...heheh...things sorta got outta hand."

"Fascinating, well, can you tell us what it's like to get hit with a pie?"

"Here, how about yah find out!" Ah said as Ah came forward with the coconut cream which Ah had stealthily retrieved from the table and had hidden behind mah back. Ah shoved it in Victoria's face as she let out a muffled squeal. As her crew turned to help her, Ah turned and walked away.

Ah left Becker HS that day thinking, "Ah'm completely CUBBERED in pie!" Ah also thought to mahself as Ah scooped bits of pie off of my skirt and tasted it, "I could really use that pool right now..."

Ah don't need to tell yah how grounded Ah was when Ah got home. Except for mah responsibilities, Ah couldn't hang out with friends until Ah left for college in the fall. It took an insane amount of cleanin' to restore mah dress, and even to this day, it still smells of chemicals.

That night, Ah even made the evenin' news. Ah got to see mahself hit Angela with that pie over and over again on instant replay. The image even made the cover of the paper the next day. There was even a photo of mahself, specifically on the 2nd page--the one of me smilin' while blueberry cream pie was drippin' down mah face. Thank the Lord Ah only had less than two months of school before graduatin'. Ah and the rest of the maids were the laughin'-stocks of the whole city for quite a long while. All trail maid events for the rest of the year were cancelled after the "battle."

As of now, Ah'm still good friends with Gracie (we went to the same college), and Ah've kept in touch with Ashleigh. Often when we talk, we'll joke around about how we are "veterans of the Battle of the Spring Festival." We all laugh about it now. Ah still see videos from that day and the news broadcast on the internet from time to time. Many of the girls who went through it never ate pie again. But me, Ah still love pie! Ah still see pies as the perfect props for slapstick comedy. Ah've never had more fun or laughs than Ah did that day.


The End.


Disclaimer: I own none of the images. All found on Google images