Mark was woken from his doze by a ping from his mobile phone. A message from an unknown number saying "GQ Magazine P52". Mystified Mark who had a copy of the magazine in his flat turned to Page 52 which was devoted to classified adverts. He scanned the ads with vague interest until something caught his eye. "Wanted guys and girls for promo work, may get messy". Mark smiled, the unknown message was clearly from someone who knew him and his fascination/fetish for slapstick. It had been nearly 2 years since Mark's exploits as one of the hosts on "Messy Money", and sadly, in Marks opinion, too brief a period of fun which had seen him and his female presenters end the shows in a very messy state.
Intrigued Mark rang the number indicated which went to ansaphone. "Hi", the well spoken girl said "Thanks for contacting S4U. Please leave name phone number, details about yourself and why you have contacted us. Thanks, we'll be in touch soon". So Mark left a suitable message mentioning his experience on the 2 messy gameshows.
Next day Mark received a call. The voice was clearly the same girl who supplied the voicemail message.
"Hi is that Mark? I'm Tiffany from S4U. Thanks for leaving your message. Can you come to our office for an interview please on Friday at 3pm. I'll send you the address details by text but its only about 30 minute drive from where you live". Mark was happy to agree "But just a couple of things Tiffany. I received a text telling me about you and what exactly is S4U?
There was a laugh at the other end of the phone. "All will be revealed on Friday Mark. Look forward to meeting you then" and Tiffany ended the conversation.
Friday soon arrived and Mark set off for his interview deciding to wear a pale blue shirt and fawn coloured chinos with matching blue jacket.
He soon arrived at the office which was a unit on a small retail park easily located by the bright S4U sign above the door. Mark entered and immediately saw an attractive blonde haired girl behind the reception desk. She smiled "You must be Mark, hi I'm Tiffany please follow me"
Mark was quite happy to follow Tiffany dressed in a tight fitting yellow mini dress, her pert bottom swaying as they walked along the corridor. "Take a seat Mark, our Chief Executive will be with you shortly" as Tiffany indicated Mark to take a seat behind a desk. Several minutes passed before the door opened. Mark looked up and was stunned. "Penny" he cried for standing in the doorway was Penny the producer of the two game shows in which Mark had been involved. Penny was a smartly dressed 35 year old wearing a black pencil skirt and white blouse with short brown hair.
Penny smiled "Long time no see Mark".
"i guess you were behind the text" replied Mark ruefully.
Penny just smiled "Now shall we get down to business. I expect you want to know what this is all about". Mark nodded indicating for her to continue.
"Well" said Penny, "ever since the ending of our programme I have wanted to put together a project and that's where S4U was born. The basic idea is that we attend conferences, trade shows, meetings, even stag and hen events and provide entertainment for those attending. And that is where you come in Mark".
"Dare i ask what S4U stands for" asked Mark.
"All in good time, all in good time. Now although at present you are the only male member of our group you'll be pleased to know we already have two girls signed up. You'll meet them shortly" Penny paused. "Can i say you are interested, I can assure you the pay is excellent".
As Mark wasn't employed at present he could hardly complain!
"So" Penny continued" "We need to take some PR pictures for our brochure, I have an outfit for you to change into, please follow me".
Mark obeyed and followed to a small changing room with shower and laid out on a bench was a white T shirt with the bold letters S4U on the front and a pair of blue swim shorts. "Tiffany will show you where to go when you are ready. See you soon "added Penny with a cheeky grin.
Knowing Penny's sense of humour and having discovered her interest in humiliation and slapstick Mark was a bit worried.
Once changed he had the pleasure of once again folllowing Tiffany as she led the way. Opening a door Tiffany turned, smiled and said "have fun" again with a knowing grin.
Mark was somewhat taken aback although not altogether surprised as he entered the large room. In the centre of the room was a gunge tank with Perspex sides . Facing the tank in another corner was a pillory with holes for face and hands. And in another corner was a dunk tank full of water. Along the far wall was a table full of a dozen cream pies.
Mark turned to see a grinning Penny. "Now you asked about our name. Slapstick 4 you or S4U!!!. You're probably not surprised that when I said we'd be providing entertainment at events what I really meant that we would be providing victims for a variety of messy activities. And you my friend are one of the lucky victims, along with" at which point Penny indicated to Tiffany to open the door. Entering were two stunning girls, one a petite blonde and the other a taller buxom brunette. "Meet Sam and Mandy". The two girls dressed identically in skimpy white bikinis with the S4U logo on their bikini top left side, smiled at Mark.
Penny resumed control. "Now girls I want you firstly to sit underneath the gunge tank then take turns locked in the pillory before sitting over the dunk tank. And each time I want you to look worried at what might happen". Obediently the girls took up their poses whilst Tiffany clicked away with the camera. When Sam sat under the tank Mandy pretended to pull the lever to release the green gunge above. And when Sam stood in the pillory Mandy held a cream pie in her hand poised to hit her in the face. Sam then sat above the dunk tank whilst Mandy stood next to her with finger close to the button which would release her into the pool below. "Please dont press Mandy I've just felt the temperature and its cold" said Sam with a nervous laugh. Once the pictures had been taken the roles were reversed. Mark had to admit he was getting very excited and frustrated that the girls were tantalising close to getting wet and messy.
Eventually Penny said "Ok Mark its your turn. Mark sat as instructed under the gunge with both Sam and Mandy holding the lever as Mark did his best expression of pleading don't do it. After several pics Mark then went to the pillory and again had the alluring sight of the two bikini clad girls holding pies each side without actually hitting him. Mark took his seat above the dunk tank as first Sam and then Mandy pretended to push the button.
."Thanks" said Penny "that was perfect. We've got some great pics".
Then Tiffany interrupted "Penny I'm really sorry but the pics of Mark in the pillory are really unclear. Can we do another set please".
Penny scowled and the girls just shrugged. "Sorry Mark if you dont mind" she said apologetically. So Mark once again was trapped in the pillory. Tiffany clicked away with her camera. "Thats better " she beamed. "Good" said Mark "can you release me now please".
"Well" replied Penny "I could but it seems a shame that we've got all these pies left over and they will only get wasted. With a grin she looked at Sam and Mandy and Said "Ok girls let him have it. A smiling Sam approached the trapped Mark and before he could protest a large cream pie hit him smack in the face. Unable to wipe the mess from his eyes he was then engulfed in 2 further cream and strawberry pies expertly delivered into his face by Mandy.
"Oh dear" smiled Penny "can't you see Mark" and helpfully produced a piece of kitchen roll to partially clear his face just in time for Sam to deliver the perfect pie sandwich from the side followed up by Mandy pushing down a cream and blueberry pie on his head. The girls were laughing at Mark's fate. He realised he had been set up but could do nothing to defend himself. Reluctantly he could only stand and receive a further 5 pies mainly to the face but also one to the chest leaving the unfortunate Mark splattered. One more pie remained and this time Penny approached him. "As a reminder for your ambush on me on the last programme we appeared together" and had great glee in firmly rubbing the pie in to his crotch where his obvious pleasure to his humiliation could be seen in his tight fitting shorts.
"Did you get enough pics Tiff" grinned Penny. "Oh yes " replied Tiffany "I think you'll like the results".
At which point Mark was released from the pillory.
"Don't worry Mark " we haven't finished yet. Girls its gunge tank time". The laughing bikini clad duo who allowed Mark the pleasure of wiping clean his face led him to the tank. "Don't tell me" sighed Mark "You don't want to waste the gunge" Penny smiled again "Exactly. Girls over to you". And with a wave Sam and Mandy pulled the lever which released a torrent of green gunge over the defenceless Mark. "Don't forget to smile for the camera" laughed Penny as Tiffany captured Marks embarrassment.
"Now we can't have you so messy and spoiling our floor, we'll have to clean you up" said Penny completely in control. And the two girls needed no further encouragement in ushering Mark to his seat above the tank. "Oh and its so cold" giggled Sam . "Might cool him down a bit" added Mandy giving his gunge covered shorts a sneaky rub.
"My turn this time" commanded Penny. Marks plea for mercy went unheeded as he was plunged into the tank, completely submerging before screaming "Christ that was cold". The girls swiftly moved out of range laughing together.
"Welcome to S4U Mark, I cant wait for our first booking. We've got several lined up."
Great thought Mark what had he let himself in for.
"Oh and don't worry Mark you won't be the only victim" added Penny.
For the first time Sam and Mandy looked a bit worried....

TO BE CONTINUED