Saturday was going to be a great day. I just knew it. I was going to receive my award for leading the tennis court renovation project at my country club. I was looking forward to the attention. The event was an outdoor luncheon followed by tennis on the new courts. Not wanting to break a sweat I opted out of the tennis portion.

I had gone shopping the previous weekend picking out the perfect outfit for the occasion. I found a light pink cashmere sweater for only $500, white slacks that were just above the ankle and new white canvas Keds. I didn't think ankle socks would look right so I chose a pair of cute no-show socks. The Keds though were special. I paid extra to have them monogrammed near the heel with my initials. The letters were small and discreet but added that extra touch of class.

I wore my pear necklace and bracelet to further dress up my look.

I got up early to spend extra time getting ready. I spent 30 minutes on my hair to get it just right. Getting dressed was heavenly as the sweater and slacks fit perfectly. It felt so nice having those expensive clothes on my body. I put my cute peds socks on and slid my feet into my new Keds. Carefully I adjusted the laces to make sure they were even and flat. I admired myself in the mirror for awhile very happy with how cute I looked.

I left on time and picked up a few of my friends who I must say were not dressed nearly as nice. Before the luncheon I needed to make a quick stop at my biggest client's new house that was being built.

I had plenty of room in my new SUV for my friends. Lisa sat in the front seat next to me and I couldn't believe she wore the same summer dress that she had worn last year. Even her royal blue espadrilles were a year old. I said something to her about it and she said she thought her outfit was okay. I'm thinking that it was dumpy looking a year ago and it hasn't gotten any better.

As we pulled up to the job site I could see that they had made some progress and wouldn't you know it, the home owner was there too. Joe was a few years older than me, exceptionally wealthy, and most importantly- single. Joe was inside the framed house poking around looking all handsome in his jeans and work boots.

I told Lisa that I was going to run in and talk to him and that I'd be right back. She said that she didn't think it was a good idea given how muddy it was. And it was indeed muddy. A week of rain turned the lot into a muddy mess. Mud everywhere and a small mud pond formed near the curb in the front yard. I told her that I've been visiting job sites for six years and know how to use the boards to get around. It's really quite easy.

I knew I'd be coming out on the other side so I asked Lisa to switch and drive to the other end of the front yard. I got out stepping down onto the clean sidewalk and primped my outfit a bit. Lisa got out and a second later I heard her swear. She came around to my side looking down at her feet. She had managed to step in some mud leaving a brown ring around her canvas espadrilles. I laughed and said that the only thing that would have made her outfit look better is if she had covered it altogether. She didn't find that too funny.

She got in the driver's seat and I started to the house. The sidewalk was only partially poured so after a few feet I eyed up my course on the maze of boards, planks and wooden pallets.

The recent rains gave way to a glorious sunny day, perfect for our country club event. The sun glistened off the various mud pockets and ponds.

The "path" to the house was about 50 yards. Just before I started Joe waived me off saying it was too muddy. I said that I'd be fine and began my trek. Daintily extending my right foot out over the slimy mud I stepped onto the first board. Like a ballerina I gracefully walked down the board. One foot delicately stepping after the other making sure to have good form. My Keds glowed in the sun along with my white slacks. At the first junction I had to cross a few wooden pallets which I did with no problem.

One final board angled up to the house entrance. A lot of water gathered in this area making it particularly messy. I stopped and looked down and admired the contrast between my white-as-snow Keds and the mud just inches below. Always in Instagram mode I thought this would make for a good picture. I turned such that I was now looking out over the side of the board with my tennies hanging off the edge of the board. I snapped a few pictures and as I was thinking of a caption Joe called my name and startled me. I began to sway a bit on the board but after a second jumped safely into the house.

Joe greeted me by saying that he admired my footwork on the shaky boards. I mentioned my years of ballet and my private college always stressed grace and composure. He remarked on my outfit and I gave him the rundown item by item. He even noticed my initials monogrammed in little pink letters near the heels of my Keds. I gave him a fashion show by modeling my Keds. I got the feeling he was liking what he saw.

We walked around the framed interior for a short while checking out the progress. I told him that I had a luncheon at the county club that I needed to get to and he said he was going to hang out and take some more pictures. As I began to leave the side of the house he told me to be careful and I told him that that I'd be fine.

The board from the side of house was much longer than the one on the way in. I noticed it had more give and as I neared the middle, it was dipping into the muddy water. I stopped for a second and heard Lisa yelling for me to be careful. I also suspected that Joe was watching from behind. I asked Lisa if she had gotten the mud off her ratty espadrilles and told her to mind her own business.

I took a step back and then a dainty leap forward to clear the area where the board had sank into the muddy water and did so flawlessly. The board bounced a little but I maintained by balance. I admired my pristine tennies as they gripped the board so well. At the end of the board there was a transition to a series of smaller boards staggered like stepping stones.
The small boards were just a few feet apart totaling about eight to the road. Again delicately stepping onto the first one with no issue. Standing on my little island I felt a nice breeze flow through my slacks and up through my sweater. What a gorgeous day and I think I scored some points with Joe.

My step onto the next board was fine. Stepping to the third board, it started to slide forward as my other foot was still on the previous board. I looked at my extended foot and saw my toes making micro adjustments inside my pretty Keds (still precious inches above the mud) to keep my balance. At this point I was just feet from the road and where Lisa was standing outside the car. I decided to go for it. Like a tight rope walker I made the last few jumps with no problem. The very last board tipped up and back down as I cleared it splashing Lisa in the process.

I, of course, was blemish free and no worse for wear. Lisa, on the other hand had a streak of mud running down her leg and onto her left espadrille. She was not very happy and I should have apologized but didn't. I told her to drive and I'd find some wipes for her in the car. In a snarky tone I said, "At least you were not wearing anything nice".
Lisa did as she was told and got in the driver's seat as I went through the glove box for wipes. She turned my large SUV around and started to head out. The windows were down and I heard Joe yell something. I told her to stop as my side was now facing the house. He asked me how I made it across that morass without any stains. I opened my door and stepped out onto the running board extending my right leg out gesturing to my spotless slacks and immaculate Keds saying it is simply a matter of grace. Some people have it and others don't.

With that, Lisa let her foot off the brake causing the car to lurch forward. Without much to hold on to, I lost my balance and began to fall towards the mud pit in the front yard. In mid fall I spotted a large brick that I could step on in that quagmire. Somehow I ended up with one foot on the edge of the curb and one precariously on the edge of the brick with my legs pretty well stretched out.

I thought about trying to step back but didn't have enough leverage. Slowly the brick began to slip in the mud and I watched my right foot creep closer to the mud. My Keds were practically saying "oh no" as my fate became more clear. I watched in vain as my right foot slipped from the edge of the brick and plunged into about six inches of muddy water. I instantly felt the water rush into my shoe. That caused me to completely lose my balance and tumble all the way into the mud pit landing on my right side.

My cashmere sweater instantly soaked up the mud and felt 10 times the weight. My white slacks met the same fate. I screamed "noooooo!!" as I was falling and said "Oh shit!" as I laid there. As I churned in the mud trying to get up, my left shoe came off and made it's way into my hand. I looked at it- unrecognizable from a moment ago with my pink monogram faintly visible through the mud.

In disgust I threw it at my car hoping to hit Lisa only for it to bounce back and hit me in the face splashing mud in the one place that hadn't gotten too messy.

Lisa looked over and said, "there there, mind your composure. We still need to get to the country club." I was so angry as I sat there with my mouth hanging open with a "this can't be happening " look on my face.

I climbed out of the mud and onto the road area assessing the damage. Total loss. As I sat with my back against my car now with a muddy, sodden sneaker in each with mud running out of the Keds like a faucet I vowed revenge on that bitch Lisa.