A Google search for "shirtless guys" and "creamy pies" led me to a few Yahoo groups and some terrific pie guys. But finding my first mutual scene wasn't easy. One guy *only* wanted to give, another guy *only* wanted to receive, this dude wanted us both in suits, that dude wanted us both naked. (And then there were The Clowns! OMG, The Clowns, but I digress.)

There weren't many pie guys in Florida, but the Sunshine State is an ideal vacation spot. The following year, I met some visitors for some discrete and messy fun. And every week I could count on an IM from "Alabama Jay."

If you had the pleasure of meeting him, you know Alabama Jay was an exhibitionist with Zany Ideas and his newest one was for New Year's Eve. We would pretend to be the Groom and the Best Man at a Bachelor Party. In a Strip Club. In Atlanta, a pretty lengthy drive for both of us. The plan was just before midnight, both of us would be escorted to the stage, have our shirts ripped off, and then receive a dozen pies each in front of the crowd.

I was thinking, "this could be a Fun Gig." What a way for this pie guy to "come out of the pantry." Then Alabama Jay told me that we will "only" have to pay the strip joint $200. Each.

Right.

A Zany Invitation that I *did* accept was for "The Annual Pie Party" at Parliament House, a gay resort in Augusta, Georgia. Alabama Jay (called A.J. from now on) had organized summer pie parties for them in the past, and the next one was scheduled for June.

I flew up Friday afternoon for my first trip to a gay resort. The Augusta Airport Shuttle Driver wanted to find me different lodging, as I didn't look or act like "the type" to be staying at "that sort of place." I told her I would be fine. "We have a helluva Bachelor Party planned the next day." I did not tell her just how many bachelors there were going to be there.

That night I shared a room (and a few shaving cream pies) with a pie guy from New York. The next morning the staff prepped the Saturday Night Event. I watched as the resort's largest suite was completely covered in black garbage bags from ceiling to floor, and a make-shift shower (two hoses and a bath mat) was rigged outside the room.

A.J. and two great guys from Tennessee arrived Saturday afternoon. All shirts were shed. Many beers were shared. And I couldn't wait to find out how the party would work. A.J., our presumed host, and his old buddy, the Activity Director, just smiled, grabbed another beer, and then another beer, and another

While they continued to drink, I talked with a well-built blonde who had just taken the Georgia Bar Exam. He was attractively nerdy, and more than a little shy, but the five of us "experienced" Pie Guys had been asked to personally invite everyone at the Parliament to come to the Pie Party.

The Director drove us five pie guys to dinner, where he and A.J. drank more than they ate. When we returned at 8:30, guests were lining up outside the suite, most of them stripped down to the suggested uniform of boxers, briefs or boxer-briefs. I was enjoying this good-looking gathering of about two dozen bare-chested, barefoot men when I spotted "my lawyer" and an older dude near the front of the line. Neither had bothered with underwear; both of them were nude.

This party was looking promising IF we ever figured out what we were going to do.

New York Dude (who kept making fun of all the Southern accents), the Tennessee Lads, and I followed A.J. and the Director into his office, but the two of them were giggling drunk and making little sense. A.J. wasn't worried. He pointed at me and told the others "J.T. has a great speaking voice and he loves game showsso Let Him Host!"

In ten seconds I went from being "Scared Shitless" to realizing I was about to "Host Shirt-less." We all stripped down to our boxer-briefs. With five minutes to go until the party started, my brain went into overdrive. Looking around the office, I found a sheet of mailing labels, a magic marker, and a deck of cards. Okay!!

New York wrote numbers on the labels and I randomly stuck them on the guests' chests. A.J and the Tennessee boys stopped at the big banquet table outside the suite to check out the 80 home-made pudding pies. Half were chocolate, half were vanilla, all in pie shells. Someone forgot to bring the whipped cream, but the pudding and crusts were beautiful as they were.

When the pies were ready, I asked everyone to come in and stand in the back half of the room. Facing them along the front wall were three plastic chairs. I had a quick chat with the Director (who stayed outside guarding the pies) then I stepped inside the doorway to begin the game.

Naked Lawyer and I were both wearing glasses, which fit in beautifully with my plan. I welcomed the guests then asked if anyone was wearing glasses, please remove SPLAT!!! Right on cue, as I took off my glasses, the director pied me from behind. This was my first public pieing, a dream-come-true, standing shirtless in front of 18 other bare-chested guys.

The crowd reaction was great and damn I was happy. This Host wasn't "going to be above the rules." I had taken the first pie of the night and was now inviting others to do the same. I put my glasses on my pie-covered face, then called for guys with labels #1, #2, and #3 to come forward and have a seat in the chairs. (New York wasn't pleased that he was had label #3 and would be in the first group.)

I had pulled all the Aces, Deuces and Threes from the deck, shuffled them, and had the director choose a card and show it only to me. He picked a Three. I walked up and down the row of guys, finally pushing a pie in #3's face. (And New York *really* wasn't pleased when he was the first one pied. Damn Yankee.)

The two clean guys went back into the crowd and I asked New York to stand next to me. Guys #4, #5, and #6 were called up. New York picked a card, walked down the line, and pied the appropriate guy. I loved my made-up game. Whoever was tossing the pie knew exactly how it would feel since he himself had just been pied.

After 6 rounds, about a quarter of the guys had been pied. Now it was time to start the Next Round with only the Clean Guys coming up. The vibe in the room was hot and getting hotter as Guys Who Had Taken A Pie went from the minority to the majority.

There were only two disruptions in the game.

Two sunburned dudes, who had been drinking pool-side all day, were standing in the back of the room. At some point during the first round, Ugly Drunk staggered out of the room, mumbling something like "no way, no freakin' way." Fortunately, Hot Drunk stayed to play.

During the third round, a really cute guy tired to bump the tosser's pie hand so that he would pie himself. I had a pie in my hand for the next round, so I had a quick chance to punish this "pass interference." As I was about to splatter the cutie, the pie slipped out of my hands and hit him much harder than either of us expected. He had a look of his shock on his face and I honestly felt sorry for him.

With only two guys remaining, I had them play Rock, Paper, Scissors. The Loser got pied. Now only one guy remained clean: one of the Tennessee Boys was the winner, but was disappointed since he had been the Last One Pied the year before. The "experienced" pie guys and I all had the same idea. We each grabbed a pie and gave the Tennessee winner his "grand prize".

A few guys headed outside to the shower as soon as they had tossed their pie. A few more left after the winner had been "crowned." There were about 10 of us still in the room...and more than 50 pies still on the table.

I got two pies, stepped to the cute guy I had punished so hard and handed him a pie. I asked him if he'd like a shot? He grinned, said "yeah", and then he nailed me good. I asked him if he'd like another pie? He grinned, so I splattered him again. He laughed, gave me a very messy hug, and I knew all was forgiven.

Realizing A.J. and I still hadn't pied each other, I grabbed four pies so we could both pie each other twice. The director (who couldn't participate because of recent eye surgery) found the five of us and said we should get cleaned up, rest a little, and to come back around midnight for "the private party." A.J. explained this party wouldn't be "clothing optional." It would be "clothing forbidden."

I noticed four guys in a back corner. One was Naked Lawyer, without his nude friend. One was Hot Drunk, now also naked and un-partnered. The third guy, still in his boxers, asked if we could do a "bonus" round. When we returned with four more pies, I joked "are we playing SHORTS vs. SKINS?" Hot Drunk said "Let's ALL be Skins," Naked Lawyer nodded, so the third guy and I gladly dropped our shorts. The last pies were delivered slowly and sensually.

I asked Naked Lawyer where his friend was. He said "I was hoping for a better offer." Then he put his arm around me, walked outside, stepped into the make-shift shower. with me, and treated to me a handjob in front of a few lingering dudes.

We walked back to my room where we found A.J., the director, and the three other pie guys. They all congratulated me on creating and hosting an excellent game. One of the guys was heading to our shower, so Naked Lawyer asked me back to his room.

Grabbing a few cans of shaving cream, we went into his shower, where I taught him how helpful shaving cream was for getting clean. That night in his bed, he taught me how helpful shaving cream could be in playing dirty. And so we played until dawn until we grabbed another shower. The taxi picked me up and took me to the airport as the sun was rising on Augusta.

A decade later, I still have those maroon boxer briefs I wore that night.

I still get hard every time I put them on.