(Requested by Gloopsuit)

My Chocolate Cream Pie
(Sung to the tune of American Pie)
(With apologies to Don McLean)

A long, long, time ago
I can still remember how that slapstick
Used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my turn
I could make those people churn
And maybe they'd be happy for awhile
But the people wore quite a frown
Unturned by many a stooge and clown
They all prayed to the sign
Of the dollar not benign
I can't remember if I cried
To see such icy hearts of pride
But something touched me deep inside
I knew you must be pied

So, fly, fly, my chocolate cream pie
Drove the clown car like a town car but the gas tank was dry
Good ole boys were letting them fly
Singing, "she will be so creamed with this pie"
"She will be so creamed with this pie"

Is man good or is he bad
Does humanity make you mad
Do you live from fad to fad
Can you laugh at a stooge named Moe
Can slapstick save your mortal soul
Or is hilarity your life long foe
Well, I know that your good humor fails
Because you can't laugh at Soupy Sales
When those pies hit Frankie's face
All you thought was "what a disgrace"
Because you stay in life's deep ruts
You have become a misery guts
To save your soul I knew was inside
I knew you must be pied

I started singing fly, fly, my chocolate cream pie
Drove the clown car like a town car but the gas tank was dry
Good ole boys were letting them fly
Singing, "she will be so creamed with this pie"
"She will be so creamed with this pie"

Karen went bonkers for Tennessee
Dessert marked time for a beat or three
Did you stay or did you flee?
Florence sat next to Mike the guy
And with scissors she did cut his tie
You left before you saw the pie
When Lucy was up in Ricky's face
No smile or laugh did leave a trace
When the door swung open on Goldie Hahn
Did Dick and Dan just make you yawn?
I saw you take it all in stride
When Laverne dented Shirley's pride
Irrefutable logic I applied
I knew you must be pied

I was singing, fly, fly, my chocolate cream pie
Drove the clown car like a town car but the gas tank was dry
Good ole boys were letting them fly
Singing, "she will be so creamed with this pie"
"She will be so creamed with this pie"

When Little was used as the show JokeMaster
And Toni was pied 'cause Daryl was faster
To you it was disaster
When the blonde of 3 ate the male's pie
They thought to amend with a store-bought try
You look bored with just a sigh
When the baker hosted his half dozen
Love, you called your American cousin
You were hiding in the bushes
When MV called her guests "Wusses"
Cuba versus USA
A drunk put Ethyl in the fray
As you stood to go outside
I knew you must be pied

I kept singing fly, fly, my chocolate cream pie
Drove the clown car like a town car but the gas tank was dry
Good ole boys were letting them fly
Singing, "she will be so creamed with this pie"
"She will be so creamed with this pie"

When Stan had fought for a hundred years
And Ollie's peel brought lots of jeers
All I heard from you were sneers
When Lemmon met his messy Fate
And Wood was quite the dessert plate
You just had a source for hate
When the Bay had its first flash mob
You just sat there like a snob
The mob came back for number two
You razzed them with a mighty "Boo"
When AB was smooshed for her belief
You drank OJ for relief
I knew that I must stem the tide
I knew you must be pied

I was singing fly, fly, my chocolate cream pie
Drove the clown car like a town car but the gas tank was dry
Good ole boys were letting them fly
Singing, "she will be so creamed with this pie"
"She will be so creamed with this pie"

When Rita and Michael sit at a table
Lynn flings a pie when she is able
You see it as a silly fable
When the three are taught polite
The chocolate pie falls to start the fight
All you do is say goodnight
When the deal was closed on dear old Wayne
I saw that you had winced in pain.
When Coxheath had its costumed fours
You thought them all pathetic bores
When Drew and cohosts paid the price
And even the winner was pied nice
From the look on your face I did decide
I knew you must be pied

And all were singing fly, fly, my chocolate cream pie
Drove the clown car like a town car but the gas tank was dry
Good ole boys were letting them fly
Singing, "she will be so creamed with this pie"
"She will be so creamed with this pie"

All were singing fly, fly, my chocolate cream pie
Drove the clown car like a town car but the gas tank was dry
Good ole boys were letting them fly
Singing, "she will be so creamed with this pie"
"She will be so creamed with this pie"