I work as a beautician at a really nice salon on the outskirts of town. My boss is very ambitious and progressive and is always looking for ways to expand the business and offer more services. One of her recent upgrades was to offer more skin treatments, the most impressive part of this was having a professional therapeutic mud bath installed.
Now, another thing my boss is very good at is promoting the business via various social media channels, often using very impactful, slightly left field methods.
She came up with a very unusual way to promote our new mud therapy services. Allow me to explain the strategy.
Our premises are right next to a small river. This disappears away to next to nothing at low tide, leaving a large area of mud exposed. In fact, we often knew when low tide was because we could smell the mud. My boss, and her fertile mind, had come up with the idea of taking some photographs of someone stuck and/or wallowing in the mud to be teamed with an advert saying something like "No need for DIY mud baths anymore" and then sharing the details of the new mud therapy suite. I could imagine this hitting the social media streams and grabbing quite a lot of attention. It's fair to say I thought it was an excellent, and very amusing idea. Right up until it became clear that she wanted ME to be the person chucked into the smelly gunge!
She looked me in the eye and said "will you do this for me Lauren? I realise it's a bit gross and smelly but I think it'll be a lot more powerful if it's actually a member of our staff in the mud, wearing one of our uniforms". I looked at her in disbelief. "What, you mean, if I agree to this you want me to go into that smelly mud wearing all my clothes? As if I was at work?" She chuckled slightly. "Yes, I think that'll give it maximum impact don't you? Dress exactly like you would on a normal day at work. Don't worry about spoiling any clothes, I'll give you a spare uniform that we can just dispose of afterwards. Maybe wear some old underwear in case it gets stained, and put black socks on, like you normally do. Then, stick an old pair of ballerinas on, and you'll look just like you always look at work!" I thought about what was being asked. I'd basically have my usual work outfit on, then I'd go down to the river at low tide and deliberately cover myself in mud whilst photographs were taken of me. She'd explained it as if asking someone to get covered in stinky mud whilst fully clothed was the most normal thing in the world. And, thinking about it, her calm rationale about the whole crazy idea was strangely persuasive, and a large part of the reason why I said I'd do it.
It's fair to say my boss was overjoyed when I finally agreed to get muddy for her. It was decided that we'd take the photos on the morning of the following Friday and, as my reward, I could have the rest of the day off.
On the morning of the photoshoot I got up and showered as normal. When I got out of the shower it dawned on me what a waste of time that had been! In about an hour's time I'd be wallowing in mud! I dug out probably my oldest bra and knickers, they were black so would probably not have to be disposed of, but if they did, they did. The footwear strategy had been surprising to me. If it's muddy, we wear wellingtons, right? But no, in order for me to look "normal" and make the stunt more impactful, the boss had clearly told me I needed to be dressed in ballerinas and black socks. I tried to imagine sinking my feet into the deep, wet mud. How would it feel as it filled my shoes and squelched all over my socks? Well, I guess I was going to find out! I didn't really have any old, worn-out socks to sacrifice so I chose the first black pair I could find and hoped they'd shrug the mud off. They probably wouldn't be helped by the fact that they had bright pink coloured heels and toes, but I didn't have any plain ones. When it came to shoes, I struggled. The boss had told me to wear ballerinas. I had several pairs but they were all rather nice and I couldn't imagine ruining them in a mud bath. I went right to the back of the wardrobe and found a pair that I'd forgotten I owned. These would be my mud shoes! They were shiny black ballerinas. The only issue with them was they had a "peeptoe" design at the front so my big toe and most of the one next door were visible through the cutout. They definitely weren't meant to be worn with socks, although you'd get away with plain black ones I guess. I slipped them on and giggled as the pink toes of my black socks peeped out at the world. I would never dress in this crazy way normally, but then I'd never voluntarily wallow in mud normally either, so I decided to go with the outfit. You'd have to be very sharp eyed to notice the pink fabric through the peeptoe on the pictures, and besides, as soon as I stepped into the mud, my socks would get really dirty wouldn't they? To go to work, I just put some jeans and a top on, keeping the underwear and socks on that would be going in the mud. I even wore the peeptoe pumps, smiling as my pink sock toes poked out. I put some more socks and underwear in a bag, along with some shoes, for coming home in later.
I went to work at the usual time. My boss was her usual hyper self when I arrived, clearly excited about getting her latest social media campaign underway via my dip in the smelly mud. "Thanks again for agreeing to do this Lauren, I do realise it's going to be pretty whiffy and dirty down there in the mud" she said, smiling. "No problem" I replied. "The things we do for Friday afternoon off eh?" This caused the pair of us to chuckle, I think my laughter was more nerves than anything else.
She disappeared off to a store cupboard and came back with the spare uniform for me. "Here you go Lauren, you can use this one for squelching around in the mud, it's brand new but the stitching on the tunic has a minor fault so I just kept it for a spare. Luckily it's a size 10 so perfect for you!" Our uniform consisted of a smart, dark blue tunic style top, and close fitting black trousers. It was going to be so, so weird to get dressed up in this as usual, only to get completely filthy, on purpose.
I must admit, I'd been thinking about the impending mud bath in the stinky river bank all week. It was never far from my mind, and I did find myself feeling quite nervous about what was going to happen to me. I couldn't stop thinking about how bad it was actually going to smell down there in that oozy mess. In a way, it was nice that Friday had actually arrived and I could just kind of get on with it and get it done.
I took the uniform off my boss and disappeared off to a changing room to get myself ready to get covered in mud. I stripped my outer garments off, carefully folded them and put them to one side. I was already wearing the underwear and socks that would be getting muddy; the black socks, with the jazzy pink heels and toes looked really fun and vibrant on my feet so I did a daft little dance in just this underwear / socks combination, feeling really silly! When I'd stopped messing around, I put the tight black trousers on, followed by the nice dark blue tunic. I looked exactly like I always look when I'm at work. It was going to appear completely incongruous to sink in the mud in these clothes (exactly the desired effect!) Finally, I took off my watch, my rings and necklace, and also my earrings, and pulled my hair back into a neat ponytail. Then I slipped on my peeptoe ballerinas, laughing once more as the pink toes of my black socks literally "peeped" out at me. I was ready to get into that mud.
I walked back out to where my boss was. "How do I look?" She turned to me and said "perfect! You look completely normal and that is exactly what we need! And I must just say, the shoes and socks combination is astonishing!" I smiled. "Yeah, sorry about that, I actually don't have any plain black socks and these are the oldest shoes I have, with the cutout at the front". The boss laughed and replied "Don't worry about it, they look cute, plus the pink sock toes will very quickly get mud on them, then you'll look like you're wearing plain dark socks!" This was getting very real now. I still couldn't quite believe that I was dressed like this, looking like I was at work, but I had to cover myself in mud. The boss talking flippantly about my socks getting muddy made it all seem really imminent.
Anyway, no point overthinking it, time to get down to it. My boss was brandishing her camera and keen to get me in the mud. Together, we walked out of the rear of the salon towards the riverbank. When we arrived, I surveyed the large expanse of exposed mud and struggled to comprehend that I was about to voluntarily step into it. In open-toed ballerinas and socks. The boss started to give me instructions. "Right Lauren, walk out across the mud and when you're nicely into it, say about there, (she pointed at an area about 25 feet away) I want you to sit down in it and basically get it all over yourself. You simply have to wallow in the mud and get as covered as you can. Then pose for pictures looking serious, as if this is actually a premium skin treatment for you. Ham it up girl!"
The time really had come then "In you get then Lauren! Enjoy yourself!" the boss shouted. What on earth did she mean I was thinking. How could I enjoy this? Does anyone enjoy this? My mind raced with the absurdity of it all. My heart was thumping in my chest as I lowered a foot towards the mud. My shoe broke the surface and as it plunged into the soft mud I immediately felt the wet sliminess flowing into the open toed shoe. I pulled it back out again with a sucking, glugging noise just to see the pink, exposed part of my sock covered in mud. It was completely smothered, like I was wearing plain black socks. Exactly as the boss had said! I remember feeling strangely pleased that I'd concealed the slightly shameful bright toe of my black sock. I mean, if I'd had any plain black socks I'd have worn them. But I was realising that socks, and indeed most clothes probably look the same once they're covered in mud! I lowered the same foot back into the dark slime, and immediately stepped right in with the other foot too. It was really surreal to be up to my ankles in this foul smelling river mud in peeptoe ballerinas and smart socks. I could feel it flowing into my shoes and sticking to my socks. The bottoms of my trouser legs were now muddy too. There was a shout from behind me. "Well done Lauren, you're in the mud! Now go for it, go out to where it's a bit deeper and get really, really muddy for me! Have fun in there, enjoy yourself!" I couldn't believe she was telling me to have fun. I wondered if she'd convinced herself that a fully clothed mud bath in a smelly riverbank was in some way fun, to maybe mitigate any guilt she might feel about making me do this? Anyway, breaching the surface of the mud had released quite the stink. I mean, it was like a giant had done an enormous eggy fart. I've smelled worse things, but it was a strong and earthy odour, and no mistake! I started to walk to where my boss was directing me. It looked really gloopy and sludgy over there. As I took a step in the mud I could feel my shoe trying to come off due to the suction of the ooze. What happened was my heel came out of the shoe due to the shoe getting bogged down. When this happened, mud instantly flowed into my shoe, filling it! As I put my heel back down into the shoe, there was a faint squelching noise as the mud overflowed out of it. It just felt ridiculous! This happened with both shoes. Now, this is going to sound really silly, but having both shoes full of mud actually seemed to stick them to my feet and make them easier to keep on. My socks had both soaked up loads of the slime and were kind of hydraulically locking my shoes on! There was a shout from behind me. "Are you OK Lauren? You seem to be struggling to move!" I smiled at her and replied "I nearly lost my shoes, that's all! But now they're full of mud!" She laughed at me. "I mean, take your shoes off if it's easier, once you're muddy it won't be obvious that you're just wearing socks, will it?" I thought about this as I carefully squelched through the six inch-deep slop, obediently making my way to the "deep end". My shoes seemed to be stuck to my feet so it made sense to keep them on I thought. The sensation of wading in the mud whilst normally dressed was a strange one. It felt kind of forbidden and naughty almost. It wasn't entirely unpleasant, I felt like a rebel! The smelly ooze was getting progressively deeper. I was soon halfway to my knees in it and it was at this point that I completely lost my left shoe! The deeper mud was super thick below the surface and it just kind of sucked my shoe off as I took a step. It happened so unexpectedly that I plunged my sock back into the mud almost before I realised my shoe had come off. "Oh no, I've lost one of my shoes!" I squealed. "Now I have a super-muddy sock!" My boss was in fits of laughter at this disaster. "You might as well take the other shoe off Lauren!" she shouted, still laughing. I didn't have to. With a squelch and a glug my remaining shoe was sucked from its foot the next time I took a step. I wiggled my toes in the mud, almost enjoying the cool sensation of it smothering my thin, smart socks. I wondered if the toes and heels would ever be pink again. Oh well, they're only socks, I thought. I giggled a bit and shouted to the boss "I'm actually knee-deep in stinky mud in my socks! I'm fairly sure the bright pink heels and toes won't be noticeable now!"
I thought I should try to retrieve my shoes from the mud, mainly for environmental reasons, I mean, this was basically littering otherwise. With a sigh I knelt down in the soft sludge and pushed my hands down into it and had a good feel around. My boss was pretty much doubled up with laughter at this sight, I heard her gasping something about filthy socks and lost shoes. It had certainly amused her. She shouted to me "This is brilliant Lauren, it's so funny seeing you all dressed up for work in the mud! If you could see yourself now, you're so dirty!" I located the shoes and managed to pull them from the mud. They were covered in mud and totally full to the brim as well. Mud literally poured out of the toe cut-outs as I tipped them up. It made me smile. I carefully threw them over towards the edge of the riverbank so that I could collect them later, I saw no point in putting them back on, I would stay in my socks in the smelly mud now. It didn't, in all reality, feel too bad without shoes. Very smooth and soft!
I was getting really rather dirty by now, I'd been on my knees in it and had it all up my arms. I wondered if that would be enough for the boss. Would I be muddy enough for the pictures? The answer came unsolicited. "Go on Lauren, get in that really sloppy, deep bit and lay down!" Wow, I had to get right down in it. I slogged towards the aforementioned sloppy, deep bit (finding it considerably easier in socks, it has to be said) and theatrically flung myself downwards into it. I landed on my front with a huge squelch / splash hybrid sound. My senses were bombarded. Mainly my sense of smell because the mud had sprayed all over my face and it absolutely stank. I was kind of floating and wallowing, in the process covering the front of my smart tunic. I then rolled over onto my back to make sure every square inch of my clothing was smothered in mud. I even did a "mud angel" giggling to myself as I churned the slop around with my hands and feet. The boss shouted from the edge. "This is fantastic Lauren, I have so many genuinely funny, brilliant photographs of your mud bath! And right now, it's very hard to tell that you have no shoes on! How're the socks? Hahaha!" I laughed and replied "Err, I think they might be beyond saving don't you?" I lifted a leg up and wriggled my toes in her direction. The sock on my foot was completely invisible under its coating of dark smelly mud. There wasn't any hint of what had been sassy, bright pink heels and toes on the black sock. She laughed and promised to buy me some new socks for my birthday.
I was at the point where I was pretty relaxed about it. I was a long way past the damage limitation stage. I hadn't really known what this mud would be like, but I didn't expect it to swallow me up quite as dramatically as it had. I was already much wetter and filthier than I thought I'd get, so it seemed logical to really max out now. I'd been worrying about doing this all week but actually, whisper it, it was quite good fun. Someone had given me an entire new outfit and told me to play in the mud. When you think past the weirdness, that's pretty cool really isn't it? The inner child in me was definitely being playful in mud pie territory. I stirred and churned it around with my socks, smiling to myself about the mess I was in. The boss shouted again. "Just to finish up Lauren, have a really good roll around, make sure your clothes are plastered in it!"
I couldn't really make my clothes any muddier, I was totally thick with the stuff, but I continued to do as I was told and rolled into the really squelchy bit again. I'd massively churned it up so it was now a bit like deep, black wallpaper paste, that stank! I then sat in it cross-legged and daubed streaks of mud onto my face and ran a couple of large handfuls of the stinking black ooze through my hair! The boss was snapping away with her camera, shouting approvingly about how "great" I looked in the mud. I really hadn't expected being totally covered in really smelly mud to be so fun. As I sat there, writhing and squelching around, stirring the mud up even more with my socks, I realised what an absolutely brilliant idea my boss had come up with, and how striking this was going to be as a way of advertising the business. I was even quite excited about showing the pictures of me rolling in the sloppy filth to my friends. I wondered what they'd say!
Once I had completed a range of poses in the sloppiest area of the amazing quagmire, my boss called out "OK Lauren, that's excellent, I think I've got everything I need, feel free to vacate the mud bath and get yourself cleaned up!" She said it as if getting cleaned up was going to be the most straightforward process imaginable. I actually had absolutely no idea where I would even start to sort myself out. From my socks, right up to the shoulders of my tunic, I was smothered in the thick sludge. Not a single part of any of the clothes I was wearing was anything other than covered in it. I felt so very heavy as I struggled to my feet and squelched through the knee-deep ooze back to the concrete path. I heaved myself out of the mud's grasp and got up onto the path and showers of mud splattered all over the concrete, it was falling off me in volume! I remembered to pick my ruined shoes up, and stood there holding one in each hand. My boss looked at me, smiling. "I'm so proud of you Lauren, and so grateful for what you've done for me. That must've been so awful for you!" I giggled, replying "You know I'll do anything to get Friday afternoon off, and actually, to be completely honest, that was really fun, apart from my shoes getting sucked off and the fact that I absolutely stink now!" The boss roared with laughter. "Well, I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but yes, you really do smell bad! Come on, let's go up to the salon, I'll help you get cleaned up. And I'm sorry you ended up losing your shoes and having your nice socks completely gunged, I'll get you some new ones".
I tiptoed back to the building still in my slimy socks, squelching and splattering my way along the path. I carried my ruined, mud-filled peeptoe pumps, all the time questioning why I'd actually bothered putting shoes on. It hadn't occurred to me that they would be quickly sucked off my feet by the glutinous, boggy mud. I should have just worn my socks from the outset really! We had a couple of showers adjacent to the mud therapy suite and my boss opened up a fire exit, enabling me to get into one of them without having to travel through the main entrance into the building. This meant I didn't leave a great big trail of smelly slime through the reception! I hopped into the shower still fully clothed and stood under the powerful stream of hot water. Slowly but surely I managed to rinse the mud off, starting with my hair and working downwards. It was funny seeing my tunic gradually go back to a grubby blue, and my trousers turning black again. The funniest thing of all was seeing the once bright pink heels and toes of my black socks emerging from underneath the thick layer of mud that I'd subjected them to. When I'd removed the worst of the mud from the clothes, I stripped everything off, soaped my naked body down about three times to try to remove the smell of the mud, then dried off and put my clean clothes back on, along with my jewellery and watch. I put the entire mud outfit into the onsite washing machine and set it to a good, long program with a pre-wash, and hoped for the best! I couldn't shake off the faint whiff of mud for a couple of days, and it took me really quite some time to clean my finger and toenails, they were horribly black upon my departure from the mud!
As I emerged from cleaning myself up, the boss was waiting. "Lauren, did you mean what you said about getting covered in mud being really fun?" I could feel myself blushing slightly. "Well, yes, it actually was. I loved wallowing around in it. I think having a legitimate reason to play in the mud and get my clothes dirty was amazing to be honest". She smiled. "That's great, I'm really pleased you don't hate me for making you get so dirty and smelly, maybe, if you like, you can do it again? I mean, we could do one of our charity fundraisers out there, say, you and Charley having a mud wrestle. In uniform of course!"
I giggled, feeling slightly stunned that this might be a thing. "I think I'll take my shoes off before sinking in the mud next time!" I said. I knew I'd do it if called upon though.
I said goodbye to my boss and left the salon. It was 11:15am.
The things I do for Friday afternoon off...