(Written in Autumn 2014)

So, a few months ago now, I was talking about how Lynzey and I celebrated our birthdays. For hers, I "treated" her to being hogtied and pied. For mine, she'd promised to accept a splattering in a new and exciting way. I had no idea what it was until the day itself though.

Stupidly, I'd accepted a translation job on the day, but on the positive side as far as Lynzey's concerned, it gets me out the house and allows her to prepare for 'what she shall receive'. I got home just after 6, and as soon as I got through the door, she was stood at the top of the stairs wearing just a sky blue bra and knickers set. She'd painted her toenails light blue as well, but her hair remained bright red.

She put her hands on her hips, crossed her ankles and winked at me. "Ready to mess me up, birthday boy?" she purred.

"Hold your horses, WAMaholic!" I laughed, but I didn't really want to waste any time either. I went upstairs and walked with her into the bedroom.

"I'm so up for this!" she beamed. "I've been in my underwear for the last two hours, just rubbing my clit and thinking about what you're gonna do to me!"

"Wow!" I said. I love it when she talks like that, but I never really know what to say back. As we went into the bedroom (which of course was decked in plastic sheeting), Lynzey hopped over to a brand new device, the sheeting making crumpling noises under her bare feet as she moved. The device had a sheet covering it at present, because she obviously didn't want me to know what it was just yet.

She pulled the cover off the mystery piece of apparatus to reveal a wooden, solid looking set of stocks. It was set up to allow the victim to take up a seated position with their hands tied behind their back and their feet through two small holes in front of them. I'm sure you've seen that video of Phoebe Rodriguez getting pied in the stocks well, it was similar to that, but with the footholes closer together. On the bar of wood used to trap the feet were small metal slots that I had no idea what were supposed to do, and there was also a large metal box to the right of the stocks, the function of which was also a mystery to me at this stage.

"Like it?" she asked.

"I love it!" I enthused. "Where on earth did you get it from?"

"Y'know my nerdy mate Darius, the sciency inventor bloke? I asked him to knock it up. I told him it was for a school fair, but it's not of course! And you haven't seen half of what it can do yet. I'll take up my position and show you the ropes."

Lynzey climbed onto the seat and lifted her legs, resting her feet in the footholes of the contraption. This would be perfect for both pieing her face and tickling her feet.

"Ok, tie my hands behind me back!" Lynzey said enthusiastically. "There's some string over there make it tight!" I did as she suggested, wrapping the string round her wrists and adding a few double knots to ensure no escape.

"Good stuff, now get my feet!" she said. I lowered the stocks over them and used the string to bind them together.

"That's right, tight round my ankles," she said. "Maybe tie my big toes together as well?"

"Good suggestion!" I said, as I dragged a small piece of string between her big and second toes. Even doing that tickled her enough to raise a giggle. Eventually, she was tied securely in place and ready for her treatment.

"OK, the pies are in that cool box over there, so when you're ready, let me have it!" said Lynzey.

"I've been ready a while!" I laughed.

"Oh, but first," she said, "would you like to see what those little slots by my feet do?"

"Yeah, I was wondering." I replied.

"OK," she said, taking a deep breath. "Press the button on the edge of that wooden bar."

It was a small yellow button that I hadn't even noticed yet. I pressed it with no idea what to expect, and the slots made a whirring noise. A pair of mechanical hands came out of them, each with four or five feathers on the end of them. The feathers brushed against the soles of Lynzey's tied up feet, causing her to cackle and wiggle her toes.

I burst out laughing. "What the fuck? That's mental!" I pressed the button again, causing the mechanism to stop.

"So how about that?" Lynzey said, looking a bit flushed as a result of the feathers over the feet. "You can let that thing tickle me while you concentrate on nailing me in the face with the pies!"

"Oh, this is gonna be something else!" I exclaimed. "Well I think that's enough talk brace yourself for a splattering!" I walked over towards the cool box and why not? pressed the button for the tickling mechanism as I passed it and went to collect a couple of pies. Chocolate cream and custard would start things off.

"Hahahah heehehehehe!" Lynzey went. "Oh god ha ha, I'm gonna get tickled and pied at the same time hahahahahaha!"

As the feathers scurried over her toes and soles, I dangled the first chocolate cream pie in front of Lynzey's laughing face and waved it about. I like to do this with the first pie and watch her facial expressions in those few seconds before she gets hit. On this occasion, she was just laughing and gasping, but also had her eyes shut tight in preparation for the pie in the face. I let her have it SMASH! Right in the mush, and I rubbed it around all over her face and hair.

"Mph hmph hmph hmph hmph!" said Lynzey, which is basically the noise you make if you laugh out loud while having a cream pie ground into your face. It wasn't uncommon for Lynzey to laugh during a messy session but, because she was being tickled, the giggling was constant.

"Oh, I'll give you something to laugh about!" I snarled, and hit her hard in the face with the custard pie. Lynzey opened her month and laughed hysterically as the pieces of pie crust shattered all over the place.

"I'm glad you find it so funny, Lynz. I agree, it's pretty hilarious seeing you get hit in the face with these pies." As I was winding her up, I gently lifted her head up and subjected her to a third facefull this time a piled-high whipped cream pie topped with syrup. "Oh yes, I particularly enjoyed that one!" I said as I slowly and firmly rubbed it all over her face. In my left hand, I had a lemon pie, which I dumped on top of her head while still smearing the other one over her face.

I pressed the button by her feet to turn off the mechanical tickling and let her get her breath back. She panted a few times, then smiled and licked some of the pie mix off her upper lip. "Mmmmm.pie!" she said.

I can't really explain why, but I love it when she licks her lips after a pie in the face. I think that's a bit of an idiosyncratic turn-on of mine. It just seems so sexy and submissive for a girl to accept the pie, lick it off her lips and swallow bits of it. I told Lynzey very early on in our WAM relationship that I loved it when she did it, and nowadays she rarely takes a pie without following it with a sexy smile and a lick of the lips.

Anyway, I crept up behind Lynzey with another two pies, both banana cream, and sandwiched her head with them. The yellow slop infiltrated her hair and glooped all over her shoulders and tits. And speaking of tits, I soon had my hands around the clip on the back of her bra.

"How about getting your tits out for me, eh?" I said playfully. God I'm such a prick sometimes, I don't deserve to have such an amazing life.

"Anything for the birthday boy!" said Lynzey happily, her head still smothered by the pair of pies. I undid the clip and let the blue bra fall to the floor, exposing her beautiful breasts. I scooped up some of the excess pie slop on her shoulders and got two good handfuls of it, then clutched both her knockers, jiggled them up and down and essentially gave her a rough massage of the breasts with pie filling.

"Oh, that's nice!" she sighed, as I massaged the cream into her hard nipples. "Any chance of another facial?"

"Well, I spoil you, but I don't see why not!" I replied. I picked up another chocolate cream pie and, while still behind her, smushed it gently but firmly into her face with my right hand, while my right hand was still tickling her tits. She moaned as I continued to grind the pie all over her face. I looked at her feet, and she was clenching and wriggling her toes during the facial.

"What else you got for me?" Lynzey chirped, as I dug some of the cream out of her eyes so that she could at least see what was coming next.

"This!" I said, smashing two whipped cream pies into her breasts. She opened her mouth and tilted her head back as I rubbed the pies all over her tits and belly. "And this!" I said, nailing her in the face with a blackcurrant cream pie.

Lynzey shook her head vigorously, trying to get some of the chunks of gunk off her face. There were still a few pies left, but I was surprised that she hadn't prepared any gunge. That mystery was about to be revealed, though.

"I can't believe you haven't asked me what the box is for," said Lynzey, talking about the mystery metal box at the side of the stocks.

"What's the box for, Lynz? I asked.

"I was hoping you'd ask that!" she laughed. "You should see a length of plastic tubing on it. Pull at it!"

I saw the tube and gave it a tug. It turned out to be a hosepipe. I chuckled as I kept pulling at it, realising it was four or five feet long.

"Now point it at my face, and press the green button on the box!" she said, giggling with nervousness and excitement.

I did as she said, still not quite sure what to expect, although I suspected it would be pretty cool and extremely messy. I pressed the button and it made a klaxon sound. Suddenly, pink gunge spurted out of the hose and shot into Lynzey's face.

"Fuckin' fantastic!" I shouted. It was basically a gunge-hose, filled on this occasion with strawberry milkshake not watery stuff but thick gloop of the consistency of melting ice cream. It absolutely coated her face and clogged up her hair, then I gave her breasts and chest a blast.

"You know what would be fun?" I said, "turning the tickling machine back on!" I jabbed the button and the mechanical arms came out again and bristled against Lynzey's bare feet.

"Ha ha ha ha, not the tickling as well!" she chuckled. I pulled the front of her knickers and directed the hose down it. I'm not sure what was making her laugh more at this stage, the feathers against her feet or the milkshake against her cunt. I zipped the hose back up her chest and into her face. It was so much fun giving her a good facial hosing as she laughed hysterically.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha hehehehehe. mmm strawberry!" she said, lolling her tongue from side to side. I hosed her knickers, legs and the soles of her feet so that she was gooey and pink from head to toe. Finally, the gunge ran out and I turned off the tickling.

Lynzey tittered shrilly and shivered a bit. "That feel good?" I asked her.
"Oh yeah!" she said, "So refreshing! You've done a great job of pieing and gunging me, so I guess you've earned your birthday blowjob!"

"This just gets better and better!" I said. Sucking my cock in the stocks was going to be a challenge for Lynzey, but we could do it. I would need to step over her body, standing with one leg either side of it and my dick in front of her face. To do this, I realised I'd have to take off my jeans and boxers completely, so I thought I might as well just get completely naked.
I grabbed two pies and stepped over Lynzey's tied up body. Lynzey still had milkshake and pie all over her face, so she couldn't really see what was going on.
"Two more facefulls of pie, followed by a mouthful of cock!" I said.
"Sounds good.mmpphhh!" replied Lynzey, as I smashed a coconut cream pie into her face with my left hand. Then I plastered her with the chocolate pie in my right hand. She groaned as I rubbed the crust firmly across her face and onto the top of her head, where I left it. Lynzey opened her mouth, partly in shock and partly because she wanted to suck me off. I accepted the invitation and inserted my rock-hard penis into her mouth, then shook it from side to side so that it made a comic slapping sound against the insides of her cheeks.

"Mmmmmm." she went, and gave me one of her trademark sensational blowjobs. She sucked, licked and deep-throated me to ecstasy. I could have blown my load the second her tongue touched by bell-end, but I wanted it to last. There was pink gunge everywhere I scooped a load of it up off her body with cupped hands and dumped it all over her head as she continued to pleasure me. The sight of the milkshake dripping down her face, coupled with the amazing head I was getting, was too much stimulation for me and I came into her mouth, spurting a huge wad of spunk, which she happily gulped down.

I took some steps back and slipped my right hand down her milkshake-soaked knickers. She was so wet down there, the horny little minx! I also had one last green lime pie within my reach and I dangled it just below her chin. Lynzey was so turned on, and she panted and moaned as I rubbed her clit and occasionally slipped a finger or two up her vagina. I think what was getting her even more hotted up was that she knew I was going to pie her in the face at any minute.

Lynzey's gasping grew louder and louder. "Mmmmmaahhhahaha, oh yeah, pie me! Pie me now!" she shouted.

SPLAT! I hit her full in the face with the creamy green pie, and she gave muffled moans as she orgasmed. She panted deeply and exhaustedly, then tilted her head back and smiled widely, licking the lime slime off her lips.

"You're amazing!" I said to her as I untied her hands and feet. "I can't believe the things you let me do to you."

"Come on, you should know by know that I love it as much as you do. And if I can't give you something a bit special on your birthday, I'd be a lousy girlfriend!" she said, winking at me saucily.

And that's why she's so amazing, and why she makes my life so amazing. When you've got a fetish that seems as odd to most people as WAM does, it's cool enough if your girlfriend agrees to go along with it, but she does so much more than that. She actively arranges WAM sessions and goes out of her way to get to get a healthy intake of pies in the face as often as she can. Best of all, she gets turned on by it. She's a WAMmer every bit as much as I am.

It just never gets boring. There are so many different ways to get messy and allow WAM to enhance a regular sex life, and I'm sure it won't be long before I'm telling you about another.