Lynzey and I celebrate our birthdays within a week of each other, and we already seem to have come up with our own way to mark the occasions. When it's my birthday, she lets me mess her up. When it's her birthday, I treat her to a WAM session. It's an arrangement we're both very happy with I like to give, she loves to receive!

Lynzey is actually slightly older than me yes, I'm her toy-boy I suppose! For her 32nd birthday in June 2014, and I had promised her a messy treat of some description, but I had been very vague about what I was going to do.

Having booked the day off work, we both woke up early that morning, and she went for a shower. As usual, she took hours in there, which was a good thing because it gave me plenty of time to set up her birthday treat.

When it was ready, I went over to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Are you still in there?" I asked.

"Yeah, won't be long," she replied.

"Well, can I come in for a sec? I've left something in there."

I opened the door and pretended to be looking for something. Lynzey peered round the shower curtain, with her drenched hair swinging down on both sides of her head. It was dyed bright red at the time, and some of the dye had run onto her shoulders as it often does when it gets wet.

"You look like you're up to no good!" she laughed.

"What would give you that idea?" I joked. Then I made my move, I gathered up all her clothes, and the towel she was planning to use, and ran into the bedroom.

"Hey! Miiiiiiike!" she whined in an exasperated but playful voice.

"It's in the bedroom if you want it!" I laughed.

"Some way to treat me on my birthday!" she groaned. I heard her turn the shower off and her footsteps come across the landing. I was looking forward to seeing her enter the room, soaking wet and stark naked.

She stood in the doorway, tits out and pussy pouting, and looked round at all the pies and messy stuff in the room, as well as the bed covered in plastic sheeting, and she knew she was in for a messy birthday treat.

"Uh-oh!" she said. "Looks like I'm gonna get it!" She laughed and licked her lips, clearly eagerly awaiting that first facefull of pie.

"You certainly are!" I chuckled. "OK, get on the bed, belly down please!"

Lynzey went along with it, climbing onto our bed and stretching her naked, wet body down it. I grabbed a piece of rope and "hogtied" her (tied her wrists to her ankles), leaving her hands and feet pointing upwards while her breasts and belly rested on the bed.

I moved in front of her and knelt down so that we could talk face-to-face. "So, why don't you tell me how old you are today, sweetie?" I said to her, ruffling her wet, bright red hair.

"I'm 32 today!" she said proudly.

"32, eh? You're a big girl aren't you? And that age deserves a special reward!"

"Oh wow! What do I get?" she beamed.

"Dessert! And lots of it!" I answered. "In fact, I'm going to give you a nice sweet treat for every year you've been alive!"

"Oh yeah! Bring it on!" she cried.

I picked up four pies to start things off with. "First of all, let me sing 'Happy Birthday' to you!"

And I did, the only difference to the conventional way being that I ended each line by hitting her with a pie:

"Happy Birthday to you" (SPLAT! A custard pie in her face)
"Happy Birthday to you" (Chocolate cream and pie crust smeared all over the face)
"Happy Birthday dear Lynzey" (A runny cream pie plonked onto her head and rubbed into her hair)
"Happy Birthday to you!" (A custom-made rice pudding pie smashed hard into the face. A lot of the filling spurted out onto her shoulders and back, even reaching as far as her arse)

"Ha ha ha!" Lynzey laughed heartily, as though guffawing at a stooge's part in a slapstick comedy. She was absolutely splattered, and we'd only just got started.

I picked up pies number 5 and 6, both whipped cream, and splatted both her buttocks. She gasped, perhaps surprised at how cold they were, but then returned to excited giggling as I rubbed them both into her bottom and thighs. Pies 7 and 8 were whipped cream too, so I lifted her shoulders up a bit and placed them just below Lynzey's dangling breasts. Then I applied gentle pressure on her back so that the two tits got fully submerged into the gloopy pies.

"Ok, now back to the face!" I said.

I hurled a banana cream pie hard into her face, and watched as the pie crust stuck there and the pie filling catapulted all over her legs and feet. Lynzey shook her head and tried to prize the crust off her face with her tongue. I pulled a large chunk of it off for her, but it was only a brief act of mercy that was immediately followed by rubbing a gooey chocolate pie into every millimetre of her face, slowly and firmly, until the crust broke to pieces in my hand.
For #11 and #12, it was pie sandwich time. I picked up a pair of high-piled whipped cream pies and held one either side of her head.

"Enjoying your birthday treat, Lynzey?" I asked with a devious smile.

She stuck her tongue out and laughed. "It's fantastic! I love it GLUMPH!"

I didn't let her get much of an answer in before enveloping her head with the two huge pies.

"Now, would you like a custard cream sandwich?" I asked.

"Er, what does that entail?" she asked, unable to see a thing. Of course, I had custard pies in both my hands and Lynzey was about to get a second pie sandwich. SPLUSH! Thick, gloopy custard each side of the head, and rubbed all over her face. While she was still getting her breath back, I slammed a further two custard pies into her bumcheeks, which elicited a shrill, sexy gasp from Lynzey.

"OK, that's 16, so we're halfway there!" I announced. "How you feeling?"

"Amazing!" she said, flexing her feet and wiggling her toes happily. "I love it when you mess me up, but I want more!"

"Well, now that's just greedy!" I said. "I'll have to teach you a lesson, you spoilt little so-and-so!"

I lined up a row of ten pies, all of which were whipped cream, but they were generously smothered with toppings like syrup, treacle, raspberry sauce, hundreds and thousands (sprinkles, to you Americans), blackcurrant jam and peanut butter. These were all going to go into her face in quick succession. I slammed her with the syrup-topped pie and followed it up immediately with the treacly one. As I pulled the pie crust away, the treacle clung to her face, creating a long, black line of goo.

"Mmm, I love getting it in the face!" she said, licking her lips. "Keep them coming!"
Peanut butter, jam and raspberry sauce pies were smashed into her face, sending sticky, multi-coloured slop all over the place. Then I nailed her with one topped thoroughly with hundreds and thousands, creating a brilliant mess as the colourful sprinkles clung to all the gloop all over her head.

Lynzey couldn't see and had no idea what was going on, but I still hadn't finished with her cute, pieable face. I pulled her hair gently to lift it up. One after another, I absolutely walloped her with two full-on facefulls of syrupy, treacly pie.

"Right," I said. "More facial coverage coming later, but now let's pie your tits!"

Because she was hogtied, I could pretty much rock Lynzey back and forth like a see-saw. I stood to her left and grabbed the heel of her right foot with my right hand. When I gently pulled it, the upper half of her body rose up off the bed, allowing me to custard pie her left breast with my left hand. I then went round the other side of the bed, tugged on her left foot and gave her bare right breast the custard pie treatment with my right hand.

Touching her feet reminded me that they were still clean, so I smashed a pie into her soles and watched the custard squirm between her toes.

The next pie would be number 30 and, with it being a landmark pie, I thought it deserved to be something a bit special. I gently wiped Lynzey's eyes so she could see what was going on and get the full benefit of the pieing. It was another custard pie, but I had put a lit candle in the middle of it. I brought it over to her and held it in front of her face.

"Blow it out and make a wish!" I said.

She puffed her cheeks and blew the candle out, before saying "I wish I could take that pie in my face!"

"Well, sometimes wishes come true!" I teased. I slowly pulled the candle out of the pie, cocked back my hand and smothered her face with it. While still holding it there, I smushed a cream pie into the back of her head, rubbing the crust and filling all over her bright red hair and scalp.

Finally, we were on to pie number 32, although this one was actually more of a big sloppy chocolate cake. That see-saw technique I had used to pie her tits had given me a fun idea. I put the cake on the bed, then went behind her and grabbed both her feet.

"D'you like the look of that cake, Lynz?" I asked.

"Looks delicious!" she replied. "I'd love to.GLUMPH!!"

Of course, I had pushed her feet forward, causing her to plunge her face into the cake. I pulled back and lifted her out.

"What was that, Lynz?" I laughed. "What would you love to do?"

Lynzey was laughing too. "I said I'd love to..MMMPPHHHH!!"

Back in the cake she went. She nuzzled her face right into it and got a good mouthful of the gooey chocolate.

"No, I'm still not catching that. You're mumbling, Lynzey. I don't have to punish you further, do I?" I asked. I started tickling her feet as I repeatedly dunked her face into the cake.

"Hahahaha no no no ha ha not the tickling, GLUMPH! Oh nononono ha ha ha heeheehee you've got to stop ha ha GLUMP! MMMPPH ha ha ha ha that really tickles Mike hahahahahahaha MMMMPPHLLLMMPH! Heeheeheehee ha ha ha oh my god ha ha SLOMPH!!"

And this went on for quite some time, basically until there ceased to be anything left of the chocolate cake. It's such good fun having a hot, naked girl who is not only willing to be treated like this, but actually enjoys it as much as I do. Finally, I untied Lynzey's wrists and ankles and flipped her over onto her back. At last, she had a chance to wipe her face, but she shouldn't have bothered, because I threw a huge bucket of gloopy melted chocolate into it, before tipping the remainder all over her body.

"OHHHH, ha ha ha!" she gasped. "I am loving this so much!"

Needless to say, my cock was now like a broom handle. I dropped my jeans and boxers and grabbed her thighs, pulling her legs apart to reveal her soaking wet, chocolaty cunt.

"OK, you've had your birthday splattering," I said. "Now it's time for your birthday shafting!"

Believe it or not, Lynzey and I never had sex when we were students we would just meet up for pie-throwing, cock-sucking and pussy-eating. We've made up for that now, and I love slipping my dick inside her and banging her senseless. This time, I remained stood at the side of the bed and just grinded against her as she slid on her back in all of the gunge all over the plastic sheeting on the mattress.

"Oh Mike!" she moaned. "Oh god this is amazing! Ohhhhhh!"

I felt like I could cum any second, but I'm pretty good at holding it in. There was still one bucket of mess I wanted to empty over her, and the goal was to time it so that she got gunged at the same as we both orgasmed, but it was going to be a tough one. She was panting louder and louder, then getting higher and higher pitched.

"Ahhhhhhhahahahah!" she gasped as her body shook. I hooked my left arm around both her legs so I could keep pumping into her, and lifted the bucket with my right hand.

"Happy birthday Lynz!" I just about croaked as I jizzed inside her, then chucked the bucket contents at her, plastering her face and tits with cold, thick custard. She shrieked with ecstasy, mesmerised by the triple triumph of her own orgasm, my spunk inside her, and a bucket of pudding to the face. She spread out on the bed of mess as I collapsed on top of her and gave her a long, messy kiss.

"Best birthday ever!" she gleamed, licking the custard from her lips.

So, it's my birthday this week, and Lynzey has promised to outdo this and give me something to really get excited about. I'll let you know what that is when I find out myself.

Fuck me, my life is amazing