"Welcome, everyone, to Lover's Quarrel, the game of sweet revenge!" As the lights rose on the stage, the spotlight centered on the show's host, Missy Springfield, bedecked in a shimmering red evening gown. Missy glamorously tossed a lock of her blond hair over her shoulder as she spoke into the microphone.

"We've got what's sure to be a hot game tonight, folks. I can't wait any longer to start this game, and I know you can't wait either, so let's get right to our introductions. First up, the Red Team!"

The lights came up stage right, illuminating a man and a woman both dressed in red t-shirts and black shorts. The woman standing at the podium was short, with black hair that stretched down to the middle of her back. The man with her, seated in a chair, had a similar shade of dark hair. He was somewhat heavy set, with shoulder length hair. As the pair waited for the audience's cheers to subside, the man looked up at the girl with a nervous side glance.

"Hi, I'm Brigid." the woman said. "And this is my boyfriend, Keith.". Beside her, Keith could only offer up an anxious wave.

"And why are you here today, Brigid?" Missy asked, leaning into her microphone.

"Well Missy," Brigid replied, "We're here because my boy Keith here needs to learn a lesson. See, Keith and I had a date night scheduled. At least we did, until I get a call from Keith, saying that he lost power in his house and couldn't leave." While Brigid spoke, Keith shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Turns out," Brigid continued. "He didn't lose power at all. He just wanted to stay in and play Forager for four hours. Now, if he just told me that, we wouldn't be here today. But it's the fact that he lied about it, you know?"

Missy nodded solemnly. "That's absolutely right, Brigid. And you'll get our chance at revenge, provided you can make it past the Blue Team!" Missy motioned over to the other side of the stage, where the spotlight rose on another man and woman. Both by comparison were tall and athletically built; The girl with blond hair tied back into a strict ponytail, while the man's brown hair was short and well-kept. The woman took a moment to tussle her friend's hair as he sat in his chair, pouting and side-eyeing the woman with him.

"Sup, I'm Karly, and this is my good buddy John. Now, John thought it would be a hi-larious idea to make a bet with a mutual friend of ours behind my back. A bet where I was the prize, and where I ended up getting pied in the face in public while we were hanging out at the boardwalk! So I want some revenge!"

"Look, I said I was sorry, ok?" John stammered, but Karly was unmoved.

Both excellent reasons for revenge, girls, but only one of you will be able to get it. For the benefit of the audience, let's go over the rules! Lover's Quarrel is a game of three rounds, where our two lovely ladies will be fighting head-to-head for the opportunity to get some revenge on the boys. Whichever girl wins will be able to send her partner to our final forfeit. Be careful though, girls, because whichever one of you loses opens yourself up for a chance at revenge from your partner! Are you both ready?"

"Yeah, I think so." Brigid said, trying to cover any hint of worry under a layer of bravado.


"Definitely." Karly replied, with no such hesitation.

"Alright, girls. Let's get started, then!" Missy answered. "One last thing before we begin, we have a bit of audience participation in today's show! Studio audience, if you look in the pouches on the seats in front of you, you'll find tablets. Please use them to vote for who you think deserves revenge more; does Brigid deserve to bring Keith on a new date to the Wheel of Forfeits? Or does Karly deserve to show John that when he gambles, the house always wins? Vote now, and we'll tally the scores at the end of the rounds!"

As the audience set about voting, Brigid and Karly both stepped up to their podiums and prepared for the first challenge.

"The first round today is trivia! I'll be asking you both some general knowledge questions. The first one of you to answer three questions correctly takes the round! Are you ready?" Both girls nodded in response, and Missy adjusted her trivia cards. First question! The aardvark is native to which continent?"

Brigid buzzed in nearly immediately.

"Au...uh...Africa!" Brigid stammered, slightly taken aback that she actually buzzed in first.

"Africa is correct!" Missy replied, as Brigid's podium lit up with a large number one. "Next question! Rock singer William Bailey is better known by what stage name?"

"Kid Rock?" Karly said as she buzzed in, landing a hair before Brigid.

"Ooh, I'm sorry, Karly. That's incorrect. Brigid, would you like to try to steal?"

"Slash?" Brigid answered with a shrug.

"So close, but no. The correct answer was Axl Rose." While Brigid swore under her breath, Missy moved on to the next question. "Which baseball team won the first World Series championship in 1903?"

As Brigid tried to think, Karly confidently buzzed in. "The Boston Americans!"

"That's correct!" Missy said. "That ties our scores at one to one! Next question! The Waltz in D-flat major, popularly known as the "Minute Waltz", is a piano waltz by which Polish composer?"

Both girls buzzed in, but Karly was just a tiny bit faster.

"Chopin!" she cried. Brigid's swearing from her podium gave Karly all the confirmation she needed.

"Alright, Karly, you just need one more to win the round! Let's see if this is it! The US military installation Area 51 is located in which state?"

"Nevada!" Brigid yelled as she buzzed in just a moment before Karly.

"Looks like you're still in the game, Brigid!" Missy replied, as Brigid breathed a sigh of relief. "Alright, girls. The next person to answer correctly takes the round! What US state has the longest official name?" Both girls rushed to buzz in, but Brigid was just a slight bit faster.

"Rhode Island!" she answered, looking at Missy expectantly.

"Can you give me the full name of the state?" Missy replied, smirking.

"N-no?" Brigid said, returning Missy's smirk with a nervous smile of her own. "Something about Rhode Island and Providence Plantations, I think?"

"Well, fortunately for you, Brigid. You don't need to. We'll accept Rhode Island as an answer. And bonus points, 'The State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations' was correct. You've won the round, as well as this delightful chocolate cream pie to give to your boyfriend, in whatever way you so desire."

As a stagehand handed Brigid a large, slightly dripping, chocolate pie, she made her way over to Keith's seat, where he was fidgeting nervously.

"So. Keith." Brigid said, putting her free hand around Keith's shoulder. "Still think lying to me about losing power was a good idea? Do you like losing power? How does this feel? I really want to know."

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry!" Keith said. "You said you'd forgive me if I came on the show, right? Does this mean I'm forgiven now?"

"We'll see after the show." Brigid replied. "You're not getting out of this that easily, after all." With that, she slapped the pie into Keith's face, taking a moment to really rub it in as bits of chocolate filling and graham cracker crust toppled down into his lap. Brigid pulled the pie tin away and admired her handiwork, while the camera men zoomed in on Keith's despairing face as more bits of pie and crust dropped down onto his shirt and lap. When she was done, Brigid licked a little piece of crust off of Keith's face before planting a quick kiss on his cheek.

"Well done, Brigid. You've won the first game, but you shouldn't get too confident yet. After all, we still have another qualifier round left, the audience vote, and the final round. Karly, don't get discouraged just yet. There's still plenty of game left to be had." Missy said, ushering the girls to the center of the stage. "Before we begin the second round, however, let's take a peek at how our audience has been voting!"

In the back of the stage, a large screen lit up, showing Brigid and Karly's faces next to a pair of percentile graphs, both currently at 0%. Then, both graphs slowly began to fill as the percentage numbers rose. Both teams looked on in anticipation as the graphs began to slow to a crawl, before flashing a final total of Brigid - 46% and Karly - 54%.

"Congratulations, Karly! Looks like you're in the lead so far! But votes are still coming in. We'll see if Brigid can sneak in and snatch it away before the end. Meanwhile, Brigid, you'd best make sure you do your best to win this next round! You really might need the extra point!" Brigid nodded grimly, as Karly gave her a smirk.

***

"No hard feelings, I hope you understand." Karly said, giving Brigid a look as the studio went to commercial break. While they left the stage to let the crew set up the next round, Karly continued. "After all, my beef's with John. You're just an unfortunate bystander."

"Yeah, nah, I get it." Brigid replied, grabbing a cup of water from an offstage water cooler.

"I'm in pretty much the same boat. Heck, I'd be half tempted to give it to you if losing didn't mean that Keith got an opportunity to humiliate me on national TV."

"No way, girl." Karly replied, getting a cup of water of her own. "You deserve better than to get stood up like that."

"So you're going to let me win?" Brigid asked slyly.

"Not a chance."

"Girls, you're needed back on set!" a crewman called, and Brigid and Karly quickly finished their drinks and went back to the game.

"Having fun, Keith?" Brigid said, pecking her boyfriend on the cheek when she returned.

"Maybe. A little." Keith replied, averting his eyes. "I'll have a lot more fun if you mess up and give me a chance at payback, though."

"Ha! We'll see."

"Welcome back to Lover's Quarrel!" Missy said as the lights went back up on the stage and everyone took their places. In our first round, Brigid managed to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat! But Karly's not out of it yet. Karly, how are you at basketball?"

"I'm pretty good, I guess." Karly said with a nonchalant shrug.

"Well, that's good to hear, because our second round is a game of free throws! You'll each have thirty seconds to sink as many baskets as you can!" As she spoke, Missy led the girls over to a pair of carnival-style basketball hoops. "Whoever has the most baskets when time is up is going to win a wonderful, all-expenses paid trip...right over here!" Missy walked over to a large lever placed in the floor. "This lever is made from the finest stainless steel, with an attractive rubber handle for your gripping pleasure! Oh, and it also turns these on, I suppose." Missy pointed a thumb behind her, where the lights rose on a pair of gunge tanks. Inside, Keith and John sat dejectedly, each one occasionally looking up nervously at the spouts above their heads. "On the count of three, the timer will start. Are you girls ready?" When both Brigid and Karly nodded in affirmation, Missy began her countdown.

"Three Two One Go!"

Both girls immediately grabbed at the first basketball at their stations and started to throw them. Brigid took an early lead, sinking several early baskets, while Karly took a more careful approach. As the seconds ticked away, however, Karly's strategy seemed to be paying off. While many of Brigid's early throws were good, she couldn't keep up the pace, and started missing several shots as she slowed down. When the buzzer rang to signal the end of the game, Karly sank one final careful shot into her basket.

"Great job, girls!" Missy said as the stage crew tallied the baskets. "Let's see how you both did!" Missy directed both girls to look up at the score screen as the scores flashed above. Brigid had scored 14 baskets. Karly, however, had scored 15. Karly gave a triumphant fist pump as Missy led her over to the lever. Keith was let out of his tank, leaving John looking nervously at Karly as she slowly caressed the lever.

"Are you ready for the first part of your payback, John?" Karly sneered, clearly enjoying holding this over him.

"It's not going to make a difference if I say no, is it?" John replied, resigned to his fate.

"Of course not!" Karly said with a smile. With that, she yanked the lever towards her.

From above, gallons of thick, lumpy green and gray gunge poured down, coating John's head and shoulders. As the gunge continued to flow, additional spouts on the pillars of the tank also sputtered to life, pouring a thick layer of creamy foam down over the poor boy as well. When everything stopped, John was barely recognizable under the slop.

"How did that feel, John?" Missy said. She walked over with Karly in tow, both giggling somewhat at John's plight.

"Cold." John replied with a huff. He took a moment to clear away his eyes before shivering.

"Well yes." Karly said, not missing a beat. "Revenge does tend to get served that way."

"With that, our score is tied!" Missy said as she turned back to the audience. "When we get back from this commercial break, we'll see how you all voted, since that's going to be the tiebreaker going into our final round here on Lover's Quarrel!"

During the break, John was given a chance to get himself cleaned off before both he and Keith were led backstage to a small landing. Both boys grimaced, however, when they saw exactly what they were being led to. A massive pool filled with grainy slime sat before them; the colors swirling in orange and purple. The boys were each helped up onto precariously rickety platforms above the mess, each one surrounded by a comically large cage. The boys sat down inside and waited nervously until the stage lights rose once more.

"Welcome back, everyone, to a heated game of Lover's Quarrel!" Missy shouted to the crowd. On either side of her, Brigid and Karly both sat in the gunge tanks from earlier, now stationed on either side of the dunk tank. "We've had an exciting game so far, with Karly and Brigid both winning one of our opening events. The winner of our audience vote will take it all, and win a valuable advantage in this final game; Battlegunk! Before we reveal the final totals, however, let me give a brief overview of the rules of Battlegunk." Missy motioned up to behind the dunk tank, where below the score screen, two of Missy's lovely assistants stood next to a wall of ten keys inserted into locks, each numbered "one" to "ten".

"These ten keys all unlock different things. Maybe it's the slime spouts over your partner. Maybe it's one of the release valves keeping you from being doused in slime right now. Who knows? However, due to some particularly unwise engineering on our part, the locks on your gunge tanks are linked, so opening one will keep the other locked Oh, and there's the fact that the tanks are reverse linked to your partner's cage, so if yours locks, then their cage opens up. Also, since the lever to your gunge tanks is up there where the cages let out Yeah, it's probably for the best if you don't let your gunge tank fill all the way." Both girls looked nervously up at the levers, sitting just inches out of the boys' reach.

"Are you ready, Karly?" Brigid asked, looking across the stage with newfound resolve.

"Why, I am ready for you to get gunged, thanks for asking!" Karly answered smugly.

"Now now, girls, we still have something to discuss." When Missy spoke, both girls turned their attention to her as she gave a wry grin. "Now, you're probably wondering who is going to have the advantage of choosing the first key. And I'll tell you now that it's the audience's call. Since we're going into this final round with a one-to-one tie, the audience vote is going to be the tiebreaker to see who goes first. So let's see what the audience had to say!"

To be Continued in Parts 2 and 3!