Pamela had eventually finished work for the afternoon and was making her way home by way of the old factory when she heard a faint whirring sound. She looked around but initially failed to see what was causing the sound but then she noticed a saucer shaped object in the sky. Whatever it was the noise was getting louder and it appeared to be getting closer.

Then it struck her, quite literally. It was a cream pie and hit her directly in the face. Luckily the impact of the pie case was cushioned by the huge amounts of banana cream that had topped it and was now all over Pamela's shocked face. She took a moment to gather her wits at this unexpected assault and then hurried home to report the incident to the local council.

* * *

Harriet was in the office early so as to use Jackie's computer for a video conference with a new client. She would normally have used her own laptop but unfortunately it had gotten somewhat wet last week when she'd taken it on assignment at the beach. She been seated in a seaside bar, updating her notes from the day's surveillance when some idiot had spilt his drink all over her.

After firing up the computer and logging in, Harriet accessed her webmail and clicked on the link to the virtual meeting place. The application asked her to check her sound levels before activating the webcam and placing her on hold. She only had to wait a few moments before the screen flashed and it started showing the image of a smartly dressed older man.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet" he said.

"No problem" Harriet replied.

The man went on to explain that he represented a small industrial town which was experiencing two very odd phenomena; locals had started seeing flying saucers over the town whilst other reported being assaulted by a phantom pie thrower. The town council was at a loss to explain either issue and required her services to unravel both mysteries.

Not without some reluctance, in particular the potential for getting messy with the mention of pie, Harriet accepted the case. She did however get them to agree that any laundry bills could be claimed on expenses in addition to her usual fee. Before heading to the town Harriet read through the various statements that had been submitted.

* * *

It was midday when Harriet pulled up outside the town's only bakery. She'd spent some time trying to track down leads regarding the flying saucers without any luck so had switched to the pie thrower instead. She realised that if there really was a phantom then they must be getting their ammunition from somewhere and that was likely to be the local pastry shop.

Harriet entered the establishment to find it empty except for a pretty young woman standing impatiently behind the counter. Harriet gave the assistant a friendly nod before perusing the various cakes and pies for sale. There were a few examples on the counter that Harriet could well imagine being used to pie someone but if one there was some way to test them.

"Can I be of assistance madam?" the assistant asked.

Maybe it was the patronising tone she asked the question, or maybe it was just perfect timing, but it seemed Harriet's prayers had been answered. She gave the young woman a friendly smile before picking up one of the pies from off the counter. Then without a moment's hesitation she thrust it into the assistant's astonished face.

The pie debris plastered across the woman wasn't quite how Harriet recalled it being described in the witness statements. So, she selected another pie from the counter and struck the woman in the face again. This time the creamy filling was clearly too runny. Whilst the assistant attempted to clear the pie debris from her face, Harriet looked round for a better match.

"Can I see that one?" Harriet said, pointing at a pie behind the counter.

The young woman picked up the pie and turned back to Harriet. She paused for the briefest of moments then handed over the pie. Harriet gave her a smile before once again thrusting a pie into the assistant's face. This time she really ground it in, twisting it back and forth until there was nothing left. But still it didn't quite match up with what had been reported.

Then Harriert noticed the perfectly round off-white pie sitting on the side of the counter. She picked it up and it seemed ideally balanced for throwing, so much so that she did just that. The pie sailed through the air and splattered faultlessly against the surprised woman's face. The aftermath of the pieing was exactly as the witnesses had stated.

"I'll have another of those please" Harriet requested.

"Sorry, that was the last one" the assistant apologised.

The young woman went on to explain that the pie Harriet had selected was the last of a batch from a local supplier before their closure. She pies looked great and had initially sold very well but they had little or no flavour, so it wasn't long before orders had tailed off. In fact, the assistant admitted that they hadn't sold one for over a week.

Harriet thanked the young woman and left her to get cleaned up. As she stepped out of the bakery Harriet heard a buzzing sound although couldn't see what was causing it. The next instant she was struck in the face with a cream pie identical to the final one she had hit the bakery assistant with. Despite what the assistant had said, clearly someone had a supply of these still.

* * *

The librarian had given Harriet a funny look as she'd entered but Harriet had become accustomed to that after all the times, she'd gotten messy. In truth it had become an occupational hazard in her line of work, and she was mostly past caring what others thought. Plus, she could get rid of the stains on her blouse and claim it on her expenses.

Harriet spent the next couple of hours reading through the local paper and assorted newsletters. In the main they contained details of regional politics, weather warnings, business updates and human-interest stories. It seemed that up until very recently there were no reports of either UFOs or phantom pie throwers but that all changed just over a week ago.

"Eureka!" Harriet exclaimed.

She immediately got shushed by the librarian, but Harriet didn't care. One of the newsletters described the closing down of a local factory which just so happened to make the very pies that the bakery had stocked and which she'd recently come into contact with. And what was more, the factory was situated in close proximity to all the reports of flying saucers and pieings.

The article claimed the factory was almost entirely automated but that didn't mean that someone hadn't lost their job and been put out by its closure. Maybe someone upset enough to fake evidence of extra-terrestrial craft in the sky and hurl perfectly round cream pies at locals and nosey private investigators. Harriet know she had to check the place out.

* * *

The factory had been easy to find once Harriet knew of its existence. She had driven over and parked her car near the gatehouse. It all appeared to be unoccupied, Harriet tried opening the gates, but they were locked and there was no one around to unlock them. Instead, Harriet walked around the perimeter of the complex looking for an alternative way in.

Luckily there was an open window on the side of the building. Scavenging some crates, Harriet stacked them up against the factory and scrambled up them to peer through the window. Inside she could see still active conveyor belts bearing pie after pie. But whilst the machinery was on, there was no sign of anyone present.

"Very strange" Harriet muttered to herself.

Then out of nowhere a pie struck her in the face, blinding Harriet. The impact immediately upset she precarious footing and she started to fall backwards. Attempting to correct her balance, she shifted her weight forward only to overcompensate. Harriet slipped through the window and tumbled into the building landing with a bump on her bottom.

She lay on the floor for a moment or two, not knowing whether to use her hands to wipe the cream pie from her face or use them to tend to her poor behind. Finally, she went with the latter option before carefully getting to her feet. She then wiped her face clean and took the opportunity to have a good look around in case she could spot who'd thrown the pie at her.

There was no one in evidence so she decided to have a walk around the large room. Still a little off balance from her unexpected tumble she brushed against one the control consoles and got her skirt caught up in part of the mechanism. In pulling her skirt free she accidentally did something to cause the nearby conveyor belt to speed up.

"Shit!" she exclaimed.

Without thinking Harriet reached out in an attempt to grab hold of the machine and stop it. Unfortunately, by doing so she placed her head in the way of a row of pies and was bombarded by an onslaught of them. Within seconds her face was decorated with cream filling, and she was dragged onto the conveyor belt and sent hurtling towards the other end of the room.

When she reached the end of the conveyor her momentum sent her flying off the end and face first into a pile of fresh pies. She floundered around in the pies, getting totally covered in cream filling in the process before giving up and just lying there in all the mess. As she looked up Harriet noticed something very odd happen.

Over the far side of the factory there was a faulty machine and every time a pie went past it would get stuck for a few seconds before being violently released. She continued to observe that whilst most of these pies struck the far wall, occasionally one of them would ricochet off and go flying through the open window Harriet had fallen through earlier.

"Well, that explains everything" she stated aloud.

Clearly the broken machine was responsible for the sightings of flying saucers and was also the "phantom" behind the pieing of local residents. She didn't know why the factory was still operational as it was supposed to be closed down but that should be easy to remedy. Looking around Harriet saw a big red emergency off button located halfway up one of the walls.

Clearing the pies off herself, Harriet gingerly got up and walked over to the nearby wall. She took a quick glance around the room before slamming her hand on the off button. The machinery immediately ceased functioning and the factory went quiet. Quiet except for the rattle of a nearby shelf of pies which had become dislodged due to Harriet's action and rained down upon her.

* * *

After informing the town council of her findings, Harriet had driven back home. The following morning she'd gotten into the office early to use Jackie's computer to type up and submit her expenses, especially the laundry bills. She'd just finished when her assistant arrived and wanted to know all about the latest case.

"Did you bring me back anything?" Jackie asked.

"I sure did" Harriet responded.

Harriet steeped over to her desk and pulled open the bottom drawer. Inside was a white box which she cautiously removed before placing on the table in front of her assistant. Harriet opened the box and lifted out a perfectly round cream pie which she displayed to Jackie before smashing it into her assistant's surprised face.

The end.