When I was a young adult (I think I was 19) I managed to appear in the audience of a studio-based wildlife TV programme, aimed at young people. It was a fun show with lots of crazy stuff going on, but also informative. On this particular day, somebody had asked how the average animal stays so clean, without using soap or proper washing facilities. Strange question! The presenter decided to pluck two "volunteers" out of the audience to explore ways of getting clean, but this, of course, meant getting dirty first! In the middle of the studio was an enormous tank, full of thick, scary looking brown stuff, that turned out to be mud. I'd noticed it, but hadn't really thought much about it, assuming it was part of an animal's habitat or something (they often had live animals in the studio as part of the show). I quickly realised that they planned to make some members of the audience have a very muddy time! My mouth went dry as I imagined the humiliation that getting into that mud was going to bring for two poor people!

The first volunteer was a young lady, of similar age to me. She wasn't actually a volunteer at all, she just got pulled out of the audience. She looked shocked and not a little terrified, but was smiling and laughing about her fate, and seemed generally happy to get muddy. She was a sweet little blonde girl, very attractive and nicely dressed. The presenter then said about getting one more person, and that he thought generally, girls were too clean and we should get two of them completely covered in mud! He started coming towards where I was sitting. I must admit, my heart was in my mouth as he approached, I didn't want to get dirty, I mean, I'd just had my nails and hair done! Surely I wasn't going to be dragged out of the audience? To my immense relief, he took the arm of the girl sitting next to me and said something like "here's our second volunteer". The girl was nicely dressed and looked absolutely gutted as she reluctantly made her way out of the audience area to stand with the first girl. I was sat very close to the front, near to the huge tank of mud, I was going to get a great view of these poor girls getting filthy!

The presenter explained that in order to test out natural cleaning methods, he wanted the girls to get really dirty and the way they were going to achieve this was by using the massive tank of mud. To be more specific, he was going to make them actually get into the tank and play in the mud! I guessed they'd have stuff for the girls to change into, maybe boiler suits and wellingtons? But, amazingly, the presenter told them that they had to go in the mud in their own clothes! Literally, what they were wearing as they stood there. Both girls looked completely stunned about what they had to do. It's fair to say that they were nicely dressed, they clearly hadn't expected to have to sink in the mud! Both of them were wearing nice tops and smart skinny jeans. On their feet they had trendy flat ballet pumps with cute little bows on the fronts, and they were both wearing black socks.

I couldn't believe these attractive, well-dressed young ladies were actually going to do this!

Just before leading the girls to the mud, the presenter turned to them and said "Ok girls, can you please take your shoes off now". He explained that the mud was really wet, and very thick and deep and if they kept their shoes on when they stepped into it they would be sucked off their feet and lost in the mud! The girls smiled slightly and slipped their smart ballet pumps off, leaving the four shoes in a neat row on the studio floor. I noticed straight away how nice their socks were! They were both wearing smart black socks, but they had fabulously bright contrasting heel and toe colouring. The first girl's socks were black with red, the second girl's black with bright blue! Honestly, the brightness of the heels and toes on the socks really stood out! The second girl said, wistfully "I'm glad I wore smart socks today as I've had to show them to the world, but fancy making me get them muddy!" The presenter roared with laughter and shouted "Don't you worry, you'll have lots of fun having a mud bath, even with your socks on!"

The first girl, in the black and red socks, bent down and started to take her socks off. The presenter suddenly became animated! "Put your socks back on!" he said. "We've let you take your shoes off for the mud bath because we don't want them getting sucked off in the mud, but you have to keep everything else on, including your socks. We want you to get every item of clothing muddy, no bare feet allowed in my mud!" He laughed loudly, and to be fair, even the girl was giggling as she sat on the floor and put her socks back on. She very deliberately positioned the contrasting bright red heels and toes of the black socks correctly on the ends of her feet so that they looked smart and colourful. Then she stood up and said loudly "plus one for muddy socks!"

Finally, both girls stood beside the massive container of mud, in their socks, ready to go in it and get as dirty as they humanly could.

"OK, into the mud you get girls!" boomed the presenter. "We'll keep your shoes safe, all you have to do now is have fun getting all muddy for us, go on, hop on in, start with your socks, have a really good squelch around in there with your feet, make sure you get those socks nice and muddy!" At this point, a rousing rendition of "Mud, Mud, Glorious Mud" started to play, making everyone laugh. I found myself wondering how I'd have felt if I had been picked. What would be going through my mind if it was me, stood there in my socks, about to get totally covered in mud? I found myself feeling both relieved, and very slightly disappointed. This was a strange blend of emotions. I was delighted to be staying clean, but at the same time, I knew I'd have done it if selected. And maybe it would have been a fun thing to do.

With the continuing rendition of "Mud, Mud, Glorious Mud" in the background, there was nowhere left to hide for our two "heroes". The first girl gingerly stepped over the side of the tank with her left foot. I watched in horror and fascination as her neat black and red sock came into contact with the mud. It seemed really, really thick and dense at the edges of the tank, so much so that it actually supported the girl's weight. She stepped over the side with her right foot and stood "on" the mud. There was a bit of mud squelching on the soles of her socks, but she wasn't sinking in! This was most unexpected! Even the presenter looked surprised. Then, slowly but surely she started to sink. The whole audience let out a cry of "EEEWWWWW!!" in unison as her socks disappeared into the mud, and she kept on sinking until she was in it up to her knees. It really was incredibly thick mud. The poor girl, in a high pitched voice said "I can't move!" She couldn't move her feet or legs and just stood, helplessly, knee-deep in mud! The other girl was still outside the tank, clean, and looking reluctant to get in probably due to a fear of also getting stuck. The presenter, clearly worried that the whole stunt was about to go wrong with one girl stuck in the mud and one girl not actually in any mud, had a plan. "Sorry girls, I don't think we've made the mud wet enough, but I can soon solve that!" He produced an absolutely enormous watering can and started to empty it all over the surface of the mud. Even around the stuck girl's legs, in the process making her jeans wet. She squealed as the cold water soaked into the mud around her feet. It had the desired effect though, with a herculean effort she managed to withdraw a leg from the bog. Now that it was much wetter it was a bit freer to move around in. Everyone laughed at the massive squelching sound her foot made as it exited the mud. Her sock was completely brown, as were her jeans up to the knee. With great effort she half walked and half stumbled towards the middle of the mud bog where the mud was much smoother and even more squelchy. It was an amazing sight to witness this pretty girl largely still clean, but standing in thick mud up to her knees. I laughed at the sight of the row of neat little shoes on the studio floor, knowing that this must be such a weird thing to do in socks.

The second girl appeared to be satisfied that getting stuck in the mud was no longer a risk and seemed increasingly keen to join in the experiment. She bravely climbed up onto the edge of the large container and stood there, above the mud, almost taunting the audience! It was a stunning sight to see her looking immaculate from her hair, all the way down to her striking black and blue socks, knowing that she was about to get covered in mud. She looked to me, like she actually wanted to do this. She looked excited! The presenter seemed equally as excited and shouted "In you get then, one, two, three..!" On "three" she took a huge jump from the safety of the edge, towards the very middle of the mud bath. I watched in amazement as the smart young lady seemed to be in the air for ages. Finally, with a loud noise that I can only describe as "SPLORCH!" her neat black socks plunged into the mud and she too was stood in the middle of the bog up to her knees.

The two girls looked at each other and giggled. The second girl said, in quite a loud voice "this feels so weird without any shoes on, my socks feel so squelchy". A ripple of laughter went through the audience. People seemed to be enjoying seeing these two girls getting muddy. The presenter was keen to progress the experiment. He stood close to the tank of mud and said "Well done girls, they say the hardest part is getting in and we've persuaded you to do that! Now, we need you to get really dirty to complete our experiment. Come on, you've got to get down in the mud". The girls looked at each other apprehensively. The presenter continued. "You've got to lie down girls, go on, everything you're wearing needs to get the mud all over it, you need to get really muddy, go on, really filthy". Just lose your inhibitions and enjoy yourself, It's not often people of your age get the chance to play in the mud is it?" Again, the girls looked at each other, this time giggling. The first girl said "Well, we've already got muddy jeans and socks, we may as well go all in now!" With that, she kind of stumbled and fell, deliberately, backwards and landed on her bottom in the mud. Whilst seated, she pulled her feet out with a squelch and stretched her legs out in front of her. She was kind of sitting on the surface of the mud displaying her muddy feet to the audience. I could just make out the very faint red heels and toes on her filthy black socks through the wet mud. I don't know why, but it amused me greatly that the girls had been made to wear their socks, but not their shoes, in the mud. That one "rule" somehow made the whole thing so much more disgusting I guess. Like the girls that were getting dirty I too was wearing skinny jeans with ballerinas and black socks. It must have been the fashion! I found myself imagining what it must feel like to sink in mud in socks. To my surprise I was starting to feel more and more disappointed that I hadn't been picked.

The second girl, still standing awkwardly, knee-deep in mud, decided to join her colleague in getting right down in the mire. She squelched her way clumsily back to the edge of the tank and climbed up onto the side. It was a strange sight seeing her clean outfit change. Just below her knees the tight jeans were glistening brown, as were her socks. The audience roared as she playfully jumped back into the mud, landing with a filthy splash, on her front, right in the middle. The other girl was laying down in it on her back by now. Over the course of the next five minutes, both girls rolled in the mud repeatedly, splashing and squelching over and over in it, covering every square millimetre of their clothes, hair, faces, the lot! "Excellent work girls!" The presenter boomed. "Come on now, you're nearly there, one final push, get really filthy!" One of the girls looked up at him and squeaked "Eww, isn't this filthy enough?" I don't know which girl it was , they were so muddy you couldn't tell them apart by this point!

The presenter looked at them both. "OK girls, I think you've passed the test! But, we have one more thing to do before I can allow you to climb out of the mud pit". He looked at the audience. "Is anyone wondering why I made the girls take their shoes off before going in the mud?" Several people nodded and shouted "yes". He continued. "OK, we need a volunteer to demonstrate what happens to your shoes if you're daft enough to keep them on in knee-deep mud". Without any hesitation my hand shot up. I couldn't stop myself. What the hell was I thinking? The presenter came over to me and looked at my ballerinas. "What's your name?" he boomed. "Lauren" I nervously replied. "Well Lauren, thank you for volunteering, your shoes are perfect for this experiment. Are you sure you don't mind getting muddy? All you have to do is come over to the mud bog and sink in it, as you are. Just climb up onto the side of the tank and step into the mud". He took my arm and started to take me towards the mud. My mind was racing. What had I agreed to do? My shoes were virtually new and I guessed I'd be losing them in mud! My skinny jeans were also new, and very nice, and I had smart black socks on, that had motifs on them displaying the day of the week! I felt so nervous as I was led slowly to the mud. I smiled as I slowly walked past the four clean ballerina pumps lined up neatly on the studio floor, belonging to the two girls in the mud. I wanted to slide my shoes off and make it six, but I wasn't allowed was I? I looked over towards the girls in the mud. They were both sat, virtually buried in it, on the far side. They were absolutely covered, but looked surprisingly happy and content about their muddy state. One of them (I think it was the second girl, in the black and blue socks) was making what can only be described as a mudcastle. It was as if she was playing on the beach, except she was fully clothed and the beach was made of mud, not sand.

My mind was racing as I stood looking at the mud. Was I really going to sink in it, fully clothed, for the presenter's crazy experiment? I realised I couldn't really back out now. But I was already thinking about how weird I'd look going home with mud up to my knees! Oh well, I guess it was five minutes of fame...

The side of the tank that had been chosen for me to "enter" the mud bath had been largely untouched by the girls. It had the appearance of a quite-wet ploughed field, and looked like a fairly similar consistency, that is to say, rather thick and squelchy. I climbed up onto the edge of the tank and looked nervously down at the mud that lay in wait for me. The presenter, ever the showman, piped up. "OK, who wants to see what happens if you forget your wellies and have to walk in the mud wearing ballet pumps?" The audience shouted "YEAH!" almost in unison. "Watch this then, this is why we asked the girls to go in with just their socks on!" I was on the brink of having to step into knee-deep mud. And I'd volunteered to do it. Was I mad? I looked down at my smart black skinny jeans and my lovely ballet pumps with their sweet little bows on the fronts. They toned perfectly with my smart black socks, of which you could see plenty due to the leg-hugging jeans and skimpy, low-cut shoes. These shoes were, at best, going to protect the soles and toes of my socks in the mud. It dawned on me that I was going to suffer the worst of all worlds! At least the two girls in the mud had clean shoes for later, I was going to get muddy jeans, socks AND shoes!

"In you get then Lauren!" said the presenter. "It's time for you to sink in the mud for us!" This was it. I was going to experience the slimy grasp of the knee-deep ooze all over my clothes and shoes. Yet again I inwardly questioned what the hell I was doing. Maybe I was overthinking it. It was only mud after all?

I couldn't believe I was trying to justify it inwardly. I was going to get filthy in really nice clothes and shoes! But I did as I was told. The audience went a little bit crazy as I held my left foot over the surface of the mud and looked at the presenter. In fact, I actually felt like I had power over the studio as I did this. People seemed captivated by the sight of my neat little shoe and sleek black sock combination hovering over the knee-deep mud. I gently lowered it in. There was no backing out now. Involuntarily I gasped and squealed "EEEWWWWW" as my foot descended into the soft, wet, brown mud. Instantly I could feel the thick, smooth ooze covering and sticking to the exposed area of my sock. It felt weird. It was the only obvious sensation as my shoe and the thicker material of my jeans leg prevented any other tactile experience. Just the thin, smooth sock material was allowing me a window into the feeling of the squelchy mud. I found myself wondering what it must've felt like for the other girls with only socks on. Weirdly gross I was thinking! I continued allowing my foot to sink in until I reached the bottom. It was right up to my knee by then! I found myself in a weird lopsided crouch, with one leg outstretched in the mud, and the other still clean, up on the edge of the tank. It was so uncomfortable that I quickly put my right shoe down into the mud too. It felt so strange standing there, knee deep in it! It just felt incredibly squelchy and slimy through (the exposed areas of) my thin socks! My prediction was certainly correct. The shoes I was wearing had done an almost non-existent job of keeping mud off my socks! I stood there, feeling the wet mud gripping my legs and feet, slowly seeping into my jeans and oozing into my shoes, and wondered what was going to happen to me next. One of the muddy girls laughed, and looked up at me. "Welcome to our mud bath!" she said, giggling. I was really surprised by how much fun the two girls seemed to be having. They didn't seem to be remotely concerned about their filthy clothes and mud-covered, ruined socks. One of them was pretty much laying on the surface of the mud, bathing in it. She was wiggling her toes and seemed to be actually revelling in her muddy socks.

"OK Lauren, now you're going to demonstrate why the girls didn't wear their shoes into the mud" the presenter boomed. "All I need you to do is take a step across the mud. Start with your left foot".

I did as I was told. Or at least I tried to. But try as I might, I couldn't move my foot. It was resolutely stuck in the mud. "What's the matter Lauren? are you stuck in there?" The presenter shouted. "Come on, you can do it, try a bit harder!" I did just that. I pulled with all my might. My foot started to move upwards through the thick mud. It felt even weirder now and in my heart I think I knew that my shoe had been sucked off. I could feel a sudden coldness all over my foot as the entirety of my smart black sock was suddenly released into the mud from the (relative) sanctuary of my ballet pump. When I finally managed to break the surface of the mud and withdraw my foot, as predicted it just had a sock on it! My socks that day were black, as mentioned, but they had nice jade green contrasting toe and heel detailing. We had "black and red socks girl" and "black and blue socks girl". I had now inadvertently joined the team as "black and green socks girl"! I could still see quite a lot of green on the sock amongst various smears and globules of wet, shiny mud. I stood there, on one leg, not really knowing what to do next, wondering how I was going to get my shoe back. The audience were roaring with laughter at me. This was, by some margin, the weirdest experiment I had ever taken part in!

The presenter chimed in. "OK for those of you that didn't see what just happened, (that was literally nobody) because the mud is so thick and squelchy, Lauren has lost one of her shoes and will now have to put her sock down into the mud anyway, this is why we told the girls to just start in their socks, it saves the bother of having to find shoes later". Everybody nodded, whilst also continuing to laugh at me. I felt like some kind of weird scarecrow, showing off my muddy sock to the world. He continued. "OK Lauren, let's see what happens with your right foot, to complete the experiment, go for it!" Of course, this meant that I had to put my shoeless left foot back into the mud! I winced slightly as I did so. I watched as what was left of the colourful parts of my sock disappeared once more into the thick, brown ooze. It felt so weird this whole sock-mudding thing! But kinda fun too, in a very weird way. Ultimately, there I stood again, knee deep, one shoe on, one shoe lost, left foot slightly in front of right foot. My left foot felt so free, I wriggled my toes feeling the smooth mud quaking through my thin sock. Being honest, I didn't make any real attempt to keep my right shoe on. I knew it would be impossible. I pulled up assertively, instantly losing my shoe as before. The audience roared with laughter once more, and I was very quickly standing knee deep in mud in my socks, a couple of feet in front of my bogged-down shoes.

"How does it feel in there with only your socks on Lauren?" shouted the presenter over the babble of the audience. "Er, really muddy..." I squeaked in reply, causing yet another ripple of laughter. "There you go guys" the presenter continued, talking to the audience. "This is what happens if you try to walk through mud in these types of shoes. You end up with mucky socks anyway!" He roared with laughter. I felt a bit of a fool to be honest, but I was pleased I'd taken part even if I was being laughed at. It was a truly indescribable sensation, standing in the mud feeling its cool sliminess through my socks and wondering which bit I'd been standing in when my shoes came off! It looked like a far from straightforward task to find them. He continued, clearly deriving some enjoyment from my shoeless predicament. He pointed at the two mud covered girls (they were basically lounging around in the slop, giggling). "These two know where their shoes are Lauren because they took them off before getting dirty, but you've lost yours in the mud. Now you have to find them!"

I hadn't thought about this! I'd basically signed up to muddy jeans, (up to the knees) shoes and socks, but how the hell was I going to play hunt the shoes in this deep mud without getting a lot, lot muddier? I was wearing a really nice black long-sleeved shirt. I guessed I'd have to put my hands down into the mud to pull my shoes out (if I could find them!) and that would make my shirt all muddy too! I struggled to pull my feet out one by one, and with loud squelching noises managed to rotate 180 degrees so that I faced where I thought my shoes were.

The mud was so hard to move around in that I couldn't really see how I could reach down into it from a standing position. I realised that I was going to have to get down on my knees and feel around in it for my stuck shoes. Basically, I was going to have to get pretty much as dirty as the other two girls! To add further insult to my squelchy predicament, the presenter fired up the music again. "Mud, Mud, Glorious Mud" boomed out across the studio as I reluctantly slumped to my knees in the thick, heaving mud. It felt very much like the point of no return as my clean thighs plunged in and the mud oozed all over the denim, making my legs feel cold. Although kneeling, I kind of felt, and must have looked like I was waist deep. I shuddered as I pushed my hands down into the mud. I went in almost up to the armpits, covering my shirtsleeves almost completely with it. In the end I was pretty much crawling around on all fours feeling for my shoes. I felt like a pig enjoying a mud bath, albeit a well dressed one! I'd pretty much given up trying to stay as clean as possible by now. That ship had sailed, I was covered in mud! Finally, I felt the unmistakable shape of my ballet pumps at the bottom of the mud. I wrenched them out with some difficulty and proudly showed them off to the presenter and audience. Everyone laughed at the shoes. They were full of, and covered in mud. "Well done for finding them" boomed the presenter. "You know, I think it would be fun to put them back on now, let's see if the mud glues them to your feet!" Again, everybody laughed. I saw absolutely no point in arguing, I was so filthy by now I just didn't care anymore!

I struggled to my feet and slogged through the mud to the edge of the tank, carrying a shoe in each hand. I couldn't believe how heavy my mud-plastered clothes felt! It was so strange to be this dirty, I'd never really been muddy before. I imagined this going out on TV and my friends watching me having my shoes sucked off in the mud. I imagined them laughing at me as I wallowed and writhed around in my socks. I smiled as I thought about my five minutes of fame. I'd basically been tricked into having a fully-clothed mud bath. But I wasn't even a bit upset about the mess I was in. It had been great fun and really exciting. I had basically been gunged on TV! Although, I'd never seen that done with ACTUAL mud before. I just hoped the TV people were going to help me get cleaned up!

With a great effort I managed to get myself out of the mud. I stood on the hard studio floor in my mud covered socks and, as requested, put my shoes back on. I placed the shoes on the floor and, one by one, eased my feet back into them. The shoes were both filled to the brim with mud. This overflowed out of them as each foot went in and displaced it. It made a series of loud splattering noises and I think this raised the biggest laugh of the whole muddy escapade! It felt weird having my shoes back on, they felt stuck to my feet by the gluey mud! I took a few steps and they made squelchy, farting noises! At this point the other two girls climbed out of the mud and we stood in a line and took a bow to the audience. We received a standing ovation! I noticed that apart from my face and hair, I was pretty much as muddy as they were.

The production team had set up a clean-up zone for us to play with, featuring soapy baths, hosepipes etc. I started by taking my shoes off again and hosing them out, then the three of us took turns at hosing each other down. To be honest, I was pretty amazed at how easy it was to get all the mud off. Our socks quickly started to reveal their colour again! Once we were hosed we played, still fully clothed, in the soapy bathtubs, until finally, we changed into bathrobes (supplied by the production team) and they took our clothes away to be tumble dried. When that was done, we were invited back to the changing room to get dressed and none of us could believe how good our clothes looked, all things considered. The only real sign of the mud bath was that the brightly coloured toes and heels on our black socks were a bit dull and sorry looking. The other two triumphantly slipped their shoes on, but mine were still damp so I went back to my spot in the audience still in my socks, carrying my clean, but soggy shoes.

I often look back to this day and pinch myself. I recall my rollercoaster emotions. I went from fear of being chosen, to disappointment that I hadn't been chosen. Then the excitement of grasping a second chance, followed by the nervous trepidation of actually going through with getting in the mud. Finally, there was the almost reckless abandon of getting far, far dirtier than I thought I would get in the mud bath.

Would I ever do this again? What do you think..?