I had no expectation when I suggested to Emma via text that we should have a food fight that she would agree, nevermind that she would suggest that I come over the next day to do it. Her only stipulation was that I pick up whatever food we were going to use on my way over. She had meetings all morning and wouldn't have a chance to get anything herself.

We both worked from home, so it was easy enough to skive off around 2pm. I sent her another text around 1:30pm to make sure it was still a date, and she said that she would be at her house for the rest of the day. So I threw a junky t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts in my bag and headed out the door a few minutes later.

I pulled into the supermarket parking lot and collected my phone and wallet from the center console of my car. Inside, I first stopped by the beer aisle and pulled a six-pack from the shelf. Then I had to make a final decision about what kind of food to get for a food fight. I considered chocolate syrup, frozen pies, even switching to a shaving cream fight. But ultimately I decided to keep it simple. I found the whipped cream and added about a dozen cans to my basket.

Minutes later, after an awkward checkout, I was back in the car and I texted Emma to let her know that I was 5 minutes out.

"Park on the street and I'll leave the door unlocked," she responded.

When I got inside her townhouse, she was in the living room watching Ren & Stimpy on her ancient leather couch. Only the top of her head was visible over the back of the couch, her fire-red hair up in a high ponytail.

"Hey man," I offered as I set the beer in the fridge and noisily dropped the bag of whipped cream cans on the counter.

"Hey," she sat up and turned her head to find the source of the noise. Her heart-shaped face appeared over the back of the couch and she leaned forward to gawk at the display. "Holy shit, that's a lot of whipped cream!" she exclaimed. Worried that I'd maybe overdone it, I thought quickly for an explanation.

"Yeah I figured it would be better to have too much than not enough. If it's too much, well, this stuff keeps forever. I'm sure it'll get used."

"We shall see, I guess," she said with raised eyebrows. "I have to warn you, I'm definitely not ready to do this this minute. I'm going to have to work up to it a bit." She returned to a sitting position on the couch and took a sip of whatever she was drinking.

I started toward the stairs. "Fair enough," I echoed her sentiment. "I could definitely use a few drinks first for sure. But. I'm going to change now, though. It's too warm for this outfit."

When I got to the top of the stairs I reoriented myself. It had been a long time since I'd been over and I forgot which door led to the main bathroom. I found it after a few tries and changed from my jeans and sweater to the shirt and gym shorts in my backpack.

I headed back downstairs to find Emma checking out the beer I'd brought. She stepped away from the fridge and started opening drawers to find a bottle-opener. I watched for a moment and appreciated her style. She wore a black tank top and purple yoga pants. She was relatively short, I think roughly 5'4", and curvy. She often complained that she needed to lose a bit of weight, but I heartily disagreed.

She finally located the opener, popped open a beer, and headed back to the couch. I followed suit and had quickly gotten through three drinks, keeping pace with her.

"Be right back," I said, standing up. "I've broken the seal."

"Good call. Me too I'll pause it."

I went into the guest bathroom near the front door and heard Emma head upstairs to the master bathroom. As I stood there, my focus having been decimated by 90's cartoons, I remembered the pretense of today's visit. I had mentioned wanting to do something like this a food fight, or a pie fight, or shaving cream fight many times over our twenty-year friendship. She always laughed when I mentioned it and had said on many occasions that it did sound fun, but that she wasn't sure it was for her. I think most people would fall into that category, so I never pressured her.

I heard the bathroom door close upstairs and it seemed likely that Emma was currently thinking of a good way to back out of the food fight without hurting my feelings. It was kind of a stupid thing to do, after all, and I wouldn't have been surprised. Of course, if she changed her mind, she changed her mind. I finished up and returned to the couch and tried not to stress myself out about it, but it was starting to seem like she had been up there for a very long time, and must be trying to delay the inevitable.

I made myself a bag of microwave popcorn and opened a bottle of wine. But after a few sips, Emma called from upstairs "Um, can you come up here for a second?" with a concerned-sounding tone.

Just as I expected. I pushed myself up from the couch. "Yup, coming."

I went up the stairs and approached the bathroom door which was slightly open. "You decent?" I asked as I slowly pushed the door open. It was a fairly large triangular bathroom two sinks stood on opposite "bottom" corners of the triangle. A standalone shower stood next to the left sink, a tall storage cabinet next to the right sink, and a jacuzzi tub in the "top" corner. A separate toilet area sat behind a door behind me to my left.The walls were a glossy dark green and the floors were large square dark gray tiles. It was surprisingly clean compared to the rest of the house.

Sitting along the rim of the tub and on every other available surface was something I was not expecting to see: about 30 pie tins overflowing with peaks of glistening whipped cream, next to which Emma stood, in a black one-piece swimdress with white and purple polka dots, emptying the last can of cream into a tin. Evidently, she had snuck the cans upstairs while I was in the bathroom. I expected pandemonium to ensue and started stepping toward the prepared pies until she held up a hand and nearly yelled: "Wait!"

I stopped in my tracks and looked at her, waiting for a sign of how to proceed. I knew Emma was shapely, for lack of a better word, but it had been a long time since I had seen her wearing something so revealing. It was hard to not stare.

"Do you want to take a picture?" she teased with a hand on her hip and held tilted to the side. She placed the pie down next to the others and hopped up to sit on the nearest sink. In the mirror behind her I saw the open back of her swimdress and my own reflection. My face was not hiding my excitement and nervousness well. "I was thinking about this event all morning, and it's going to make a huge mess if we don't have some rules to try to contain it." She was fidgety and visibly nervous, but maintained an air of calm and control like she always did.

I waited for elaboration. I was not prepared to disagree with anything that she was about to say. Honestly, I was in shock that she wasn't telling me that, in reality, she just wasn't in the mood to get messy today and maybe we should postpone this (which likely means cancel it). Coupled with how attractive she looked, I was having trouble formulating something to say.

"In my hand here, I have a six-sided die," she said, tossing it up in the air and catching it.

I nodded slowly.

"We're going to make this into a turn-taking game. We roll the die, and whichever number it lands on tells us where to pie the other person. We will not be throwing things in here or it'll get all over the walls"

I looked around for a list of said things that are going to happen. I started to open my mouth but before I could ask, she said "I think there are enough brain cells between the two of us to come up with and remember a list of six targets? Obviously, rolling a '1' should be a pie to the face."

I continued nodding even slower.

"'2' could be arms, '3' legs, '4' chest?" she suggested and I saw an almost indistinguishable smirk. "What else?"

I thought about a lot of very suggestive responses, but didn't dare say them. I knew I could be flirty with Emma without endangering our friendship, but I didn't want to push my luck given the current situation.

It was certainly fun to think about, though. And I must have been thinking it for a while because Emma finished the list without any of my contributions

"How about '5' is face and '6' is chest again, but on yourself?" she said, looking as though there was something very interesting on the ceiling.

"I yes," I said, nodding.

"Alright, let's do this then," she said, and I followed her lead, sitting crossed-legged on the tile floor.

Finally gaining the wherewithal to form a sentence, I blurted out "I can't believe you agreed to do this after all these years. On top of that, you spent time thinking about how to make it even more fun for us," I told her as she shook the die in her hand.

"I'm not sure I believe it either. But honestly, I could use some silly fun and I have a feeling you could too. This is a little sillier than I was hoping for, but we'll make it work. I'm still skeptical about getting messy, but if I can't do foolish things like this with you, then who else am I going to do them with?" She smiled and released the die. We both watched as it landed on '4'. She giggled a moment as she stood up.

I was facing away from the tub, so Emma has to walk past me to go collect the first pie. I risked a glance to see how her bathing suit looked from behind, and it did not disappoint. I turned away quickly before she could catch me looking and I waited for her to return to her spot on the floor. But she never came. Instead, she reached a hand around from behind and pressed the pie into my chest, then reached around with the other hand and used both to rub it all over my front. It was cold and silky and smelled delicious. I could feel her breasts rubbing against the back of my head as she pulled me in for an awkward, but quite enjoyable, hug. "This is going to be fun", she said and chuckled as she released me and returned to her seat.

I sat for a moment with what I hoped was a look of shock on my face. I had had an interest in getting messy since I was a kid, and had done so by myself for fun several times, but nothing could have prepared me for how different it was to not see it coming. Cream dripped down the front of my shirt. "Not bad." I said with a smile on my face. "But I think seeing you on the receiving end will be much better".

I grabbed the die from near her foot, gave it a little shake and a toss. It landed on '1'. I quickly looked up at Emma and gave her another big smile. Her eyes went wide and her mouth got tight. She remained completely still as I stood and walked to the edge of the jacuzzi where I selected the biggest pie I could find. Only her eyes moved, following me as I brought it back over to our spot on the floor. I got down onto my knees a few feet away from her and she started to raise her hands.

"Wait a second!" she protested. "I need to prepare myself! This is going to be so cold and --

SPLAT! The pie landed slightly left of center on her face. She gasped sharply and brought her hands up to remove the tin. "Oh my God!" She peeled the tin from her face. Partially-melted whipped cream dripped down the side of her neck, onto her breast, and vanished under the bathing suit in her cleavage. I swallowed. "Oh. My. God." She let out a bellowing laugh. "That was fucking great! Like the shows we watched as kids! And it's tasty, so that helps," she said behind a huge smile. I laughed with her and felt a great relief.

Emma reached for a towel and cleaned around her eyes while licking whipped cream from her lips. She tucked the towel behind her back for later use and rolled the die. "Come on, big money!" It landed on a '4' again. "No, we can't have that," she said, immediately picking up the die. "New rule! You can't get the same roll twice in a row."

That seemed reasonable. She released the die again and it landed on '6'.

"Well, well, well!" I gloated. "I do believe that means you'll be doing this one to yourself! Nope," I said, shaking my head at her hand raising. I put on my project manager's voice. "No more new rules. We'll run an after-action report and codify any procedure changes for the next cycle."

She considered and must have decided she was not opposed to doing this again one day in the future. I felt a wave of excitement and couldn't help but chuckle as she said "Deal."

I got up and brought over a pie for her, as any gentleman would. I handed it to her and sat down expectantly. She looked down at it and was visibly trying to will herself to pie herself in the chest.

"What's the problem?" I asked. "You're already half covered. What's another one?"

"It's different! I don't know. It's like have you ever really had to pee, and your only option is to just pee in your pants and deal with it later?"

"No, I'm a functioning adult" I asked with my mouth hanging open.

"OK, well, so, I was stuck in traffic a few months ago and I had to go so badly that it was starting to hurt a lot, but there was no way for me to get to a bathroom or even get out of the car and pop a squat 'cause I was on the freeway." She was talking very quickly and gesticulating with her hands. "And I decided to just do it, and worry about changing my clothes and cleaning the car out later"

"You pissed yourself in your car!?" I laughed.

"No. I didn't," she looked incredulously at me, as though a man partially covered in whipped cream on her bathroom floor had no right to comment on other peoples' strange choices. "I was trying to, so it would stop hurting, but I physically couldn't do it. That's what this is like."

"Oh God, hand it over, you wuss." I stood up.

"Don't you get handsy with me, now", she said with a pointed finger. "In fact, here"

She laid on her back with her knees in the air, red hair spread out on the gray tiles. Her ponytail was coming undone.

"What's this?" I asked, confused.

"Drop it."

"What?"

"Drop it onto me. I know you're dying to smoosh that into my tits," she declared, nodding toward the pie that was now in hand. "But no such luck, buddy."

"I mean, of course I am. I'm a man and I have a pulse," I admitted. "But very well."

I took a step closer and held the pie over her, level with my chest. I flipped it and released it. It splattered all over Emma's chest and stomach and she started shaking uncontrollably with laughter. As she shook, the tin slid off her chest and onto the floor. She ran her hands through the whipped cream, up her stomach, and cupped her breasts momentarily with her creamy fingers. She gave me a little smirk and reached a hand out to be helped up.

I pulled her into a sitting position and surveyed her completely-covered torso. Streaks in the cream showed where her fingers had played moments before. She reached for the die. "I get to roll again since I got messy."

"I was about to say that," I said, truthfully.

She saw my eyes lingering on her chest, so she tossed the die playfully at me. It bounced off me and rolled to a stop on the increasingly slippery floor. It stopped on '1'. Without a word, Emma stood up and marched over to the pies.

Having learned about her tactics on my previous turn to get messy, I watched her return with the pie so she couldn't sneak-attack me. Instead she walked around to my front and reached back to deliver the pie to my face. But then she stopped. She thought for a moment, then stepped over me and sat on my outstretched legs. She straddled me and scooted herself so that she was close, but not so close that she couldn't still deliver a deep but gentle pie into my face. She pressed it in slowly and spread it back and forth before removing the tin.

Taken aback, I reached up and wiped the whipped cream from my eyes and opened them as she licked a bit of it off my cheek.

This is developing into a very good afternoon, I thought. She pushed herself up and sat back down on the floor with a triumphant look on her face.

"That was extremely satisfying," she said as she found a bit of whipped cream on the back of her hand and licked it off.

"You're telling me," I said in what I hoped was a very collected tone but my shorts had suddenly started feeling tight.

We both chuckled. "Alright, no more of that. Let's keep playing," she said artificially dismissively. I picked up the die and shook it, thinking about what I would do depending on how the die landed. I released it and watched it expectantly. Another '1'.

"That's another one in your face!" I gloated. I stood up quickly and slipped slightly on the pool of melted cream on the floor, but caught myself.

"Hang on," Emma said. "Before one of us falls and has to explain what we're doing here to the paramedics" She stood up carefully, and headed toward the tub. She picked up a pie in each hand and I quickly braced myself to get pummelled. "Let's move them closer so we don't need to be getting up all the time."

"Oh," I said. "Fair enough."

We carried the pies to where we had been sitting and arranged them into a rough circle around ourselves so we could easily reach them. There were about twenty of them left.

"OK, where were we?" Emma asked, kneeling with her hands on her hip, looking at the array of pies.

"I believe I was about to do THIS," I quickly tossed a pie toward her face since that was the roll, but it hit her on the shoulder instead.

Emma looked at the smear of whipped cream on her shoulder as though bored. "Seriously? Now you're just breaking the rules. That wasn't what the die said!"

"I tried," I shrugged.

Emma scooped the whipped cream from her shoulder, and some of what was still dripping down her chest, and lobbed it at me. It mostly landed on my outstretched legs. I looked from my legs to her face, back to my legs, and back to her face in a mock-surprised way. I got onto my knees as well and turned to grab another pie. The rules were out the window now.

Emma moved within arms length with a pie in hand. She smeared it down my back while I was turned around to pick one for myself. The sudden cold was refreshing now as I was starting to feel a bit warm. I exhaled and quickly tried to retaliate and pie her on the back as well. Emma shrieked as my blow landed in the open back of her swimsuit and partially in her ponytail

Wasting no time, she reached forward to get another pie, but without thinking I used the opportunity to plant one right onto her ass that splattered halfway across the room. On hands and knees, she slowly turned to look in my face and made an expression as though someone had just said something scandalous.

"Ho, ho I'll let you have that one," she said with a suddenly deadpan face.

"You left me no choice," I said, palms up. I saw her collect two pies at once and decided to see what was going to happen. The corner of Emma's mouth lifted slightly.

"Lay back," Emma commanded, and I did. She walked on her knees to my side and held one of the pies over my face. She flinched once to tease me and then again. I was opening my mouth to advise her of torture when she dropped it right in the middle of my face. Unable to open my eyes without getting whipped cream in them, I lay there for a moment to enjoy the sensation. I opened my lips and licked the cream off my mouth and was about to say something clever when --

She pressed the other pie into my crotch and rubbed it around just long enough to make it clear it wasn't an accident.

I let out a sharp breath and then immediately felt Emma's tongue on my lips. I raised my head off the floor an inch or so to pull her tongue into my mouth. After a few seconds, she pulled away slowly.

I sat up and cleared my eyes to find her looking around at the remaining pies. This was an unexpected but welcome turn of events.

"We still have quite a bit of these to go through" she said.

"Yeah" I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Emma picked up two more pies and I braced myself. But instead, she placed them back down on the floor in between us. Her hands went to her shoulders and my jaw dropped as her thumbs went under the shoulder straps of her swimdress and pulled them down her arms one at a time.

Her nipples were hard and goose-pimply from the cold whipped cream coating dripping down her body. "It looks like you've missed a spot," she quipped.

"More than one, it looks like," I managed, trying unsuccessfully to play it cool.

I reached over to pick up the two pies, but Emma was soon sitting on my lap kissing my mouth. I kissed her deeply, realizing how much I'd always wanted this. I scooped the cream from the two pies up into my hands and wrapped them around her, slipping them all over her back and neck.

I eased myself into my back. Emma pulled herself up and straddled my chest. She picked up a pie and I inhaled sharply expecting it to land in my face, but twisted slightly to smear it onto my stomach. She removed the tin and gently massaged the cream along my waistline, teasing me. Finally she reached her hand into my gym shorts and wrapped her fingers around me. "Oh my. Seems like you've got some growing expectations!" she said without looking at me. And have me a few slow strokes.

She released me and I pulled myself up into a sitting position, causing her to slide down my torso and come to rest on my lap. Kissing her, I tried to pull us down onto the floor as gently as I could manage. But I had forgotten about the pies still littering the floor around us. We landed on at least four of them and, laughing, continued kissing while smearing more and more of the cream over every inch of each other.

As we stopped to catch our breath for a moment, Emma stood up and slipped the remainder of her swimdress off and tossed toward the far sink. I followed her lead and undressed.

As I struggled to keep my balance while removing my shorts, Emma returned carefully to the slippery floor, and sat gracefully with her outstretched legs crossed. She picked up one of the remaining pies and curled her finger, beckoning me to join her.

I knelt onto the floor near her feet, wrapped my hands around her ankles and pulled her across the slippery floor. As I positioned myself over her, she planted the pie on my back and giggled.

"Now, what should I do with you?" I asked more confidently than I felt.

"Hmm," she said, eyeing my naked body. "I can think of a few things."

"How about" I picked up a pie and smeared it across her belly, making her giggle and squirm. I took another pie and did the same to her chest, and then coated her arms, legs, and finally dropped one over her crotch. This move earned a small moan as some of the cold cream dripped down her inner thighs. "Let me help you with that." I crawled backward, licking her neck, then each nipple, and down to her navel.

I felt her thighs part and then Emma let out another moan as the pooled cream cascaded across her clit. I used my tongue to please her until she stopped me, grasping my upper back and sliding herself down until our faces were directly in front of each other. "You'll need to stop that. I want you in me when I come."

She motioned for me to lay back, so I turned over onto my back. She ran her hands down my slippery torso and grasped me again. She bent down and took my cock into her mouth and licked it clean. Then she straddled me and started to lower herself onto me, taking me inside her.

She stopped, though, noticing there were still three pies left. She leaned forward to get one, intentionally pressing her breasts into my face. I took the opportunity to take one of her amazing tits into my mouth and slid a hand down to circle her clit.

Her eyes closed and she froze for a moment, enjoying my hands and mouth on her, and then she slid back down. She held a pie in one hand and used the other to guide my cock into her again. I closed my eyes and just I couldn't believe what was happening. We rocked back and forth on the bathroom floor, my hands around her hips, one of her hands still holding a pie, and the other massaging her clit as she continued to ride me.

We looked at each other and giggled. At that moment, Emma seemed to remember that she had a pie in her hand, and pressed it into my chest. She slid her freed hand to my shoulder and repositioned herself slightly. But she immediately tensed and sat up straighter. Her moans crescendoed and I felt her thighs quivering as she came, and I was not far behind.

Her pace slowed as her orgasm tapered off but she was determined to finish me off. She moved slowly up and down on my cock, allowing my final moments to last as long as possible. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth preparing to come inside of her. When I finally released and came, a pie came down on my face causing my body to tense and my orgasm to intensify.

We lay there for a few minutes catching our breath, my heart and mind racing. Then we observed the havoc around us.

"There's still one left," Emma said, pointing to a pie several feet away.

I nodded. "So there is. How do we handle this one?" I asked.

We both looked around the room as though an answer would be laying around somewhere.

Emma's eyes lit up as though she just remembered something and she walked toward the tub. "I almost forgot. I made a stop while I was out earlier and meant to add this to the supplies So, the real question is," Emma said, reaching into the tub basin and pulling out two large bottles of chocolate syrup. "What are we going to do with these?"